I Want To Experience Love
by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx
Summary: The story takes place after the second book in the series 'Frostbite'. Rose is trying to convince Dimitri they can be together, but Dimitri has a dark secret that he is hiding. Will they be able to finally be together? Or will events change their fate?
1. Sorrow Feeling

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; you are a champion. You have put in so much effort into editing my story, it's amazing. :)**

**Authors Notes:  
****This story will most likely have T rated chapters, however, occasionally there will be M rated chapters, so please look out for the rating warning. This is my first ever Fan Fiction story, so I hope it meets your expectations. The first 5-6 chapters may seem slow at first, but please trust me; the story does have a lot of drama and mystery, so, please, hold on tight, and try and make it through the story. Also, I would love to hear what you think about my chapters, so feel free to leave me reviews. :)  
**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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**CHAPTER ONE**

_Sorrow Feeling_

It's been nearly five weeks since the tragic death of Mason. He was my, best friend... boyfriend... enemy. I don't know what we were. For him, he still thought we had a fighting chance to repair our relationship. Though for me, I was going to be telling him the relationship was over, when we returned from Spokane. It's been on my mind since, well, since his funeral. Mason was always there for me, and I loved his company and the occasional flirting. We had been best friends since I was made to live here and train at the age of four with Lissa.

Though I can't help but think about what we were before our trip to Spokane, I thought I could return the feelings he had for me. When it came to us being intimate though, I realised I was thinking about Dimitri when attempting to make love to Mason. I wish we didn't leave things the way we did, but in the end I think he knew he was special to me.

There's also another person who is special in my heart.

Dimitri.

_Oh, where do I start?_ He is still enforcing the rule about us not being together, to protect Lissa because that should be our first priory and our duty. I keep telling myself that he will have to give in to the attraction sooner than later, but he is so stubborn. Every now and then I am able to steal a kiss from him without him pulling away, but it is very rare that we get time alone and when we do he is in strict mentor mode.

"Oh shit!" I've been so distracted thinking about the messed I've made that I'm going to be late for Dimitri's training session. I quickly grabbed my gym bag and head for the gymnasium, running full speed. By the time I made a stop at their doors, I wasn't that tired. _Maybe all of the running Dimitri made me do is paying off._

As I was walking across the gymnasium, I saw Dimitri sitting in his normal seat reading one of his books. It makes me smile every time I see him read, and one day I'm going to have to ask him why he reads those western books.

"Rose," he stands up and starts to turn towards me. "You're late, again. Are you going to keep making this a habit of yours?"

"I just woke up late Comrade, nothing for you to worry about." I said throwing my bag to the floor.

"So, you're waking up late every morning?" he sighed. "Rose, what's wrong? Did you want to talk about something – anything, just let me know -" He seemed to be struggling with the right wording. "Roza, I'm worried about you." And there it was, the Russian name he calls me. He only uses it when he is feeling affectionate toward me.

"Everything is fine. I told you, I slept in. I'll buy a new alarm clock, don't stress." He knew me so well that I could tell he didn't buy the story, and the look he was giving me was the I-know-you're-lying-don't-feed-me-lies look.

"Good, buy a new alarm clock and set it half an hour earlier for tomorrow, to make up for all the time you have missed this week."

He looked so serious, I was going to start arguing the Rose Hathaway style but then I noticed a slight smile playing on his lips and I couldn't resist.

"What if I used your alarm clock and we can both wake up together?" I did one of my man eating smiles and walked a little closer.

"Rose, be serious. You are slacking off." He started walking over to the training mats. "Let's do some sparring; we are running out of time while talking."

Why did he have to be so strict?

"I'm not slacking off Comrade; I'll make up for it I promise. Why don't I stay back later this afternoon?"

"You'll be late for dinner and I have patrol tonight." He started doing warm ups. God, I loved the way his body moved, every inch of his body was shaped to perfection. I could watch him for days, though I'm sure he would notice. And he did, notice that is. Maybe I should be doing warm ups too, but this – this I could get use to.

"Rose." He said bringing me back to reality.

"Yeah..." I said trying to regain myself.

"Like something you see?" He said straight faced.

"Um..." I stepped three steps closer. He was only inches away from me. "We should probably start training. I don't want to have to catch up more than what I already have to." I was starting to run my words in together. "I mean I don't mind spending the time with you, because it's my favourite part of the day but right -"

The rest of my sentence was cut off by an all too close Dimitri. He pushed his fingers against my lips. Just that slight little touch that brushed my lips made me shiver. I stood there shocked. This was the first time in two weeks Dimitri made the first touch of sexual contact with me. It wasn't that full on, but I missed him touching me when it wasn't physical combat.

We stood there for a few minutes staring into each other's eyes. I was able to break the heavy silence surrounding us.

"Did I do something wrong?" Ok, so it was very lame what I said, but I couldn't think straight with him so close.

"No." He brought his other hand around my neck. "Quite the opposite actually. Do you know you're so amazingly beautiful when you get nervous?"

"No, I didn't know -"

That was it; I felt his lips touch mine. The kissing started off slow and careful but then started to intensify.

I wasn't sure how far I could push Dimitri to his limit but I was going to see how far I could. I placed my hands on Dimitri's back and started to push us back a few meters until my back hit the wall. He didn't seem to mind my advancements so I began digging my fingers into his back trying to pull him closer to my body. He broke the kiss. We were both panting hard; it felt good getting some air.

"Rose, we – we can't do this here." He spoke between deep breaths.

"I know" I sighed. "Let's go somewhere else." I tried to grab his hand to pull him with me but he moved his hand away before I could grab it. "What's wrong?" I asked confused. _Did he want me? I thought he wanted me. It felt like he wanted me. Maybe I just need more practice with the whole make out thing. But I have heaps of experience. What?_

"This isn't right. We shouldn't be doing this," he said.

"I thought you wanted to? You said so yourself you can't live without me," I panted.

"I can't live without you Roza, but this," he pointed between the two of us, "this is wrong."

"I want to be with you Dimitri. I need you," I almost cried. Tears were starting to build up in my eyes. I can't handle any more rejection. If he says one more thing that is wrong between us, I'm going to break.

He began to back away from me and started packing up the training equipment. I stood there watching him for several moments. He didn't bother to look back at me during that time. I walked over to where my bag was thrown earlier this morning and yanked it over my head and onto my back. As I started walking out the door I turned around and caught him staring after me.

"I'm going to be late for the rest of my classes. I don't want to be late _and _disappoint you further." I said with the real Rose Hathaway smart ass attitude. He just continued to look at me without saying anything. I felt stupid just standing there in front of him. "I'll meet you here for this afternoon's session. I'll try not to be late." I said walking away.

"I'm canceling our afternoon session for today. We can start up again in a couple of days. It will give you a break to relax," he said with all professionalism.

"I don't want a break and I don't need time to relax. Please, it's the only time I get to see -"

"I think it's best for you and I if we have some time apart. You can use the time to sort out your troubles," he was referring to me being late.

"And what will you use the time for? To work out how many other ways there is to put me down with rejection lines?" I said with bitterness.

"I need time to think, Roza. Please understand that."

"Oh, I understand clearly Dimitri. Time to think about how to break to me about you rethinking the offer Tasha Ozera gave you." He opened his mouth to reply but I cut him off, still continuing what I was saying. "Don't say you have no idea what I'm talking about, because I know you do. I heard you and Alberta talking about it two weeks ago. I couldn't believe you would consider it for another minute and put me through the pain again. But now that I come to think about it, since I heard that wonderful offer, you haven't come anywhere near me. Before you try and say anything, don't. Save the long talk and Zen life lessons. I've heard enough of them from you."

I started walking towards him poking my finger into his chest, like I did around Christmas last year, and surprisingly it was to do with Tasha Ozera. "I think it's a great idea to stop our training lessons before you hurt me anymore, don't you?"

I walked towards the door for the second time this morning.

"Rose, that's not what -"

"Save it Guardian Belikov. Have a nice day."

I turned around, seeing him staring at me. I couldn't recognise the emotion on his face. If I had to guess it was either: hurt, anger, or fury. I stared at him right back for the last time today, taking in all of his body and face. I slammed the gymnasium doors shut without any contentment.


	2. Rage Management

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T._  
**

**Beta:  
****Nightingale Winters; thank you so much for cleaning up this chapter in a short amount of time.  
****Isabella Rain; your editing skills are mad-ass! **

**Authors Notes:  
****You fans are amazing. The response I've had to this story is wonderful. Thank you so much for your support!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

**

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CHAPTER TWO**

_Rage Management _

As I was walking into the cafeteria area, I could smell delicious bagels and doughnuts, which I had been craving all morning. I lined up in the long line, noticing who was lined up in front of me.

Jesse Zeklos.

I was not in the mood to deal with him right now. Especially since the incident I had this morning, and at the best of times, I couldn't stand him. Yeah, he was really good looking, but his attitude stunk. I decided not to look straight ahead and, instead, looked around the room, hoping he didn't turn around and make communication.

The line was getting smaller to my delight, and I turned my head to a whistle I heard. It was Christian trying to get my attention, while looking very irritated. I was trying to think what could possibly be causing him to look so glum as I waved towards him, letting him know he got my attention. That's when I noticed Lissa was not seated next to him.

To my disgust, Jesse Zeklos noticed the exchange and had a big sly smile on his face while turning towards me. I guess trying to keep a low profile from him wasn't going to work now. _Thanks Christian. Remind me to get you back for that later._

"Rose," he nodded. "What a pleasure to be here in the line next to you," he said sarcastically.

"The pleasure is all mine," I said with more exaggeration. "Look Jesse, I don't want to hear anything. I'm hungry, tired, and not in the mood. I just want to grab some breakfast and be on my way. I'll even pretend we never had this conversation."

"Why, what's up? Want to talk about it? I know you do." He took a step closer. "How about we meet up in the common room later tonight, and prove the rumors about us are true," he added with a wink.

I took a step back. Man, he really didn't have the effect on me he used to. He used to be able to make me squirm with lust, but now his manner makes me feel sick with nausea.

"I couldn't do that to you Jesse. I might ruin the tight reputation you got going," I said with a devious smile. "You see, if I take you up on the offer, you won't be coming out of that room happy, if you get what I mean," I winked.

Jesse picked up a plate and was more than willing to start grabbing some food. "You wouldn't do anything that could jeopardize your time at the academy for the princess."

"You have no idea what I would do, especially to you. Leaving the academy would be worth what I'm thinking about doing to your pretty – pretty average face." I grabbed a plate, some bagels and doughnuts, while leaving Jesse at the fruit bar.

As I started walking over to Christian, he was still by himself. I was stunned as to where Lissa was off to this morning. I gave him a big cheery smile; I knew he loved my company.

"I didn't know Jesse can still tickle your fancy," he forced a smile.

"He can't and you know it." I sat across from him. "Jeez, smile Christian. I know you don't like my company all that much but at least try and smile. Oh wait, you can't - I forgot."

He just looked down to the floor. _What was wrong with him today?_ Maybe he and Lissa had a fight? No, that would still mean she would be here to talk to me. That means I'm going to have to play nice with him to find out. Oh what the heck, he looks pained, so I don't need to sound sincere. It will come out naturally.

"What's wrong? Not feeling well?"

"I'm fine," he said as he looked at his barely eaten pancakes.

"I know we have had our ups and downs Christian, but I do care about your well being," I wiggled my eyes. "Is there trouble in paradise?" I knew the answer to that one. I've been having trouble sleeping because of him and Lissa.

"No."

"So then talk. What's wrong? Is there anything I can help with?"

"Just leave it alone, Rose." He pushed the plate away and started to stand up.

"Wait. Don't go. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to understand. No need to get all snotty on me. I know you're antisocial but I thought you got over that with me." I placed my hand on his arm pulling for him to sit back down. "But do tell me where Lissa is."

"You can check for yourself."

So I did check. I was sucked into Lissa body and she was walking out of the feeder's room on her way to the cafeteria. She didn't seem to have been feeling any different. She was as happy as she normally was on a daily basis.

"She is on her way here now." I started to nibble on my bagel and noticed Christian slump and sigh. "Oh for God's sake, Christian, what is it?"

He finally spoke a full sentence. "She's stopped taking her medication."

"What? Why?" This can't be true. It was helping her get back on track.

"She said she is learning a lot from class now, since they know she specializes in spirit. So the medications are unnecessary, especially if she wants to involve her powers." He looked more annoyed about her choice instead of being worried she could hurt herself.

"Okay. I guess she would have had to talk to Dr. Olendzki about this." He nodded. "Then why are you annoyed? I thought you would be happy that she is learning something that is making her progress."

"It's not that she's stopped. Well, that did worry me a little bit, but they seem certain that she can keep it under control." He stated, irritated again, like the reason he was upset should be obvious to me.

"Then what is it Christian, because if you don't get to the bottom of this soon, I swear you won't have any male bits left. Get to the point!" Why did he have to make everything so hard to understand about him? I guess the fight I had with Dimitri this morning didn't help much with my patience.

"It's because she is learning new skills and how to control them with Adrian. They are having extra learning sessions together." He looked me in the eyes. He looked hurt, but why? I know Christian and Adrian don't get along much, but wasn't he teaching Lissa new skills? He should be happy and supporting her.

"Oh..." That was all I could say. I didn't like the idea of her being around Adrian all that much either. I wasn't going to continue the conversation with Christian; it would only make it worse. I picked up a doughnut and took a bite. I think he got the idea to leave it alone.

"Yeah, so what did Jesse want?"

"Not much really, just being a jerk as always." I smiled, hoping I could lighten the mood.

"Aren't all the royals like that?" he said with full Christian disgust. I saw Lissa grab some fruit from the fruit bar.

"Not all." I said with a mock expression. "Lissa is a caring, friendly, intelligent, and a royal, must I remind you." He looked at me with anticipation. "So are you. Maybe forget about the caring and friendliness but you can be intelligent." I smiled and tapped his head twice. "And Adrian, well, I don't know. He doesn't seem as ignorant as the others."

Christian rolled his eyes and sighed in disgust, just as Lissa sat at our table. She gave him a glare thinking it was to do with her sitting at the table.

"It wasn't at you, hun." He kissed her forehead.

"I feel the tension on this table. You two aren't fighting again are you?" She looked between Christian and me giving each of us a weird stare. "Because like I've said before, I'm not choosing between my best friend and my boyfriend."

"That's not what it's about Lissa. I found out that you are off your medication. How come you didn't tell me?" I asked, a little hurt. She had confided in Christian instead of me.

"I was going to tell you this morning. The only reason Christian found out before you was because he was with me last night before curfew was overdue. By the time I was able to tell you it was too late," She said with all honesty.

"Are you sure you can handle it? I know you're strong, but I don't want -"

"I'll be fine Rose. I have the all go from Dr. Olendzki, and Adrian is trying to teach me how to dream walk and see auras." She took a quick glance at Christian. She saw the look on his face and looked back at me.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm your best friend. I'm meant to worry about you; it's what we do for each other. What does Adrian get in return?" _Now I'm curious._

She leaned forward. "I'm trying to teach him how to heal. Since that's the only thing I'm good at."

Before I could say anything, Christian butted in. "Lissa, you are excellent at a lot of stuff. You don't need to hang around Adrian because you think you need to learn more." He sounded irritated for the hundredth time today. He was really starting to test my patience.

"Christian just leave her alone, will you? We can't tell her what to do with her life. If she wants to work with Adrian, then let her work with Adrian. All we can do is give her advice and I think we have done enough of that, don't you?" I hissed. Where was the supportive boyfriend he claimed to be?

"Guys please don't –" Lissa began.

"I'm just trying to look after my girlfriend Rose. That's what I do remember. Me, you know, her boyfriend?"

I stood up. "You're pathetic Christian. You can't even trust Lissa to be with Adrian. What kind of boyfriend can't even trust the girl he is going out with?" I pushed my plate and it slammed into Christian's. Some of the students in the cafeteria were looking in our direction.

"Rose, what's gotten into you?" Lissa said with worry. I didn't know the reason myself.

"Nothing, I'm sorry. I've just had a pretty bad start to the day." The bell rang and I started to grab my bag.

"With Guardian Belikov? I thought you enjoyed his classes. You know all alone with him and all." Christian said with a smart ass smile. Lissa just glared at him and slapped his leg. _What would he know about our training sessions, unless Adrian told him? No, he couldn't have. They weren't even friends to begin with._ I was about to show Christian some of the violence I'd been building up since this morning, but Lissa stepped in. I don't think I could hurt him anyway. It would upset Lissa, unless it wasn't physical . . . Lissa interrupted my thoughts.

"Come on Rose, I'll walk you to your class and we can talk." Lissa kissed Christian goodbye and got up to walk me to class.

"What was that all about? I know you two have your differences, but since everything that happened in Spokane, I thought you two could get over it."

"Yeah, we have. It's just a shock to both of us. Don't worry, we'll get used to it." I gave her a reassuring smile and added, "You don't have to walk me all the way Lissa. It's too far and you have to walk all the way back to your class."

"Are you sure? I know we haven't spent much time together lately, but you do mean a lot to me Rose." I could sense through the bond her feeling of guilt about spending too much time with Christian since Spokane, rather than spending time with me to see if I'm coping okay.

"It's fine Lissa. I'm fine, seriously. Go on, I don't want you to get into trouble for being late. That's my job, remember?"

"Ok, I'll see you at lunch. Oh, I almost forgot. Xander Badica is having a gathering at his dorm tonight. I was invited and I'm bringing you and Christian with me."

"I don't think they'll want me there Lissa."

"Oh come on. They know I'll invite you and they didn't say not too. Please . . ." She pouted.

"Fine. I guess I need some time out anyway. Can I bring someone else though? I don't want to be the third wheel when you and Christian are making out." I made a gagging noise.

"Yep sure! It starts at 8:00pm. We can talk about it more at lunch." She hugged me goodbye and started walking back in the other direction.

Who was I going to invite to Xander Badica's gathering? All of his friends will be there already and I don't get along with them very well.

I walked into combat training late. Why did I seem to be making a habit out of this? Eddie was out in the front of the class. He was the instructor of this class since Mason passed away. I couldn't argue and neither could the other Dhampir's. Eddie was a kick ass instructor, with his moves and attitude. He did make us do a fair bit of work, but he also allowed us to laugh and have fun when deserved.

He has stepped up his game a lot since Spokane. I guess all four of us have. But Eddie has improved a lot in his ability to fight. If I were a Moroi, I wouldn't mind him being my guardian. He's not bad looking either.

_Wait._

He's not bad looking.

He has stepped up his game.

_No, I wasn't going to ask was I?_

"Watch out Rose!" Ryan Aylesworth yelled. I must have been standing there for some time now. Ryan was one of the good boys that always do as their told and sits up in the front of the class. He was a suck up and he probably wanted me to move to show off to Eddie.

"Rose, got a partner?" Eddie asked, concerned.

"Um." I looked totally ridiculous just standing there. "No, I don't." _How did Eddie know about the gathering? He must have heard some of the other Moroi talking about it._

"I'll be happy to then." He said with a cute smile.

"Fantastic. Thanks Eddie, I'll make it up to you next time. We're probably going to be the only Dhampir's there."

"It's not a problem Rose, and there is no need to make it up to me. We're an odd number these days since the absence of a -." He took a deep breath. "Absence of a close friend. I can't imagine what you mean about the only Dhampir's there. We have everyone we need here." He looked around, confused.

"Sorry, Eddie. I thought you were talking about something else. Now I just made a fool out of myself." I could feel myself starting to blush and I hardly ever got embarrassed.

"No you didn't. Don't be silly. What was it you were talking about?"

"Xander Badica is having a gathering tonight and invited Lissa, Christian, and I. I was wondering if you wanted to go together."

_God, why did I feel so stupid?_ Probably because he has made it very clear he thought Mason and I were going out, and he doesn't want to jump in and take something from him. It's not like we were going to be in a relationship? Unless that's the reason he thinks I asked. That means no alcohol for me tonight. I didn't want to lead someone else on, but it's Eddie, a good mate of mine._ Then if he is a good mate, then why is he staring at me like that?_ Now he has got me extremely nervous. I wonder what he is going to say. _Please say yes, so I don't look like a fool. _Though the look on his face might say otherwise. I feel so sick, but it's only Eddie.

"Rose... Rose?" Eddie was moving his hand back and forth in front of my face.

"Can you repeat that?" I asked. How embarrassing I zoned out. What was his answer?


	3. Freedom or Belief?

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T._  
**

**Beta:  
****Nightingale Winters; you are awesome. Thank you for cleaning up this chapter.  
Isabella Rain; another chapter well edited by you!**

**Authors Notes:  
****In this chapter, Rose gets her party mood switch turned on. Does Adrian have a chance to date Rose? You'll find out after this chapter. Thanks for your support!  
**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

**

* * *

CHAPTER THREE**

_Freedom or Belief?_

_Who is the girl I am seeing in the mirror?_ She looks lonely, exhausted, dirty, and doesn't look like she gives a damn about what happens with her anymore. I never used to be that kind of person. I had always tried my best to look good. I would put on foundation, mascara, eye-liner, lip gloss, jewelry, make my hair nice, and wear something decent. Though, staring at myself in the mirror really made me think about the person I have become.

I have thrown most of my clothes on the floor and none of them seem right to wear to the gathering tonight. They are mainly too flashy, because you would normally use them for a date or going out of the academy to the cinema or something. The other piles of clothes are the clothes I wear around the academy all the time, like my sweats and tanks tops.

Giving up on an outfit, I decided to take a shower, and then I would go back to deciding what to wear. I felt myself heating up again and the blood rushed straight to my face. That made the decision for me, I needed to have a cold shower and stop thinking about the rest of the night. Start thinking rationally Rose, I told myself, we don't want a crazy Rose.

I finished in the shower and decided to leave my robe on and put on my make up, so the makeup didn't fall on any clothes I would be wearing tonight. Just as I was putting on my mascara, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I yelled.

Three more knocks.

I opened the door and it was one of the dorm assistants. She was holding a purple protection cloth.

"This is for you Miss Hathaway." She looked at me and down at my robe.

"Thanks. Who is it from?" I asked, stunned.

"The person said to be named anonymous until you open the gift." She didn't look too impressed. I think it was because her job wasn't to be a delivery woman; she was a dorm assistant for my wing.

I took the gift and closed the door. From the outside it definitely looked like a clothes' protector for a dress. Who would send a gift? Lissa? Yes, it must be Lissa, as she is the only one who knows I don't have that many clothes to wear.

I started to unzip the protection, and it was a deep blue and black dress. It was a halter-neck and fell just above my knees. It had tight black material from my shoulders down to my waist and from there, it let loose and free flowed to above my knees in deep blue.

As I lifted the dress up to have a better and closer look, a note fell onto the floor.

_Rose,_

_I know it's very rare you get to leave the academy and be able to go beauty shopping. I couldn't resist in getting you this beautiful dress that will fit perfectly on your beautiful body. I'm 100% sure the dress is in your size. Don't use any excuses that it is not._

_Please don't hesitate in wearing the dress to the gathering tonight. I can't wait to see you in it._

_Always_

_Adrian xx_

I didn't like the thought of Adrian buying me clothes. However, I had no other clothes to wear and it did look beautiful. Adrian was right about it being in my size as well. How the hell did he know my size? I put on my dress, touched up my lip-gloss and prepared my hair.

I returned to the mirror to look at myself for the second time today. My hair was half pulled up with curls neatly dangling down. I had light blue shimmery eye shadow with a little pink lip shine and my shoes were light blue Roman sandals. I was actually feeling happy looking at myself in the mirror. This was the girl I was used to seeing in the mirror, not the girl who looked like she didn't want to be here.

As I was in the bathroom touching up my lip shine, I heard a knock on my door.

"Hey Eddie."

"Hello Rose." He kissed me on the cheek. "You look beautiful as always." He was still looking me up and down.

"Thanks. It's not much. I didn't know what to wear really," I said.

"Do you mind if I escort you to the gathering mistress?" he said with a bow.

"You may sir," I said with a laugh. "Let me just check and see if Lissa and Christian are ready."

I opened the door further for Eddie to come inside and he sat down on my bed, while I slipped into Lissa's body.

She was just slipping on her little heel black shoes.

"Lissa, are you sure I have to go tonight?" Christian asked, bored. He wasn't the type to socialize.

"Christian, you're going to be with me, is it going to be that bad?

"You know parties or social gatherings are not my thing, so maybe you could go with Rose?"

"Christian Ozera, you are coming to Xander Badica's gathering with me whether you like it or not." She stood up and walked over towards Christian, who was looking at himself in the mirror.

"Fine. Anything for you my princess." He grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him, kissing her cheek.

"We better get going if we are going to be meeting Rose and Eddie."

Christian pulled Lissa even closer to him and started to kiss her intensely. I could feel the love and passion Lissa had for him, it was so strong. He made her heart beat out of her chest.

"Christian..." she giggled. "Maybe we could pick this up a bit later. Rose and Eddie could come here any minute."

"Now sounds good to me." He pushed her towards the bed. He kept kissing her intensely and I had the desire to go all the way.

_I mean Lissa did. Argh, being inside her body was gross, especially when making out with Christian._

She wrapped her legs around Christian's waist and he began pushing against her slowly. Lissa didn't like the idea of dry humping but she couldn't pull herself away. She pulled Christian's shirt over his head and began to slowly trace his abs.

_Looking at Christian this way was disgusting but I had to admit he was well toned for a Moroi._

Christian slipped his hand up her thigh and began pulling her underwear down. He threw them to the floor and pulled the bottom of her dress up to her hips. He slowly kissed her down her neck and back up to the side of her jaw.

_Oh god! I really need to get out of Lissa's body. I don't want to be here, I'm going to be sick._

I tried to pull myself out her of body, but her emotions for Christian were too strong and she was pulling me back in.

He started to take out a condom and began slipping it on. "Hurry up... hurry up Christian." Lissa groaned. "What is taking so long?"

_I have got to get out of here. Come on, come on. Think Rose, think._

He kissed her back on the lips and then she gasped.

_Rose, get out now!_

Their bodies were moving back and forth.

_Fuck! I have to get out of here._

"Rose." Eddie was kneeling in front of me.

"Yeah, I'm back. Sorry it took so long."

"Are they ready to go?" He seemed very eager. _I wonder why?_

"Um..." Maybe I should leave them alone for a little while? _Na, screw it. _If they wanted to do it now, then they have to deal with it. "Yeah, they're waiting for us to show up," I said with a smile.

As Eddie and I were walking up to Lissa's dorm with linked arms, I saw Dimitri at the end of the hall talking to someone else. I wasn't sure who he was talking to, because I wasn't familiar with all the guardians around here.

The conversation looked quite intense from my point of view. He had his hands in a fist and looked like he was going to hit something. But tonight my mind was suppose to be spent on having a good time with some friends and not thinking about Dimitri. But how could I not think about him?

"Is something wrong Mistress?" Eddie joked.

"Just a little worried about tonight," I lied. "Not used to socializing again."

Eddie squeezed my hand. "You've got me, remember?"

"Are you going to be drinking?"

"I might have a few. It might be the last time I can loosen up before graduation," he winked.

"Is someone trying to get lucky?" I hope he didn't mean with me.

He didn't answer the question, instead he just laughed all the way down the hallway.

We reached Lissa's door and I knocked on it twice.

There was no answer. I slipped into Lissa's body and she was making herself look presentable again.

I knocked for the third time. "Coming. Won't be a moment," Lissa called.

The door opened and Christian was staring at us. "Oh, it's only Rose," he said with no feeling. He looked beside me. "Oh and Eddie," he said with a happier tone. They hit each other fists.

"What's with the panting?" I asked with a sly smile.

Christian glared at me. I couldn't help but let out a laugh. I loved making him speechless.

Lissa came to the door. "Rose, you look great. Is that a new dress? When did you get it?"

"Thank you Lissa and yes, it is. It's from a fri -" I didn't know what to call Adrian. He wasn't a friend and he definitely wasn't my boyfriend, but he would like to think he was. "It's a great dress, isn't it?"

She nodded and the four of us were off to the gathering.

"Not drinking tonight Rose?" Xander came up to me.

"This is the responsible Rose, Xander," I said with a wink.

"Come on, it's not a party without everyone drinking."

"I thought this was a gathering not a party?"

"Gathering – party, it's all the same." I recognized the voice.

Adrian Ivashkov.

He had the cockiest smile ever. He started looking at me up and down, while checking out my curves.

"Says the one boy I have never seen sober in the two months that I have known him," I said with sarcasm.

"I don't get tired of the way you speak to me Rose," he grinned. "The dress looks amazing on you by the way. Perfect size I see." He was still studying me. "You would look even better out of it."

"I make any piece of clothing look great on me and you will never see any more of my body Adrian."

"Indeed you do. What is the reason you are not drinking tonight?" he asked with curiosity.

"I'm graduating in a few months Adrian. I need to be sober and aware at all times for Lissa's protection."

"In a few months, yes - but not now. You still have time to be free and have a good time." He handed me a bottle of Vodka.

"I can still have a good time as well as being responsible, you know. Not everyone drinks and sleeps all day long like you Adrian," I said with venom. I shoved the Vodka back in his free hand.

"If that's the case little Dhampir, then why is it when I look around the room, you are the only one that doesn't have a blue and purple aura with a hint of gold? No one is going to judge you if you break out of the responsible Rose manner and be free for a couple of hours. They would only think you're human." He placed the Vodka back in my hand again and leaned only centre-meters away from my face. "Relax a little. Show me the fun Rose Hathaway I've heard about."

I looked around the room and saw that Adrian was right. Everyone was having fun and laughing. Lissa and Christian were playing kiss poker and Eddie was drinking over in the corner with a few Moroi.

"You're right; I do need to enjoy myself just one more time," I said, and then I leaned over and whispered in Adrian's ear, "I need to show off this dress."

Adrian stayed with me for most of the night. I didn't find it annoying as I normally would have. Maybe it's because I was trashed and he was always there to pick me up when I fell.

Lissa and Christian were going to stay at Xander Badica's gathering for a while longer and Eddie had passed out on the couch, so it was up to Adrian and me to walk ourselves to our dorms.

Adrian insisted that he was to walk me to my dorm. I was just about to open my door when Adrian spoke.

"I had a lovely time tonight little Dhampir."

"Any time you spend with me is a lovely time for you," I slurred.

"I'm serious." He looked me in my eyes. "You look beautiful."

"You don't look too bad yourself," I smiled and opened the door. His hand grabbed my arm and I turned around.

"You don't have to keep playing hard to get," he said with a smirk.

"If I was playing hard to get you would know. I'm not playing because I'm not interested in someone who drinks and smokes all day." _Okay, that was harsh._ I probably would consider dating a guy who does that if they had a great personality, but I wasn't letting Adrian know that.

He looked hurt and started to walk away.

"Adrian!" I went to run towards him and I stumbled. A pair of hands caught me.

"I think it's time for bed, little Dhampir."

"Yeah, I think -" A movement caught my eye past Adrian, and it was Dimitri talking to the dorm assistant. I forgot he was on duty tonight. He must be checking in on numbers.

"Little Dhampir?" He looked around to follow my gaze. "I see. I'm not the type to get your attention."

"Adrian you're a nice guy but -"

"But I'm not him?" he sighed. "You two can't be together. It's not right. You could be with someone who you can really be with and who makes you happy. You could get married and have children."

"Can we not talk about this? I'm feeling really dizzy; I'm going to head to bed." It was too late. Dimitri had seen Adrian standing with me outside my dorm. He did not look impressed. Dimitri has never liked the company of Adrian, and I can't even imagine what he is thinking Adrian is doing at my dorm at this time of night.

"Goodnight Adrian." I kissed him on the cheek and took a peek in Dimitri's direction. _He caught it, perfect. _Why not make him jealous? It's not like he wanted me, because he was back to his tricks with Tasha Ozera.

Adrian kissed my hand and said, "Will you give me a chance to show you how well we could be together?"

"I'm sorry for not giving you a chance, Adrian. Don't give up though; you never know what could happen." I went in and gave him a hug. "You'll find the right girl for you."

Adrian turned around and started walking away. Dimitri was still looking my way. I gave him a wave with a mischievous smile. I saw his fists clench again for the second time tonight, and he turned around to walk away.

I slipped out of my fancy clothes, and got dressed for bed. I couldn't be bothered into taking my make up off. I know it's not healthy for the skin, but I didn't have the energy and I wasn't feeling too great anymore. I was starting to feel nauseous.

I was wearing little short pajama shorts and a tank top that showed two centre-meters of my stomach. I let my hair out and it fell just past my shoulders.

Sleep didn't come easy. I couldn't stop thinking about what Adrian had said to me. He looked serious and I had never seen him like that before. He is a girl player, and he can get anyone he wants, but he still tries to get in my pants. The seriousness in his eyes was surreal, but why would a rich good-looking Moroi want to be serious with a trouble making Dhampir? It didn't make sense. He just wanted to use me like most of the other royal Moroi men do to Dhampir women.

Then there was Dimitri. I saw him arguing with another guardian earlier tonight and he hardly ever loses his self control, never-mind losing it at another guardian. From what I have seen since my time with Dimitri, he hardly ever loses his self control, and when he does, it's at me for instigating our relationship. Then there was his face when Adrian was at my door, and I decided to test him further by pushing my limits.

I wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting me, but I didn't want to see him like that. With the way I left us in the gymnasium this morning, and then my actions tonight; I think I gave him enough to think over for now.

I sat up out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Nope. Nothing happened, just a sickening feeling. Probably didn't help that I hadn't been able to sleep, because Dimitri is on my mind. He is always on my mind.


	4. Loved but Perplexed

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; I absolutely love you!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I'll like to say a big thank you to: _BookLuver2389, SKDanielle16, PeaceRoseG'ladheon, _for all your support and reviews from Chapter One to Chapter Three.  
I'll also like to thank_ VAcrazy13_ for supporting me and putting my story into a community!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_Loved but Perplexed_

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

I stood waiting for the door to open. There was no answer. I knew this was a bad idea. I should have stayed in bed. No, I shouldn't have stayed in bed because I couldn't sleep and I had unfinished business to attend too.

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

_Please open the door. I feel like I'm going to pass out._

The door slowly opened up and I saw Dimitri appearing through the small crack.

"Rose?" he looked half asleep. His hair was damp and he was in cotton pants and a T-shirt.

"Let me in, Comrade. I don't feel so good." He stepped aside and I pushed the door further open and sat on his bed.

He closed the door and slowly turned around. I think I caught him off guard, because he wasn't looking at me. He was looking up at the ceiling.

"Is the roof about to fall in? Because if it is, I better escape now and be the one alive to tell the story," I joked.

His eyes came back from the ceiling and looked me in the eyes.

"Why are you here?" he said with a poker face. "It's inappropriate for you to be in here."

"Relax, Comrade. It's near the middle of the night, no one is around," I smiled.

"What about the hall matron and the guardian on duty? They might have seen you." His tone was impolite but his eyes were saying a different story.

"You know that's not the case, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make it to your room. Now are you going to ask me for a drink or keep patronizing me?" I hissed.

He walked over and sat beside me on the bed. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked politely. "Did you want something for your nausea?

I looked at the small distance between Dimitri and I on the bed and it reminded me about Victor's lust charm. I badly wanted to be that close to Dimitri again, but after today's events, I decided I needed to break the space before something went wrong.

I stood up and walked across the room to a chair and sighed. "A glass of water would be fine."

Dimitri got up and filled up a glass of cold water. He kept secretly sneaking glances at me, thinking I didn't notice. Walking over to me, he handed me the glass of water.

"You didn't just come here because you were sick. You could be sick in your room. What's the problem, is it the Princess?" He looked worried.

"Her name is Lissa and no, nothing is wrong with her. She might have a major hangover in the morning though," I hissed. The last half of the sentence was to me.

He ignored my attempt to start an argument and he sincerely said, "Why don't you go lay down on my bed. You're looking a little pale and you're starting to shake." He gestured towards his bed.

"I can't," I could hardly make my voice loud enough for him to hear. Memories kept popping into my head.

"Rose, I don't want you to pass out." He came over and grabbed my hand and led me to his bed. I didn't have the energy to fight him off. The hangover was starting to win me over and lying down did me no justice.

The last thing I remember was I smelt his pillow I was laying on, because it smelt like him. I was looking at him through my eyes. He was sitting in the seat I had placed myself in earlier. My eyes began to slowly close and I drifted off to sleep.

I opened my eyes to a light in my face from the window. It was morning for the Academy because we live on a nocturnal time schedule, but for the human world the sun was just setting. I was still half asleep when I realized I wasn't in my room. I looked around and noticed Dimitri was asleep in the chair across from the bed.

He looked so peaceful and happy. It was one of the only times he didn't have his guard up. I didn't want to wake him so I tip-toed into his kitchenette and had a glass of water.

"Crap," I said a little bit too loudly. Dimitri started to stir but didn't wake up. The water was too cold for my body when just waking up. When I jerked back from the brain freeze, I realized I had a pounding headache. All the memories from last night came to my head all at once.

That explains why I was in Dimitri's room and laying in his bed. He had been a gentleman enough to offer the bed to me and for him to sleep on an uncomfortable chair. I walked back to the bed and looked at the alarm clock it said 5:45am. It was too early for a girl with a hangover and it was Saturday, so I didn't have training with Dimitri. I pulled the covers back up and closed my eyes.

I was having a nice dream until Adrian decided to show up and invade my privacy.

"Hello, little Dhampir," He said with a smirk.

"What do you want Adrian?" I looked down at my outfit and I was placed in the dress he brought me for the gathering.

"I wanted to see how my favourite girl was feeling?" He walked over towards me so he was only a few steps away.

"How do you think I'm feeling? I have a major hangover and you are not helping," I said with an irritated tone.

"How many times do I have to tell you Dhampir, you are asleep? How come you're not in your room?" he asked with curiosity.

"I'm in my room." How did he know I wasn't? _What time was it?_

"Because I came to check on you this morning and you didn't answer. I figure you wouldn't be in the gymnasium because you had a heavy night last night. I put two and two together and it leaves me to think you are with someone else in another room." He gave me one of his biggest cockiest smiles.

"Did it occur to you that I'm not feeling well so I could have been in the bathroom?" I hissed. He still reminds me that he is the only one to realize and see that I like Dimitri. Whereas my other friends haven't seen a thing between Dimitri and I, but amuse something is happening between me and Adrian. Adrian had become aware of Dimitri and I the first time he met me and he didn't know anything about me then, well apart from what he heard from others.

"Settle down, beautiful. It'll be our little secret," he winked.

"It's not our little secret because there is no secret. I'm in my own room. Get me out of here Adrian."

"Doesn't Belikov want you to tell anyone? Is he scared he will ruin -"

I was out of the dream with Adrian but still shaking from him getting me so livid. I opened my eyes and found Dimitri sitting next to me with a concerned facial expression.

"What's that look for, Comrade?" My voice was still hoarse.

"You were having a bad dream. I couldn't wake you up." His finger was rubbing the side on my cheek. "You started to scream. I began to shake you lightly to wake you up."

"Oh, sorry. I'm glad I'm awake now," I forced a smile. I felt so sick. The sleep didn't help at all. I'm glad he woke me up; I didn't want to be around Adrian any longer. "What time is it?"

"It's nearly 9:00am. How are you feeling this morning?" His fingers were still moving up and down.

I moved my left hand and put it on top of his hand on my face. "Not so good. I know it was irresponsible for me to drink last night, but I just wanted to forget about the day I had," I frowned remembering.

"I'm not going to punish you, Roza." He said my name. He was feeling affectionate towards me this morning. Maybe I would feel good this morning after all. "I think the hangover is punishing you enough."

"What about you?" I asked worried. He took in my expression and looked confused.

"What about me?"

"I kicked you out of your bed and you had to try and sleep on that uncomfortable chair." I moved my hand up to his face and wiped away his frown lines. "You wouldn't be feeling any better than I am at the moment."

"Oh Roza." He shook his head. "I offered you the bed and I don't think I would have been able to sleep with you here anyway." He stood up and walked away to his clothes drawer. "You should probably think about getting back. You're friend's might be wondering where you are."

"I don't want to go back," I pouted.

He pulled out a pair of black jeans and a blue polo shirt. "I don't want you to go back either, but sometimes you got to do what you got to do." He had a look at me and walked over to the kitchenette. He came back and handed me a glass of water. "If you don't mind waiting for me, I'll help you get back," he smiled at me.

I took a sip and placed it on the bedside table. "You're so eager to get rid of me."

"They might get the wrong idea and think you ran away again," The edges of his mouth crooked up.

I looked at his clothes again and noticed they weren't the casual clothes he usually wears around the academy. He must be leaving.

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked.

He sat down beside me. He didn't say anything but the look on his face meant he was deciding how to tell me something. I sat up in the bed and took another sip of water. I waited patiently for him to answer me.

"Guardian Petrov, Guardian Stephen and I, have a meeting to attend to." He didn't look at me while he finished his explanation. "It shouldn't be too long. We should arrive back at the academy later tonight, if all goes well."

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Why won't you look at me? Is there something else? You can tell me."

He sighed. "The meeting is about Victor Dashkov. There is some important matter to discuss. None of which can be shared without authorization." He was in full guardian mode. It would be hard to get him speak about it. He takes his job very seriously that's why he won't let us be together. Well one of the reasons.

"I need to know about this Dimitri. You can't just tell me half of it," I shouted.

"You're not going to know about any of it. I shouldn't have even told you that." He got off the bed and grabbed his towel.

I stood out of bed, trying to keep my balance. I started to fall but his strong, rough hands caught me. "Be careful, Rose."

Damn it, he used Rose. His feelings of affection had dissipated.

He escorted me back to the bed and started walking towards the bathroom, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him back. He could have easily pulled out of my stance if he wanted too, but he didn't. He was stronger than me and I was also weak at this moment, so it wouldn't have been hard for him to pull away and keep going to the bathroom. He let me pull him down. I didn't let go out his hand. I loved his warm touch. It made me feel safe and happy.

"If you weren't supposed to tell me, then why did you?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Because you were not going to let it go," he squeezed my hand.

"You got me all figured out don't you," I let out a nasty tone. I don't know what came over me. Yes, I was annoyed with him from yesterday but his presence most of the time calmed me down.

Dimitri flinched. "I know you better than what you think, Rose."

"We have to talk," I pleaded.

He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Yes, I think that's best," He snapped. He was still holding up his mentor appearance.

"Can you quit the crap, Dimitri? I'm not acting as your student at the moment; I'm acting as your friend." I pulled out of our hold, pushed the blankets off and headed for the door.

His strong arm pulled me into his body. His arms wrapped around me and his chin was on the top of my hair. "Don't be silly, Roza."

I wrapped my arms tighter around his body. He smelt and felt so good. I could stay like this in his arms forever and I would be happy. The whole morning seemed to be repeating itself. It was either me or Dimitri pulling each other back when we were about to leave. I knew why I didn't want him to leave but why did he keep pulling me back? _Maybe he did still want me, but I thought he wanted to be with Tasha Ozera._

"Do you want me?" I sobbed into his chest. I had a feeling he wouldn't answer it, he hardly ever did.

"Of course I want you, Roza," He said like it was plain obvious, surprising me with his answer.

I sighed in relief. "That's all I needed to hear." I quickly added,"For now."

Dimitri moved his right hand away and used it to lift my face up so he could get a better look. "What makes you think I don't?" he looked hurt.

"I've just been feeling insecure recently." I dug my face into his chest again. He drew me closer. "Not just with you... with everyone. It's not only feeling lonely, I get angry quickly as well for no apparent reason. I'm sure you have noticed." I shivered, remembering the way I have been treating him, when he treats me so well.

He kissed my head. "Is it any different to the Rose Hathaway who loses her temper every other day?" he laughed. It made me laugh too. It was so rare for me to hear him laugh. I mostly only hear him laugh with Tasha. I flinched and stopped laughing. He noticed and stopped too.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"Roza, don't make me search it out of you. I've had enough with secrets." His thumbs were rubbing up the small of my back.

"I was just thinking that I love hearing your laugh, but I only got to hear it the most when -" I took a deep breath.

"When?" he prompted.

Why did she keep coming in between Dimitri and I even when she wasn't here. My voice came out as a squeak. "When you were with – Tasha."

He filched for the millionth time today. Bringing up Tasha Ozera was a sore spot for the both of us, but he asked for it. I was prepared for a lecture, but instead he moved away from me so he could look me in the eyes.

"There is nothing going on between Tasha Ozera and me." His face was full of seriousness.

Though for some reason I couldn't believe him. _What was wrong with me?_ I trusted Dimitri with everything, but I couldn't trust him on this one. Not when I heard him and Alberta talking about her. Not to mention we haven't even spoken about yesterday yet. There is heaps of information to discuss there. I tore my eyes away to look at the ground and gulped.

He reached his hand behind my neck and said, "Trust me." He looked so hurt by my betrayal, but I did have a good story to back up why I was so reluctant. "I'll prove it to you."

When he said those five words, I looked up and didn't have time to respond to his kiss. At first I was just standing there dumb struck. I wasn't feeling dizzy from standing up too long because most of the time I was leaning on him for support, but I couldn't get my mind around him initially kissing me first.

He noticed my lack of enthusiasm and broke away taking a breath. We were just staring at each other for a while. I think he took my lack of affection to a new level. He thought I didn't want to kiss him back so he backed away a few meters.

"I'm sorry I thought..." He looked confused and he was deep in thought.

"Don't back away from me, Comrade," I smirked. He looked at me again in the eyes. "You caught me off guard, that's all." I walked over to him and kissed him passionately. He returned the gesture.

After what seemed like a while, we broke apart. I was gathering my breath when I noticed the time.

"Holy Shit!" It was past 10:00am.

Dimitri turned around to follow my gaze, and quickly grabbed his clothes and towel. Before he headed to the shower, he stopped in front of me and gave me a quick peck.

"I'm running late and I have to be at the air strip in half an hour. I didn't know we would take so long talking. I've got to get you to your room before -"

I cut him off with my finger placed on his lips. "It's no worries. You go get ready for the meeting and I can manage to take myself back to my dorm," I smiled.

"Rose you don't have to go by yourself. I did say I would take you."

"I'll be fine Dimitri. You're running late. You don't want to be running later then necessary, do you?" I tried to raise an eyebrow like him, but it didn't work so well. He laughed. "Go on, have a shower. I'll see you tomorrow," I gave him a kiss and started for the door.

"I'll come see you tonight." He saw me about to argue so he continued, "we have some things to discuss and sort through, remember." He looked at the clock. It was getting later and later for him. So I decided to make it short.

"I can wait until tomorrow. You took away my worries, for me to last overnight," I winked.

He nodded and entered the bathroom. Just before he closed the door he said, "Get well Roza." I smiled and left his room.

I was able to walk to my dorm safely in a cheerful mood. I slipped into bed and closed my eyes. I nodded off to sleep in a happy state.


	5. Revelation

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; thank you so much! You always put in a hard effort editing my story.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I have gotten many reviews thank-you so much! They were all amazing!  
I love all of them, and they keep me motivated to keep writing this story for you. So please keep letting me know what you think. :)  
This chapter helps join the story together. There will be a few things you read which wont be explained in great detail. That's intentional, because you need some mystery in this story, but don't worry; it will be explained in further chapters!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_Revelation_

When I ran into Adrian, I was on my way to the library to meet Lissa and Christian. We were supposed to gossip about last night.

I left the Novice dorm building and power walked on the path to get to the main building. It was still frosty outside from the Christmas weather and I didn't want to be out in it for long.

All of the sudden I smelt a big whoosh of cigarettes and alcohol. It never goes down well for me, but especially didn't this afternoon since I was still trying to recover from a hangover. I wasn't as sick as this morning but the smell made me want to vomit.

The only person who came to my mind was Adrian, and sure enough, there he was leaning against the wall with a cigarette in his hand.

I tried to speed up my pace, changing into a slow jog, but he spotted me with his wonderful Moroi sight.

"Little Dhampir." He waved me over to where he was standing.

"Afternoon to you too." I kicked the wall hard when I said 'too'.

Adrian chuckled. "Not happy to see me?"

"It's always a pleasure to see you Adrian," I said sarcastically.

His smiled faded and he looked around. It wasn't normal Adrian behaviour. I did want to meet up with Lissa soon though before the dinner rush, but staying with Adrian longer didn't seem too bad.

"It's not like you to not reply back," I said he a light tone.

"I've just been thinking. I can't concentrate on my witty mind when I'm deep in thought."

I couldn't help but be a smart ass. "Adrian deep in thought? No way, I better alert the media." I made my hand do a phone action.

He just stared at me. His eyes were telling a story that I was unable to decipher.

"I saw your lover boy aboard the plane earlier today."

"His not my lover boy Adrian, there is nothing going on between us." I tilted my hand and patted him on the shoulder. "Although the way you have been talking and thinking about him lately, it more seems like you are the one that has grown a crush."

"I have," he smiled. "But it's not him I have a crush on. It's you."

"You're not getting in my pants."

"That's not all I want Rose." He took another puff of his cigarette. "I want to show you I'm not the bad person people make me out to be because I'm an Ivashkov."

"Right, you want me to believe you just want to get to know me better and hang out, not try and hit on me?" I snickered. "You got to be joking."

Adrian threw his cigarette down and stomp on it with his shoes. "You're the one judging me by what people have said. You of all people should know not to believe what you haven't found out for yourself."

"What are you saying?" I pushed him back with my hand. "If this is your sick way of trying it on me, you are going completely the wrong way about it."

Adrian put his hand up in front of him in a surrender position. "All I'm saying is give me a chance to show you. That's all I want. You have never given me the chance."

"I wonder why that is." I was starting to feel chilly now from standing out in the cold. I began to walk back the way I intended on going earlier.

I made it to the main building's door and turned around to see if I could still see Adrian. He was gone. I had every right not to give Adrian a go; he had girls hanging off him all the time. I was going to be a game with him for one night.

I went into Lissa's body to see if she was still at the library. She was sitting with Christian and Eddie.

Eddie was at the end on the joint table with his head in the books. Christian and Lissa were in deep conversation.

"I thought she went back home?" Lissa whispered confused.

"That's what she told me, but I got a letter from her yesterday morning stating her plans," Christian replied.

"Is she doing the right thing?" Lissa was feeling very worried.

"Only she knows the answer to that. I just hope she doesn't overestimate herself. I don't want to find out I have another funeral to attend too." Christian saw Lissa worry and began rubbing her thigh under the table.

Lissa began feeling embarrassed and took Christian hand off her thigh. He gave her one of his sly looks and moved his hand back reaching further up.

Lissa moaned and gave him the don't-you-start-anything-here look. She loved him feeling her up, but doing it in public was not her cup of tea.

"Christian," she blushed.

She felt his hand reach up further and he was tracing patterns on her underwear. He had a big smile on his face. He knew Lissa loved his touch and he loved teasing her.

_This conversation isn't going anywhere for me. Time to go back in your body Rose._

Lissa moaned a little louder than last time and Eddie looked up.

"Is there something disturbing in the book you're reading?" Eddie was so naive.

Lissa blushed. "Ah... No." She looked at Christian. "I was telling Christian, I was thinking about going to ask Headmistress Kirova if she will allow us to going to Missoula tomorrow."

"For some beauty shopping with Rose?" Eddie smiled.

"I was thinking more of buying Rose a birthday present."

_I want it to be a surprise. I know where Lissa is now, time to go get her._

I tried so hard to get the feeling out of my head of the way Christian made Lissa feel. I was nearly at the library when I saw Jesse Zeklos and Ralf Sarcozy walking out of it.

Ralf stretched his arm out to stop a Moroi from entering the library. Jesse began laughing and brushed his hand along her arm. From what I could see the Moroi girl looked younger, maybe by a year. She wasn't too impressed with Ralf blocking her way and also confused with Jesse feeling her up.

I remembered her name, it was Lucia.

Lucia Lombardi.

She had the same thin body as most Moroi do and she was pretty. She had light brown wavy hair with grey eyes. I didn't know much about her because she wasn't in my year level, but I did know that her family is Italian and moved her not long before Lissa and I came back to the Academy. She was a very polite young girl and didn't know how to defend herself; like most Moroi.

Her older brother however was in my year level and his name was, Bruno Lombardi.

He was pretty much Lucia's twin. They looked alike and have the same human behaviour.

Lucia backed away and looked Ralf in the eyes. "I don't want anything to do with you Ralf."

Jesse was looking around to see if people we listen to their conversation. I looked down at my text books and pretended I was concentrating on other things. He didn't seem to think I was an issue.

Jesse moved Lucia's fringe out of her eyes and said, "Don't be like that Lucia. You know we don't want to hurt you."

She flinched and said, "I just want to go studying, please leave me alone." She went under to dodge Ralf's arm but he caught the back of her shirt and pushed her up against the wall. Jesse examined the situation again and stayed on alert.

"Why can't you see that this is good for you?" he hissed.

"Please, don't hurt me." He pushed her harder up against the wall. "I'll do anything. Please," she begged.

I used all my strength not to go up and bashed Jesse and Ralf, but I needed to know what game they were playing. It's not like he was using actual force on the girl; he was just intimidating her.

Ralf let her go and fixed up her clothes. "That wasn't so bad was it? I'll see you later," he winked at her and left with Jesse.

I walked into the library after Lucia. She said on the other side of the room by herself.

I saw Lissa, Christian, and Eddie. Eddie was still sitting at the other end on the table. Christian looked up and saw me bring my fingers to my lips telling him the gesture to be quite. I sneaked up behind him and placed me hands over his eyes.

Lissa looked up and laughed.

"Who is it?" Eddie asked.

I put on a deep voice and said, "You have to guess young man."

Eddie laughed and said, "Rose, that has to be you."

I moved away and sat beside him. "How did you know?" I nudged him. "It could have been one of the girls from last night. You know maybe a girl named Carly," I said with a wink.

Eddie blushed and the rest of us laughed.

"So that was that crazy girl's name," Christian said.

"You shut it, Ozera. Carly is a nice girl." Eddie punched Christian on the shoulder.

Christian was still making fun of Eddie and Lissa laughing at Eddie's reactions while I zoned out and looked over at Lucia.

I was trying to figure out what she did to get caught up it Ralf Sarcozy and Jesse Zeklos's mess, because whatever it is, the result would not turn out good. Good for Ralf and Jesse, but not Lucia.

I don't know how long I stared at her for, but when I snapped out of the daze I smelt cloves. Adrian had two seats to choose from. One next to Christian or the one next to me. Of course he chose the one next to me.

"Hello Cousin." He nodded towards Lissa.

Christian narrowed his eyes while Lissa replied, "Hey, are we still on for tonight?"

"Yep. Can't wait," he winked.

Christian was starting to lose control of his temper so I decided to change the subject.

"I forgot to ask before. How are you guys feeling today?"

"Not too good actually, but I got to study for tomorrow," Eddie said.

"I'm feeling fine. I had a big sleep in with Christian this morning and I woke up well."

Christian just shrugged.

"I was feeling pretty crook this morning thanks to someone," I looked at Adrian with an accusing look.

"Hey, you chose to drink that much Dhampir," He smiled.

"I had someone to influence me though," I smiled back, hoping the tension with the incident beforehand had passed.

"Where did you end up going Rose? I woke up back in Xander's dorm and you weren't there." Eddie asked curiously, looking back and forth between Adrian and me.

I smiled and pointed to Adrian. "Adrian walked me back to my room." I pointed my finger at Eddie and said, "You were passed out so I didn't want to wake you."

Christian laughed and turned to Lissa, "Last night wasn't so bad after all."

"I told you it would be fine," she smiled and kissed him on the lips. I turned away and saw Adrian staring at me. I figure he was trying to understand my aura.

"Is something on my face?" I asked with attitude.

"Yep. You have two eyes, a nose, mouth -"

"Very funny. I want to apologize for earlier." I did act like a bitch towards him.

He shook his head. "No need, let's just forget about it," he smiled.

"Um. Sure." _Couldn't he just yell at me or something? Why did he have to be so nice to me?_

I got everybody's attention and asked what the plans were for tomorrow. Knowing the Lissa was talking to Christian and Eddie about it, I wanted to know more details.

"I was going to see if you wanted to come to Missoula tomorrow," Lissa said cheery.

"Sure, who's going?"

"Christian, Eddie, you, and I." She looked at Adrian. "You can come to if you like."

"Sure, you can count me in." He poked me in my stomach. "I could show you around." He saw my face and quickly added, "To make up for today."

"Sure. I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day. How about we go get some dinner?" I announced.

We all headed off to the Cafeteria and had dinner. Lissa, Christian and I were on our way back to our dorms. I was just about to leave them to walk to the novice wing when Christian called my name.

I turned around shocked and asked weary, "Yes?"

"Can you wait a second?" He kissed Lissa on the lips and said their goodbyes. Lissa was as shocked as I was and sent through the bond; _tell me what it's about later_.

"What have I done?" I knew Christian would never go out of his way to talk to me.

"Nothing... I just want to know what is going on with you and Adrian," he shrugged.

"Nothing is going on between me and Adrian. Even if something was going on between us, you would defiantly be the first one to know," I answered sarcastically.

"You two looked pretty close last night. He has been hitting on you since the Ski Lodge and you two do spend a lot of time together. Not to mention the way you two look at each other." He looked at me with a serious face.

"Christian there is nothing going on!" He looked at me for a while and then nodded. I was suddenly curious as to why he would want to know. "Why? Why do you want to know?"

He took a deep breath. "Because Rose, we do have our disagreements, but you are Lissa's family and she cares about you more than anyone."

"That involves you how?" I dragged the word how out longer than normal.

"I love Lissa and if that means I have to look out for you for her to be happy, then I'll do it."

I laughed. "Is that your subtle way of saying 'I do care about you'? Because if it is, I care about you too."

"Okay, it's getting a little mushy now," he smiled his big smile. "I'll see you later tonight." He laughed a deep laugh. "No pun intended."

I was confused. "What's on tonight? It's near the end of curfew."

"Adrian and Lissa are going to practice magic. He is meeting her in her room. Of course I'll be staying there."

"Oh." I didn't know that.

"We spoke about it in the library remember?" He looked at me like I was stupid.

"Yeah... Yeah, I remember," I lied. It must have been when I zoned out. "I don't think I'll come. I'm still feeling a little off. I'm just going to go to bed early. Can you tell her for me?"

"Alright. Sweet dreams," he gave me a smirk and walk towards his dorm.


	6. Close Encounter

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; you are my hero, without you, this story would have many grammatical errors.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
The traffic for this story has brightened my day!  
It's pretty impressive and I hope to see it go even higher.  
This chapter is about Dimitri and Rose. You might be shocked at the end of the chapter. :)  
Send me some love by reviewing!  
**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX**

_Close Encounter_

I was squirming around in bed. I did not want to wake up yet. It didn't feel like it was morning. I squeezed my eyes tighter. _Nope, not working. Damn._ I shifted my body to turn around and flew my arm over my head. Except it didn't hit the soft mattress beside me, it hit something harder.

I wasn't going to let it disturb me enough to open my eyes. I must have just reached over too much and hit my bedside table. I groaned and pressed into the object which was in my way. It wasn't as hard as a table. I started to move my hand down, patting the obstruction. I felt a soft chuckle rumble against my hand at the same time the bed shook.

I immediately opened my eyes. It was Dimitri. He was lying beside me on the bed. If that's what you call lying on my bed. Half of his body was not even on the mattress. He should have woken me up so I could have moved over for him.

"Dimitri," I whispered and sighed.

He placed a hand over mine, "I don't think this is wise."

I had no idea what he was talking about. I was still half asleep. I looked at where his hand was on top of mine and quickly shoved my hand away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -" I was stuck for words. _When was Rose Hathaway stuck for words?_ Maybe when my hand is inches away from certain areas of his body... Not that I didn't want to discover his body, because I really wanted to.

I must have had a funny look on my face because he asked, "Too late to see me? I must have woken you when I came to your bed."

"It's never too -" The word didn't come out of my mouth and I found it hard to breathe. The next thing I knew I was coughing on my own moisture in my mouth. "Late." I began to cough again. Dimitri got up and passed me my water bottle. I took a few sips and said, "How embarrassing."

He just chuckled. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

I looked around confused. "How did you get in here?"

"I have my secrets," he whispered and showed me his keys. _Of course, why didn't I think of that? _"Don't you want me in here?" He got off the bed ready to leave. "I can go if it makes you uncomfortable."

I started to protest and he held up his hands to surrender. "I'll stay, settle down," he said with a teasing tone.

"This is a dream, isn't it?" I asked.

"No, why would you think that?" He lifted his eyebrow.

"You would never be in my room, nonetheless lying next to me on my bed."

He looked at his hands and said, "That was inappropriate, I'm sorry."

I snickered. _This is a dream._ I looked at my arm and pinched it just to make sure it wasn't. "Ouch."

"Rose, what are you doing?"

I looked at him with shock. "This is real?" I could barely make it a whisper. "Why are you here?"

He looked amused. "It's real and I'm here, because if I remember correctly, I said I would see you tonight." His guardian mask came through.

"You didn't have to. I said I would wait until tomorrow." I couldn't help but smile. He came to me tonight, without me telling him too.

"Tomorrow we seem to be going to Missoula. We wouldn't have time to talk." His guard was still up.

"Talk. Talk, yeah." I became restless. I didn't know what to say. I realized there was nowhere for Dimitri to sit in my room. I looked at the bed and noticed I was hogging it all, so I slid over closer to the wall and patted my hand beside me. Dimitri nodded and sat.

There was a long silence. He didn't know what to say either, even though there was plenty to talk about. To begin with, I wanted to talk to Dimitri - not guardian Dimitri and yes... there is a difference.

I broke the silence. "You must not be comfortable," I said pointing to his clothing. "You have been in them all day."

He looked at his clothes and shrugged. "It's not important." _Is he insane?_ Of course it's important.

_Maybe I could help you out of those clothes. _I secretly said to myself.

"I don't think that's a good idea, right now."

"Hmm," I looked at him confused.

"You said, maybe I could help you out of those clothes," He smiled his half smile.

"Shit. I didn't think I said that out loud." I blushed while looking away.

"It was more of a whisper," he chuckled. At least he wasn't getting worked up.

"So where do we start? I have never had to discuss things like this before." I started to play with my fingers and put my head down. "It's new to me."

His hand touched my chin and brought my face up to his. He brushed his lips against mine. "Start from the beginning."

"When I first met you I didn't like you at all. I hated you for bringing Lissa and I back to the Academy." He smiled at me._ How was me hating him funny?_ "The more time I spent with you, the more I understood you. That's when the crush began. I didn't think about it as a big deal at first but when we fell victim to Victor lust charm, well that says it all," I looked up to Dimitri slightly chuckling.

"What is so funny?" _Didn't he take me seriously?_

He reached over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and his fingers trailed along my neck. He suddenly tensed. "I know what happened from there, Rose." His voice was stern. He didn't want me to bring up the last two months, and that was fair enough – to a point.

"You said start from the beginning, Comrade," I joked.

"Don't call me that."

"What do I call you? I can't call you mine." I was being a bitch again.

He inhaled a big breath and exhaled slowly.

"Start from when this all started." His eyebrows pressed together. "Start from when were we in the gymnasium."

I looked at him for a short period without saying anything. I was constantly searching for his eyes, which wouldn't look in my direction.

"Dimitri." He still wouldn't look. "Dimitri." My voice was a little louder. "Dimitri." My voice was demanding.

He slowly turned his body towards me on the bed. "Look at me." He lifted his head. "I want to be able to talk to you about everything, but it's really hard when you block me out about us."

"You can tell me anything Roza." He placed his hand on top of mine.

"I don't want you to be professional. I want you to talk to me like an equal. Just you and me."

He looked me in the eyes and nodded.

"I know you said that we can't be together, but sometimes I don't care. I want to break the rules, because I want to be with you. Every day I see you, I want you more and more. Breaking the rules and leaving Lissa would be painful without a doubt, but that will be nothing to how happy I would be because I would have you. It's you. It has always been about you and it will always be about you. I just don't know what else I can do to show you." I looked up at his face and quickly looked down.

He didn't say anything for a while and I was getting nervous. I shifted positions on the bed. I wasn't going to say anything until he responded.

I felt his fingers caress my cheek and he brought me towards him. He lightly kissed me on the lips. He didn't move away from my face. Our foreheads were leaning against each others. The smell of his aftershave was making me dizzy.

"How long have _you_ been thinking about this?" he finally asked.

"When you told me you couldn't live without me."

He kissed me again on the lips. "Running away is not an option right now."

"But Dimitri..."

"No Roza. You will be graduating in a few months. It's important you stay here at the Academy.

"I want to be with you." My eyes started to water. _Was he rejecting me?_

"You graduating from the Academy is very important. Whether you like to admit it to me or not, you know it. You want to graduate. I want you to graduate." He wiped away a tear that leaked from my eye. "You're important to me Roza and I want to do the right thing for you."

"You're pushing me away again," I sobbed.

"I'm not pushing you away. After you graduate we can discuss what can happen with us, but until then we need to control ourselves." He wiped away more tears.

"So you're not saying we can't be together?"

"I'm saying for now, we need to get you through school without you being kicked out," he chuckled.

"Okay." At least he wasn't ruling out us being together. That's one problem down... heaps more to go.

"I think it's time I apologize," he said. "I lead you on and then I go -" I pushed my finger against his lips.

"Please don't." I was starting to get my headache back. "I think I've heard enough about that for one night."

I knew there were other problems to talk about like: Why is he in contact with Tasha Ozera again? Why was there a meeting about Victor Dashkov? Why does he pull away when I get to close? Will we both still be guarding Lissa? Why does he get jealous of Adrian? So many issues to address but now wasn't the time.

He studied my face and pulled me close, "I never wanted to hurt you."

"You didn't and you haven't." I rested my head in between his shoulder and head. His neck was so soft. "How was today?" Changing the subject seemed ideal. The subject of Victor Dashkov was still on my mind.

"It was long and tiring," he said while stroking my back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I wanted to know more information about Victor.

"You know I'm not allowed too." He was drawing patterns on my shirt.

My hand was rubbing up and down his back as well. "It can be our little secret."

We stayed there for awhile just holding each other. It felt so good, him against me. I wanted to be like this every day but as I knew Dimitri too well, tonight would be the last piece of physical contact I got apart from training.

"I wish I could stay like this with you forever," I said against his neck.

"It's nice, isn't it?" He kissed the top of my hair.

"Very." I kissed his neck. This was a real gamble, but I felt so different around Dimitri. A good different. "What were you talking to Alberta about two weeks ago?" _Yep, another subject I couldn't let go for tonight._

He became very stiff and stopped rubbing my back, "You know who it was about."

He didn't seem to mind my kiss on his neck earlier so I was going to try my luck again. It could go in my favour and I needed to know how Tasha Ozera was taking my guy away from me again.

"I know that." I kiss him on his neck. "I want to know -" I kissed him twice more moving up his neck "what it was -" another kissed under his jaw "about." I kissed him on the lips.

"Rose I can't -"

I pushed him down on the bed. "Don't you dare say you can't tell me, because it's just you don't want to." I was going to keep using my seductiveness. _It was working right? He wasn't pulling away._

"It's getting late. You should get some rest; we are leaving early in the morning."

I lifted my leg over the other side of his body. I was now straddling him and I gave him my man eating smile.

"I don't want to rest. I want to talk to you, because it might be the last time you talk to me," my finger poked his nose.

He placed his hands on my face and pulled me close to his lips. He was teasing me. "You can always come and talk to me Roza."

"But can I always do this?" I pushed my body down on his and our lips met.

It was a slow meaningful pace that our lips moved at, showing our affection and tenderness for one another.

We stopped the kiss and looked into each other's eyes. I saw lust in his. He moved his left arms around my back and was pushing me closer to him. I scooted up his stomach to rest of just below his ribs. My hands were resting onto his chest.

We spoke about training and his bad taste in music, for what seemed like a long time. It's wasn't hard to make fun of each other. He was feeling more relaxed around me since our talk tonight.

I was starting to feel tired so I laid back down on the bed, and rested my head on his chest. He didn't seem to mind.

"You're beautiful," he whispered against my ear.

I opened my eyes to see a sleeping Dimitri. He must have fallen asleep not long after me, because he would have left the room before I was awake and used it to his advantage.

My head still lay on his chest with his arms wrapped around my waist.

_Why not treasure this moment_, I thought. Slowly, I sat up, looking over his body at the bedside table. It was nearly time to get up and get ready for a day in Missoula.

Dimitri's hold on me tightened as I reached for my water bottle. He looked so gorgeous when he was asleep. I slowly lay back on the bed beside him. He started to shuffle and I kissed his forehead.

He opened his eyes and smiled.

"Morning," I addressed him.

"How did you sleep?" he asked while he turned his head for the time.

"Really well. One of the best nights I've had." I had a double meaning behind my words. I wasn't sure if he caught on.

"I have to go get ready for the trip today, my sweet." He kissed my nose.

"Your sweet?" I screwed up my nose.

He chuckled and pulled off the blankets. "Dimitri," I said frustrated. "I thought I made it clear that you wouldn't be comfortable in those clothes."

"It's not like I brought another set on comfortable clothes with me." He moved out of my embrace and stood up. "I came straight off the plane to be here with you."

I stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I could have helped you."

"Rose, I have to go get ready." He kissed the top of my head. _Why did he do that?_ One moment he is all in for the romance, and then when we start to get more intimate he pulls away. It's like he remembers who he is with and then doesn't want to be around me.

"There is something I want to tell you first." I put my serious face on. "I saw something weird happen today. Jesse and Ralf are up to something."

"What did you see?" he asked intrigued.

"I was on my way to the library when I saw Ralf harass this new student, Lucia Lombardi." I rubbed my hands together to try and warm the chills away. "He had her up against the wall and Jesse was keeping watch. He wasn't doing a very good job because he didn't see me looking."

I saw a smile play on Dimitri's lips, "Maybe because you are using your ninja skills."

I laughed and said, "I'm serious, Dimitri." I play slapped his chest. "I think they are really up to something. I was watching her in the library, she has no friends to talk to or protect her."

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Jesse and Ralf are always up to their tricks and nothing ever works out."

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

He kissed me on the cheek and walked towards the door.

"Wait." I grabbed his hand and pushed him towards the bed. "I want my goodbye kiss."

"And why should I give you a goodbye kiss?" His fingers were rubbing up and down my arms.

I started to kiss his throat and slowly moved up and down against his body. "Because it's going to be a very long time before I get to be this close to you again and I want to remember it."

He moaned against my push onto his body. "Rose..."

I laughed and pushed my lips to his. His hands came up into my hair. He started to slowly move against me. Our kiss was getting rougher and his hands ran onto my back. At least he hasn't freaked out and moved away yet.

We were making out for a while before we pulled apart. We were both deeply panting. I could feel something hard against my upper thigh. I realized I gave him a hard on. It made my stomach flip thinking I could make him do that.

I started to move my body against his again when he pushed me away.

"Dimitri. What are you doing?" I asked shocked. He hadn't been soft when he pushed me away.

"Leave me alone Rose," he demanded and with that last statement, he was out of the room.


	7. In The Middle

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; you are my sun that shines through the clouds on rainy days.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
All your reviews for the last chapter were fantastic! Most of you were like, 'what the hell is with Dimitri?'  
Well my number #1 fans... only future chapters will tell.  
So KEEP READING and REVIEWING. :)  
I got over 400 people reading chapter six on the first day. That's bloody awesome. Keep it up, please.**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

_In The Middle_

I threw on a pair of blue skinny jeans and a black low cut shirt, grabbing my handbag and sunglasses; I was out the door.

I was the last one to the SUV. I saw Lissa smile towards me while Christian rolled his eyes for my lateness. I stood beside Adrian while Stan was telling us the rules about what we were to do when leaving the Academy.

Of course most of us have been through the rules before and know the drill. However, Christian had never left the Academy. I felt sorry for that boy.

"You will be paired up with a guardian. There are three of us going and there are five of you." Stan pointed to us. "If you need to split up one of us will company you. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Guardian Alto." Eddie replied.

One by one, we piled into the SUV. Stan sat in the driver's seat, while Alberta accompanied Stan in the passenger seat. Lissa, Christian, and Eddie sat in the middle row, while Dimitri, Adrian and I sat in the back.

Dimitri was leaning against the back sliding door when I had to walk past him to climb into the SUV. I quickly looked up and took a glance at him. He wasn't looking back, quite the opposite, he was looking through me. Great, he's going to play a games called 'I don't exist'.

Sitting in the back was a bad idea on my part. I sat in the middle while Dimitri and Adrian sat on either side. Dimitri sat up against the wall as much as he could, while Adrian kept creeping closer to me.

I was feeling rather nervous. Dimitri just walked out on me this morning. After what we went through last night, I was devastated. He wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk to me. I don't even know what I did to make his walk out of the room the way he did.

When he wasn't receiving and sending messages on his phone, Adrian occasionally talked to me, but that wasn't often considering it went off every five minutes.

Curiosity finally got the better of me and I looked over at his phone, to no avail though. I couldn't read the message or who it was from.

"What has your interest little Dhampir?" he said with a smug smile.

The clicking of the mobile buttons and the buzzing from the vibration was pissing me off.

"Who the fuck, are you taking too?" I said with irritation.

"It's none of your concern." He popped his mobile into his pocket.

I gave him a don't-mess-with-me-look and turned away.

"Does it make you jealous?" he asked with envy.

I was confused. I turned around and said, "What?"

"Me paying more attention to someone else? I wouldn't worry. You're on my mind all the time."

"The sound was annoying me." It was a lame answer but he caught me off guard. "If you pull it out of your pocket one more time on this trip-"

"You'd do what?" he laughed.

"I'll -" He stopped me before I could even get a sentence out.

"As long as you make it up to me, I don't mind," he winked.

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window just past his head.

"This is going to be a long trip," I muttered to myself mostly to myself. I heard Adrian snicker.

I stopped looking out the window just as I saw us reaching the outskirts of Missoula. I was going to announce that we were nearly there, but Christian had his arm wrapped around Lissa; I didn't want to interrupt what they were doing and Eddie was listening to his iPod.

I turned to look at Dimitri. His eyes were squinting, like he was deep in thought. One of his hands was holding onto the SUV's door handle for dear life and the other was in a fist. His lips were in a thin line and his body was slightly shaking.

I wanted to check if he was alright but what if he didn't want me too. _Oh screw it, since when do I care._ Adrian has plugged his earphones into his phone. I assume he was listening to music as well. I didn't want him to have more excuses for me to pay him for if he heard me talking to Dimitri.

I reached my hand over and placed it on Dimitri's fist, while my thumb was rubbing his knuckles. He turned his head to look at me.

"Are you alright?" I whispered. I didn't want the others to hear. Christian and Lissa didn't seem to notice, so I was safe.

He pulled his hand away and looked out the window.

I felt sick in the stomach._ Why didn't he want me now?_

We parked at the shopping centre and Stan said a few words.

"I want you to pick your groups now." He really didn't want to be here. I could tell by the tone in his voice.

Lissa looked at Christian and Christian nodded. Of course they would want to be together. I guess I'll be hanging out with Eddie, which I didn't mind. Eddie and I had begun to get quite close. He was like a brother.

"Christian, Eddie, and I?" Lissa asked me.

"Sure." I looked at her weirdly. _Great, that means just Adrian and I. Alone. By ourselves. With no one else. Yep. Adrian is going to love it._

_You will see._ She said through the bond. She was feeling really excited. _What was she up to? I hope it wasn't for me to bond with Adrian. _I have a feeling it is. I wish she would stop worrying about match making. She has been working on getting me with another guy for a while now. If only I could tell her about Dimitri.

"Since there are three of you in group and two in the other, Guardian Petrov and I will be guarding you Princess and Mr. Ozera. Eddie you can either enjoy the free time or use this as a training exercise," Stan instructed.

Eddie stood up straight and answered, "I'll use this time as training, Guardian Alto."

Stan looked towards me and asked me the same question.

"I'll rather take this free time if I may." I looked towards Dimitri and he was shaking his head.

"Very well. Castile, I'm sure you will do well." He patted him on the shoulder. "Guardian Petrov, Belikov, and I have radios, however, if you see trouble, yell out 'Pericol'. It's Romanian for danger."

Eddie nodded and we split up in our groups.

Adrian and I were walking into a clothes store when his arm came around my waist and he said, "Ты смотреть красивый как всегда."

I stopped and looked at Dimitri he was looking disgusted. "What did you say to me?" I asked him.

He smiled and said, "It's Russian. I said you look beautiful as always."

I smiled up at him. He was always so sweet to me. "I didn't know you spoke Russian."

"There are lots of things you don't know about me. I speak Italian as well," he smirked and gestured into the shop.

I tried on about three different pants, five shirts and two dresses. I came out of the dressing room ready to show Adrian my last dress when he wasn't there. I would have gotten Lissa to let me know what she thinks, but since she ditched me for Christian, I got Adrian to do the honours. He didn't to mind one bit, he loved the idea. I could trust his opinion, because he always seemed to want me to look good.

I looked around the shop and saw Adrian at the checkout. Some girl was flirting with him. I looked back and noticed Dimitri looking at me.

I blushed and asked, "How does this look?" I twirled around.

He didn't say anything and turned his attention back to check on Adrian.

"Cut the crap Dimka." _That's right, I cut really low there._ He was being immature when he used to tell me to grow up.

He froze and then walked towards me.

"What did you say?" he voice was hard.

I put on my innocent face. "I said, how do I look?"

"After that."

"I'm not sure what you mean, Guardian Belikov," I shrugged.

"Stop playing around Rose." He placed his hand on the side of the wall beside my face.

I walked back into the changing room. I didn't have to put up with his attitude. I was closing the curtain when a force pushed the curtain open.

I stared at him. "What are you doing? I have to get changed."

He looked towards where Adrian was and stepped in and closed the curtain behind himself. If we weren't fighting I would say, 'This is kind of kinky'.

"You want me now?" I said with sarcasm. "I didn't picture you as a dressing room type."

He stepped closer and place both hand on the wall on both sides of my head.

"You better hurry if you don't want to get caught." _Oh this is so fun... keep pushing his buttons._

"You make me crazy, you know that," he half whispered with fury.

"What's your point Guardian Belikov?" I moved my foot up his leg.

Dimitri's lips were on mine before I could respond. He broke away, not long after. He was shaking again and I was scared. This wasn't like Dimitri.

"What's happening Dimitri?" I asked worried.

"Nothing. This was a mistake." He moved away from me.

"A mistake is something you do once or maybe twice but not all the time." I started to take down the straps of my dress. _Where was all my confidence coming from?_

Dimitri's hand stopped me. "Don't."

_Now he didn't want to see my body._ I guess I did make him mad. I was about to say something when Adrian's voice caught my attention.

"Rose where are you?"

I looked at Dimitri, he was just as stunned as I was. How could we explain this situation? There was no way you could cover up what this looked like.

Without consulting me, Dimitri stepped out of the change room. _Was he an idiot? I can't believe he just did that._

Adrian looked between Dimitri and I with his mouth open. "What was happening in there?" He sounded a little pissed off.

I looked at my dress strap. "I can't get this dress off." I pretended to pull at it and look frustrated.

"Right, so you needed Dimitri to help you." He was using his disappointed tone. How dare he use that tone on me. He would have been more than willing to help if the position was reversed.

"Well, where were you! You were flirting with the checkout chick," I yelled.

"I was buying some clothes." He looked at me like I was being a jealous girlfriend.

"No, you were too busy trying to get in the girls' pants. So I asked Dimitri if he could help." I yanked the curtain shut and got changed. Fancy me being stuck in the middle of two guys. Well I didn't have to choice one, because I already knew who I wanted!

None of us spoke a word after the change room incident. I stopped when I saw a shop that sold underwear. I walked in and Adrian whispered, "Я убил бы, чтобы видеть Вас в некоторых из них."

Dimitri turned towards him and it looked as though he might punch him out. Not that I didn't' want to see Dimitri sexy body move in a graceful way to punch a guy out, but I didn't want Adrian to have a broken face. It wouldn't look good on Dimitri's record if he punched a royal Lord.

I stepped in between the both of them and held up my hands.

"Adrian, why don't you look over in the guy section," I pointed to the other side of the store.

He looked at Dimitri with a big smirk and nodded. "I'll do anything for you Rose," his thumb pad brushed my lips and I understood the double meaning in his words.

I turned around to look at Dimitri. "What did he say?"

"Nothing for you to worry about." He was still fuming.

"Nothing to worry about? I wasn't born yesterday," I scowled.

He took a deep breath. "It was inappropriate."

I walked past him to look at a red pair of underwear and a matching bra. "If you don't tell me, I'll go ask Adrian. I know he will tell me." I knew it was awful to use them against each other, but it was to my advantage.

He looked at the underwear and looked away. He looked really uncomfortable. Maybe I should have told him to wait outside.

I laughed. "We can go if you like?"

He looked at Adrian and then back at me. "It's fine. Just don't take too long."

We were on our way back to the Academy when I heard Dimitri's radio go off. Lissa was asleep on Christian; which he had his eyes closed to rest. Eddie was listening to his iPod again, while Adrian was listening to his phone. Alberta and Stan couldn't hear us because there was a window parting the front from the back.

"What is it?" As I looked at Dimitri's worried face.

He didn't say anything while the radio kept receiving messages. He finally spoke into the device.

"Is it safe to return?"

He started to nod his head, as if he was agreeing to the other end of the line.

"We're about fifty minutes away. The three of us should be able to keep them safe."

He looked at the others before looking towards me. He moved towards me and whispered, "There has been an attack at the Academy." He saw the look on my face and placed his hand on my leg. "They have it under control; however they don't want the princess to return tonight."

"Why?" I understood that the attack at the Academy would cause a few troubles, but not enough for her not to be able to return, and why not stop Adrian or Christian going back

"Some people were taken Rose. The wards came down for ten minutes and ten minutes is a lot to Strigoi. We want to protect Lord Ozera and Ivashkov as well, but Princess Dragomir is essential to protect." He seemed to know what I was thinking.

"How many people have gone?" I squeezed his hand on my leg.

"Five. Three teachers and two elementary students. Everything is taken care of but they don't want to take the risk. If they have taken down the wards once; they might be able to do it again. We are going to have to take a detour and stay at a hotel tonight. Just to be extra safe," he gave me a reassuring smile.

"Does Alberta and Stan know?" _Of course they did. They had radios as well._

"Yes." He looked me in the eyes. "Can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Of course."

"I need you here, to be alert for the princess. We are going to be out in the human world; Strigoi might find us," he tensed.

I nodded and looked to my right. Adrian was asleep. _Thank God he didn't hear anything._

Dimitri seemed to be talking to me like an equal at the moment so I decided to take advantage.

"About last night-"

"Lets' not talk about it here." He looked away. _It was worth a try._ When would be the right time to talk about it?

"You still haven't told me what Adrian said before," I said in a soft voice.

He rubbed my cheek. "I don't want you to kill him in the car, because Petrov and Alto would want to know why I didn't stop you."

I laughed. He made a joke. That's something good between us. Though he has been very moody.

"He said, 'I would kill to see you in some of these".

"Why did he say it in Russian? Why not in English, like he used to do?"

"He is just trying to piss me off, Roza." _Did he say what I think he said? He said pissed, right?_

"I'm sorry to say it Comrade, but it's working," I was playing with the bottom of the sleeve on his duster.

He kissed the top of my head. "I know."

I wanted to keep talking to Dimitri, but this subject wasn't going to go down well. So I changed it to a different one...

"It's my birthday in thirteen days," I said as I looked up at his face.

"Not counting or anything," he smirked.

"Nope, that's not my type of thing," I giggled.

"Got anything you want for your birthday?"

_Yep. You. You wouldn't like the answer to that question though. I don't want anything else_.

"Not really," I replied.

"What? Rose Hathaway always knows what she -" He looked out the window.

He knew what I wanted for my birthday. _It's the only thing I wanted. _My eyes were starting to get sore from trying to keep them open.

"How long until we stop?" I asked with a yawn.

"Thirty minutes at most." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "You can rest you eyes."

I bent my neck onto his shoulders and sighed. The smell of his aftershave was astonishing. I felt him shrug his duster off and placed it over my body.

I opened my eyes and smiled. He smiled back.


	8. Peaceful Talk

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; I owe you so much. You have edited so many chapters effectively and efficiently! :)  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I'm back on FanFiction, and I was extremely excited and overwhelmed by the amount of reviews I got for chapter seven!  
They were all pleasant, and surely showed how eager you all are for the story to unfold.  
I am now settled into my home, and I would like to thank you all for the moving wishes!  
As promised I will post two chapters of this story.  
Here is chapter eight, and I will post chapter nine tomorrow.  
Can't wait to read your reviews on this chapter.  
Dimitri and Rose lovers, should love the ending!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

_Peaceful Talk_

Tonight has been a very rough ride. All of us were anxious to go back to the Academy. Alberta explained to the others the situation and that it was just a precaution.

All of them had different views on the situation. Lissa was content to stay at the hotel for as long as needed. She felt sorry to the others who were there, but Lissa isn't the fighting type. She also knew if there was a chance of something happening to her, then her family line would be no more and making more Dragomir's was something very close to Lissa heart.

Eddie wanted to go to the Academy and help as much as possible, where he would be needed. If that meant protecting or staying with the younger Moroi, then he was their man.

Whereas Adrian didn't seem to mind what the next course of action was, as long as the plan sounded efficient and safe, he would just go with the flow. Which is some cases with him, were not the best choices to make.

Christian was another story. He wanted to go to the Academy and find out who it was and have a fight. Much like I wanted to do, but he was very out spoken about it. He was really eager to solve the problem and help bring back the victims that were taken away.

Of course I did too, there is no doubt about it, however my duty is to protect Moroi, and one Moroi in particular, and that is the last Dragomir Princess Vasilisa. So if that means I have to stay away from a fight to protect her, than that is what I'll sacrifice for her.

The hotel was nice enough to supply us duel accommodation. However it was only between two rooms and the third room was one story down.

Lissa and I got to share one of the duel rooms, while Eddie, Christian and Adrian shared the other. We were extremely excited that the guardians were a level down from us. Which meant we had some time to have fun. It would be interesting to see if Christian and Adrian would be alive by the morning, but I'm sure Eddie would do all he could do in his power to stop them from killing themselves. Even if that meant Eddie had to get stabbed - himself - in the process.

Christian was going to show Lissa some tricks with his fire, just when I heard a knock on the door. How he was suppose to do tricks with his fire - I wasn't sure, but it would have been entertaining just watching him try.

I opened the door and it was Alberta, Dimitri, and Stan.

Alberta wasn't impressed with Christian being in our room. I could tell by her face, which was pretty impressive to pull off.

"Alberta..." I trailed off. "What a pleasure."

Alberta walked through the door while Dimitri followed. She wasn't even polite enough to ask to be invited in. _Nope. She just made herself welcome._

"We would like to talk to all of you before it's time to sleep, Rose." She gave me a knowing look.

Stan kept looking around on guard in the hallway and not entering the room.

I knocked on the separating door with extra enthusiasm.

"Keep in mind Rose, the guardians here would like the door to keep separating the rooms." Alberta stated and Christian smirked. He seemed to be pleased with himself.

Eddie opened the door and saw Alberta.

"There is going to be a discussion," I said. "Adrian would you mind joining us?"

Adrian was lying on the couch. He was the unlucky one to win a bed. He did offer to pay for our accommodation though. The boys should have been more polite. _Oh well._

We were all in the room sitting down. Apart from Stan._ I don't know what his deal is. _I know he has to keep guard, but I doubt any Strigoi would come find us tonight.

Alberta stood up and spoke professionally. "Guardian Belikov and I will be keeping watch inside your rooms. Guardian Alto will remain in the hall way on alert." She saw me about to protest but cut in and spoke again. "It's to stay on the safe side. Guardian Belikov will stay in this room while I guard Lord Ozera and Ivashkov."

Christian and Adrian exchanged glares.

"That would cramp my style Guardian Petrov," Adrian said smugly. Christian snickered in response.

"I will be seated in the corner Lord Ivashkov. There is no debating about it." She shot him a warning glare.

I was extremely pleased that Dimitri would be in my room. Dimitri being in the room made me feel better. I didn't think we were fighting anymore, so it should be peaceful.

Lissa was tucked into bed, while I finished in the bathroom. Dimitri was sitting by the door when I walked to bed.

"Rose..." Lissa trailed off in thought.

"Yes, Liss." I turned my body to look at her in bed.

She didn't continue what she was going to say for a while.

"Do you think – what's happening out there?" She sounded frightened.

"Out where?" I could feel her questioning the world and she thought it was weird that the Academy wasn't as safe as it is meant to be.

"Out in the real world," she barely whispered.

I didn't want to lie to her. Going out of the Academy gates would most defiantly be a new challenge, but not one we haven't experienced before. Before I would answer her I looked up at Dimitri. I couldn't see much with only a lamp on near the bed, but I could see he was waiting for my answer, just as much as she was.

"I'm not sure," I said. I wasn't lying to her. "All we know is," I took a breath. "humans help the Strigoi. It's more dangerous out there, yes, but just remember... you are going to have two kick ass guardians beside you every steps of the way." I looked at her smiling. "We would never let anything happen to you."

I could feel through the bond that she was relaxing a little and believed that Dimitri and I would be able to defend her. She had a large amount of faith in Dimitri and me.

Her face slowly turned into a frown. "What about Christian?"

"He will have guardians. Well a guardian at least," I tried to smile.

"What if they don't give him any... like Tasha? What if they leave him defenseless?" She was feeling so scared at the moment. The love she carried for Christian was so passionate and strong. She wanted no less than the best guardians out there for him.

The mentioning of Tasha did _hit _me hard. I knew she didn't know not to bring it up, and it was not my place or time to bring up crap about me now. This was Lissa time and Lissa time only.

"There is no way they will not give Christian a guardian when we graduate," I shrugged. "Christian is not defenseless. He is one of the most skilled Moroi I have seen in a long time. Maybe even the only one. "

She smiled. "He is amazing isn't he," she smiled like a school girl in love.

"Don't make me gag now," I joked.

I heard footsteps and looked over at Dimitri, who was doing a round of our room. Moving the curtain a tad over to look out the windows, I followed him with my eyes all the way around, until he stepped beside Lissa on her bed.

"There is no need to be worried Princess," he smiled a reassuring smile. "Perhaps it's time to get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a big day."

Lissa smiled back and replied, "I'm very lucky to have you." She turned her head towards me. "To have both of you."

I smiled a tight smile and said goodnight.

She didn't have any idea about what was going on between Dimitri and I. To be honest, I don't know what's happening between us either. It's not that I couldn't trust her with the secret, it's just something I couldn't talk about easily. Not when Lissa has enough going on in her life at the moment. She didn't need my drama as well.

I tossed and turned in bed for a good while, before sighing and realizing I wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon. I was wide awake.

I turned to look at Lissa. She was fast asleep. I looked around the room for Dimitri. He was nowhere in sight either. Wasn't he supposed to be on look out?

I looked once more around the room. My eyes locked at the door towards my left. It led to a private veranda to our room. I had a good suspicion Dimitri would be outside.

I tip toed out of bed, hoping I wouldn't walk on any squeaky floorboards. Not long after I got up, my eyes adjusted to the night with my Dhampir eye sight.

I slowly pushed the sliding door open and a gush of wind sent me chills throughout my body. I stepped outside. Dimitri was sitting on a chair looking out at the town. I knew he heard the door open, but he pretended not to notice.

I looked out at the town. The lights made it look spectacular. The one thing I missed about coming back to the Academy - I never got to look out at night and experience the night-life.

I was silly enough to forget to grab a jacket before I came outside. Dimitri didn't look bothered by the weather at all.

"It's a beautiful sight," I whispered. "I miss it. Lissa and I would look out at the stars all the time. We would even stare out the window every night before bed, for hours just talking. It was peaceful."

Dimitri turned his head to look at me. He didn't say anything for a long time, finally he said, "Not nearly as beautiful as you."

I blushed and shook my head, while turning to look at the town again. "Sometimes I feel I'm not beautiful enough."

I knew guys thought I was hot and had a good body, but those guys are not Dimitri and with him I felt like I had a lot to prove. Not in my personally, because I can be myself. However with recent events between the two of us - it makes me wonder if most of the times he backs down because he realizes he can have better.

I didn't hear him move off the chair or walk towards me before I felt his arms come around my waist. The smell of his aftershave hit me with a big gust of wind. I shivered in response.

I felt his lips whisper in my ear, "You're the most beautiful person I have ever met." I couldn't help but smile. He always knew how to make me feel good. Just hearing those words come from Dimitri's mouth, made me relax and gave me reassurance.

He stood holding me around my waist while I took in the sights a bit more. I started to giggle and I felt him tense around me. I knew that meant he didn't know what was funny about the moment.

I turned around in his embrace and said, "You always use your ninja skills and surprise me every time you turn up without me hearing you."

He didn't even smile. He moved a strand of hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear. I couldn't help but notice an emotion in his eyes. I couldn't tell what it was but it wasn't love.

"You couldn't sleep?" he asked.

"Not a chance in hell."

"You must be freezing Rose. Lets' get you inside." He grabbed my hand.

"No." He stopped and turned around to look at me. "I don't want to go inside. I want to be out here. With you," I whined.

He frowned and caressed my face. "Let me give you my duster."

"I don't want you to get cold."

"Don't be silly Rose." He pulled me towards the chairs and took off his duster.

I was sitting across from Dimitri looking at him. He was a god. He was_ my _god. He seemed to be concentrating on something out in the distance.

My feet were starting to get pretty cold. I also forgot to put shoes on. I started to move my feet up and down his leg. He was relatively warm compared to the weather outside. He didn't respond to my movements, so I moved my right foot higher towards his thigh. _Bingo. I got his attention._

He quickly turned his head towards me and held my foot. "What do you think you're doing?" His face looked livid but his tone was soft.

"What does it look like I'm doing Comrade?"

He lifted his eyebrow.

"You weren't paying attention to me. So I had to get it somehow," I shrugged.

"By using your foot?" A small smile played on his lips.

"I could have used something else."

He shook his head and looked down at my foot.

"You can let me go now," I said teasingly.

He let go and said, "It's time you should rest."

I could feel the anger boiling up inside me. _Why did he do this?_ I pulled the duster off me and threw it at his face. I stormed off to the sliding door, when a hand on my arm pulled me back.

"Let go of me! You made it pretty clear," I hissed.

He looked at me baffled, "Made what clear?"

"Don't look at me like I'm some child making up assumptions." I tried pulling out of his grip but he was holding on tight.

"Rose what are you talking about?"

"You're doing it again Dimitri. One minute you want me and the next you're treating me like a child."

He let go of me and looked me in the eyes. "Roza, I'm trying to look out for you."

The way he looked at me couldn't make me stay angry at him for long. "Don't. I can look after myself. I've changed. I'm not like I used to be."

He was still looking into my eyes when he said, "I know you have." He turned away and walked to the other side of the veranda. His back was towards me, so I couldn't tell the expression on his face, but I had an idea that it wasn't joyful.

I walked toward him, and placed my hand on his upper arm. "I have you to thank for that."

He didn't reply and didn't look at me.

I grabbed the duster he left on the chair and walked back over. "Will you sit with me?"

He turned round and smiled. I took that as a yes and pulled him to the seats once again. I pushed him down and sat on his lap.

"I hope you don't mind, but I thought we could share," I smiled an amusing smile and draped the duster over us both.

Dimitri wrapped his arms around me and I sighed into his neck. "Does the attack at the Academy mean the novice test will be delayed?" I asked.

"Only for a few days. When we head back to the Academy it will be hostile. Some of the students are shaken up. We want to give everyone a few days to recover."

"Are we safe there?"

"Yes, there are extra precautions. A few more guardians will be arriving at the Academy within a couple of days, just to be on the safe side." He hugged me tighter.

Was I a moron for feeling scared? I knew I could take care of myself and Lissa, but since starting at the Academy, we have been brought up on the idea the Academy was one of the safest places to stay at, and now the wards have been broken into.

I moved away from his chest to look at his face. "I'm scared," I barely whispered.

He pushed me towards him and his lips were in sync with mine. He started kissing me slowly, but it increased as I started to moan. My hands were placed around his neck and I was trying to pull him closer. He started sucking on my bottom lip and I moaned louder.

We broke away unwilling. He made me have butterflies in my stomach.

He pecked me on the lips and said, "You don't have to be." I knew exactly what he meant. I told him I was scared and he kissed me with passion and love, to show me he won't let anything happen to me.

I reached up and kissed his neck, letting it linger for a few seconds before slowly getting up. I let my voice go down, trying my best at being seductive. "Thank you," I replied simply.

I was about to go back inside when his hand instantly grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down on top of him. His mouth bent down and kissed several spots on my neck before releasing me slightly.

"It's only fair I get to kiss you back," he whispered against my lips.

I gave him my best man eating smile and said, "I want you so much."

He leaned in and kissed me for the second time tonight. I wasn't objecting because I have wanted this for a long time. It was the first time in ages he didn't pull away from me, and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity.

His lips were in sync with my own perfectly. His arms wrapped around my body to pull me closer to him. It wasn't long after that I felt his tongue search across my bottom lip for access inside my mouth. I've never kissed someone like that before, and I was frightened that I would embarrass myself. I've made out with boys but not with tongue. It never came up before to use tongue. I opened my mouth as Dimitri wanted and I allowed our tongues to dance with one another before I had to pull away for breath.

I had a huge smile on my face, while I was thinking about my first experience with Dimitri. He was looking at me with what I could tell was desire.

I was now straddling him on the seat. I didn't feel the cold air on my body anymore, all I could feel was heat. It was the heat that had been built up between the two of us.

We were smiling at each other for what seemed like forever. Then I let out a sigh.

He started to rub my back. "What's wrong beautiful?" he asked.

"This isn't going to last for much longer." I looked up at the sky. I was starting to see more stars which meant it was nearly time to go back to bed before Lissa or the others woke up.

He twisted me around and pulled me against him once again. His lips softly placed butterfly kisses just below my ear, and I pulled away before he could get any lower.

He looked up at me with curiosity.

"I don't want the night - the morning to get any better," I admitted.

"That's a line I haven't heard from a girl before," he teased.

"Very funny, Comrade," I sighed. "I don't want it to get better because soon it will have to stop and I don't know if I will be able to."

He seemed distressed by this, so I ran my fingers down his perfectly sculptured chest and kissed his cheek.

I stood up to leave and took off his duster. His left arm wrapped around under my waist as his right hand began tracing my thigh. I shuddered and blushed madly as he pulled me closer to him. I wanted so much to not let this end, but once again we were getting out of hand and it was getting harder and harder for me to be able to walk away.

"Dimitri..." I moaned.

"Give me a kiss goodnight," he pouted. It was so out of his character, but I wasn't complaining.

"I already gave you a kiss goodnight." I playfully punched his arm and he pretended that it hurt.

"No you didn't. That was a kiss to show affection." He tried to pull me closer to him but I dodged his several attempts. I ended up running around the veranda, before he caught me.

"Oh Comrade, I didn't know there were different kisses, between showing affection and a goodnight kiss, I purred against his ear.

"I'll show you," he whispered onto my lips.

Before I could say another come back, his lips were on mine. The kiss was slow and fervent. I felt the yearning rise as I wanted to be with him more. The kiss finished and we stared into each other's eyes with our foreheads together. That morning I learnt the goodnight kiss. It was similar to the goodbye kiss but not exactly the same.


	9. Truth be Told

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
As promised, here is the second chapter I said I would post.  
You will be shocked in this chapter, and I can't wait to read what you readers think about it.  
I really enjoyed writing it and the action which causes the shock, had to be done, to make the story seem real.  
I hope it turns out to be a great cliffhanger.  
I would also like to thank the reviewers! You make my day.  
Also a special thanks to**_ ruthless527_**, you were my 100th review! :) **

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE**

_Truth Be Told_

Last night, Dimitri had told me that some students at the Academy were still shocked by the recent incident, and he wasn't wrong. Walking towards the cafeteria, I noticed most Moroi were power walking to where the guardians would be located, where as Moroi like Jesse, don't really give a damn.

As I was walking towards the cafeteria, I saw Dimitri talking to Alberta. It looked like a pretty intense conversation. He has been having a lot of those lately.

I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but I had a good hunch it would be something worth listening to.

I hid behind a garden not too far away so I could hear them, but as I got closer to my hiding spot they turned around and looked closely in my direction.

"I understand that you are very busy Belikov, but I would appreciate if you could take some of your time and guard the perimeters," Alberta stated.

"Of course. Since I will be away for a few days it is only fair I make up my absence."

"Thank you Belikov. I will go and make up the rosters as soon as head back to my office. I understand this will be a tough time for you." Alberta sounded sincere.

_Where was Dimitri going?_ Was he leaving me to go see Tasha? _Why didn't he tell me he was leaving?_

"It will not be a problem Petrov."

"I understand that you will have to hand in a written statement as well. How is that going?

"I have written the report and it is all well." Dimitri was answering with short answers, and that normally meant he didn't want to be having the conversation, or saying more information than necessary.

"Yes. Victor Dashkov's actions have defiantly taken a toll on all of us. Especially with the recent incidents, it all has come at the wrong time. With the trial only four days away, it's necessary we get the Academy up and running again appropriately."

I let out a gasp and covered my mouth. Alberta and Dimitri both looked around. I held onto my breath for so long I felt like I was going to turn blue. However they didn't seem to hear me. Dimitri was going to Victor's trial. Why didn't he tell me? I had the right to know. Even if they thought I would act irrational, Lissa should have been told.

"Did you hear that Belikov?" Alberta asked.

"It was probably a bird." He looked straight at me and said, "Or a students' noise, travelling down the hallway."

He saw me. How did he know where I was? He does know me better than I do. He has to teach me those skills he has.

"Yes, I think it was," Alberta sighed. "I better get started on those rosters. I'll see you at the novice meeting Belikov." She started walking away in the other direction.

I stayed hiding in the garden hoping Dimitri wouldn't come over and embarrass me.

I felt an arm grab me and pull me out of the bush.

"Rose, don't start," he ordered.

"Why didn't you tell me? I had a right to know," I yelled.

"It was an order from the Queen herself to not let any students know."

"I have every right to be there Dimitri," I spat. "Especially Lissa."

He pulled me around to the corner he and Alberta had been talking at. "I know, but there is nothing I can do."

"Yes, there is. You can tell them that we can testify."

"I have tried Rose, but it is settled."

I was too fumed to hear anything else he had to say, so I walked off. I got half way down the hallway when he was pulling me back.

"Don't walk away from me," he frowned.

"Don't keep secrets from me. You knew this all along. I can't believe you."

"Roza. Please."

I looked at him and stopped talking.

"I tried to get you there ok, but they would not have it."

"Why?" I took a deep breath and then it came to me. "They think we would talk, don't they?"

He just looked at me and nodded.

"Fantastic," I snorted.

He grabbed my hand and said, "He will be put away Rose."

"What? He isn't even in jail yet?" I couldn't believe it.

"No. That's not how it works. The queen is quite certain he will be put away for life after the trail."

I just stood there, staring in disbelief.

Dimitri looked around us to see if there was anyone in sight.

"You should head off and grab something to eat before the meeting starts." I was about to protest but he stopped me with a kiss. "You don't want to be hungry. Trust me."

"I don't know if I have an appetite anymore," I screwed up my face.

He chuckled and said, "You will need it for this afternoon."

"I guess I better," I sighed. "Do I get a good-luck kiss?" I pouted.

He poked my nose and said, "You don't need good-luck, I know you'll ace it." He always had good faith in me. I couldn't help but to smile up to him.

I pushed my bottom lip out further and whispered, "Dimitri."

He quickly looked around and pecked me on the lips. "I'll see you later, Roza." He winked at me and started walking towards the administration block.

I walked to the cafeteria, and for once the school gossip wasn't about me; it was about the attack. Everyone was still tense and worried that it would happen again. I noticed a few extra guardians around, they must have been the new ones that got transferred for protection.

Lissa was sitting at the table when I came to sit beside her.

"How are you feeling?" I knew the answer, but it's always nice to ask.

"I'm ok. I'll be better if we knew what happened to the victims' bodies."

"I know Lissa." I smiled and changed the subject. "I have a meeting about the first novice test after we finish lunch."

"You'll do great Rose." She smiled. I could feel her optimism with the bond.

Christian came over and kissed Lissa's cheek before sitting down across from us.

"Isn't this a great atmosphere," Christian scowled.

"It's top notch. If only it was like this every day," I matched his sarcasm.

Lissa gave us a don't-start-now look and said, "Rose was just telling me about her first novice test coming up today."

"No need to be worried, Rose. You know you'll kiss butt." Christian laughed, "Pun was intended."

I gave him a kick in the leg and he whined. He was funny but still no making fun of me.

The conversation I overheard Dimitri talking to Alberta about popped into my head. I sighed and looked down at the table.

"What's the matter Rose?" Lissa asked concerned.

"Yeah, it's not like you to feel guilty for hurting me," Christian snickered.

"There is something I have been meaning to tell you. Well, since I just heard it this morning."

"What is it Rose? You can tell us," Lissa urged on.

I had the sudden urge to stand up and run out of the cafeteria, so I wouldn't have to see the look on Lissa face when I told her the news. However deep down inside I knew I wouldn't be able to run, because I can be placed inside Lissa body and I would able to feel her emotions and that would be just as bad.

"Rose?" Lissa said again.

I looked up at Christian. He was staring at me to continue. He seemed to had noticed the expression on my face because he said to Lissa, "I'm feeling a bit hungry Liss, how about we go to the feeders?"

I gave Christian a thank you nod. Lissa shook her head at Christian, "Not yet. Rose has something she wants to tell us."

Christian gave me an apologetic smile.

"It's okay Christian." I gave him a small smile and kept talking, "There is no easy way to say this. It turns out Victor Dashkov was never found guilty for the things he did to us. However, there will be an official trial at court in the next few days."

Lissa's reaction to the news didn't go so well. Her reaction was pretty close to how mine turned out. She was shocked by the news. She couldn't believe that he had gotten away with it for so long. It was immediately followed by fear. Flashes of images came across through the bond. The way Victor had treated Lissa. The way she had found Christian bloody after the attack by the hounds.

Lissa scrunched her hands together on the tables. Her knuckles started turning white. Christian obviously didn't sense the reaction the way I could, but he didn't need to. He could still tell that she was unconformable and placed his hands over hers.

"But... how could he not be in jail?" She took a deep breath trying to calm herself. "Everyone knows and saw what he did. To me... and to... us." She was finding it hard to stay calm. It was rare for Lissa to not be the calm responsible one. But this time she had a reason to act the way she was.

"Apparently it's the law." I leaned in closer to talk to them, without the other students hearing me. "They believe he has the right for a fighting chance."

Lissa looked very confused and lost. Then her eyes were wide and understanding came all over her face.

"Are you saying they might not find him... guilty?"

I couldn't say anything. She was as hurt as I was about this realisation. Apparently, I didn't have to answer her question because she read it all over my face.

Christian slammed back into his chair and yelled, "This is bullshit. How could he not be in jail for what he did?" He stood up, "This is crap."

"It's politics Christian," Lissa barely whispered.

"It's not fair that people with power don't have to play by the same rules." Christian was getting more furious by the minute and students were bringing to look.

"I don't understand. He nearly tried to kill you two!" Lissa cried. "He kidnapped me and tortured me! How can they question that?"

Lissa emotions were all over the place. I was feeling the way I did when I was speaking to Christian the other day in the cafeteria. Lissa was passing over the emotions. It was fear. Sorrow. Anger. Outrage. Confusion. Helplessness. I was starting to feel like I was falling into a dark hole, and the light that shone through was dimming. I didn't want Lissa to be going through those emotions.

"Christian," I said. "Please, sit down."

Christian glared at me and then looked at Lissa. He realized he wasn't helping the situation and sat down and took Lissa's hands into his.

"When do we leave?" Lissa asked.

"There's a problem there," I said bitterly. "We are not leaving. We are not allowed to go."

"What!" exclaimed Christian. "Then who is going?"

"The other guardians who were there at the time. We, apparently can't be trusted to keep quiet about the trial. The Queen has made her decision and she is standing by it."

"This is fucked up!" Christian stood up and clenched the back of his chair.

Lissa was very quiet when she asked, "If Victor was free... would he come after us?"

"He wouldn't have time to come near you Lissa," I said with full force.

"You watch what happens with Rose and me onto him," Christian spat.

Lissa was trying to stay calm.

"It's okay, Liss. They have all the evidence there is to put him away." I patted her hand.

"I just wish we could go," she sighed.

I looked up at Christian, "I know."

I sat back while Lissa and Christian kept talking about Victor's trial. The black mood had seized over me again and listening to Lissa and Christian bicker, wasn't helping me relax. I wanted to weigh in with them, but letting out my bad mood on them, wasn't going to solve anything. My first duty was to protect Moroi and not give in to my own impulses.

I said my goodbyes to Lissa and Christian and headed over to the gymnasium where the novices would be given their first test to become a guardian.

I walked over to where Eddie was standing next to Meredith. I noticed all the guardians in the area and stopped when I noticed one in particular.

Janine Hathaway.

She was talking to Alberta beside the stage.

"Are you making a habit of coming in late, Rose?" Eddie laughed.

"You don't want to know what made me late this time," I said with all seriousness.

Eddie noticed my mood and let the teasing go.

Alberta walked onto the stage and held the microphone up to her mouth, ready to give us instructions. I looked around the room once more and noticed more guardians had joined the meeting. They were all lined up against the back wall. My mother was two bodies away from Dimitri.

"Good afternoon. As you all know, this afternoon will be one of the many test you will be required to attend and compete to contribute your overall graduation results." She looked toward Dean Barnes' direction. "Today, you will be tested with a listening test."

Dean let out a whine, and Alberta couldn't help but let a smile escape. It was then I noticed that she was looking forward to seeing Dean's reaction. She wasn't so bad after all, was she?

"You will all be taken into a room individually with a guardian. Your guardian will play different noises and voice statements through a tape player. Your job will be to identify the noise and what situation it may be placed in." She looked around the room while explaining the next few details. "I assume you will all take the test seriously. It will help determine who you will be guarding when you graduate. I will now pass you to Guardian Alto."

Stan walked up the stage and grabbed the microphone from Alberta and began his speech. "You will not all be going into each room one by one. There will be ten going in at a time but in different rooms. When the first ten are finished with their guardians, the next ten go in. Is that understood?" We nodded and Stan continued.

"The names I call out will be entering the rooms first. Shane Reyes you will be with Guardian Mark Stephan. Dean Barnes your guardian is Emil Bălan." Stan kept calling out the names to the first group and then started on the second group. "Edison Castile you will be with Guardian Alberta Petrov, Rosemarie Hathaway you will be with Guardian Dimitri Belikov."

My stomach twisted in knots. It must have been a coincidence I got Dimitri - it's not like he would have requested me. Would he?

"The first group may proceed to their guardian and they will show you to your room." He pointed to a group of guardians standing towards the doorway. "The others may have free time; however, if you are not back by the hour you will be given an F for this assignment." Stan left the room with Meredith and showed her to the room she would be taking the test in.

I decided it would be best if I went to my dorm, and tried to relax and not get fired up, like I did early today. As I was walking up the stairs towards my dorm, I felt someone come up behind me. Without taking the risk, I swung my elbow out and tried to hit them as hard as I could. Turning around and swinging a right hook, a hand caught my fist before it hit his face.

It was Dimitri. I didn't even smell his aftershave. _What was wrong with me?_ He arched his eyebrow up and gave me a mock look.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Anxious are we?" He smiled a crooked smile.

"Why don't we go up to my room?"

Dimitri led the way to my room and opened it with his set of keys. He sat on the chair while I went to the bathroom. I came back with a wet face because I decided to put some cold water on it, trying to calm myself down.

"You're dripping," he chuckled.

"Excuse me?"

He chuckled and said, "You're face is still wet."

I hunched over and walked back into the bathroom and dried my face.

"You don't need to worry," he said.

"Did you ask to be with me?"

"When?" A smile was on his lips.

"For the test. Did you ask for me?" I walked over and stood in front of him.

"Why would you think that?" He pulled me on top of him and kissed the side of my jaw.

"You're going to be harder on me," I pouted.

He started to kiss down my neck. "It will make you a better guardian."

I moaned when he reached a sensitive spot on my neck. I could feel his smile on my skin. I turned to look at him and we locked eyes. He held up his hand and gently touched my cheekbone with the tip of a finger. His warm fingers curled around the side of my face, so gently I knew he was curbing his desire.

The feeling was wondrous. I pressed myself against him. I brushed my fingers through his hair and he covered my neck with warm kisses. I could feel my skin's red imprint where his lips had touched. I moaned and tossed my head. I let my hands fall down and touched his thighs. Gently, I drew circles over his legs and very slowly, moved them up. My hands moved under his shirt and pulled it off to his naked muscles. I slid my hands very slowly up his eight-pack, feeling his smooth marble chest.

Suddenly I gasped. He was biting me relatively hard on the side of my neck. His tongue was moving around in circles and he began sucking very hard. I gave a moan and pushed my hands up slowly to his pecks. Was this what it was like to touch a god? I couldn't breathe.

Dimitri's hands found my thighs, and he rubbed them firmly up and down. Slowly, he got to my hips, moving his hands back some more. His fingers tightened considerably around my buttocks. It was hard enough for me, wanting so much just to...jump him. But for him! I imagined the self-control he needed for this. For so long, I thought maybe he didn't want me.

His mouth came down on mine and his fingers reached up to my stomach. I was wearing a t-shirt and no doubt the tips of my breasts were so hard he could feel them on him. I moved my chest up to reach his. From his throat came a gurgling sound, and his eyes flickered. He moaned again and began exploring me some more. He put his hands under my top and gently slithered them across my midriff. I crammed my mouth against the base of his neck, and breathed in the scent of him. I plastered hot salty kisses on his neck and cheeks, before starting on his chest. Dimitri moaned and I began to kiss further down his chest.

Dimitri tensed and I froze on the spot. I couldn't look up at him. I was afraid he would walk away from me again because I wasn't worth it.

"Rose..."

I didn't look up at him but answered, "Yeah..."

"I have got to go." His voice was hard and solid.

I removed myself off him and walked over towards my bed. He didn't look at me and stared straight ahead.

"Did I do something wrong?" I croaked out.

He didn't answer but stood up and walked toward the door.

"Dimitri," I cried.

His hand was on the door handle but he turned his body to look at me. His face was like a mask. I was unable to read him and I was scared he was walking away from me... for good.

"Don't be late for the test." There was no emotion in his voice.

I couldn't let him walk away from me, so I grabbed his arm with all my force and pulled him around.

"You can't leave you like this," I cried. "You owe me an explanation at least."

He turned his face away and looked at the back wall.

"Look at me," I said. "Look at me, Dimitri." There was no kindness in my voice.

He turned his head and looked down at me.

"Why do you keep walking away from me?"

He didn't answer the question; however he did keep looking at me.

"Answer me, damn it." I shoved him backwards from his chest.

It was that moment; he looked down and noticed he didn't put his shirt back on. I stalked my way over to my bed where I threw his shirt.

"Take your fucking shirt and don't fucking come near me," I yelled and threw the shirt at his face.

He caught the shirt in his hands. His body was shaking and he was staring at me with furious eyes.

"Go! Get out now!" I yelled and shoved him once more.

Dimitri put on his shirt and left my dorm.

I walked over to my bed and started crying.

I started to feel like I was held prisoner in a black hole, and I couldn't escape. I was so furious and angry. I wanted to punch someone's head in.

I felt useless and unwanted. I didn't understand why Dimitri would push and pull me away, but I had had enough, and I wasn't going to be humiliated in front of him again.


	10. Torn in Two

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
****Isabella Rain; you are the most super, duper best Beta!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I would like to say a special thanks to all my constant reviewers! You know who you are. :)  
Also a thank-you to the new comers as well. I'm glad you enjoy my story.  
This chapter has a segment with Christian and Rose, which I enjoyed writing. I hope you like this side of Christian.  
Also get ready for some Rose attitude!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN**

_Torn in Two_

Walking into the gymnasium wasn't a nice cup of tea. All I kept thinking about was Dimitri and the way he acted towards me. I didn't want to see him. He made me feel cheap, but at the same time I knew it wasn't in Dimitri to be acting the way he was. Which meant I had to figure out what was making him act this way and figure it out fast.

I wasn't too late entering the gym, which for once I was happy about. I couldn't see Dimitri, and I was starting to wonder if he had spoken to another guardian about taking over his spot. I wouldn't blame him if he did, it would be very uncomfortable for us both. It would only cause more problems than necessary and right now, we had enough problems going for us.

Eddie gave me a nod from where he was standing in his line. He was all eager to get it all over and done with, and personally so was I. I was ready to go out and discover the world. I have learned all I can here at the Academy; I can learn more outside the gates. I know that for a fact and so does Eddie, that's why he is more willing than anyone else here to take the next level.

I started walking over to my line, when I heard an all too familiar voice call, "Little, Dhampir."

"Adrian? Are you even allowed in here?" I asked confused.

"Whether I'm allowed here or not doesn't matter." He said giving me his famous smirk.

"You won't be seeing anything interesting today," I added trying to look sad.

He placed his hand on my shoulder, "Why is that Rose?" He acted along with me.

"See those little rooms over there?" I pointed in the direction of the rooms, on the other side of the gym. "Individually we go in there and get tested." I shook my head and added, "Which means no body action today."

He laughed and said, "Can't you give me a personal preview?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Adrian. Haven't you learnt by now?" I couldn't help laughing at his sad expression.

"Have you – made up a – just forget it," Adrian stuttered.

"It's not like you to stumble on words. Is this Adrian I'm talking to?" I asked, putting on a shocked expression.

"I like you Rose."

"I know Adrian. I think everyone is the entire world knows by now," I said sarcastically.

"Have you... ah..." He shuffled on his feet.

I knew what he was getting at, and honestly I didn't think about his offer to give him a chance. All I wanted at the time was Dimitri. I mean, Adrian was not likely able to take Dimitri's place, but I had never given him time. But there could be time for him now...

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Uh... Rose... Yes to what? You have thought about it or..."

I let out a little giggle and said, "Yes. I have thought about it, and yes, I'll give it a go."

He had a big smile spread across his face, and he bent down to hold my hand, and placed a kiss on top of my hand.

"Thank you," he said.

"There's no need to treat me like a princess. I'm not royal and I never will be." He nodded and I continued, "But I'm not jumping into a relationship either. I know you Adrian, but you said so yourself, there is much more I need to know about you. As there is more you need to know about me."

He was studying me very closely. My guess was he was reading my aura and couldn't work it out. I always had something new for him to discover.

"You look different," he commented.

"Good or bad different? If you say good there will be something good in it for you." I tried really hard to flirt in the mood I was in.

"A bad way."

"Thanks Adrian. Way to impress me on the first day I give you a chance."

He gave me a shrug with an apologetic smile, and it looked really cute on him. I couldn't help but laugh.

I stopped laughing immediately once I saw Dimitri walk through the door; he was looking straight in my direction. I let out a sigh, and slouched down on the gymnasium stairs.

"Why so glum?" He said, sitting down beside me.

"I don't think I'm going to do so well in my test today," I admitted.

"Rose... are you serious? You are one of the best Novices around. And when do you get worried over a test?"

I looked up to find Dimitri marking off the other Novice's names on the list. Adrian followed my gaze.

"Is he your partner?" he asked with no emotion.

"Yep." I said, popping the 'P' at the end.

"His good looks going to get the best of you?" He pulled me up out of my seat. "I thought you two had this sorted. Go show him what you have got."

"Rosemarie Hathaway," Dimitri was calling my name.

I looked up in his direction and turned back to Adrian.

"Adrian."

"Yeah?" He looked up with wide eyes.

"I needed that." I walked over and gave him a hug.

"Rosemarie Hathaway!" Dimitri called louder.

Adrian gave Dimitri a smart-ass smirk and said loud and clear so Dimitri could hear, "He really is impatient isn't he? Do you think it's because I got something he can't have?"

Just as I nodded and turned around, Adrian slapped my ass and said, "Go get 'em Tiger."

"ROSEMARIE HATHAWAY!" Dimitri roared and gave Adrian the most dangerous look I have even seen him give.

I walked towards the other nine students with blood rushing towards my face, making me blush. I couldn't believe Adrian did that in front of an audience, and even in front of Dimitri. No, scratch that. He would do it in front of Dimitri to piss him off, and he did do a good job of that, but in the long run, I was the one who had to deal with him for the next hour.

I stood beside Eddie and he gave me a sympathetic smile. I looked up to see Dimitri staring at me. "Is there a problem Guardian Belikov?" I hissed.

Dimitri didn't answer and turned back to where Alberta was walking out of her little room.

Eddie leaned over and whispered, "What's going on there?" He lifted his eyebrows.

"He was giving me words of encouragement," I blushed.

"By hitting you on the ass? I'll do that any day if that's all it takes," he joked.

I knew he wasn't serious. Eddie wasn't that type of person. I nudged him and said, "Is that all it takes to get Carly?"

He blushed and looked towards Alberta, who was walking to our group.

"Once the students have left the room, you may find your guardian and get started. Must I remind you, this is a very important part of your overall score." She nodded her head to agree with herself and walked over to the water cooler.

Students were exiting the rooms and walking out of the gymnasium. The guardians were standing in front of us now while Stan said, "You may head off."

I dreaded those last four words. I was so nervous about being alone with Dimitri. On any other circumstances I would have loved the idea, but now I was scared to even look at him.

The others had already started to walk off by the time I finally got the courage to walk up to Dimitri. He didn't acknowledge me at all. I was starting to wonder why he didn't swap students, but then it came to me that he might have tried, and the other guardians didn't want to put up with me.

The room was small and only contained: a table, two chairs, a marking pad, and a tape player. I sat down while Dimitri sat across from me.

"You will be given two minutes on each sound or noise to come up with a conclusion. It is very generous, because in the real world you don't get any time to rethink your course of action," He explained.

I couldn't help but bite. I was still pissed off and upset. I had to let it out and who better than the person who made me feel that way.

"I know what it's like in the real world. I was there remember... without you," I spat with venom.

He ignored me and kept explaining the procedures. "If I believe you have come up with a satisfying conclusion, you will pass; if it's unsatisfying then you fail that question."

"And what is satisfying to you, Dimitri?" I cocked my head and gave my best yeah-right look.

He looked at his marking pad and said, "Do you understand? Are there any questions you would like to ask?"

I smiled and said, "There are plenty, where do I start? I have been waiting for this moment."

He took a deep breath and announced, "Any questions related to your work today?"

"Depends on what you call work," I hissed. "Am I just work for you? Someone you can get rid of at the end of the year."

Dimitri stood and I could see his temper breaking free. "Would you like to fail the test, because the way you are going I am going to give you a F."

It was then I realised I had done enough messing around for now. I didn't want to fail my test. "Let's do it," I said looking up at him.

He sat back down and pressed play on the tape recorder. I heard the sound of trees rustling and a baby crying. Dimitri pressed stop and I didn't waste time of thinking about my conclusion.

"You're time is up," Dimitri stated. "What's your final answer?"

"I heard the noise of trees rustling and a baby crying. So I came to the conclusion the attacker is outside in a very windy environment and a baby is in the middle of the assassination. If I was in the area, I would have a good idea where the most trees would be to make such a noise, however if I was back at a located destination, I would look up the weather radar and take my lead that way."

Dimitri nodded his head in confirmation, "What about the baby?"

"The attacker has either taken the baby to lure the other victim out, or the baby is the only survivor left at the time. When I make the location, my first reaction would to be distract, the Strigoi from the baby and get their attention on me at all times. I should be constantly defending the baby from any attacks, until I see an easy opening to stake the Strigoi. If it was another situation where the victim was able to run, I would tell them to flee. However, because it's a baby I am not allowed to go in full attack mode.

"Why are you not allowed?" he asked.

"Because I should have my full concentration on the Strigoi, and not the surroundings of the baby.

He looked at me and said, "Very good," and wrote on his pad.

The session continued in the same patterns for nine more situations before I was able to leave. Not once did Dimitri tell me I said anything wrong. So I was positive I passed my first test.

I was walking to the door when I heard, "I'm sorry."

I stood there frozen at the door, unable to move.

"You did very well today, Rose." His voice sounded proud.

I love it when he gives me a compliment. It was very rare but when he did, it was the best feeling in the world.

I turned around and said, "I know."

"Despite what you believe Rose, I do care about you."

_How dare he say that!_ He didn't show it earlier this morning. I gave him an appalled look and turned around for the door.

Two hands were placed on each of my shoulders, "Please, listen to me."

I swung around so fast, flinging his hands off me. "You want me to listen?" I hissed. "I gave you the morning for me to listen, and do you want to know what I heard? I heard nothing!" I pushed him back with two hands like I had earlier. "You want to know why? Because I wanted you to explain to me what was going on, but you being the coward you are, didn't answer me and walked out on me! And that wasn't the first time this week, must I add. So you listen to me. I've had enough. You have proven to me I mean nothing to you, and it's ok, because I don't want any more to do with you!"

It was silent while I took a deep breath and ran things through my mind. He didn't take the opportunity to say anything.

"You can take Tasha's offer. I know that's what you want to do. You should have told me. She is beautiful... you said so yourself. She will help you move on and forget me. Don't worry about me. I have my friends to help me through it. It's something you should have done a long time ago and saved me some hurt."

Dimitri stared at the ground while I spoke to him. He didn't even look up when I closed the door behind me.

I walked to my dormitory and cried myself to sleep.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

I woke up feeling like crap. My nose was blocked from the crying and I had to breathe through my mouth.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Go away," I yelled and threw the pillow over my head.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

I got up to go open the door.

"This better be important because if it isn't I am going to -"

"Going to what?" Christian smirked.

I groaned and turned around to walk back to bed.

"Wow. Someone is cheery this afternoon."

"Why aren't you with Lissa?" I mumbled under the blanket.

He leaned on the wall across from me. "She is with Adrian," He said sourly.

"Ah." Was all I felt like saying.

"Rose..."

"Yes Christian... that is my name."

He didn't reply right away, which led me to think he was deciding what to say, or more precisely how to say something.

"Why have you been crying?" His voice was so soft.

"Why would you say that?

I felt the bed move under me and Christian moved my leg so he could sit on the bed better.

"You're face is red and swollen. Unless there is another reason?"

I pulled the blanket down off my face and looked at Christian. He actually looked sincere and worried.

"Just having a shit day," I tried to smile.

"Adrian didn't say or hurt -" He started to say before I cut him off.

"It had nothing to do with Adrian," I squeaked.

I felt the tears build up in my eyes and I wasn't fast enough to wipe them away, before they escaped and fell down my cheeks.

"Rose, what's wrong? Please tell me," Christian said concerned.

Once Christian said those words, it made more tears escape my eyes.

Christian moved up the bed and grabbed one of my hands.

"You can tell me."

"No I can't. I can't tell anyone." I pushed his hand off. "I want to be alone."

He didn't back down though, I could see it is his eyes that he was staying.

"Well I'm not leaving."

"Then have fun because I'm not telling you anything." With that said, I pulled the covers back up and slowly fell back asleep.

I woke up with a growling stomach. It reminded me that I skipped dinner most likely. I sat up and stretched realising Christian was still in the room and on the floor.

"Christian..." I whispered. He didn't nudge. He had fallen asleep on the floor. Great. I was a bitch to him when he was feeling low himself, and made him sleep on the floor. Also Lissa might be worried and wondering where he is.

"Christian..." I slightly nudged him, this time and he rolled over and opened his eyes.

"Did I sleep through the night?" He asked still half asleep.

I laughed, "No silly. But it is past dinner time."

He sat up and grunted. "My back hurts like a bitch."

"Sorry. But you are the one who stayed," I punched his arm.

"Yeah, I know." He smiled. "Better?"

"Nope, but I had good company."

He chuckled and said, "Sleeping company." His eyes widened, "That came out wrong."

I laughed again. Christian was making me laugh and not meaning too. That was strange.

"Look. I know you and I have our difference, but I'd like to think..." He trailed off.

"We are. Well, I think of you as my friend. I can't speak for you."

Christian looked me in the eyes and said, "You can tell me anything, Rose. Even if it's something you don't want anyone else to know, but need to let it out. I'm here." He shook his head, "I know what it is like to bottle things up and it's not good for you."

I placed my hand over my heart and said, "And god bless I don't turn out like you."

Christian rolled his eyes but smiled, "I'm serious."

"Thank you."

"I know I'm not Lissa and you would tell her before me, but sometimes you don't want to tell someone you're close to."

I moved across the bed and pulled him up.

"This would be better than the floor," I mocked.

"Much better. Don't get the wrong idea though. Someone as hot as me can make you think the unthinkable," He smiled his lop sided grin.

I slapped his arm and said, "I'm glad you reminded me, all this time we have been together it was taken a toll on me.

We both laughed and laid on my bed, talking about random crap.

"Hey, Christian."

"Hey Rose," He mocked me.

I can't believe I was going to ask this or even talk about her but I had too.

"Have you heard from your – auntie lately?" I tried to sound detached.

"I heard from her recently, yeah." He turned to look at me. "How come?"

"Just wondering what she has been up to?" I hope he didn't notice the strain in my voice.

"She didn't go back home after she left," he said worried.

_She didn't go back home? Oh my god._ Does that mean that's what Lissa and Christian were talking about the other day? _That means she must be close... waiting for Dimitri._

"Where is she... where did she go?" I asked trying to sounds interestingly curious.

He seemed to be deep in thought before he spoke. "She is going around the state doing some business." He seemed to not want to go into detail, so I left it. I pretty much got my answers anyway.

My tummy growled again and Christian sat up. "How about we go get something to eat?"

I nodded and looked in the mirror.

"You look fine now, Rose," he smiled.

I smiled and said, "How about we go to the feeders first?"

We were walking back from the feeders when we ran into Lissa.

"There you guys are. Where have you been?" She looked between Christian and I. "Rose, I thought you have a tough time at your test, so I left you alone in your room, but Christian where were you?"

Christian and I glanced at each other. We knew what we wanted to say.

Christian kissed her on the lips and said, "I went to my dorm. I thought I should leave you and Adrian alone to practice, and then I fell asleep. Hope I didn't worry you too much."

So we might have made a little white lie, but it wasn't a big lie. Christian did leave Adrian and Lissa alone and he did fall asleep. He just left out the part where he fell asleep in my room. We knew Lissa would think nothing of it, because she knows there's nothing romantic about Christian and I at all, but we didn't want to worry her anyway.

"I was hoping to run into you both before curfew, so it's all good," she smiled up at him. Through the bond I could feel her extremely excited, but I had no idea why.

My tummy did a repeat performance of the growling. "I'm hungry, so I'm going to head to the cafeteria. You want to come?"

"Yep. Because there is something I want to tell you and Christian," she bounced up and down.

"Oh, do tell," I smiled.

"We can go," she squealed.

"Go where?" Christian asked confused.

I stood there staring at her like I was a complete idiot. Did she just say we could go? Was this the only piece of good news I had for the day? I couldn't believe it.


	11. Breaking Through

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M_.  
****The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there are sexual references and sexual scenes.  
****This chapter doesn't go into too much information about sex, but I'm being cautious.**

_**For the fans who don't want to read Rated M details, I suggest you stop reading when Dimitri says, "Someone is impatience" and continue reading when Rose says "Before what?"**_

**Beta:  
****Twilighternproud; your my angel on my shoulder.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I got a fair few reviews mentioning how much they like the way the story is going.  
I am so happy you enjoy the story!  
For all the fans who want to know what is happening with Dimitri, well you might like this chapter.  
It doesn't tell you what his problem or issue is, but you do see him give hints.  
****Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

_Breaking Through_

It was only three days ago, that Lissa told me we were going to Victor Dashkov's Trial. It was the same day I told Dimitri to stay away from me, and take up Tasha's offer. Also the same day Christian and I bonded.

When I asked Lissa what she had done to get permission to Victor's trial, she said she went to speak to head mistress Kirova and didn't even need to beg.

Lissa and I were so excited by the news, that we dragged Christian along with us to tell Eddie. Christian really had no control over the matter, not when there were two hypos, excited, teenage girls, laughing and dragging him along. It was hard to convince Albert to bring Eddie along since he didn't run into Victor, but finally she gave up and said he could come.

The plane ride so far hasn't been so bad. I have a seat to myself, because Lissa is sitting with Christian and I didn't want to disturb them. Whereas that gave Adrian free excess to speak to me, whenever he wished. Which he did. He leaned over the seat in front of me, talking about what there was at the Royal Court. I didn't mind it, and I wasn't in the mood to argue, so I said 'oh, ah, I see and awesome' to keep him satisfied.

It had also been three days since I'd seen Dimitri, after my hearing test. Call me names for stating the obvious, but I knew he was avoiding running into me, but I didn't know the reason behind it. So I had a fair idea. It was either; because he was hurting too, or because he took my advice and starting leaving me alone before he leaves to go with Tasha.

I don't know when that would be – when he leaves, because he is up at the front of the plane. I guess he still has a duty to for fill, before he leaves.

I'm starting to regret what I said to him. I knew what I said was harsh, but at the time, that's how he made me feel, and I had to let it out. Not talking or seeing him for three days did take its toll. I wanted to see him so I would feel happy and peaceful, but at the same time I wanted to punch and hurt him just as bad.

"... yeah do you think?"

I looked up at Adrian. My bad – I completely shut him out of my mind this time. His gorgeous green eyes looking at me with a strong intensity. It wasn't hard to fall for Adrian's charm and usually I would shrug it off, but since I haven't been with Dimitri, Adrian has been my main comfort for the last two days. He hasn't been pushing to far at all. He just tries to make me laugh and keep my mind from wondering away.

Of course Adrian knew something was going on between me and Dimitri. He could read my aura – our aura, and noticed that I hadn't been speaking to him. Bless Adrian for seeing everything between Dimitri and me. It wouldn't be easy on him. Though I'm sure he cherishes the time he has with me.

"Rose. Are you okay?" Adrian asked again sounding a little worried.

I smiled up at him. He has been my saver these last couple of days. He deserves to be treated better.

"Yeah. I was just thinking. A little tired, you know?"

He seemed to be looking at me very hard, and caused frowning lines to appear of his forehead.

"Not sleeping well? Maybe you could catch up on sleep at the court?"

"And miss looking around the place? No. This will probably be the only time I get to come here. I don't want to miss anything. Beside you made it all sounds amazing."

Adrian gulped down some vodka and added, "there is no point in lying to me Rose. You're aura can tell me a lot of things."

I gave him a reassuring smile, "I'll rest when I get back to the academy. I think it might be the knowledge of facing someone who kidnapped my best friend, and trying to kill her boyfriend. It's not something that happens every day."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop it." He stood up and popped out his chest.

I snickered, "you would have saved us all with your alcoholic breath."

Adrian chuckled, but didn't say any more; instead he looked around stopping at the front of the plane. He seemed to be looking at Dimitri. Probably trying to work out his aura as well. I'll have to admit, having that type of ability would be pretty handy.

Wait. Go back to what you were thinking about before Rose. Oh that's it, how did Lissa get Headmistress to give in so easily.

I tapped Adrian on the shoulder and he turned around with a smirk.

"Don't get all joyous." I laughed. "Do you know what changed for us, to be able to come to the Royal Court?"

He gave me a cheeky look and said, "maybe or maybe not."

I rolled my eyes and snickered. All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my head. I grabbed my hands and placed them on forehead. It felt as if a strong force was pressed up in my head, and trying to find its way out. I winced in pain, and placed my head against the cold window. I didn't even have time to notice Adrian move to the empty seat beside me.

Adrian grabbed my hand and asked, "Rose sweetheart, please tell me what's wrong?"

"I have a bad headache. It just came all of a sudden. Can you -" I couldn't finish the sentence before I let out a small scream. My vision was getting blurry, and I saw shadows all around the place.

"Rose. What is happening? Adrian, what is going on?" Alberta came over concerned.

"She was talking like normal, and then she lapsed into pain holding her head. She said something about having a bad headache." He lent forward and lowered his voice, "between you and me, her aura isn't right either."

Alberta asked the hostess if she could grab me some water and headache pills. I took the pills and laid my head back again the window. The window was cold and was cooling my body down. Lissa came to sit beside me and frowned. She was feeling really concerned about me.

"May I?" She asked and placed her hand on my forehead. I knew what she wanted to try. She wanted to heal me. Lissa stopped and looked at me shocked. "Any different?"

I rubbed her arm and said, "I'm sorry Lissa, I still have a headache. I'll be alright though, I just need to rest."

"Let me try again," she smiled and placed her hand to my forehead once more.

She tried again and I felt myself feeling quite sick. I groaned and placed my head back on the plane window. Lissa eyes widen and she felt incapable.

"Lissa it's ok, really. Maybe it's because you have been using your power to much lately. Maybe you just need to rest, just like what I need.

She wasn't going to give up, but thought about what I said. Finally she nodded and walked back over to Christian, who was still looking at me concerned. I gave him a small smile and shut my eyes.

I woke up to a soft arm tugging my shirt. I turned my head and saw Eddie with a smile on his face.

"Wipe that smile off your face," I teased.

He laughed and said, "The plane is just about to land Rose. I wanted to wake you up so you don't miss the sight."

My head shot up and I half yelled, "What sight?" I only just woke up... give me some credit. I barely remembered why I was on a plane.

"The Royal Court." Eddie pointed out my window. "It's a beautiful sight. Check out those guarding towers." I could hear real enthusiasm in his voice. I was glad we were able to bring Eddie along; it wouldn't have been the same without him.

Everyone was looking out their windows and pointing to different buildings in the estate. The Court did look fantastic. Anyone who was able to live here seemed to have a pretty nice lifestyle.

We were able to exit the plane and grab our luggage, before heading into the reception building. Alberta gave us a speech, about showing our best behaviour and to take the opportunity to look around and see how things are ran, without making a nuisance of ourselves. She said to make sure to get rest tonight, because tomorrow would be the trial and it might take all day if necessary.

Alberta spoke to the receptionist while Stan handed us our room keys. He walked over to Christian and gave him the keys. "Ozera you will be sharing with Castile in room 546." He pulled the keys away from Christian's hand before giving them back to him. It wasn't a funny joke, but Stan seemed to think so.

He walked over to Lissa and gave her a small smile, "Princess Dragomir your room is 541." He looked up to a smiling Adrian and said, "you know where you are staying. I suggest you notify the Queen of your presence." Adrian nodded and walked through a set of doors. "Hathaway." I looked up and smiled. "Here is you key. Your room is number 601."

I gave him a mean look, "Why is my room so far away from the others?"

"Because Hathaway, these were the only rooms available." He turned away, but I wasn't finished.

"Well than I'll just share with Lissa. There shouldn't be any problem."

He turned around and stepped in my bubble. "That is not permitted. You are to do as you're told, if you do not like the arrangements, then we won't have any trouble flying you back to the academy."

Stan knew that he had won because I didn't reply. I knew I would be sent back to the academy; even the Queen would have no worries with me away from Lissa.

Stan added, "Is that what you want?"

I was going to say my answer when Dimitri interrupted. "I believe Rose understands the rules Alto." His voice had a dark tone. He was probably still reeling.

Stan stared at Dimitri and Dimitri did not back down. I didn't want him to come in to rescue me, I could do it myself, but I was glad Stan had someone else on his mind at the moment. Alberta didn't notice the tension, because she was still in a deep conversation with the receptionist. Lissa gave me a worried looked, and I pulled her to walk over to Christian and Eddie.

"That's some tense shit." Christian glared in Dimitri and Stan direction.

"I know. I can't believe my room is so far away." I scowled.

"I'm pretty sure we can still hang out it each other's rooms." Lissa stated. "Adrian told me on the plane that the court does not have the same rules as the Academy. Here you get treated as Adults no matter what age, so we have no curfew."

"What's going on with Belikov, Rose?" Eddie asked quietly.

I froze as Eddie said his name. I managed to stumble, "nothing is wrong with him."

"I'm not saying he is a social butterfly every day, but he usually isn't as badass as he is these last few days," Eddie shrugged and shifted on his feet.

"Dimitri is always badass." I mumbled. So Dimitri and I weren't on speaking terms or even good terms, but I wasn't going to down grade him. He was still my badass, well until he... leaves.

The conversation was shut down; when Alberta embraced us with her presence again, and said it was time for us to go to our rooms. I said goodbye to the gang and took one of the eight elevators.

The court was well looked after. It had an ancient feel to the outside, because the buildings were so old, but inside it was modern, and looked spectacular. The court had all the stores you could need and a beautiful maze at the back of the buildings.

The residential area was built up in all different density. There were: small cottages with lovely gardens, houses with pools and a motel for all the visitors and guest. The motel was huge. It had just over 1000 rooms and I was staying on the 15th level.

The elevators stopped on level 8, and the doors opened to a guy I did not want to be in a confined area with. Dimitri looked at me and turned around to walk to another elevator.

"Dimitri." I stumbled. "Please don't feel like you have to take another elevator. This one can take us both."

He stopped but didn't turn around to speak, "It's no trouble." He started to walk away.

"Dimitri." I yelled. "Please, its fine."

He turned around and entered the elevator. He pushed the button for level 20.

"Wow. You're going to get a great view." I was surprised Dimitri was able to get a room at that high of a level.

Dimitri just nodded and looked to the ground. I took his response as he hasn't forgotten about our situation. I know I didn't either, but it wasn't like we were able to come to the Royal Court every day. So I wanted to remember this time being happy not sulking over a relationship. Well if you called Dimitri and I having a relationship.

The elevator came to a stop on my floor. Before I exited I said, "well here's my stop." Yep, I know... its lame. But you can understand how difficult this moment was for me. "I'll see you around." He nodded once more and I stepped out of the elevator. Before the doors could close, I put my hand through to stop them.

Dimitri looked at me with confusion. I stepped back into the elevator and said, "I can't do this. I just can't keep pretending you're not here, because you are. I can't keep staying mad at you, because the more I do, it hurts." I can't believe I just blurted out my heart.

"You don't deserve me Rose." He whispered and there he goes again blocking me out. I knew something was going on with him, but I thought he trusted me to tell me.

"I do deserve you, Dimitri." I grabbed his hand. "I trust you so much. Don't you trust me?" My voice was shaking from the rejection I was sure to receive.

He looked at me for what seemed like forever when he finally said, "I do trust you, but you shouldn't trust me." He pulled his hand away, and looked up at the number of level we were on.

The number flicked from level 17 to 18. Not long before Dimitri had the chance to walk away from me... again.

"Why?" I shrieked. "Just tell me why." I begged.

Dimitri shook his head and whispered, "I can't."

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath and blew it out. "I don't – I don't want you to walk away from me. Not again. I just -"

"I don't mean to walk away and hurt you Roza. It's not something I have control over." The elevator stopped and Dimitri walked out.

"Dimitri." I cried.

He turned around with watery eyes. The first time in so long, I saw a healthy emotion came from him. Why did I feel this affected him as much as it affected me? He looked at me frozen in the corner of the elevator, and held out a hand. I grabbed it and he pulled me closer to him, smelling my hair and sighing.

I moved my hands around his back and pulled him closer; he murmured my Russian name, "Roza." He moved his arms from around me and placed his hand on the small of my back and led me to his room.

He opened the door and led me in. His view from the window was amazing. I felt his hand intertwine with mine and I turned around with a smile on my face.

"Would you like anything?" He asked.

I shook my head and rested my head on his chest. "You didn't have to bring me up to your room."

He stroked my hair and said, "We else could we be alone together." My heart sunk. Dimitri knew how to rip and heal my heart.

"My room." I teased.

He pulled away and I groaned. "Come back."

He chuckled and pulled off his shoes. "Someone is impatience."

I nodded and he leaned down for me to kiss his delectable lips. When I pulled back his eyes were sparkling, but I don't know if it was lust or anger. I wrapped my arms around his neck and got on my tip toes, crushing my lips to his. My eyes widened in momentary shock, because he was in it as much as I was. Before I closed my eyes, I deepened the kiss. Dimitri moaned in my mouth, sending a jolt of desire throughout my body. He moved and pushed me against the wall, covering my body with his entirely.

I moaned as he lifted me up. We broke our kiss, gasping for air, gazing in each other's eyes. Words weren't needed, we knew what we both wanted and he moved his lips to my neck. I couldn't help but gasped as he gently nibbled the curve of my jaw, pushing his hips against my pelvis.

"Roza…" he breathed, sending a shiver down my spine, and making me push my body on his harder. My hands went to the hem of his shirt, and moved it up. He had to set me on my feet to be able to pull it over his head.

My lips found his bare chest, kissing a path down and adding tongue.

"Roza..." He breathed again and he pulled my face up to his. "Maybe that's enough."

I pouted and traced his chest. "I thought you wanted this."

He kissed my lips and said, "I do want this but -"

"Now isn't the time." I interrupted. I was getting sick of hearing that.

So I unbuttoned his pants and pulled the zipper down and I felt my underwear get wet. His hands smacked against the wall as I struggled to maintain upright.

"Every time we get close..." I kissed his neck, "you stop us going further..." I trailed the wet kisses down his chest. "or you freeze and storm off." I looked him in the eyes and gave him a passionate kiss. I felt his shiver under me and I hoped I was doing everything right. It's not like I was gotten this far before, and I didn't want to embarrass myself, however he didn't seem to be pulling away by my touch.

"I know. That's why we should stop now before -"

My hands were shaking yet determined, as I pulled his pants down, leaving him completely exposed in his boxers.

"Before what?" I purred beside his ear.

He was shaking and didn't respond verbally. However he did respond physically, and kissed me deep and hard. He pulled away and sat on the bed. I froze against the wall, looking at him.

"Before I have to stop again." He finished. He looked up at me with an upset body language. "I promise it's nothing you did wrong Roza."

"Why do you stop?" I asked shaken.

He pulled me towards him and pushed me to lie down on the bed. He kissed my forehead before speaking.

"I want to go further with you, but I – I can't." He looked ashamed.

I cupped his face and made him look me in the eyes before I spoke, "will you explain it to me."

He sighed and said, "In due time."

Well that was something, but I didn't want in due time I wanted it now. But for him to want to stop every time we got closer, and taken all our clothes off, meant it must be serious.

"Listen Dimitri about the other day -"

He placed a finger on my lips, "Don't worry about it. I deserved it all."

"No. No you didn't. I was angry and hurt and it all just fell out of my mouth."

"Even though we say things when we are angry that we don't truly mean, there is always some truth behind it." He said, while caressing my arm.

I bit my lip and said, "well all the mean stuff was a lie. I just wanted to hurt you, because you really hurt me, but... the stuff about Tasha was sort of the truth." I looked around because I didn't want to see his expression.

"I understand." I could hear he was angry.

"I know I'm the one that always go on about sorting thing out, but I want to have a good time hear at the court, if I can."

He smiled up at me and said, "I agree. But how did you get your way into them bringing you here?"

I frowned and whispered, "Adrian." It was all I had to say for Dimitri to understand and get irritated.

I pulled him down for a kiss, "You don't need to worry. I haven't even let Adrian near my body." and I winked at him.

He growled and sucked my neck. My eyes rolled back in my head, as he softly stroked my thighs upwards, until he grasped the top of my jeans. I groaned, when he swirled his tongue around me just above my breasts where my shirt ended. He pulled me up and crashed me into the wall. I moaned once more, and his fist pounded the wall as his other hand slid to the back of my head, treading his fingers in my soft hair.

I kissed his chest and he moaned against my neck. I pulled him tighter towards me and he moved away. I knew then that he had as enough for now.

"I think you marked the wall." I giggled.

He looked behind me and before I knew it I was laying on the bed beside him. He kept kissing my lips, chin, neck and collarbone during our discussion about Victor's trial tomorrow. He was trying to reassure me that everything was going to be alright. He did end up convincing me, but most of the time his was kissing me; I was hoping I would be able to go all the way with him. He was making me feel horny.


	12. Shaken Up

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M_.  
****The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there are sexual references and sexual scenes.  
****This chapter doesn't go into too much information about sex, but I'm being cautious.**

_**For the fans who don't want to read Rated M details, I suggest you stop reading when Christian says,**_ **_"Well I'm here now," and continue reading when Christian says "Lissa."_**

**Beta:  
****Twilighternproud; you are no devil.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I'm very grateful with how well this story has taken off with my fans!****  
And I must tell you... you're not going to want to miss chapter thirteen!  
Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

_Shaken Up_

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

Please... please... go away. I need some beauty sleep, you may not think so but I do. The knocking did stop, but I saw a letter get slid under my door. Hmm, I wonder what that could be about.

I fell out of bed and grabbed the letter. It was in a gold envelope, address to me in Chancery writing. I stared at it for a while. Who would give me a letter and who knew I was here? Even more interesting, why was it in a fancy gold envelope. Maybe I should read it after Victor's trial today? No Rose, what if it's important now. But what if it's something I don't want to think about until later. Ugh.

My finger traced the outline of the envelope and tore it open.

_Rosemarie,_

_How nice of you to join me at my trial today. It brings warmth to my heart, to know you are thinking about me... and Vasilisa. _

_How is she by the way? Hope she is all well and showing everyone what a unique spirit user she could be. I'm sure one day she will rule. Rule the world is something we have all be waiting for. You may not think it now, Rosemarie... but you know as well as I do, that she has the power for people to listen and follow her. _

_Something I was trying to lead myself... but I was put here... in jail. She is doing no more and no less of what I was trying to lead. You will learn my dear child, in time you will see the world as I have learnt to see it. _

_Just remember the more Vasilisa uses her abilities and gain new ones, you will have the darkness follow you. There is no escaping what the future holds._

_Dimitri has turned you into a fine guardian, and I have no doubt in your abilities to do some real harm, when you are released into the real world. How are you and Dimitri? Are you able to admit your feelings for each other yet? Or have you realised that your school girl crush is getting a bit old, and he is ready to move on in his life._

_From what I have heard, you and he have had a rough couple of months. I'm sorry to hear about your dear friend. It was a tragic death. As for Dimitri, I heard he had a new woman in his life. Good for him. It's about time he moved on in his life and realised there is no future for you both together._

_I understand this must be hard on you, but you will realise outside the academy is a whole new world. One you will soon be able to see._

_I hope to be seeing you soon in the near future. As I am no more held prisoner in the royal court. You may go down to my cell and see for yourself... there will be something waiting for you._

_Regards_

_Prince Victor Dashkov_

_P.S._

_You will be meeting me again shortly. Until then, stay safe from the darkness... if you can!_

Was I dreaming? I just had a letter from Victor Dashkov, and he still had the nerve to use his royal title, even though it was striped from his name.

Victor Dashkov was free. He escaped the royal court and its guardians. How is that even possible? Oh god. What if he captured the others? What about Lissa?

I fell onto the bed and slipped into Lissa mind.

"Everything will be alright," Christian told her.

"I wish I didn't have to see him Christian," Lissa sniffed.

"I know sweetheart, but just think about the good outcome." I could see Christian was doing his very best to support Lissa throughout this tough time.

"What if... what if they don't find him guilty?" Lissa laid her head on Christian's chest, and slowly sobbed.

"Oh baby, they will find him guilty. We have all the evidence they need. He will be put away for good." Christian bent down to kiss me on the top of my head. I mean. On the top of Lissa head.

"Just seeing his face..."

"It will be a shock to start off with. None of us want to see that horrible man, but I know you, and you are strong. You will be able to look at him with pride, because you are doing something right and protecting yourself."

Lissa nodded and I felt anger, hate, nervous, regret and disgrace. She was looking up at Christian on her elbows, and kissed his chin. He smiled his heart warming smile, and pulled her further up to him, so she was eye to eye with him.

"I know you can do this. You're strong, independent, courageous and fulfilling. The more reason why I love you."

"I love you too Christian. This is the happiest I have been in such a long time. Without you and I don't know what I'll be doing."

Christian moved a strain of hair behind her ear. "You would be doing what you are doing now, just without me," he smirked. "Rose would have made sure about that."

"I'm not saying Rose doesn't make my life happy, because she does. She is my sister and my best friend, but there was also something else missing from my life and it was" Lissa poked his nose. "You."

"Well I'm here now." Christian said seductively.

My lips were on his lips and there was a fire lit in between. It was so hard not to think about it. His lips on mine felt so good, so warm and so right.

Christian's finger tips traced the bottom of my shirt, and then I felt him slowly slid them up to my breasts. Both of his hands were playing with one each, it felt like heaven. I moaned and pulled his shirt off. Man, he knew how to turn me on. I kissed all over his chest and he let out a moan.

The next thing I knew, he had pulled my shirt off as well, and grabbed my hips with his muscular hands. We were looking into to each others eyes when he moved down below me, and bit my nipple. He bit threw my lace blue bra but the sensation still felt amazing. I squirmed and he laughed and pulled my lips to his.

I pulled away saying, "do you think we will be together forever"

He looked at me intensely and kissed me once more. "Until death brings as apart, but even then we will be together where ever our souls go. Why do you have doubts?"

I shook my head and started undoing the buttons on his pants. "I just want to feel this forever and only with you."

"And how do you feel?" He asked while unclasping my bra.

"I feel high with ecstasy." He moved his mouth to my breast and started to suck. "I feel sexy and -" His hand playing with my other breast. "... and wanted." I groaned and pulled him away. I couldn't concentrate when he was making me moan with pleasure.

He smiled and said, "I feel the same babe." He trailed kisses from my neck all the way up to my mouth. His tongue licked my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth for him to enter. Our tongues lapping each other.

He pulled away and said, "now if you don't mind, make love to me before I go insane here."

"With pleasure."

I pulled his pants down and wet kissed his torso. He growled and pulled my pants straight off. I guess he wasn't in the mood to play around at all.

Christian was now only wearing boxers and me in my lace underwear. They matched my lace blue bra I had on, before he took it off.

I started to rub his growing erection and kissed his neck. He rolled me over and pulled off my underwear. He looked up at me asking for permission and I nodded. He was too impatient to wait for me to take his boxers off, so he went to take them off instead. I held his hands in place and wiggled underneath him. I knew it would drive him crazy, and I could feel his erection rubbing onto my core.

Christian groaned and whined, "Lissa."

I froze with my eyes wide and said, _"What did he call me?"_

Lissa laughed and pulled off his pants.

_Oh my god. I was Lissa. Oh my god. I was just about to have sex with Christian. Oh my god. I got felt up by Christian. _

_This isn't right. I need to get out of her mind. _

Christian kissed Lissa and then he entered her. She moaned and they starting to move up and down in synchronisation.

_Why does she keep bring into her mind when she is fucking off. This is disguising... it's like free porn. But no good porn, because it is my BEST FRIEND!_

I closed my eyes and reopened them. I gave a sigh of relief when I was staring at my bedroom wall.

Nearly having sex with Christian was something I did not want to experience. Lissa's emotions were becoming too powerful for me to relax. She pulls me in when it's not necessary, and if she knew I was spying on her...

Maybe that's what Victor meant in his letter. Lissa powers were taking over in me, and I wasn't able to keep it away.

I shivered, remembering that Victor was free and able to continue his evil ways. Going back to where my point was before, Lissa and Christian were safe. Now it's time to check up on Eddie and Adrian.

I went for a quick shower, and pull my hair up into a messy bun. Now, was not the time to look neat and professional, especially since Victor was gone? I wondered who else knew. I mean he can't of escaped without anyone knowing. That was impossible. Well someone escaping the prison sounded impossible, but I guess it is possible. Victor could not have escaped without guardians knowing. So that means he has people still working for him. Should I notify someone? But if I did they would want to know how I knew, and I don't want to go into details with anyone. Not when they would want to see the letter, and then it will have information about Dimitri and me.

I locked the door behind me and starting walking toward Eddie's room. I knew he would be by himself, because Christian was in Lissa room.

Walking towards the elevator on my floor, I pushed the button and the door opened straight away. Dimitri walked out and pulled me aside.

"There's something serious I need to talk to you about," he was in guardian mode.

"I know. I have something to tell you as well."

"Can we... talk somewhere private? Your room?"

I nodded and we walked back to my room. I didn't have time to take a breath, before he went into detail.

"I'm sorry Rose, but Victor Dashkov is missing. He escaped. We have everyone on it at this very moment." He looked so deadly it was quite scary.

"I know. He told me." Dimitri lifted his eyebrow. "Well not personally, but in a letter." I went over to my desk and handed him the letter. "It pretty much says it all."

He stared at me to read my expression, and opened the letter. His face stayed the same mostly throughout the letter, except for the times his face looked like hurt, then straight back to being angry.

He closed the letter and took a deep breath. He looked at me and said, "how do you feel?"

"I'm going through a lot of emotions at the moment. Don't ask. But Lissa and Christian are safe. I was just going to check on Eddie and Adrian, before I bumped into you." I bit my bottom lip.

"They are safe. Adrian is with our highness and Eddie is working with Alberta."

I nodded and sat down. I had a major information overload and started to feel sick.

Dimitri opened his mouth to say something then stopped. He looked around and said, "I was coming to check on you."

"I'm safe comrade. Just worried."

"I needed to see you Rose," he whispered.

I held out my hand and he took it in his.

"I'm here. What did you want to talk about?"

He shook his head and sat beside me.

"No Roza. I was so worried about you; I came straight here before checking on my Moroi, Lissa."

"Oh." I looked away. This was exactly what he didn't want to happen. I had a feeling we were going to talk about this later.

He pulled my face to his and kissed me. "I was scared Roza. For the first time in a long time, I was scared."

"I didn't want to scare you," I barely made audible.

He kissed me again, this time with more passion. I placed my arms around his back and pulled him closer, while his hands were in my hair. His tongue tracing my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth giving him access.

His lips were rough and slightly demanding against my own, which were equally as forceful, as my hands wound themselves to his messy pony tail and pulled his hair tie out, leaving his hair to fall down into place. I let out a moan, as his lips broke away and started trailing down to my neck and collarbone.

His lips swept back onto mine, as his hands travelled down my back to cup my ass. I tore myself away and pulled his head down further to me to brush his face with kisses.

"Roza," he murmured.

I knew it was getting too much for him and I reluctantly pulled away from his lips. Our foreheads were leaning against each other, with both of as panting.

"Let me guess. You have to go back down to the incident and help work out the breakout." I managed to speak without deep breathing.

He rubbed my cheek with his thumb pad and said, "we are going to work out the breakout."

I looked at him surprised, "I get to come?"

He chuckled and rubbed my leg. "Alberta said it would be good experience, if you and Eddie check out the area. Don't get too excited though. They won't let you get too involved; it's up to the investigators."

"Investigators? Not you?"

"Yes, they are picked to go around the world for situations like this. Lucky for us they were only four hours away, and came here straight away. We are quite lucky."

I frowned and shook my head. They were four hours away and I only just received the letter.

Dimitri pushed on my frown line, and hugged me tight to his chest. "It's said that he escaped about seven hours ago."

"But – I only just received my letter. That means someone here knows something."

"Or someone else gave it to them, to give to you, and they have no clue. This is Victor we are talking about Rose, he had planned it all."

I pulled away and said, "but Lissa and Christian don't know about it. Oh my god. What are we going to say to her?"

I started shaking and tears started to form in my eyes. Victor was loose and that meant he was able to control mine and my friends lives, and I had no control over it. Lissa was going to be hurt and stressed something I never should have to see.

Dimitri moved closer to me, he had his hand in my hair, and his lips were gently touching mine, "shh... it's alright Rose. We will sort it out. Alberta wants to keep it sealed away for now, until we know more to tell."

"What does the Queen want us to do?" I stuttered.

"She would prefer it be quiet at the moment, until we have enough correct theories and evidence to tell the Moroi and Dhampir world."

Tears were falling from my eyes, and Dimitri was wiping them away.

"Can we just stay here for a while?" I knew he would say no and stay in guardian mode, but he surprised me with his answer.

"As long as you need Roza. She isn't expecting us anytime soon," he whispered beside my ear.

"I want you." I said it plain and clear and I did want him. I've wanted him for so long.

"Roza..."

I managed to get a sentence out in between my sobs, "Please Dimitri. I need you so much."

Dimitri sighed and kissed me with full force.

After pulling away he said, "I can't. You must understand that."

"I can't understand because I don't know the reason. All I feel from you is one minute you want me, and the next you don't. You're hot and cold and I don't have a reason why."

"I want you Roza. I've always wanted you, but something's can't be force." He seemed angry with himself.

"It's because I'm not eighteen yet isn't it, because in a couple of days it's my birthday and -"

He kissed me and stopped me from talking. "No Rose, it isn't because of your age. I know the age difference and I know your maturity level. I'm past that. I've realised that you're one of the most important people in my life, and nothing should stop us being together."

"Then why can't we be together, Dimitri. I just want this to all stop. I want to be with you!"

"I've told you. You have graduation, and I have got to sort out Lissa." He started rubbing the back of my hands.

"Why won't you let us get physical? Is it... me?"

"Oh god no Rose. Don't ever think that. It's something I haven't been able to deal with. It has got nothing to do with you. I promise my sweet, sweet beautiful girl." And with the last sentence he bent down and gave me a chaste kiss.

"You're sweet beautiful girl? Are you implying I'm your girl?" I asked seductively.

"I sure hope your mine. I don't want to share you with anyone else."

"So if I'm your girl then you must be my boy?"

He laughed and kissed me from my neck all the way up to my forehead, "Yes."

"My handsome badass boy." I moved my hand to cup his ass and he jolted. I bet he wasn't expecting that.

"Badass?" He asked amused.

"Uh huh."

"Rose, I don't know why you seem to think that I'm this perfect bad ass-" He seemed to be thinking. "- God. But I'm far from that. You'll see."

"You are, in my eyes." I winked and continued, "how did you know about god? Dimitri... did you hear me back in training?"

"I might have pretended I didn't hear it."

I gave him a punch on is arm and he pretended that it hurt.

I remembered the reason Dimitri came to see me and I said, "I guess we better head off."

"Are you sure? We can wait until you're ready." His tone was warning.

"I'll never be ready. But I'll be okay if I'm with you." He squeezed my hand and nodded his head once.

"I'm sorry."

I looked at him like I was a kinder garden student looking for an explanation. "It's hardly your fault Dimitri. It's not like you went down there and let him get loose."

"That's not what I'm sorry for."

I bit my bottom lip and waited for him to continue. Which he in end, nearly made my lips bleed because I was biting it so hard.

"I'm sorry about everything. Not talking to you. Secrets about Victor Dashkov. The way I have been acting towards you. Things between Tasha Oze-" Dimitri stopped when he saw my face light with anger after saying her name.

"Don't be sorry. It takes two to tango." I held up two fingers.

"It does take two to... tango." He laughed at my metaphor. "But you have been trying, and I have been backing away. I promise you once this is all over... I will explain."

"You will explain everything?" I tried to lift one of my eyebrows like him but didn't have any luck.

"Roza... that will take time. It's hardly a secret. It's just me, but I will talk to you about everything else."

He knew I was talking about sex, but talking to me about everything else seemed like a good way to start bonding with each other again.

"Sounds good to me, Comrade." I intertwined our fingers.

"Excellent, shall we make it a date?" He had one of his beautiful smirks playing on his lips.

"We shall," I sang and he twirled me around twice before holding me in his arms.

He kissed the top of my head and a moaned. "You're the best thing that has happened to me Roza."

"I would say the same to you, but you're the only best thing that has happened to me."

He opened his mouth in mocking shock and pulled me away to look at his face fully while he said, "even beating Lissa?"

"Lissa is my sister. She is my family. But she doesn't give me all of what I can hold on to, and you do. You're my other half. You understand me more then I understand myself."

"I know what you mean." He bent down and gave me a slow wonderful kiss.


	13. Traumatized

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.**

**Beta:  
****Twilighternproud; thank you, once again. You have done so much for me!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
Thank you for the reviews!  
So here is chapter thirteen I was talking so much about. I had a good time writing it, but it will leave some people shocked.  
You might think, 'Woah - why did she put that in here?' Well I'll tell you now. It's because it is essential to have it in the story, for it to work.  
I can't wait to here your reviews on this chapter.  
I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

_Traumatized_

Dimitri had walked me over to where Alberta and Eddie when examining the scene, at the entrance of the prison.

I looked up at Dimitri, at the same time he looked down. I could read in his eyes, that he was letting me know he was here for me.

"Glad you could join us Rose," Alberta acknowledged me.

"What would you like me to do?"

"Eddie is looking at the scene and coming to some conclusions, as to what might have happened." She pointed to Eddie kneeling by a step, looking closely at a strain. "You may go with him or stay here and listen to the information and come to your own conclusions."

I quickly piped up and said, "I'll go with Eddie."

Alberta let out a laugh. "I should have known you are a straight to work girl."

I gave a small nod to Alberta and a quick peek at Dimitri, before I went over towards Eddie.

"What you got there, Castile?" I knelt down beside him, and realised in was a spot of dried blood on the step that he was looking at.

"This blood – it's not too old." He seemed truly intrigued.

"It shouldn't be the crime wasn't even twenty-four hours ago."

"No, I mean it's still pretty fresh. Look." I could see what he meant. Some of the blood hadn't even set.

"We should tell Alberta. Wait!" I placed my hand on Eddies' shoulder to steady him and looked down the steps that lead to the reception of the prison. "There's more. Over there in the corner."

Eddie slightly put his little finger over the strain. "This one is recent as well. It has a bit more liquid then the one by the stairs. I suggest the body is being dragged along or wobbling."

"I agree. Come on, Eddie. Let's go show the experts." I held out my hand and pulled him up.

We waited for Dimitri and Alberta to stop talking and stood on the sideline. I guess my maturity was showing through. Back in the day I would have barged right in and said my piece. Whereas now I waited, Dimitri's influence was rubbing on me.

Alberta looked towards us and waited for our information.

Eddie showed her his finger and said, "there is a blood spot on the top stair and in the reception area towards the right corner going down. The blood is not fully set. It's recent."

"More recent than the escape." I interjected. "Which means if someone is injured, they can't be too far ahead of us."

Alberta nodded her head in approval and went to speak to the head coordinator.

"It's probably best to leave the scene and give your mind a break, Castile." Dimitri ordered.

"Yes sir. If you need me I'll be up in my room."

With Eddie gone, I went back to look at the blood stain on the step. I felt a hand slightly touch my back, which made me jump.

"Didn't mean to scare you," Dimitri said.

"Do you think we will catch him?" I said looking up from the blood stain.

"I know we will. He won't be able to hide for long."

I nodded and looked back at the scene, trying to piece it all together. Dimitri tugged at my shirt and said, "Let's get you out of here."

"I'm fine. Just trying to figure it out."

I looked up and I couldn't argue with the look he was giving me. I sighed and gave in, "Fine. What do you have in mind?"

"Follow me."

I followed Dimitri down the path, which leads to the end of the building at the estate. We got to the end of the path, which lead to a nice playing field and a beautiful maze.

Dimitri grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. It was a lovely walk. It felt like a walk you would have with your boyfriend in a normal relationship. And here we could hold hands, and kiss. No one would see us.

Dimitri broke the silence and said, "you said this morning you wanted to explore the Royal Court and enjoy the moment as it may be your last here. Well this is a very isolated area and it's pleasant. I wanted to share this moment with you."

"It's gorgeous. I couldn't have had anyone better to share it with."

We took a stroll through the maze in a comfortable silence. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. This was a moment I wanted to remember forever. I was in a beautiful garden, with a beautiful boyfriend. I would look from Dimitri to the garden and back to Dimitri again. I knew he could see me looking, but he just kept looking ahead at the view, the maze was giving us of the beautiful flowers. Everything about this moment was beautiful!

Every now and then, we would turn into a dead end and we would have to turn back around. But other than that Dimitri was guiding us though the maze quickly.

We reach another dead end and I could help but laugh. He face was hilarious, because he screwed up his face and added a pout.

He stopped us in our tracks and he said, "what's so funny, Missy?"

He tried speaking in an English accent and it only had me hunch down in more laughter, because it didn't come out well with his Russian accent taking over.

He gave me a big smile and his body pushed me up against the maze hedge. I stopped laughing because he looked at me with pure desire.

His lips were lightly touching mine and I shivered with pleasure as his lips tickled mine as he spoke. "Is there something funny about me, that tickles your fancy?"

My breathing picked up and I shook my head sideways.

"Because if there is, I think you should tell me." His hands slid under the back of my shirt and slowly trailed up my back.

I couldn't answer him verbally. His lips were tickling mine and I took control and took his lips in mine. Dimitri moaned and brought his hands back to my hips. I trailed my hands up his chest to rest around his neck.

The kiss picked up speed and we both moaned and our tongues duelled for dominance. My hands fisted onto his pony tail, pulling him closer to me. His hands went to my ass, stopping the fiction from the trees rubbing on my butt.

He pulled away and started suckling my neck, biting me with his perfect white teeth. "Damn you taste so good."

I giggled and said, "let me get a taste."

He groaned and moved away. "If you were to get a taste, then you wouldn't want to let go."

"That's the point Comrade." I kissed his jaw all the way up to his sexy lips and I sucked on his bottom lip.

He moaned and intertwined our fingers again. "When. You. Graduate."

I whined and said, "that's so far away though. Do you have to be so mean?" I stuck my bottom lip out.

"You are already too hard to resist. If I give in, I won't be able to stop." He kissed my forehead, nose and lips before he lead us through the maze towards to exit.

"I'll make you give in," I said as I pinched his ass with my free hand.

"Roza..." He growled.

I giggled and blew him off in a hand motion.

We made it out of the maze and it stopped at a pond. The pond had a little stall to buy drinks and snacks with plenty of seats to sit around and watch the ducks, swans and turtles.

Dimitri brought us a chocolate milkshake and pink fairy-floss to share. We found a perfect seat by the pond under a shady tree. No other people were around at the moment, because of the escape. Even the stall we brought the food from, closed up the doors and windows to stay hidden and safe.

Dimitri and I probably looked like a pair of idiots out and about, but it was common sense that Victor wouldn't be at the court. He would have left a long time ago and not stayed around to get court. As for his helpers, I wasn't sure, but I wasn't going to act abnormal because of it.

Dimitri let me drink the last bit of the milkshake and he started laughing, probably at my improper manner.

I looked up at him with an innocent face. He moved forward and licked my nose.

"You had some froth on your nose, Roza."

I blushed and he took my breath away once more with his soft, tender lips on mine.

We walked towards the ducks and threw them some bread the lady at the store offer to us for free. The turtles popped out of the water and swam around.

"If you were to ask me Comrade, I would say this is a date."

"And what would make you think that?"

"The beautiful walk, the food and milkshake, the pond and ducks - not to forget the flirting."

He snickered and said, "we are always flirting."

I bit my lip and used my seductive tones, "not as much as we had today."

"Hmm." He placed a finger on his chin and pretended to think. "How did you work it out?"

I laughed and pulled him down to kiss me deep. His tongue was fighting to beg me to open my mouth to let him in, but I denied him access. I wanted to play with him. Make him want me more. I knew he would lose his self control soon.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"What was what about?" I asked acting like I had no clue what he was talking about.

He growled and pushed me towards the woods near the boundary edge of the wards.

"Someone has mood issues lately," I teased.

"Maybe because someone pushes my buttons and thinks I can stay in control."

"But, that's where you are wrong, Mr Belikov. I don't want you to be in control, I want the fire that burns in your eyes."

Dimitri pushed me up against and tree and kissed me lavishly. Being pushed up on a tree is a major turn on, even more so when the man you loved was kissing you like there was no tomorrow. Dimitri moved away from my lips to let me breathe, but his lips never left my skin. They trailed from my lips, up to my ear, down my cheek to my chin and trailed all the way down my neck. I moaned and arched my body up to rub against his. His hands grabbed my hips and pushed me up the tree to wrap my legs around his waist. He crushed his lips onto mine again and moaned with pleasure, which sent a chill down my spine.

We broke away, leaving each other out of breath, with only our noses touching. I felt loved and safe, knowing I could share so much with the man I loved, who was right in front of me. He seemed at home with me today, no pulling away and no arguing. I was still on a mission to find out why Dimitri acted the way he did, but as he said, in due time he will tell me. I honestly believe that if I was with Dimitri, everything would be alright and nothing could take us down. He made all my fears and insecurities fade away. I couldn't see my life without him, and I'm glad I didn't push him too far away with my mood swings. I guess that makes as even with our attitudes. I would even consider giving up being Lissa's guardian to live happily with him. I'm sure she would have her disagrees with the idea but I know she would understand in time. However Dimitri seems to think, he will be the one to transfer, so hopefully we will be able to make it work, and I wouldn't have to leave my charge.

Dimitri was looking at me with curiosity all over his handsome face. His thumb pads caressing my face, while his other hand was holding us up against the tree.

"Where did your mind take you away to, love?"

"Mm. You."

He pecked my lips.

"Are you uncomfortable against this tree?" He had a smile playing on his lips.

"It's just right." I wiggled my hips and I felt his hard on. His eyes widen and shuffled a little on his feet. "Kiss me," I whispered.

"Let's go some -"

"Shut up and kiss me." He applied, but took it very slowly.

I could feel the heat slowly burn inside me and I just wanted to have him right here, right now. I moved my hands away from his back and found the top of his pants. He sucked on my bottom lip and moaned against the sensation of my fingers tips slightly touching his skin. I unbuckled the belt that held up his pants and his hands moved under my shirt to traced patterns on my skin.

I wanted this moment to move faster, so I grabbed hold of his pants and began to unzip the zipper. Dimitri's left hand went to mine and stopped me from going any further. He took a deep breath and let out a loud sigh. He moved away from me, pulled up his pants and punched a tree beside me while he let out a loud yell. He punched it three more times before using both fisted to attack the tree.

I stood at the tree we had been making out on and watched him take all his frustration out. I didn't have to ask what it was about, I had a good idea. And mentioning it, while he obviously wasn't in the best mood, wasn't the way to go, if I didn't want a black eye. Not that Dimitri would ever hit me or hit a girl, because he wouldn't. That's not the type of person Dimitri was. Dimitri wasn't a violent person. As a matter of fact, he was the one to teach me to learn self control, of cause not when training. In training Dimitri was a god, hard to beat and knew my every move.

This was the moment I knew the secret Dimitri was hiding away was eating him up from the inside out. It was something powerful and something he had no control over. Something that had to do with him not being able to be intimate. An issue or problem he had to deal with himself first, before I had the privilege of the knowledge.

I hated seeing Dimitri this way, but I'm sure he didn't want me to see him at his weakest either. All the control he must have had to not speak back at me when I was insulting him for leaving me all those times, when he was hurting himself. He used his control to stay quiet and walk away, without insulting me back or showing his temper on breaking something in my presence. He was looking out for me, protecting me, in the only way possible he thought he could, and with that I pushed things... I'm sure I had made the condition worse.

I looked over at his clenched up fists, and noticed them bleeding from his knuckles down. I slowly walked over, trying not to startle him and positioned my hand on his lower arm. Making sure he understood the comfort of my touch. His eyes were closed, his breathing was deep and rapid and his body was hunched as he had given up.

I softly picked up his hand with mine and looked closely at his wounds. From what it looked like, he had a couple of broken knuckles, and bruises to his right hand. I held up his other hand which looked a lot worse with the blood, but I could see no sign of any broken bones. He was just going to have a very swollen left hand and a few stitches.

Still holding his left hand, I brought it up to my mouth, turned it over and softly kissed his palm. He opened his eyes, look at his palm where I had kissed him and slowly brought his eyes up to mine. He looked pained, embarrassed, and tired. I moved my other hand up to his face and gently rubbed his cheek with my thumb to help calm him down. He closed his eyes and pushed his head further in my hand.

"Dimitri," I whispered, hoping speaking lower would make the situation less tense.

He opened his eyes and started to shake his head back and forth, with his shaking body.

"Hey, shh, shh. We need – we need to get your hands looked at."

He backed away and murmured, "I can't-." He was still stumbling back and crashed into a tree on his back. "I can't go there."

"Okay. We won't go there. I promise. But we do need to do something about your hands, they will get infected." He looked so troubled. I wanted to hug him like there was no tomorrow and kiss him to let him know that everything will be ok. But small steps seemed to be not pushing him away, so I'll lay off the contact.

"I'll be – I'm a Dhampir..." He whispered the ending, "I can't get sick."

I slowly took a few small steps closer to him and said, "but you can get a serious infection with your broken bones and cuts, that can make you sick."

He looked down at his hands and I made that my queue to go to him and show him I care.

"I don't want you to get sick. I want to help you. Here." I started to lift my shirt off to tie around his broken bones when I felt a hand pulled me shirt back down. "I need to put on pressure."

He tried to pull off his shirt, but didn't have much luck. So I helped him take it off and tied it around his right hand. "Please, just stay with me," he begged.

I nodded my head and sat against the back of the tree. Dimitri sat beside me with his hand lying on top of mine. He let me grab his left hand and it rested in my hands as tight as I could without hurting him.

I had no idea about what to do in this situation, but at least I was able to get through to him enough to make sure he was alright. I knew this would take a strain on our relationship, but I also hope it will bring us closer.

I looked at Dimitri and gave him a peck on the cheek before closing my eyes. I didn't know how long we would be sitting here in the woods for, but I was willing to take as long as needed for Dimitri.

The sun was bringing to rise and it left a beautiful pattern in the sky. In any other circumstances, sitting in the woods watching the sunrise would have been a perfect ending to a date.

Dimitri's shaking body began to slow down and his breathing was quiet and at an easy pace. I didn't want to push him to breaking point so I let him set the pace. I dazed in and out at the day progressed and took sneak peeks at Dimitri, to make sure he was doing okay. He seemed to have been in the same positions for hours it seemed, just looking out at the woods, in the distance, not paying attention to reality. He never once let go of my hands embrace, even when our hands began to sweat from the hot friction we created. The cool air was beginning to set in, and I started to feel Goosebumps rise on my skin.

I called Dimitri's name and slipped both hands to either side of his face to pull him to look at me. He snapped back into reality and moved his left hand to touch mine on his face. He could hardly move his right hand, and I secretly hoping he was decide to go up to his room, so I could somehow help his wounds.

"You must be thirty or hungry," I pleaded.

He shook his head and I saw a single tear fall from his eye dripping down the side of his nose. I wiped the tear away with a kiss and involuntarily shivered with the cool air. Dimitri squirmed out of his duster that left his chest bare because his shirt was around his hand.

"I can't take it from you, Dimitri. You will get just as cold. You need it more than me."

"You're too fragile," he whispered ever so soft. "You should go back to the motel, get warm and have something to eat."

"Dimitri, I'm not going without you," I said as I moved hair away from his eyes and tried to tuck it behind his ears.

"You can't stay here. They'll think something might have happened."

"Then we will go together, when you are ready. I am not leaving you here and that in final," I tried to make my voice ruling without making it to harsh on him.

He nodded and I gestured for him to lie down on my lap. I draped the duster over us and played with Dimitri's hair.

"I'm worried about you," I said plain and clear.

"You don't need to worry about me. You don't deserve someone like me," his tone was harsh.

"Of course I do. You are the one thing that means everything to me. If you hurt, I hurt. If you cry, I cry. If you're angry, I get angry. When you're happy, I'm happy. You're my everything," my eyes were filling with water and the tears began to fall down my face. A tear dropped just below his jaw line and he looked up at me.

"Don't cry, love. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I need you to be safe. I need you to at least rest in your room, if you are not going to go to a doctor. I need to know; I have done the right thing and looked after you." More tears leaked from my eyes and Dimitri started tearing up himself. I was not use to seeing this side of him, but I wouldn't mind seeing the sensitive side of him again.

Dimitri sat up and struggled to stand up without using his hands, however he did make it up to stand.

"What are you doing? I asked shocked.

He put on his guardian masked face and said, "we are going back to the motel."

I looked at him for a couple of seconds shocked by his change of choice, and nodded my head while I stood up.

"Let me help you," I offered.

"I can walk Rose," he snapped. "It's just my hands which are sore."

We walked through the woods on the way back to the motel and I saw the clearing up ahead. Dimitri stopped in his tracks.

"It'll be alright, Dimitri. No one will notice a thing," I tried to urge him on.

"I have a shirt around my hand. It's not noticeable at all," his frustration was showing.

"We will make it quick. Sneak through the lobby; go on an elevator and to your room. Its night hours, most of everyone would be tucked away in their rooms."

He didn't argue with the idea and we made it to the entry on the lobby. I walked in first to check that the area was clear and gave Dimitri a signal to walk in.

We stopped at Dimitri's door and he cursed. Not in English, in Russian.

"I'll get the keys, calm down." My hand reached into his pocket and I felt him flinch. I took no offence to it and opened the door for us to enter.

I went to his kitchen; filled up a glass of water and grabbed some pills for him to take for the pain. I heard growls and grunts coming from his bedroom, on my walk to him. He was trying to take off his duster and pull the sheets back off the bed, so he could lie down. He managed to do so, and was lying in bed when I passed him the water.

"It isn't strong enough to deal with the bone breakages, but it will help with you feeling nauseated from the swelling and infection."

He nodded and let his head fall back on the pillow.

"Is there anything else I can get you?"

"You have done enough, Rose." He replied.

I walked to the other side of his king size bed and sat down. He was trying to act brave and push me out but I wasn't going to let him.

"How are we going to fix your hand?" I said out loud but mostly to myself.

"I don't know."

"I've got an idea. Please, just hear me out before you cut me off."

He didn't say anything or nod; he just looked at me to continue. I didn't want him to be mad or upset at me, and I certainly didn't want him to feel like he was useless. I couldn't even look at him when I spoke about the suggestion; I just looked at my hands the whole time.

"I know a way we could get your hands fixed, but it does mean someone will have to find out." Dimitri took in a deep breath but let me continue. "I could tell Lissa, that we were training and she just needed to heal you because we didn't want to worry anyone. And trust me, she wouldn't mind, she loves the ability to heal. If I tell her to keep it kept quiet, than she will."

Dimitri interjected me, "Rose, I don't want Lissa -"

"Hush! I said let me finish." I shot him a warning glare and his lips pressed into a thin line. "I can't and I won't let you stay like this." I gestured to his hands. "Lissa is our only option, since you don't want anyone to find out. It just looks like you're going to have to take the option."

I stood up, walked around the bed and pulled the blankets over Dimitri. I kissed him on the forehead and said, "you may talk now."

He didn't let a second pass by without speaking, "I don't want Lissa involved in all this. I don't want anyone to know. I didn't want you to see this - to see me like this."

"Well this is just bad luck, because I did see you like that and I do see you like this and you are getting healed. There is no way around it. We leave for the Academy tomorrow and you will have to use your hands one day."

He let out a sigh and turned on his side, so his back was to me. I sighed myself and walked back to the kitchen. I made a ham, lettuce, tomato and cheese sandwich with a hot cup of hot chocolate. He would be hungry and thirsty, even if he didn't want to admit it to me. He might not want me around this very moment, but in the long run, I'm sure he would forgive me and get over it.

I placed his food and drink on is bed side table and closed his curtains, while I switched his touch lamp on dime.

"I made you a sandwich and a hot chocolate. If you need anything else, don't be afraid to ask."

I headed out of the room and Dimitri called me back in.

"Thank you," he said.

I sat beside him and kissed his cheek. "I'm going to talk to Lissa, and make a very convincing lie. She should be coming here later tonight."

"You're a terrible liar Rose," he chuckled. Ah, it was so nice to hear him cracked a laugh.

"That's not true. I've told some good lies in my time." I crossed my arms across my chest. "Besides, if you don't want anyone to fine out, you have got to have some faith in me."

He tried to smile to his bad mood. I take it he couldn't move his hands because they were to sore and he wasn't ready to be touched on the lips. I rubbed his cheek with the back on my finger and kissed his forehead.

"I'll come check on you in the morning," he nodded.

There was one thing I wanted to ask Dimitri, but I didn't know how to ask and I knew it would embarrass him deeply. It might even make him snap with me again, but it was worth bringing up.

I bit my lip and murmured, "Um... About – going to the toilet – do you -"

As I knew he looked away and blushed.

"It's okay. I know you would have to go. I just want to make sure-"

"I'll be fine," he looked at me in my eyes and I took that as my cue to leave.

I walked to the door and turned around again, "Dimitri..."

He looked at me and my heart fell. I wish I could stay with him, but it wouldn't make him feel comfortable.

"I love you," I whispered.

Dimitri looked up at the roof and came back to look at me.

"I love you too, Roza."


	14. Information Overload

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; you are outstanding. **

**Authors Notes:  
I have received so many reviews from you fans, saying how much you loved the last chapter!  
I'm so happy you loved it, as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
I also got over 900 hits on the first day - totally amazing. :)  
There is a bit of: Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Adrian, Rose and Dimitri in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

_Information Overload_

After leaving Dimitri, I went to find Lissa. I checked where she was through the bond, and she was by herself in her room. She let me in with wide arms and gave me some chocolate brownies to munch on with a glass of milk.

"Lissa, I was hoping you would do me a favour," I looked at her with pleading eyes.

"What is it?" She asked surprised.

"Are you able to heal Dimitri's hands?"

She looked at me confused but answered, "Sure... what happened to his hands?"

This was the time I had to lie to Lissa. I didn't like the idea too much, but I couldn't break Dimitri's trust. I couldn't tell her about Victor's escape either, and this made my whole life a major lie. I wondered what Alberta told Christian and Lissa about not going to Victor's trial.

"You and Christian were busy and I wanted to let off steam, so I asked Dimitri if he minded training with me this afternoon. We went down the back area of the court and used wooden rods as weapons. He lost track of his concentration for a second and I got him real bad on his hands. I even broke a couple of bones."

She looked at me, shocked for a moment, and then said, "you were a bit harsh weren't you?"

"At the time it wasn't because that's how we train. I didn't realise I went so far." I took another bite of the chocolate brownie and said, "that's why I need you to heal him. If Alberta or Stan found out, I would be in a lot of trouble for hurting a guardian."

"I'll do it for you, Rose."

"Thank you, Lissa. I owe you one." I walked over and gave her a big hug.

Lissa headed over to Dimitri's room, while I went to look around the court. I stopped and looked inside the arcade. Christian and Eddie were racing each other in the V8 Supercar's motion stimulator. Christian was in the lead, while Eddie was 4th on the board. I sneaked up behind Christian and lowered my head so it was right beside his left ear.

"What are you doing Christian Ozera?" I yelled and he jumped in his seat.

Christian gave me a pissed off look while Eddie laughed, still concentrating on the game.

"Thanks a lot Rose! Now you screwed up my score!"

I laughed in Christian's face, which only made him more mad. I stopped laughing when I felt my stomach feel like it was burning. I looked at my shirt and Christian's hand was millimetres away from my skin where flames rested in his hands. I gave him one of my penetrating looks and he smirked and raised his eyebrows.

"It was a joke, fire-boy. If you come close to setting me on fire again, I will be obliged to break your hands."

"You wouldn't be able to get close enough. I would burn you alive before you had a chance to touch me."

"Right. You think you're faster than me." I snickered. "You have got to be joking."

Christian stood up and came close to my face, "You want to try me Rose?"

"Give it your -"

"Guys, guys, guys." Eddie stood in the middle and looked between the both of us. "Christian it was just a game and Rose don't sneak up on him again."

Christian and I spoke to Eddie at the same time. "It was a game I was winning," Christian whined while I said, "it's not my fault he's a jumpy hoot."

Eddie laughed at the childish replies and motioned us over to the pool table.

"How come Lissa didn't come down with you?" Christian asked.

"Oh, she is doing me a favour." I placed the white ball on the pool table. Christian gave me a questioning look but I ignored it and continued to play the game.

Eddie was a team and Christian and I were another team. Eddie was flogging us in the score and the great sports person I am, was openly blaming Christian for all his bad moves. I love challenges and I certainly do not appreciate losing with embarrassment.

"What the hell Christian! That was the lamest shot in the history of lame shots" I scowled.

"I'd like to see you do better, psychopath wanna be."

"Oh no, you didn't." What a lame come back Rose.

Christian and I kept bickering but stopped instantly when we heard Eddie cheer. Eddie had sunken the black ball and one the game. So much for putting up a fight.

"Damn." Christian said, frustrated.

"And the famous, most talented Eddie Castile wins again," Eddie teased.

Walking over to an empty table Christian asked, "hey, do you know why Victor's trial was cancelled today?"

Eddie and I quickly glanced at each other and looked back towards Christian. Guilt was written all over Eddies' face, it was surprising that Christian didn't notice it. Eddie was not one to keep secrets, but he knew this was what he was meant to do and he kept quiet throughout Christian and I's conversation.

I put on my confused face and said, "I was thinking the same thing."

"I haven't heard when the trial will be on next, but I'm assuming it's tomorrow. I mean, why wouldn't it be? Having it cancelled today was strange as well."

"Yeah, it is."

"Lissa and I were both shocked when we found out, but we assumed it would be ok, since we are at the royal court. As a matter of fact, we weren't even aloud to go look around the court. Told us to hand out in the motel. How strange is that?"

Christian looked up at me, waiting for me to respond.

"I know. That's definatly strange." I tried to sound convincing.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked.

"What? I was agreeing with you. I thought you would be happy about that for once."

"You would normally put up a fight."

"Thanks Christian," I muttered.

I looked up and Christian was still looking at me strangely. I guess I wasn't very convincing after all, but he didn't follow up his argument.

"I'm going to head up to my room. If you see Lissa before me, can you tell her I want to see her." I nodded and he said, "thanks."

"I might head off too, "Eddie announced.

"You are all leaving me. Do I smell?" I said while sniffing my hair.

"No, not at all." He chuckled. "I'm tired from today. I think I'm just going to crash."

I hesitated for a moment then said, "Did you find out anymore information or clues?"

He shook his head. "Not as of yet. I'm pretty certain Alberta is going to announce the news tomorrow morning to the world."

I nodded and understood what Eddie was telling me. He was saying I should be there for Lissa when it is announced.

"Night Eddie. See you tomorrow."

I took the time alone to check in on Lissa and see how she was doing with Dimitri.

Lissa was sitting on a couch watching television. That was strange, why would she be doing that? Lissa heard a noise and turned off the television to look at Dimitri coming out of the room.

"How was the shower?" She asked.

"Comforting." Dimitri answered with a small smile. "You may leave now Princess. I am all well. There is no need for you to worry about me, when my job is to protect you."

Lissa smiled and said, "well you should have told Rose that before she dislocated your fingers."

Lissa attempt to brighten the mood with teasing failed when she saw Dimitri flinch. "I'm sorry. That was a bad joke."

"It's fine Princess."

"The secret is safe with me, Guardian Belikov."

Dimitri froze and and spoke with a rough hard voice. "What secret would that be, Princess?"

Lissa was shocked by the sudden change of heart and spoke softly. "The secret about how you took Rose out for training with a rod and she went overboard breaking protocol."

I could see Dimitri relax ever so slightly but the fire in his eyes were still there.

"Well I best be going now."

Lissa left the room and I came back to reality.

Walking past the 'Spicy 'n' Hot Bar' an all too familiar figure came into my sight.

"Little Dhampir, what brings you here?"

"I wasn't going to enter Adrian. I was just walking around looking at the royal court."

Adrian smiled and linked our arms together. "May I have the pleasure to show you around?"

"Of course. Is that bourbon you're drinking?"

He smirked at me and said, "Why yes it is. Want some?"

It's a very rare moment when you catch Adrian drinking anything other then vodka, and for some reason tonight was the night he was drinking Bourbon and it made me want some as well.

"Only a taste."

He gave me a deep throaty laugh before saying, "a taste will not give you anything. Here, take a couple of gulps."

I took three and my throat began to burn. I knew I wouldn't be drunk off it and my senses were still in tact. All I needed was to loosen up from the exhausting day.

Adrian was looking at me surprised. "Why the sudden turn?"

"It's a long story Adrian." He nodded and showed me around the court.

Adrian showed me the Queen's head quarters, the court room, the training room, lounges, library, multi-media rooms, the pool area, parks, tennis courts, beauty salons, hairdressers and the spirit building. Adrian was sweet, kind and funny throughout the whole trip. He didn't bring up Dimitri once and nothing about my aura which I was positive he could read. He seemed content with me giving him a chance to show how much he is good for me and how much he could make me happy.

Adrian could make me happy, I knew that. He did show me how much I mean to him and how caring and sensitive he could be. He did so, from us sitting by the pool for two hours and discussing everything we could think of (excluding Dimitri and Victor). I was glad I gave Adrian a chance because if I didn't, I wouldn't have found the sweet boy I found in him tonight.

"Lets' get you back to your room." He shrugged off his jacket and placed it around my shoulders.

"I enjoyed tonight, Adrian."

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it while saying, "I know you did."

"Oh!" I half screamed. "I can't believe I forgot to ask this question." I shook my head in disbelief.

We were nearly at the elevators when Adrian said, "shoot. You only have until your room though. No exceptions." He joked.

"Are you an only child?"

Adrian didn't answer straight away but seemed deep in thought, as if contemplating how to phrase his answer. His face was serious and I could see distance in his eyes.

"No, I am not."

I opened my mouth in shock. Yes, I knew I hadn't asked the question and he was thinking over his answer, but I still didn't consider that he might say no, he isn't an only child.

He noticed my lack of speech and continued, "I have a brother named Jason who is 3 years older and a little sister who is 8. Her name is Tessa."

"Um." What a major overload to my brain. Adrian has a brother and sister. How come I have never met them or heard anything about them.

"How about we continue this conversation another day? I can see it is a lot to take in."

"No." I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. "Please tell me more. I'll be alright."

"Well Jason has a diploma in business management and advertising, while living in Pennsylvania, New York. Whereas Tessa is in grade two, at Saint Mario in Nevada."

"Do you see them often?"

"No. Jason is engaged to a lady named Katie Nashwood. She owns her own beauty salon, and hopes to one day own several." He chuckled at the thought.

"I don't understand Adrian. Why don't you two stay in touch?"

He became serious again and took a deep breath. "Jason was meant to take over the family company, hence the university choice. However he was on a business trip when he met Katie and left to go live in New York to be with her."

I gave him another confused look. "and..."

"Katie is human."

I gasped and placed a hand over my mouth. It was very rare for a Royal Moroi to risk everything to be with a human.

"That was our reaction as well. Of course, it has been two years now and I have gotten over the shock. Jason seems to be happy and has everything on track and I applause that, however my father wasn't impressed. From my dad's point of view the eldest son, takes over the respectful company and keeps the reputation at bay. Whereas in this case, he was disrespectful from turning the company down, and inexcusable for running away to be with a human. To us – high society Moroi - running away to be with a human is lower than being with a Dhampir."

"Wow. That is a fair bit to take in."

He nodded. "Dad stopped giving Jason money and told him he can lose all contact from his family if he was to stay with that... well you get the point. Dad wanted to protect our reputation and family, and to him, that meant doing what he did to Jason. I contacted Jason after I got use to the concept, to let know that I still want to have him as my brother. He declined and begged that I stop ringing him, because he didn't want what happened to him to happen to me."

I walked over to Adrian and gave him a big hug. I whispered, "it must be hard."

"It was, but after a while you start to believe you don't have a brother and so does everyone else."

I sat across from Adrian but kept his hand in mine. "How did Katie take all the news? I mean she knows, right?"

"Jason told Katie everything, before he finished his business trip to come and talk to dad. He said at first, she thought he was joking around, but after showing her his fangs and wind movement she was convinced. Of course she didn't want to speak to him for days, but she got use to the fact and didn't want him to leave. She said she could accept us in her world and keep the secret if that was all she had to do, to keep her love with her. However to my father, that wasn't enough."

I nodded and hugged him again. He held me tight and kissed the top of my head. I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. He was sad, but his eyes were burning at the same time. I went in and pecked him on the lips. His eyes went wide and said, "thank you little Dhampir."

I knew Adrian wouldn't take it out of context. It was a sorry peck, nothing more. Adrian interrupted my thoughts...

"My sister is at school all the time, so I hardly see her."

"Adrian you don't have to say anymore."

"It's okay. It's nice to let it out." I nodded and he continued. "She barely remembers him at all. She hardly saw him when he was at university, then he ran away, so she thinks he died. She an amazing little girl though, she is smart and funny." He smiled to himself just thinking about her.

"Must bit a little Adrian, then."

He stood up, kissed my forehead and said, "thank you for listening Rose."

"It's no problem Adrian. It was my fault it got brought up in the first place."

"You asked a question and I replied. It was my choice. Plus, you told me some family secrets of yours." He winked.

"You can be an amazing person Adrian Ivashkov," he smiled his cocky smile. "When you are not being an insensitive jerk." I dragged out the word 'jerk'.

"Good night, little Dhampir."

"Good night Adrian."

I sat down on my bed, trying to process what Adrian told me. It was a huge load for him to carry for so long. I looked over at the time and thought the hallways would be rather empty at this time of night, so I took the chance to walk to Dimitri's room without being detected. I packed a bag full of clothes and other necessary things before heading over to his room.

I knocked twice before Dimitri opened the door. He didn't say anything and looked at me before looking at my backpack. He opened the door wider to let me through and stuck his head out to see if anyone was in sight.

As soon as he closed the door, I pounced on him to hug him tight to me. He surprisingly responded straight away and murmured to me in Russian. I'm not an expert of the Russian language, but I'm pretty certain he was saying nice things to me.

I reluctantly let go and pulled away to look at his face. "I missed you."

He let a little smile slip, and picked my bag off the floor. He walked away to his room without turning back, leaving me wide eyed and mouth hanging open after him.

I followed him to his room and he was sitting on the bed, waiting for me to approach. I stopped to stand in between his open legs and said, "what's going on?"

"Why don't you tell me?"

I looked around confused for a moment, then remembered I brought a backpack.

"I was thinking... maybe I could stay the night?" He raised an eyebrow and I spoke fast. "We wouldn't be doing anything we're not suppose to be doing. I just want to be -"

Dimitri cut me off with a kiss.

"With you," I quickly added. "But I don't mind if you add those in every so often."

He chuckled and pointed to a chest of draws. "The top three draws are free and there is space in the wardrobe."

I stood in the same position for a moment trying to figure out what just happened. Dimitri wasn't hostile and pretty much said I was sleeping over. I'm feeling excited like a little kid.

I nodded and he got up and said, "I'll be watching television, when you finish in here."

I put my clothes away and prepared to walk out to Dimitri, who was as he said, watching television.

"What you watching?" I said hurrying to his side.

"The news. Just... checking."

"Yeah, Eddie said the Queen and Alberta will be making a statement tomorrow."

We continued to watch the news, when I reached over to intertwine our fingers. Half way through, I paused and looked down, remembering what was wrong with them.

"It's alright Rose, Lissa healed them."

I continued to intertwine our fingers and it felt good to be his grip once more. The news finished and he switched off the television, to turn towards me.

"Rose, we need to talk."

"I know Dimitri, but I can't live through another 'we can't be together' speech, because if I hear it one more time... I'll die."

"Roza." He hugged me tight to his chest. "That's not what I was going to say. I can't live without you either; it's been proven to many times."

"Then, what is it?" I asked nervously.

"I want, no – I need to explain what happened today and the other days, when I'm not myself."

I quickly jumped back out of his arms and said, "Dimitri, you need time to think it through yourself. It's alright. I can wait," I tried to reassure him.

"No Rose, you have waited long enough. Please, I'm willing to talk to you. I don't think I can do this on my own anymore. Well unless you're uncertain you want to be with me?

"Oh god no. I want to be with you forever."

"Good, because we are going to have to get through it together and it's not going to be easy on you."

I put my left hand on his pony tail and pulled out the rubber band, leaving his hair to run free. My right hand was rubbing his face and his cheek, while my left hand was in his hair.

"I can do it. We can do it. We can do it together, I promise," I whispered.

He nodded and closed his eyes, his breath started to pick up and I recognised it immediately. I needed to calm him down. I bent in, with my lips rubbing against his.

"Dimitri, kiss me."

Our lips met in a slow movement and his shaking was slowing. The kiss picked up speed, but wasn't hungry like some of our kisses have been. It was blissful and sweet. His body was pushing me down further on the couch and my hands positioned around his neck. Dimitri's tongue was asking for entrance and I obliged with no hesitation.

Dimitri and I slowly pulled away from each other. He was relaxed once more and I couldn't help but smile to myself for being part of the reason.

He sat up and pulled me up into a hug. "Thank you my beautiful Roza."

I sat back up straight and held his hand, letting him know I was ready when he was.

Dimitri took a deep breath and said, "I have -"

I missed what Dimitri said he had by the sound of Dimitri's mobile ringing. He looked down at the number and pressed decline.

"I'm sorry, what do you have?"


	15. Trust and Soul

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; I can't thank you enough for becoming my Beta. **

**Authors Notes:  
I'm very thrilled at seeing how many reviews I got on the last chapter! It's fantastic.  
This chapter should answer some questions you have been asking about, and it is all about Dimitri and Rose.  
I expect to have every one of you review this chapter with your comments.  
I can't wait to read your reactions. :)  
**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

_Trust and Soul_

Dimitri didn't say anything for a long time. I felt dreadful for making him repeat himself. He breathed in and out, taking big deep breaths and trying to keep himself calm. I squeezed his hand in reassurance and caressed his face. No matter what Dimitri tells me he has, or the reason he has been acting distant, I will stick by him and help him through it. He is everything to me and I will never turn him down.

Dimitri opened his mouth to say something then quickly shut it. He reopened his mouth and quietly spoke.

"I have – I can't be in an intimate relationship."

I nodded my head and looked up to see him waiting for my reaction. The response I gave him was neutral. I didn't know how to take his quietness, especially since I didn't know the details that came with it. He kept looking at me waiting for me to say or do something, but all I did was wait for him to tell me more. He took the hint and continued.

"It's not that I can never be in a physical intimate relationship, because one day I should be able to. It's just my mind controls what happens in those situations, and until I overcome my problems..." He trailed off. "It's a mental illness called fear of intimacy; it's closely linked to fear of rejection." Dimitri could barely say the last sentence.

He started shaking and would not look me in the eyes. I needed him to talk to me, to explain more to me. I moved my hand to his chin and turned his face to look at me. I showed him that I wasn't startled and I wanted him to continue.

"This whole time, I have been pushing you to me, and pulling you away has nothing to do with you Rose. It was me." He gave a throaty chuckle that looked like he was upset with himself. "It sounds so cliché, but I'm the one was has an illness. I'm sorry I never told you or I didn't tell you earlier. It's so hard for me to talk about it now. You are the only one who knows and sometimes," he took a deep breath. "Sometimes I can't even accept it myself."

I was on the verge of crying. I hated seeing him eating himself up the way he did. As if I could hate him for having an illness. Of course, I was upset that he didn't tell me sooner, so I could help him overcome it, but I was so proud of him for even admitting his problem to me. I could never leave him; it was something we could work through together. I reached in and took him in my arms. It didn't even register to me that he could be hesitant. However he wasn't and he held me tight in his arms.

I pulled back and said, "How long have you had the illness?"

He looked towards the floor and said, "Not long after my so called father left." His words dripped with venom.

"Was this when you told me you bashed your father?"

"Yes, I didn't know I had an illness then, you see. No one did, and no one knows I do. Everyone thought I was just going through rebellion in my teenage years."

"When did you find out you had it?"

"When I was seventeen. I had a friend who noticed the changes in me and found out information. It matched my attitudes and behaviours. Of course I didn't believe it. That's also part of the illness – denial, as well as many other symptoms." He shuffled and said, "Other symptoms like, change of mood, lonesomeness, guarded behaviour, shutting down and the most biggest – intimacy."

I closed my eyes for a moment to let all the information sink in. I opened my eyes to Dimitri's chocolate brown eyes staring at mine.

"It all makes sense," I whispered. "Did you get... help?"

Dimitri stood up and backed away from me. "No! I did not get help. I don't need help. I can work this out on my own!"

His sudden outburst frightened me, but it was to be expected. He was, in a way, getting intimate with me just sharing the information. Also his denial was setting in and I wasn't sure how long Dimitri would let me in with this information. I tried to stay calm for him and change the subject so he wouldn't be so tense.

"I thought... you said we could do this together?" I slowly walked over towards him.

His face and posture relaxed, as he realised what he had done.

"Are you sure you don't want to back out now? Because this is your chance." He looked so low and pained it hurt me to so see him so wrecked.

I intertwined our fingers and leaned in slowly to show him I was going in for a kiss, and pecked him on the lips. "There is no way I'm leaving you. We are a team and that means we work together."

I saw a tear leak from his eye and kissed it away.

"Thank you for confiding in me. You don't know how much it means to me, that you trust me enough to break through the walls and be in your safest area. It's where I want to be able to stay."

Dimitri wrapped him arms around me, as I did to him and we stayed in each other's embrace. Dimitri just opened up his deepest darkest secret to me that no one else knows apart from me and him... and a friend that figured it out.

I pulled out of the hug and kissed his lips. With our hands intertwined, I led him to his room and lay on his bed. He went over to his clothes drawer and grabbed some pyjamas. He didn't walk to the bathroom and he didn't turn around to face me. He just stood staring at the clothes in his hand.

"Why don't you go have a nice warm shower, clean up and then come back to bed to relax?" I suggested.

Dimitri turned around and sat beside me on the bed. He caressed my face and I saw the emotion in his eyes. He loved me. I knew Dimitri would be distant to me since he opened up, it was only natural. However, my job was to be normal and treat him like I would normally.

"I'll be here when you get out, I promise." I placed my hand on top of his on my face and said, "Plus you can't throw me out now, Comrade. Not after you said I could stay." I pushed out my bottom lip and he smiled.

He got up and walked to the shower the door, but turned around before closing the door. Of course I was watching him; I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was amazing and all mine.

I smiled to him and he said, "Thank-you," before closing the door.

Which was unfortunate, because I would rather see him undress to catch a glimpse of his naked body before he hopped into the shower. But that was not going to be happening anytime soon.

I keep thinking about all the times I had given Dimitri grief for not showing me more emotion or physical contact, and I feel guilty as hell. The whole time he was going through an illness, and dealing with my attitude. It defiantly would not have helped him. I had to know more about his illness, but I knew talking about this to Dimitri would be hard on him, so I would have to do my own research.

The running water stopped, and not long after, Dimitri stepped out of the room wearing blue boxers and a black tight singlet. His hair was loose without a hair tie and damp. He looked delicious and he was not helping the fact that I had to have no contact with his mouth watering, delicious, sexy body. I stared at him with my eyes wide open, biting my lip. He walked over to a cupboard and handed me a pink towel. He slightly smiled at me and kissed my forehead.

"Mm. What's the kiss for?"

"Who says I need a reason to kiss you," he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I'm not complaining here, but a pink towel. Come on." I screwed up my face.

"Pink will look great on you." He laughed at my reaction. "It was the only other towel they gave me." He bent down and gave me a slow kiss. "It was like they knew I would have a beautiful girl over."

"You are full of it," I said as I snatched the towel from his hand.

"Full of love for you," he teased and tickled me on my belly.

"Ok, stop. Please Stop. I'll take the pink towel. Ok. Ok. Ok" I managed to squeal out in between my laughing fits.

He released me with a big smile on his face. I hadn't seen him smile for him so long; it made me smile in return. I let out a loud sigh in relief that I could breathe normally again and he instantly brought his hands to my neck and belly.

"You're happy I stopped tickling you? Huh." He said.

"Y-Yes," I laughed and squirmed.

"Yes, what?"

"D-Dimitri p-please s-st-stop."

He stopped and helped me sit up. Kneeling in front of me, he moved the loose hair around my face and pushed it behind my back, so he could get a clear view of my face. His eyes held a strong emotion which I was unable to decipher. He reached his hand out to place it on the back of my neck and pulled me in to kiss me. We broke away with our foreheads pressed together.

"Thank you for being here for me," he whispered.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. You are the other part of me. We are one. We do this together."

"It's a lot to put you through Roza. Something I don't wish one anyone." He closed his eyes.

"I can do this. I'm strong. You're strong. We are defiantly strong together. I'm not leaving you to do this alone. I wouldn't even be able to leave you. I can't even think of not being with you." I kissed the tip of his nose and he opened his eyes and nodded.

I held his face and brought his lips, so they were just slightly touching mine. "You know what I want to do right now?"

"Why don't you tell me," the vibration of his voice made my lips tingle.

"I want to kiss you," I said seductively.

He had no problem with complying with my request and as quickly as he could, his lips were on mine. We moved in a slow, delicate synced kiss which felt wonderful. His lips were perfect, as the rest of his body is. One hand was in my hair and the other on my hip. A moan at the pleasure of being with Dimitri escaped my lips. He pulled me closer to him and I gripped my fingers harder into his back. He moaned and moved his lips to my neck. I let out a gasp at the amazing sensation Dimitri was making me feel. He pulled me off the bed which pushed him over on his ass, and I landed in his lap. I dug my fingers in his hair and wrapped my legs around his waist. I moaned and his reaction was to slam his lips back to mine. The kiss turn into a rapid pace and not long after he groaned and pulled away.

We looked at each other, panting and trying to find our breath. I realised I was still sitting on him and stumbled to stand up.

"I best go hop in the shower," I laughed nervously.

"A nice warm shower will do you good," he said while he went to lie on the bed.

I walked off and mumbled, "I think I'll take a cold one."

"Is that so?" Dimitri half yelled, so I would hear him from the bathroom.

I was happy I was in the bathroom, so he didn't see me blush in embarrassment. The cold shower was nice. I'm more of a warm shower kind of person, because it helps loosen my muscles and relax my body after hard days training, however tonight the cold shower did justice. I was too worked up by the contact from Dimitri that the cold shower calmed down my physical desires. I know I will have to survive with only kissing Dimitri from now on, until he can slowly overcome his illness and become physical, but the pressure it will put me under will defiantly test my patience. Not in the sense where all I want to do with Dimitri is have sex, because that's not what I want and that's not what I think about when I'm with him. However, I'm a girl who is in love with him and when we get emotional and close, the desire picks up and I do want to be with him. It's only natural, and that's what will test me. I quickly turned on the hot water and warmed up my body before I got too cold with goose bumps.

I turned off the water, dried off my body, and put on tiny blue cotton shorts with a white tank top. I towel dried my hair and threw it up into a messy bun off my face. I was now ready to go face Dimitri.

I walked to the bathroom door and quickly turned around again and walked over to the mirror. The bathroom was all foggy with the heat from the hot water I had on before I got out of the shower. I walked over to the mirror and with my finger, I wrote 'Rose & Dimitri Forever' with a heart around it. It wasn't a small heart either; it was in the centre of the mirror, so no one would miss it.

I walk out of the bathroom with the smell of chicken noodles in the air. Dimitri walks into the room and looks me up and down finishing by looking me in my eyes, with a small smile on his face.

"I smell delicious noodles in the air."

"It's not the only thing that's delicious," Dimitri said making his way over to me.

"You are right about that one," I said while reaching my hands up around his neck.

He bent down and kissed the side of my jaw, before trailing kisses down my neck. He lifted his head up slightly to place his lips beside my ear and said, "Are you trying to test my self control?" I shivered from his low seductive voice.

"I'm always testing your self control," I whispered trying to hold myself together.

Our lips met and a bolt of electricity sparked between the both of us. My stomach growled and Dimitri pulled away chuckling.

"I think it's time for those noodles," I giggled.

Dimitri kissed the top of my hand and said, "It's a pity I was unable to make you something more suitable. When I have more time next time, I promise it will be more than two minute noodles."

"Two minutes noodles are perfect," I pecked his lips.

He intertwined our hands and we walked into the lounge room where the noodles were waiting for us. He picked up the fork and twirled the noodles around it and placed the food in my mouth.

Dimitri wouldn't let me feed myself and kept saying it's the least he could do. We ended up watching a movie that was on television. It was based on a true story and made to look like a documentary. It was meant to be horror but it didn't really do anything for me. The only part that made me freak out was the ending where the guy walks out of the room to look for his girlfriend and he ends up flying into the camera while his girlfriend has been taken over by a poltergeist. I jumped in my seat and cuddled into Dimitri further. He laughed at me and took advantage to kiss me extra passionately. I think the movie was called, 'Paranormal Activity'.

Dimitri and I headed off to bed, and I was feeling extra excited. It was the first time I would be sleeping in the same bed as him and wake up in the morning beside him. Well the first time properly without it being Victor's lust charm.

I was lying in his arms looking up at his face when I asked him, "I hope I'm not pushing things too far?"

He looked at me confused, which made him cause frown lines, "How have you done that?"

"Well it's not over twenty-four hours ago that you had a... breakdown and just over four hours you admitted to me about your mental illness. I can't help but think me staying here with you is not helping. It's pushing the issue of us being close together and when we do..." I buried my head in between his arm and chest.

He didn't say anything for a moment, until I felt his hand come to my chin and lift my face up to look at him.

"Being close to you is the one thing that makes me happy. It doesn't make me want to not be with you."

"I don't want to keep making you feel like I'm pushing you into it," I whispered.

"Oh Roza. You are not pushing me into anything. This is where I want us to be. If I could I would have you all to myself." He looked me in the eyes, so I understood the double meaning in his voice. "It's not you that makes me stop. It's not you who makes me angry. It's not you why I have this illness. And it's defiantly not you who has to keep a distance." He rubbed my cheek with his thumb pad and kept explaining, "I need to be with you Roza."

"I love you Dimitri."

"Same back to you."

I closed my eyes and thought about the life I would have with Dimitri after graduation. I know we will be able to work something out so we can be together. There is no doubt in my mind. I was drifting off the sleep when I remembered something.

I lifted myself up on one elbow and look at Dimitri who still had his eyes open. He must be thinking about what we had just gone through in the past day.

"What's on your mind?" he asked.

"Do you know why my room was so far away from the others?"

"Why does it worry you so much?"

"Don't answer my question with a question," I said irritated.

"Don't use that tone with me."

"I didn't use any tone with you," I snapped.

"See. You did it again."

I gave him my angry look and he chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"That's not nice of you," I said while pouting.

"It wasn't nice of you."

I looked at him thinking about what game he was playing. I wasn't going to let him win, so I rolled over, pushed off the blankets and climbed out of bed.

"Rose, where are you going?" He asked with real worry in his voice.

"Going to sleep on the couch. Hope you have a good nights sleep." I said not facing him so he didn't see the winning smile on my face.

"Rose." He was out of bed in an instant standing in front of me. "I was mucking around. Please stay with me." He looked serious and hurt at the same time.

I walked towards him with a straight face and pushed him down on the bed before I jumped on him and laughed. "I was joking too you knuckle cruncher."

He had a small smile playing on his lips, "You got me that time. One to Rose, zero to Dimitri."

I smiled a little smile but realised the name I had called him. I looked at him apologetic.

"It's fine, buttercup," he laughed and I laughed with him.

We pulled the blankets up over us and I snuggled into his chest with his arms around me. I looked up and kissed his throat. It was the closest skin I could get my lips to reach. He looked down and kissed my forehead.

"Sweet dreams my buttercup."

That night I did have sweet dreams as Dimitri had said. Well, that was until Adrian popped in for a visit.

I was in a blue sparkly bikini with a black towel around my neck. I looked up to find myself at a beach, with white sand and crystal clear water. It looked gorgeous and it was a perfect day to go for a dip because the sun was out shining with warm weather.

"Adrian, I know you are here. Show yourself," I yelled.

"Ah, you learn fast little Dhampir," he smirk.

He was wearing black board shorts from billabong and no shirt. Which didn't worry me to much, because surprisingly Adrian had a nice body. It wasn't built like Dimitri, because Moroi didn't have the body type, but it was toned and looked hot.

"Only you would place me in this skimpy bikini by the beach."

He walked towards me and sat down looking at the beach, "Why waste such a beautiful body?"

I shook my head at him and sat down beside him.

"Is there something wrong Adrian?"

"The Queen told me."

I looked at him for a moment wondering what the hell he was talking about and then I clicked. Victor.

"Yeah. She is making the announcement in the morning," I said while throwing a shell into the water.

"Rose, if there is anything I can do..." He reached over and placed a hand on my leg.

"You have done so much Adrian. You are the one who got Lissa, Christian, Eddie and I here."

He rolled his eyes. "And look how that turned out."

"Don't be hard on yourself. You didn't know this was going to happen. No one did. Well the guardians that helped him did," I hissed.

"Does Lissa..." He trailed off.

"No, Queen Tatiana thinks it's best she finds out with the others tomorrow."

He nodded, "You know she was the one who requested for you to have a different room then Lissa."

I looked at him shocked, "What?" I knew the Queen never liked me but to take it that far...

"She wants Lissa to become Queen."

"I'm aware of this Adrian," I said sarcastically.

"She wants her to be with someone with a respectable well known reputation."

"Someone not like Christian."

"Someone like me." I looked at him aggressive. "She wants me to be with her. Don't hurt me Rose." he said high pitched.

I stood up and I could feel the negative energy take me over. "What the fuck has that got to do with me not sharing a room with her?" I yelled.

He stood up and said, "I don't know. I think she just didn't want you to be around in the way."

"Don't lie to me Adrian!"

"Look Rose, I don't agree with what she is doing okay. But she is the Queen and she does rule." He put his hands up in a surrender position.

All I had to do to get him to speak what take a step towards him.

"Alright alright," he smirked. "She doesn't want you to be Lissa guardian."

Thoughts swirled around in my head. "What? Why not? I'm the best for her. We are shadow-kissed. No one can protect her as well as I can," I started sounding irrational.

"I know, Little Dhampir. I know."

"She can't do this to us!"

Adrian was still hesitant with the anger outburst that exploded within me, but slowly walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

"If it was up to me..." he trailed off.

"She is Queen Bitch! I'm sorry Adrian, I know she is your great auntie or whatever, but she is a bitch."

Adrian laughed a deep throaty laughed which surprisingly helped relax me. The beach and sand was fading away when I looked up.

"Adrian what is going on?" I asked panicked.

"One of us is waking up. I'll see you soon." He said with a faint smile. I presumed he was thinking about Lissa finding out the news.

My eyes snapped open and I was in a dark room beside Dimitri. My back was to his chest and his arms were wrapped around my waist. I tried turning around to have a better look at his peaceful face while sleeping, but as I did Dimitri's hold got tighter. I tried to carefully lift his hands off from around me, but once again, he held even tighter and he moved around to cuddle into me closer.

I was competent to turn my head around and kiss Dimitri on the base of his throat. His eyes shot open and he looked down at me.

I gave him a seductive smile and said, "Good morning handsome."

"Morning beautiful. How did you sleep?" He kissed my earlobe. Not once, not twice, but three times.

"Much better being in your arms and waking up to your gorgeous face."

He smiled and let go off his hold around my waist, to pull me up to kiss him on his perfect lips.

We stayed in bed snuggling into each other and talking about what Adrian had told me and how to support Lissa. He said he would take care of Christian, if I wanted to be with Lissa. I wasn't sure how Christian would handle being with Dimitri, but if he did something wrong then that would be his funeral.

"Why don't you go have a shower and I'll make us a nice cup of... coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate?

"Mm. Hot chocolate sounds lovely."

Dimitri positioned his hands on the sides of my face and said, "You need something to eat, Roza."

I smirked and said, "I could eat you," and winked.

"As tempting as that may seem, you need something that will fill your body."

I gave him a chaste kiss and said, "Pancakes?"

Dimitri gave me a lopsided grin. "Pancakes it is."

As I was gathering my clothes out of the clothes drawer, Dimitri put his head around the corner and said, "Rose. I know you can do this, and there is no way she can stop you from being Lissa guardian."

"She will try, but she has to be ridiculous to think that I wouldn't give a fight."

Dimitri kissed me on the lips and said, "Rose Hathaway style."

"There would be no other way."

"Perfect, because that's the only way I like it."

Dimitri leaned in and kissed me on the lips. He was turning back to prepare the pancakes, but I pulled him back for more loving. And before you knew it, Dimitri and I were making out, forgetting about the shower, hot chocolate and pancakes. For an hour in our lives all we had was each other and for whole the only thing my entire mind was set on was him.


	16. Announcement Broadcast

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; you're the bomb. You blow me away from your eagerness and talent. **

**Authors Notes:  
Thank you all for your reviews!  
You were all very supportive of his illness! Your reactions has blown me away.  
I won't be able to post for about a week, because I am going into surgery.  
So stay tuned, and I shall return. :)**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

_Announcement Broadcast_

The queen sent a note to everyone at the Royal Court to announce that she had a speech she would like to publicise. However, it seemed Dimitri and I were the last ones to find out, because when we turned up to the broadcasting room, Moroi, Novices and Guardians had filled the room. There were camera crews, reporters and Guardian's from the Guardian Council.

Dimitri told me he would be back in a second and went over to talk to someone who looked like a barrister. I took the time to take in who was seated and where the hell Lissa was. The Queen was situated in the front of the room, with people fussing over her clothes, and appearance. Others were making sure the camera was in place and working well. Six guardians were situated on either side of the stage. Of course Priscilla Voda was standing right beside her, who had a note pad in front of her. It looked to me, that she was reminding the Queen of what she should and shouldn't say.

The front two rows were full with Royal Prince and Princesses, and their families who were of the twelve Royal Familys. From the front left was: Prince Szelsky, Prince Drozdov and his wife, Princess Badica and her two children. From front right: Princess Dragomir and Lord Christian, Prince Voda and his child, Prince Ivashkov, his wife and three children. The second row had the other Royals. From the second left: Prince Zeklos and his wife, Princess Tarus and her three children, Prince Dashkov and his wife, Princess Conta and her husband, Prince Lazar, his wife and two children, and lucky last; Prince Ozera with his one child.

The other ten rows of seats were for the other Moroi were able to attend the declaration. Guardians who were working at the Royal Court or came with their Moroi, could sit in the spare seats at the back on the room, or either stand on guard along the room walls.

Eddie was standing along the wall across with Lissa and Christian on guard as well at Stan. Alberta was standing to the side of the room, talking to someone who looked important. I'll take a guess and say he was one of the investigators in the investigation. I know right, Rose Hathaway must have had to work hard to come up with that conclusion. Looking back over in Lissa direction, she was very tense and Christian was trying to calm her down. I could feel from the bond that she felt worried, frightened, and anxious. I wanted to go over there and support her, but I was in no position to fight through the other guardian to get over there. One: I'm not even a guardian yet, I'm a novice. Two: I'll most likely use violence to get to her, and then I'll end up getting kicked out, which would be a worse situation for the both of us.

I caught Eddies eye, and he gave me a brief nod and smiled before turning back in Lissa's direction.

Thinking back in time, at Dimitri's motel room, Dimitri told me to wear black pants and a jacket with a white shirt. I gave him an are-you-serious look, because he knew I wouldn't have any type of clothing like that. We didn't have time around our... make out session to go to one of the shops and buy the clothes, so he let me wear a second pair of his. Yes, I know, sounds weird. Well trust me, it sounds weird but it feels great, knowing Dimitri had to have had to wear these.

"I think they are a bit too big for me, Comrade." I said while looking at him with an are-you-kidding face.

"They are going to have to do, Rose. We haven't got another option," he said frustrated.

"No worries," I patted him on the back and gave him a fake smile. "I'll just stick to my clothes. No one will be paying any attention to me anyway. The eyes will all be on the Queen. Problem solved," I clapped my hands together like an idiot.

He gave me a don't-mess-around look and said, "You are going to be wearing the right clothing. There is nothing more to discuss."

He threw me the clothes and ordered me to go get changed in the bathroom. Sometimes I wonder why he is so serious all the time. It's not like I knew this was going to happen. I didn't ask Victor to leave so the Queen would have to announce it to the world. But then again I would have had time to buy my own set of clothes if I wasn't using my time all over Dimitri.

I changed into the clothes Dimitri gave me and laughed at myself. The pants were over sized; I had to pull them up to right under my bra, so they can at least resemble my length without a large space for my crotch area, because I wasn't a guy. The shirt was big on me and nearly went down to my knees. The jacket wasn't too bad. It just made me look more muscular than I was, but I could handle that.

I walked out and Dimitri looked at me with a small smile.

"Don't laugh at me. You are the one who insisted I wear this," I pointed to the clothes.

He walked over and grabbed the bottom of the white shirt. "Maybe we should tuck this in."

He insisted on tucking the white shirt in himself and he did, very slowly, making sure not to lose eye contact with me. Maybe he was testing his self control? I wasn't sure, but his touch was memorising.

He stepped back and looked at me, "Better. What did you do with the pants?" He said while looking at my legs.

"I had to pull them up to here," I indicated with my fingers. "Why did you have to be so tall," I huffed.

He chuckled. "You look very sexy."

"Oh yeah, because wearing oversize clothes is very appealing," I said, making sure I showed my sarcasm.

He stepped closer to me and made sure his lips were brushing my jaw as he spoke. "Wearing oversized clothes makes you very sexy. Even more appealing when they're mine."

I shivered from his voice and words and I had to wrap my arms around his neck to stay standing up. It was my turn to now make Dimitri shiver from my touch. I put my left hand under his jacket and shirt and trailed it up his body.

I whispered on his neck, "That's where you are blind. Seeing you dressed up in a suit, will make all the women...wet."

"Rose," he warned, "Watch your language." Apparently, he didn't like my wording of making women wet. _Oh well._ "By the way, I saw your message on the mirror this morning."

"I love you."

It was all I had to say for Dimitri to crush his lips onto mine and kiss me with a hungry passion. It was hard for us to pull away, but we did and he helped me button up my jacket.

Dimitri's voice knocked me over into the present.

"The Queen is going public," he said in full guardian mode.

"I thought that would be the case. I can't even get up there; closer to Lissa."

I could see he was fighting whether to say something as Dimitri or as Guardian Dimitri. He chose Guardian Dimitri.

"We should stay near the doors. That way if she or Christian need to leave, we can easily follow them."

I nodded and stood by the door. Looking at Dimitri made me smile. He was everything. I felt so selfish taking him away from Lissa. He would do anything to keep her safe and look after her. I should be the one to find another Moroi to guard. I shouldn't even be letting him suggest finding a way for us to be together, not when I can see how much this job means to him. Whereas normally I would be begging Dimitri to let me be with him.

Dimitri must have seen me looking at him from the corner of his eye, because he turned to me and lifted his eyebrow.

I shook my head and smiled. He shuffled a little closer to me and now I could feel his breath on my neck. I looked up at him and he was back to looking around the room. He moved closer to me to tease me. Either that, or he just liked being in my presence. I would personally appreciate it if it were the latter, because I loved being close to him.

I heard the camera crew yell, "5...4...3...2...1" and my attention was all on Queen Tatiana.

"Good morning, Moroi, Guardians, Novices and children." She smiled. "I am here today to announce an important announcement, broadcasting here, at the Royal Court." She looked around the room for a dramatic effect and looked straight back at the camera.

"As most of you were unaware, at the Royal Court yesterday morning, Victor Dashkov was scheduled for his trial. The trial was unable to take place, due to serious circumstances. I am sorry to announce that Victor Dashkov is no longer in prison." I heard various gasps from everywhere in the room. "It is recorded that he escaped early yesterday morning." More gasps were made and the Moroi we becoming frigidity.

"We have an investigation team, doing their best to track Victor and leave us with justice. I advice everyone to be extra careful when stepping out of their homes and stay safe. It is not certain if Victor is going after anyone in particular, or anyone at all, however this is just a warning. All guardians are to be working extra hard and will be rewarded for their work."

"If anyone has seen, or heard any information that may help solve this devastation, please let us know as soon as possible." She took a deep breath and said, "Thank you."

I took a moment to open up to Lissa's feelings. She was: scared, shocked, upset and angry." I looked over towards her and Christian was hugging her tight. I wanted to be over there, to explain that I'm sorry I didn't tell her and to support her through this. Christian was looking around the crowd and he stopped when he saw me. He gave me an pissed off stare and turned away. What the hell did I do to Fire-boy? I knew I kept it secret, but still.

The reporters asked the Queen several questions and she tried answering them all as well as she could under the circumstances. She tried several times to convince everyone to calm down, because they would find him sooner than later. The Queen was too busy dealing with the escape of Victor; that I don't think she is going to talk to me about Lissa today after all.

Great, now it gives her more time to work on Lissa and Adrian... and more time for me to work on how to outsmart the Queen. Oh, this should be good. Can't wait until we meet again, Queen Bitch!

After the announcement, slowly everyone left the room. Each group talking about Victor and what might happen. It looked like it was more fascinating to the children, then to the adults.

Lissa, Christian and Eddie reached us at the doorway and didn't say a word. Lissa was hurting by this stage, because I didn't tell her sooner. Christian being the guy he was, was sticking by his girlfriends side. Which in respect he should be. Lissa didn't tell me about the Queen speaking to her, but this is more serious. Alberta and Stan met up with us briefly and told us to go chill down, before we aboard the plane in the afternoon.

Eddie, Dimitri and I followed Lissa and Christian up to the motel. We were all getting the silent treatment and I had no idea how long it will last for. We walked Lissa to her room, she said goodbye to Christian and closed the door. Eddie looked at me apologetically and Christian continued to ignore us to his room.

Dimitri broke the silence, "You can rest, Castile. It's clear the Princess does not want to be disturbed. You should go relax before we leave, I can look after Ozera." Dimitri turned to me and said, "Same with you Hathaway."

Eddie nodded and walked away, while I argued. "It's fine Belikov, I want to stay." Dimitri was about to disagree, until he saw how certain I was.

We got to Christian's room and he said, "I don't want a supervisor!"

"Well to bad Fire-boy, because you are going to have some."

"Rose..." Dimitri warned and I turned around to talk to him. As I did, Christian closed the door and I heard him lock it.

"I need to speak to one of them Dimitri," I sighed.

"In time, don't push what you don't have."

"I hate the way Lissa thinks of me right now and the only person she is talking to is Christian. So I got to work on him."

Dimitri sighed but said, "Be careful. I don't want to see you burnt."

I chuckled to his words and looked around to see if anyone was in the hallway. There wasn't, so I was clear to grab his hand. "I will be careful. I'll see you in your room."

Dimitri raised his eyebrow and said, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here, so if I hear a fight going on, I can barge right in."

"Very wise, Guardian Belikov," I joked and he nodded with his guardian mask on.

I knocked on Christian's door. "Open up, Christian."

"Go away!"

"Look, give me thirty seconds to say what I have to say and then if you still want me to leave, then I will."

The door opened up and Christian gave me one of his glares. I have to give it to him, he can give a good glare. I pushed through the door, and entered his room. Eddie and Christian were sharing, so where did Eddie go? Maybe he is relaxing somewhere else instead, and giving Christian some time to himself.

"I just want to explain why I didn't tell you about Victor yesterday."

"It's a bit late for explaining isn't it Rose?" Christian spat.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like I just committed a crime... your attitude towards me..." I stumbled for words. "...Sucks."

He snorted, "Opposed to my attitude towards you every other day."

I blew out a large amount of air and slumped down on his bed.

"I thought... I thought..." I trailed off. What did I think?

"You thought, hey if I can win Christian over Lissa will have to talk to me then."

He had me there, that's what I thought five minutes ago, but not what I'm thinking now.

"No, Christian. I thought we understood one another," I yelled back. "Just forget it. Obviously it was a mistake coming here.

I stalked for the door when Christian says, "Rose, wait."

I looked up at him tired. I really didn't want to deal with this.

"I'll listen."

I told Christian about Dimitri telling me Victor had escaped and having the chance to check out the crime scene. I obviously left out the part where I received a letter from him and had a make out session with Dimitri, but he got the important details.

It took him a while to understand why we didn't want to tell him and Lissa, until today. I explained that I did want to tell them before the news was out so they could be prepared, but then I didn't know enough information to tell them, so this morning had to do. I also explained that I didn't mean to be late this morning and miss supporting Lissa.

Christian looked at me strangely, "It's fine Rose, to admit why you were with Dimitri."

I looked at him shocked, "What do you mean?"

"I know why you were with him. I've known for quite some time now. Why you hang around him so much." Christian gave me a serious look.

He couldn't know. How would he know? Oh my god. What do we do? I have to protect Dimitri with everything I have. I would never let Dimitri lose his job over me.

"Christian, I hang out with him because I have too. He trains me morning and night. All my spare time is with him training."

"Rose, it's all right. I know he is the only one you can talk to, who can't tell anyone."

I looked up at him and nearly laughed. He didn't know after all. _Thank you god! _"Yeah, he is. Don't get me wrong I trust Lissa, but talking to Dimitri feels like I'm talking to a wall. He doesn't reply back, but stays to listen."

Christian snickered, "A bad metaphor there, but I do understand. I see you remember? I know you are going through your own personal problems at the moment and if you need to talk to him about it, then good for you."

I nodded and quickly changed the subject. "So now that I have gotten you to listen, I'm hoping I can get Lissa to as well."

He sat beside me and lit fire balls in his hands while he thought.

"I'll make you a deal," he said.

I looked at him warily and said, "Should I be scared?"

He smirked and lunged a fire ball towards me, "This should scare you."

"Fine, what's the deal?"

"I'll talk to Lissa and see if I can talk some sense into her, to let you talk to her, but you have to keep Adrian away from Lissa."

I gave him an are-you-joking look. "How am I supposed to keep him away from her?"

He shrugged. "That's your job to work out, while I do mine."

"Fine, but you better get Lissa to understand."

"Na ah," Christian said. "I said, I would talk some sense into her, not that I would get her to forgive you."

"Deal, but I'll only try and keep Adrian away when there not practising magic."

"Fine, deal."

Christian and I shook hands and laughed.

"I can't believe I just made a deal with you – Rose Hathaway," he mocked.

"I can't believe I touched your hand – Christian Ozera."

He tried wiping his arm on me again, but I dodged him every time. We both fell onto his bed and his smirking face turned to a serious one.

"How are you... now?"

I looked at him surprised. Was he really asking about my feelings? I knew we had a close chat a few days ago, but I thought it was a once in a lifetime.

"Well, I sorted the problem out. That just means there an empty space for something else to take it's spot."

"I hope you don't mind me saying but..." he trailed off.

"Oh spit it out, Ozera."

"You look happier. You have a smile on your face and more... I don't know. I can just tell."

I smiled and said, "Thanks Christian. I am happier." I had a big smile on face thinking about Dimitri.

Christian moved over and started pushing me off the bed. "Time to leave."

"All right, I get the hint," I said standing up. "Don't forget the deal. It will only work if you start your half, because I won't start on Adrian until you do."

"How do I know you won't back out?"

I snickered, "Because I'm Rose Hathaway, I don't back out of deals."

That seemed to be enough to convince Christian. I left the room without looking up, which was silly of me, because I ran into Dimitri.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

Two hands were on my shoulders and I looked up.

"Or maybe not," I teased.

"Well, you are out alive." He turned me around, "and with no burn marks. I say a job well done."

I chuckled, "You could say that. I thought you were listening."

"Alberta called me over to her room."

I tried to raise an eyebrow, but I ended up raising both. He noticed my facial expression and spoke.

"To talk about tactics at school." He quickly added, "With the recent attack and Victor out, we want to be safe."

I nodded and yawned. "How long we got until we need to board the plane?"

"About two hours. Let's go get you changed into something more comfortable."

"Would you do the honour of undressing me?"

He looked at me with lust, but I knew he wouldn't be able to do it.

"I could help pick the clothes you wear."

_Nice move to avoid the subject, Comrade,_ I thought to myself.

He took me to his room and I changed into the clothes Dimitri picked out. It was a purple V neck shirt that clung to my body and a short denim skirt. I didn't think I would be allowed to wear it at the academy, but Dimitri said they couldn't do anything about it since I'm at the Royal Court today. I reckon he just wanted to check out my ass when I bent over. He made me get things for him that involved me bending over, so he was defiantly checking me out.

We made our way to the plane. We didn't arrive together, I made sure I was later than everyone else. Lissa wouldn't look at me, but Christian acknowledged my presence. I stood over by Eddie who was beating himself up.

"Don't blame yourself Eddie. We both had to keep it from them, it was our duty."

"I just feel bad. You guys are the only family I have, that wants to know me."

"Aw, Eddie. You are our family too. Lissa just needs time to think things through," I gave him a hug.

He murmured, "That's what Christian told me, but how long does she need."

"Oh, Christian is talking to you?"

"Yeah, he apologised for being rude."

I looked at him shocked, "Christian apologised? No way!"

Eddie laughed, "I thought the same thing, but hey, it's something."

We boarded the plane and I sat across with Dimitri in the aisle. Adrian once again was sitting in front of me.

"Little Dhampir, I'm sorry to hear about the news."

Adrian triggered my mind. Where was he when the announcement was being made?

"Thanks, but where we you? I didn't see you anywhere."

He smirked, "So you were looking for me?"

I snorted, "Don't you like my company any more?" Two could play this game.

"Little Dhampir I could never get sick of your company." He glanced over at Dimitri and back at me, "I was... you could say... at the bar."

My mouth hung open, "You choose to go to a bar, than to your auntie's announcement?"

"Politics has never been my thing. You know that."

I nodded and looked at his glass. "What you drinking there?"

"Whisky. Oh and would you look at that, my glass is empty."

He got up and walked to the back of the plane. My guess was he wanted to refill. I looked over at Dimitri and he looked annoyed. I didn't want to see him like that, so I took the risk and moved to sit next to him.

"Adrian is just being Adrian," I said.

"And Adrian can give you what I can't," he whispered with frustration.

I looked at him appalled. "How can you honestly think, I would choice Adrian over you?"

He looked at me with all seriousness, "Adrian can... be with you." I knew what he meant. He was saying Adrian could have sex with me, with no issues in the way.

"That can be fixed and you know it. It will take time, but I can wait." I hissed back.

He shook his head, "He can give you more."

"Don't start with this Dimitri. You say I act like my age, well now you are acting my age. I know what I want. Accept it."

Dimitri and I did a stare down until one of us gave up. It was me who broke it, because I heard someone clear their throat. I looked over in Lissa and Christians' direction. Lissa was looking at us worried and Christian mouthed 'sorry' and tried to get Lissa's attention back. Lissa most likely saw Dimitri and me glaring at each other and wondered if she should intervene. Christian however, probably thought I was talking to Dimitri about my problems.

"We probably look like a couple having a hissy fight," I told Dimitri.

"Isn't that what we were doing?" He said like he was stating the obvious.

"My birthday is tomorrow and all I want is you. Do you think I could have it?"

Dimitri looked at me like I had stated something sexual. "Rose I don't think I can get over my illness in one night and have my way with you."

I laugh at myself after repeating in my head what I said to him. "I didn't mean for it to come out the way." I could feel my cheeks burning. "But will you stay will me that night?"

"Of course, Roza." Dimitri intertwined our hands.

"Enough about Adrian and I, all right? I made my decision a long time ago that I loved you."

He nodded and pulled out of my hand as quick as a fox. I looked up at him in question, but it was answered when I heard Stan's voice.

"Hathaway, this is yours."

I looked at the gold bracelet and shook my head. "It's not Guardian Alto. I've never seen it before."

"You must have. It has your name engraved on it." He gave me a forceful look.

I took the box the bracelet was in and looked at the name. He was right it had, 'Rosemarie Hathaway.'

"Where did you find it?"

"It was found near the reception of the prison. I know, strange place to have it, but we kept it as evidence and you were clear. So here it is."

"You thought I was a suspect?" I yelled.

"Rose, calm down," Dimitri warned.

"You should listen to him, Hathaway."

I gave him a glare and he left me the bracelet in the box. It was a pretty bracelet. It had little gold links with a sun and moon charm.

Dimitri took it from me and said, "I wonder who left it for you. Be careful not to break it though, it might not be yours."

I snorted and hit his him, "What other Rosemarie Hathaway do you know of?"

"Well there is this nice young lady who is sweet and caring. Unlike the one I am with now." He said looking at the part of his arm where I hit him.

"Ha Ha. I wonder if I have met her before."

On the trip back to the academy I thought about the bracelet and everyone I could think of who might have left it for me and then it hit me.

Victor Dashkov.

In his letter, he mentioned a present down near his cell. I totally forgot about it, and I'm glad someone found it. But why would he leave me a present... unless it's another lust charm... No it can't be. He wouldn't go for the same trick twice. Then why the hell did he leave it there for me?

I must have looked like crap because Dimitri grabbed my face in both of his hands and said, "Roza. Roza. Speak to me."

"Huh?" Was all I could manage to get out.

"I asked you if you were all right, but you didn't respond."

"Dimitri," I whispered.

"What is it Roza?" he sounded alarmed.

"Victor Dashkov left me this present."

He looked at me stunned, "Are you sure?"

"Positive."


	17. Divergent Relationships

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; you out the fan in fan-tastic. **

**Authors Notes:  
Hey, I'm back and feeling better. I recently had to go back to the hospital for various other things as well!  
I'm been getting sicker and sicker, but never fear, I am back here!  
I would have had this chapter up much earlier in the week, however FanFiction kept coming up with error - I'm so sorry.  
When I did get a chapter up Kessafan and Destinee Isla-Rose Belikov** **informed me that I put the incorrect chapter up.  
But here it is and I hope you enjoy. Don't forget to review and let me know what you think. :)  
**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**SEVENTEEN**

_Divergent Relationships_

When I told Dimitri my assumptions about the bracelet, he seemed sceptical. I explained to him in a hushed tone that it had to be, because in the letter Victor gave to me, he said there was a present near his cell. I don't know if Dimitri fully bought the idea, but he nodded and didn't fight me on my determination.

The plane flight after the surprise of the bracelet was extremely quiet. I had moved away from Dimitri so we wouldn't look suspicious. Lissa had fallen asleep on Christian, who wasn't paying attention to anything or anyone, since he was listening to his iPod. And Adrian never turned around to speak to me, which was oddly weird. Unexpectedly, the guardians didn't say anything at all.

After landing back at St Vladimir's Academy, Lissa gave me a small smile and left with Christian not far behind her. She had a sudden mood change. I quickly looked over my body to find nothing wrong with my attire. What was she smiling at then? Unless it was something I can't see on my face.

Eddie noticed my questioning posture and came over.

"Not happy with your clothes?" he asked, laughing.

"Lissa gave me a smile. I'm trying to figure what's wrong with what I'm wearing."

"Whatever you put on, Rose, never looks bad on you," his face was dead serious.

I gave him my man eating smile, "Eddie Castile, are you hitting on me?"

"I'm just stating a fact, Rose."

"Is there anything on my face?"

"Yeah sure," I began to rub my face, to get whatever it was off me. "You have a mouth, a nose, two eyes. Oh, and look at that! Two ears"

I pushed Eddie with my shoulder, "Very funny."

He laughed and played pushed back. "You know, Lissa could have gotten over being mad at you. It explains the smile, rather than your explanation about something being wrong with you."

"I didn't feel her hate towards me through the bond, but I didn't feel forgiveness either."

"Lissa is not one to hold a grudge, Rose. You of all people should know that. She was just upset with how everything turned out. I'm sure since she had time to think things through."

I looked at him in shock horror, "Whoa – is this the same Eddie I've known since I was a kid?"

"Shut up," he smirked. "I may be a guy, but I do know what feelings are."

I placed an arm around his shoulders, "I know you do, Eddie. I know you do."

He shook his head while laughing and said, "What was the deal with Alto this morning and the bracelet?"

"Oh, he said he forgot to give it back to me, and I was giving him shit for it." I didn't want anyone else to know. I needed it to be kept quiet, until I figure out what Victor wanted me to do with it or more possible – what Victor wanted it to do to me.

Eddie and I arrived at the Novice dormitories, and we both made a sigh. I didn't think he wanted to be back here any more than what I did.

I did nothing special that day, I went to the gym for training and snuggled into my nice warm bed. I laid there for a while, wishing Dimitri was here with me, but because we are back at the academy, we had to be careful. I also wished for Lissa and I to be al right again. I knew we would be soon, because we can't fight for long, but it was killing me anyway.

I woke up and took a walk outside the dorms for some fresh air. It was nearly lunch time and I hadn't seen any of my friends. Everyone else had classes to attend but the gang got today off, due to what happened yesterday. I heard footsteps coming my way, but I didn't bother to turn around, as it was most likely some Guardian getting ready for practice.

"Rose..."

I spun around and nearly knocked Eddie over; he was that _close_ to me.

"Yes."

He bent inwards and whispered, "Happy Birthday."

I was shocked and froze on the spot. I can't believe out of all people that Eddie would remember my birthday. My best friend – Lissa, didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My mother didn't bother to ring up and say 'Happy 18th Rosemarie, you are finally an adult.' It would have been nice, if she wasn't able to make it. Most of all, Dimitri must have forgotten when I mentioned it only yesterday. Though he had a good excuse, he wasn't concentrating on me at the moment, he had to concentrate on getting better with his illness.

I moved my eyes to Eddie. "Thanks Eddie."

"Why so glum? It's your eighteenth, you've been waiting for this."

"I thought it would be a better day." Eddie waited for me to continue, "No one else remembered. I thought it would be a day my family and friends would, you know... go crazy for me. Also the Queen's announcement about Victor was just yesterday and my best friend still isn't talking to me."

Without any words spoken, Eddie gave me a hug. It felt nice. Eddie was like a brother to me, we weren't romantic in any way.

"Rose, it's still morning, you have the rest of the day and night to worry about people forgetting your birthday. The congratulations will come."

I nodded my head and gave him another hug before we said goodbye to each other and went our separate ways.

I took a hot shower, shaved my legs and washed my hair, before I went to the computer. I had the rest of the day to bum around, so I decided to find sources of information on Dimitri's illness. I needed to understand it better, to get the question was too afraid to ask him myself answered, and to find out what I could do to help.

I tried to remember what Dimitri had called his illness and typed it in Google, then I remembered. 3,530,000 hits came up when I typed in, 'intimacy illness'. I clicked on the fifth website that was showing in the list, because the title 'Fear Of Intimacy', stuck out.

I started skimming through the article and slowed down when I read this, _'He/She_ _sufferers frequently from reported feelings of isolation and loneliness, and an inability to connect with others.'_ Dimitri on many occasions, hinted that he preferred to be alone and didn't until recently, have someone to trust. I also noticed that he never made any relationships with the other guardians here. He did his duty with them, and that was it. The only other close relationship I seen him have was with Natasha Ozera, and even when she left, he didn't pursue it further.

I kept reading the article, and it pretty much stated what Dimitri had told me, but in more words. An interesting paragraph caught my eye. _'Past experiences with abuse and/or neglect, may predispose an individual to being fearful of allowing themselves to become vulnerable to a new relationship. Other closely associated fears such as the fear of abandonment may precipitate a guarded behaviour, effectively shutting down the possibility of an intimate relationship.' _Dimitri had told me in training once, that he never gotten along with his father, and had to defend himself one time, which concluded to him bashing his father. That was Dimitri who did the abuse. However, what if Dimitri did it because it was a reaction, a reflex from whatever his father inflicted on him? I don't believe it is because of neglect, because he talks so well about how close his family is. So if Dimitri did get abused... oh, Dimitri. I wish he would of told me. The end of the paragraph did apply to Dimitri and I's relationship. Dimitri does use guarded behaviour and shuts down when we try to get intimate.

My mouth dropped wide open, when I read this sentence. '_Physical forms of intimacy may be feared due to shame-based thinking which may have resulted from sexual abuse or exposure to pornography. _I pray to God that Dimitri was never sexually abused. I can't even think about it clearly. Even the chance of him being exposed to pornography, makes me feel sick. What kind of person could do that to a minor! What makes it more sickening is the type of person who would do that to their own son!

I closed the article and my eyes. Maybe doing research wasn't a good move. All it did was get me more frustrated and sad. I wanted to be with Dimitri so much right now, but I knew it couldn't happen. Spending the time together at the court was a one off, if we did that here it would be obvious something was going on between us. However, finding out this information made me feel so guilty for yelling at him when he couldn't show affection. I also wanted to know the rest of the story. Why he is the way he is. Was it because of his father? And was it because he was sexually assaulted?

I wish I knew what his father looked like and where to find him because I would love to have ten minutes with him to -

_Knock, Knock, Knock. _

"The door is unlocked," I yelled.

"You really should learn to lock it. Anyone can walk in."

I rolled my eyes when I heard his voice. _What the hell did he want now?_

"No one would be game enough to walk through my door without permission," I said with a smile. "What brings you here?"

"Why does something have to bring me here. Why can't I just want to come see you. We are... friends, after all."

I scoffed, "Oh yeah, we are the best of buddies." I let sarcasm leak off each word.

"You already broke your end of the deal you know," Christian said, through gritted teeth.

"What? How? We landed not even twenty-four hours ago."

"Adrian is with Lissa now, practising magic." He scowled.

_Oh dame._ Rose Hathaway, you're an idiot. You promised Christian a deal. How will you get out of it this time...

I ignored Christian's scowls as I walked to the fridge and grabbed two chocolate bars, along with two cans of coke. I walked back and handed him one of each. It gave me enough time to think of something,

"This is a peace offering. Even though I don't think it's right that I need to."

"You broke the deal Rose!" he yelled. "You promised and broke the deal!"

"All right, hold your horses, Ozera. I made a deal that I would keep Adrian away from Lissa, yes. So, technically I haven't done anything wrong, I still got my half of the deal going. Have you kept yours?" I tried to keep a calm posture.

Christian lit a fire in his hand and spoke, "How is your half of the deal going, if Adrian is with Lissa now – you idiot. And to answer your other question – yes, I did do my deal. She just needs some time to process everything."

I was relieved Christian stuck to the bargain. Any time now Lissa should be ready to talk. Now I have to try and convince him that I haven't backed out.

"Let me explain this to you Fire-boy. I promised to keep Adrian away from Lissa, so I am and I will – when they are not practising," I gave him a smart-ass look.

"That wasn't the deal, Rose."

"You left the deal open. You didn't say when or where."

Christian shook his head in disbelief. "You really are a worker."

"Christian, listen. I'm not breaking the deal here in any way. I understand why you want Adrian away from Lissa, but I'm telling you now – Adrian is not interested in her, and you know she doesn't think anything romantic about him."

"Adrian is better for her, Rose," he let his guard down and his fire blew out.

"Adrian?" I snorted. "What is wrong with your brain?"

"Look at me. I have nothing on what Adrian can give her."

_Why did this sound familiar?_ Oh yeah! Because Dimitri said something very similar to me on the plane. _Why does Adrian make all the guys insecure around here? _He really is a powerful Ivashkov, isn't he?

I walked over and gave him a hand of support on his shoulder.

"You are perfect for her, and she is perfect for you." _Oh you did not just say that. Rose, where has the real you gone? _I mentally slapped myself for saying something so cliché.

"Adrian and I might have a bad reputation, but his will always be better than mine."

"How so?"

"Adrian has a bad reputation for being with girls. That's nothing compared to me. He has a big family to back him up, he has power, money and a good social status in the Moroi world. He gets invited to Royal gatherings and parties – I don't."

I sighed in frustration at his ignorance. "That's a lot worse than you, Christian. You don't have a bad reputation with girls, because you waited until you found the right one – Lissa. Who cares if the Ivashkov's are the biggest Royal family around, the Ozera's use to have a lot of respect going for them, and I don't doubt you're skills in building it up again. Secondly, you are part of a royal family. You still have equal rights as the others do, you just don't push it. If you really wanted to, you could have enforced a lot of things by now.

"Rose you don't -"

"Don't interrupt me Fire-boy. About the money, that means nothing to Lissa. She isn't with you because of money, and she isn't going to give you up to be with someone with money. You don't need money to live a happy life. When Lissa is invited to parties, you go with her. You show them, that you are going to support her and you aren't afraid to be seen with her. Do you understand? because I'm on the outside and I can see a lot about you two. I hate to admit it, but I love the idea of you two together. I can feel how happy she is and how much she loves you. Don't even try and hide how you feel. I can see it as well. When she's not around you're not as happy but when she is there, you smile."

Christian didn't look up at me, but I did see his eyes move around looking towards the floor. I didn't want to interrupt his thoughts, so I went on to do my own stuff. I didn't get along with Christian, that often. Well, it's not that we don't get along. It's more like we have the same opinion, but different ways of expressing it – which means competition. Though I have noticed Christian and I have come become somewhat _closer._ We won't mention it to anyone though. I came to rely on him when I was in pain from Dimitri. I guess today was my turn to return the favour. _What am I saying... Christian is my mate._ I would never let anyone hurt him – apart from me, because I am allowed. He is my Fire-boy.

Christian broke me out of my thoughts...

"I love her... I love her so much."

"Then why are you telling me? Have you been listening?" I sighed and said, "I know you love her – tell her."

"I tell her all the time," he sighed and reached over to look at the – now mine – gold bracelet.

"Christian, she knows you love her."

"I haven't even brought her anything to show my affection."

"You don't need too, she can see it in the way you look at her, talk to her, touch her." I shuddered at the thought of Christian touching Lissa. I've had too much experience with feeling the way Christian touches, to my despise – thanks to Lissa.

Christian was now fiddling with the bracelet, "I could get her something like this." He wasn't really talking to me any more, he was in his own world.

I needed to change the subject, "Hey, since everyone else is in class and we get the day off because we came back from court, do you want to something?"

It seemed to have waken some part of him that was wallowing because he said, "Oh god, Rose Hathaway wants to hang out _with me_. What shall I ever do with her? Who shall I alert and tell? The media?"

"Oh why not, and while you're there, ask them for a two page spread," I said while grabbing my keys off my desk and walking out the door.

Looking straight ahead while walking down the hallway, I could tell Christian was giving me side glances.

"Spit it out," I hissed.

"Well..." He looked at me like I was some weirdo. "What the hell are we going to do together?"

"First of all I thought we could go take a bubble bath, while we wait for our massages together. Oh, and don't forget we have to go pick flowers together before we share a plate of fruit salad for dinner," I said sarcastically, while rolling my eyes.

Christian glared at me and not long after, pulled me into a different direction to where we were heading in the first place.

"Ah, Christian. I thought you fed today already?"

"I did, but I'm still hungry..."

I dragged the word out, "So?"

"So?" he said coping my tone.

I stopped outside of the feeders with my eyes wide open. "You're serious?"

"No Rose," he hissed. "I just made it all up," he added with a roll of his eyes.

"Jeez, no way. I thought you were just being a Royal pain in my ass!" I yelled with my hands on my hips.

Christian scoffed and pushed the door open hard and stormed inside. I waited outside for a while to get calm, and get an even rhythm of breath. Christian had to push my button's, didn't he. _Oh yes he did, because that's what he does. _Once I believed I was calm enough to go inside, I pushed the door open slightly and saw he was still waiting in line. He noticed my peek through the door and turned his back on me. Great, why did I choose to hang out with him again?

I walked in and gave Mrs Nikon a nod to acknowledge her presence. I reluctantly walked over by Christian and made clicking noising with my tongue. I was bored and wanted to have some fun. _So, why not annoy him? _

"Can you stop that?" he glared at me.

"Sure."

I began humming to myself a familiar tune. _Oh that's right, it was Mary had a little lamb._

"Oh please stop. It's making my ears hurt," he screwed up his face and spoke with a harsh tone.

"Not a problem," I gave him a small smile.

I moved my cheeks in and out making weird noises come out of my mouth.

"Rose, stop it," he said, through gritted teeth.

"No worries," I turned my head around to look in another direction, with an innocent face.

I knew Christian wouldn't be able to take one more annoyance from me, so I had to push it further. I couldn't leave myself waiting. I started whistling a random tune and made sure I moved closer to his ear.

"Quit it!" He yelled and his anger boiled up. I thought I saw smoke steam out of his ears, he looked that pissed at me.

"Okie dokie."

Christian stared straight ahead, with annoyance written all over his features. Anyone in his eye sight would probably freak out if they caught his eye.

"So Christian," I said while moving closer to him. "Isn't it strange that you want more blood?"

"It's not a crime," he said, not bothering to look at me.

"Yeah but... it's not common. And not with you."

He turned around, and looked pale.

"What are you saying?" he spat.

"I can't believe I missed that," I said disappointed at myself.

He must had noticed my change of mood, because his expression became confused, and asked, "What?"

I reached up and touched his face. It was an odd move for me to do, and especially touching Christian. However, he turned pale so quickly, because he wasn't that colour in my room half and hour ago. He felt my touch and flinched. As suspected, he wasn't expecting me to touch him either.

"You're pale. You weren't pale before. Well, paler than you usually are."

"I'm hungry Rose," he sighed.

"That's mostly likely it then," I gave a small smile, uncertain that it was because he was hungry.

"Yep."

After the feeders, we decided we would go to the television room, and see what was playing. Half way there, we ran into Dimitri.

"Lord Ozera, Miss Hathaway," he greeted us.

"Belikov," Christian greeted him just as I said, "Dimitri."

Christian and I both looked at each other at the same time, rolled our eyes and shook our heads. Dimitri looked at him with his guardian mask, but I could see amusement in his eyes. From his point of view we probably looked like a pair of idiots.

Dimitri looked at Christian and said, "Do you mind if I steal her away from you?"

Christian snorted and said, "Please, be my guest."

I rolled my eyes and looked at Dimitri who was looking back at me.

"Mind if I have a word with you, Rose?" He asked, his guard up.

I sighed, and looked at Christian. "I know you'll miss me, but please, don't keep yourself waiting."

"I'll try not to Rose," he let out a chuckle. "I'll go see if Lissa is ready."

"Don't forget what we spoke about."

"Whatever," he said while walking off.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, forgetting for just a moment that I had company and it was Dimitri. I was too worried about Christian, that I forgot the most important person in my life. _I can't believe that I was concerned for him._ I guess that's what happens when you bond. The funny thing is we didn't bond, we just tease each other and drive each other crazy. Maybe that was us bonding, on a different level. I was taken out of my thoughts when Dimitri spoke.

"I'm surprised to see you two together"

"Why, you jealous?" I said while wiggling my eyebrows.

"Should I be?"

"Not at all. What you want to talk to me about?"

His guardian mask went straight back on his face and he spoke, "We need to go somewhere private."

Dimitri led me to his room, and locked the door behind us. I felt that what he was going to tell me was serious.

"I'm telling you this because I know I can trust you. You have a high understanding of what most can't comprehend and you have a high desire in protecting the Princess." His tone was even but full of command.

"Tell me," I blurted out.

"Twenty-two other victims were taken prisoner from a town fourteen hours away. Twelve were announced dead and seven are seriously injured, at the small hospital outside the town."

I gasped, "Was it Strigoi or Victor?"

"A gang of Strigoi. However, I'm not completely convince that Victor wasn't involved."

I looked at him confused, "You're saying that you think Victor might have Strigoi working for him?"

His eyes never left mine, and his voice was deep and forceful. "I wouldn't put it past him. He convinced his own daughter to turn."

I shook my head and fell onto his bed. I placed my head in my hands and processed everything he told me.

"Have you told Alberta about your Victor theory?"

"No. This is strictly between you and I." He looked at me strongly and I was frightened to argue, so I just nodded my head.

Dimitri didn't say any more and left me to be into my own world. I wanted to be in his arms being comforted by him, but he was being a guardian.

I looked up to find him reading his novel on his chair. _How long was I in dreamland for?_

"What's the book you're reading?"

He looked up peacefully. I smiled to myself, because he was now out of guardian mode, and into Dimitri mode – my Dimitri.

"It's the fifth book in the series of the 'Slocum Series'.

My eyes widened, "Fifth book? How many is there?"

Dimitri lifted his eyebrow up and said, "Why so interested?"

"Any thing you do is interesting to me," I said with a man eating smile.

He ignored what I said and continued, "It's the longest running series of western fiction, featuring over three hundred and seventy-eight books."

I sat there with my mouth wide open, "And you wonder why I don't read. I would never get them finished."

"Not with the way you do things," he teased.

"What does that mean Comrade?" I said, faking a hurt face.

"Don't call me that. You might learn some things reading these books."

"What are they about?"

He arched his eyebrow up, but since I gave him a face to tell him to speak, he sighed and told me about the book series.

"John Slocum is a basically decent man who will do whatever it takes to survive what life in the Western Frontier throws at him. A Confederate soldier who lost his ancestral home to carpetbaggers after the Civil War and never went back, Slocum is a tough man, as gun-slick as they come. Slocum's adventures have taken him over a lot of the West. He has been a soldier, slave, stage driver and shotgun guard; I'm only on book five."

I nodded my head and pretending to be interested, "I see, awesome."

He cracked a smile and chuckled, "You're going to have to accept my taste in novels, if you want to have a relationship with me."

I bit my lip and said, "You said it outright."

"Said what?"

"For me to have a relationship with you," I was shocked to hear him say it, usually it's me.

His facial features softened; he placed the bookmark in his book and came over to sit with me on his bed.

"Is that what you want?" he asked.

"Yes," I said barely in hearing range.

He cupped my face with one of his hands and said, "Then that is what we have."

I gulped and started to breath heavy, he finally said it himself that we are in a relationship. I wanted to cry of _happiness_, but instead I brushed my lips with his and he kissed me. I laughed against his lips and he moved back to look at me in questioning.

"I prefer magazines because they have pictures," I joked.

"Is that all..." he teased me back with a sweet tone.

"Oh and because of the sex talk in them. Secretly, that's why I read them," I joked more. "I bet you don't have those in your western books."

"Actually, I do." I looked at him in question. "The books are claimed to be adult oriented, due to the presence of 3 explicitly described sex scenes in each of the numbered books."

I looked at him with my eyes wide, mouth hanging open and my breath caught in my throat. I also unconsciously crept away from him on the bed. He read about them in detail and yet he had a problem with being intimate.

"Rose, it's a book, nothing more." He said while lifting my chin up to close my mouth. "Breathe," he reminded me.

"You read about it, but you have intimacy issues. Do you-" I trailed off.

I didn't even want to think about it. Actually I do, because he must be masturbating for a release and reading sex scenes explicitly would make a man horny.

Dimitri slumped his head down and said, "It's not because of the sex, Rose. I enjoy reading the books and how free John Solcum can be. As for... you question..."

I closed my eyes and took a big breath. It was normal for guys to act this way right? I mean he can't be intimate so he has to release some way. I just wish I could do it for him. I grabbed his hand and he turned to look back at me.

"It's okay, I understand. I shouldn't have asked anyway. It wasn't my place to ask."

"You have a right to know," he replied in a low quiet voice.

"Since we are on this topic, I um... want to tell you something, and ask you... something."

He looked up and met my glaze.

"I – ah – did some research while I was alone today." He seemed to understand what I was saying. "Did – ah – you have a bad relationship with your father?"

"You know I did, Rose." He answered, like it was obvious that I should have known.

"I meant..." _Oh god, how the hell do I ask him?_ I could go around it and see if he tell me or I come be honest and get straight to the point. _I'll get straight to the point, that's what Rose would do._ I took a big gulp and said, "...did he ever abuse you?"


	18. More To Analyse

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.  
**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; another chapter complete and error free, thanks to you. :) **

**Authors Notes:  
I've received an overwhelming response of hits on the last chapter. However not so many reviews...  
I hope this story isn't too boring for you guys! I look forward to reading your reviews, so keep them coming.  
Also I have read Spirit Bound and I must say, I had a few gasps when I read through the book!  
Please let me know your thoughts on Spirit Bound while you review my story.  
I can't wait to see what you guys think about it.**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

_More To Analyse_

Dimitri's face became hard and I could see it hurt him. That's all he had to do for me to know that's what happened.

"Oh, Dimitri." I said as I practically pulled him into a hug. Dimitri didn't hug me back through, he just stiffened in his place.

I slowly moved out of the hold I had him in and said, "You don't need to explain anything now. I got what I needed from research, but if you need to talk... well, I'll always be here for you."

"Rose, my father was a very, very bad man." His eyes pierced my own.

I nodded my head, "How did you're family not know?"

"I was the only one who..."

"It's okay, I know what you're saying. Why you though? Wouldn't he want to go for... girls."

Dimitri looked at the floor and said, "I believe it was more of a dominance thing for him. He thought, if he could control me, the only other male in the family, then he can control us all."

I sat there staring at him. _How could someone be so cruel._ Not only did he sexually abuse Dimitri, which is going to scar him for life. He _ruined_ any possible chances of his son living a happy life for his own amusement.

"That's why you can't go any further with me. Remember what happened?" he nodded but kept looking towards are the floor. "I also read that you can isolate yourself from others, and feel loneliness. It all makes sense now. You don't go socialising with the other guardians when it is not necessary." He nodded once more. "I don't know how you were able to keep it to yourself for so long. It must have been so, so hard."

"It was. It is. I was eight," he said barely moving a muscle.

I gulped, "How long..." I trailed off, but he knew what I was asking.

"It lasted between two to three years. I didn't think much of it at first. I knew it was bad but he always let us know that he was the boss. I thought that's what I was meant to do, and that he did it to... the others as well." He paused but continued on, "As I grew older I realised what was happening and I started to fight back. I was strong but not strong enough, he would win, and I would have bruises all over my body. My family thought it was from training at school."

I held his hand in mine and said, "I'm listening."

"I pushed myself harder in school; came back early one day and saw with my own eyes my mother getting beaten. So I lost it and bashed him; with my newly gained strength, it surprised him. He didn't continue to come back." He looked up at me, "You know the rest of the story."

"Yeah, I'm so proud of you," I squeezed his hand to let him know.

"I wouldn't let myself get close to anyone again. Apart from my family, they are everything to me. I didn't socialise with anyone at school, I studied really hard and worked overtime on my body. I wanted to do something great in this world, and I thought doing what I did I would make up for what was happening with me with – the sexual abuse. I was in my junior year when I met Lady Natasha Ozera."

He said her name _so_ formally. This was the moment I was waiting for; how Tasha got to be in Dimitri's life and how she was his close friend.

"She had to discuss a matter with one of my teachers and she noticed my dedication as I fought. That's what we had in common at the time, because she, as you know, teaches martial arts. As she got to know me more, she saw that I wasn't my full self, that something in me was missing. Over time, she worked it out."

I flinched and closed my eyes. I knew how selfish I was being right now, because Dimitri is finally opening up to me and I'm sulking over Tasha. But I didn't want her to know, I wanted it to just be for me and Dimitri.

Dimitri noticed my distress and said, "Rose, I never told her, she just put the pieces together using what she saw and already knew. She doesn't know what the problem is; it hasn't been confirmed from me. She just knew I was a mess." I nodded for his to keep explaining.

He kept looking at me until he was satisfied that I believed him. "She became as good friend of mine and she introduced me to some of her friends. I did get to know them to some extent but I was still distant. I didn't think that I would be able to be in a relationship with a female, but the more I was with her every day the more my feelings grew."

I silenced him, "Dimitri, I think that's enough. You have opened up so much today; maybe it's best to give it a break." My advice for him was true, but I honestly didn't want to hear about him and Tasha.

"Rose," he brushed my cheek with his finger tips so softly. "I need you to hear this." I took deep breaths and nodded.

"When she was close to me, I would freak out because all I see is flashes of images coming together from the bad times. I finally let her kiss me, but I didn't feel anything there for me. So I told her, and than I honestly thought I would never be able to be with anyone again because of what I experienced."

"She came back for you," I managed to squeak out.

"She came back for Christian. Than she gave me the offer."

"She's wanted you for so long. I can see why."

"We are good friends, Rose. I made that clear with her when I declined her offer, for you."

The hand where my hand was placed went up to his mouth, where he kissed each of my fingers and continued his story.

"When I found you and brought you back, I was still dealing with my illness. I still am, but at that stage I was very guarded in everything I did, hence Lord Zeklos's death. You reminded me of myself when I was little, and you're attitude was awful." I rolled my eyes at him. "But you made me feel different when I was with you. You made me: laugh, care, and feel happy. I realised that I could be with someone and love them.

I opened my mouth in shock, in remembering the way he acted towards me and the words he said.

"Is that why you said it would be taking advantage of me?" I asked.

"That is one reason, yes. I didn't want to make you feel the same way as I did."

"I appreciate you looking at for me Dimitri, but I wanted you just as much, and I still do."

"I know, and I want to be close to you, I want to be with you. It's just every time we get heated, I see pictures in my head and I get angry. It used to be worse around you, but now I seem to be able to get further with you without freaking out. I'm slowly making progress, Roza. I promise."

"I'll be waiting," I lent in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Thank you for letting me in more. I know it must be very hard on you."

"I do feel a little lighter now, knowing I can share my feelings with you," he leaned in and rubbed our noses together.

Dimitri's phone ringing broke us out of our moment, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the number and pressed decline again. _What was up with that?_

"Why do you keep not answering?"

"It's not important, Roza."

"As in it's not important for you to go back on duty either," I said with an innocent face.

"Unfortunately, that's something I don't control. I'll see you tomorrow morning for practice," he said in guardian mode.

"Yep." I stood up to kiss him and he kissed me back. I tried to put more affection into the kiss but he pulled away and caressed my cheek before leaving to go on his patrol duty, which left me in his room... alone. I took one last look around his room and left to go get a snack at the cafeteria.

As I was walking in I saw Lucia Lombardi sitting alone at one of the end tables. I had forgotten about the incident with her and Ralf about a week ago. I grabbed a juice and a packet of chips before walking over to her.

"Hey, do you mind if I sit with you?"

She looked up almost scared that I would bash her or something, and said ever so softly, "Um... sure."

"I'm Rose Hathaway," I said while sipping a mouthful of juice.

"I know." Of course she knows. Everyone around here seems to know who I am. "I'm Lucia Lombardi; I transferred here not too long ago with my brother, Bruno Lombardi.

"I think I know him, his in one of my classes with Lissa."

She nodded and asked, "Is that the Princess you are bonded to?"

"I sure am. You should meet her; she would be pleased to meet you."

She blushed and lowered her head. Poor girl was defiantly shy. Ralf hassling her probably didn't help her self esteem.

"I saw you the other day talking to Ralf Sarcozy and Jesse Zeklos. They your mates?"

"Um, yeah. They showed me around the academy when I first came."

"Couldn't someone your own age show you?" It came out hasher than what I wanted it to sound.

"I don't – have many friends here," she said so softly, not meeting my eyes.

"I didn't mean to sound so rude. I'm just giving you some advice though, Ralf and Jesse are trouble, just be careful."

"It's alright; I just miss my friends in Italy. I didn't realise it would be so hard to make friends here. My brother found friends straight away..."

"Well, if you ever need help with something, or someone to hang out with, don't be afraid to talk to me."

She looked up from the table and whispered, "Thanks."

Two hands came around to cover my eyes, and at the same time I smelt cloves and alcohol. His hands were relatively warm and soft.

"Adrian, I know it's you."

"How could you tell it was me, little Dhampir?" He snickered, and took a seat beside me.

"The cigarette and alcohol smell had nothing to do with it," I sarcastically replied.

"I'm glad you can feel my presence."

I rolled my eyes at him and looked back at Lucia; she looked shocked that Adrian would even sit at the same table as her. Adrian looked up towards her and she quickly looked away.

"Why, isn't it Lucia Lombardi?" Adrian held out his hand.

She looked at him, eyes wide, and quickly nodded her head. I tried to hold in my laughter.

"I don't think I've ever met you before, however I have met you're beautiful mother. I see you are a perfect replica of her."

Lucia bit her lip, and looked down at the table while she blushed a bright red.

"Cat got your tongue, Lucia?" Adrian teased.

I turned around to give Adrian a glare, stomping on his foot and hitting his head with my hand respectively. I turned back to look at Lucia, and felt sorry for her humiliation.

"I'm sorry Lucia; sometimes Adrian thinks he is better than everyone else. Oh, sorry. Did I say sometimes? I mean all the time," I tried to enlighten her mood.

She looked up at me and smiled a small smile. "I'm sorry; I don't adjust well with new people. I tend to be quiet until I know them well."

"No need to worry, Rose here will get you talking in no time. All you have to do is hang around her, you'll learn real quickly," he smirked.

"Hey, that's not funny Ivashkov," I said shaking my head.

"It's Lord Ivashkov to you now," he laughed while pulling on his shirt, to make him look cool.

I pulled up my juice and squeezed the container tight, so the juice would squirt out and land on Adrian. As I hoped for it did, and he stopped laughing immediately, only for me to begin laughing at his face. Mission accomplished. Adrian grabbed some of my potato chips and crunched them up in my hair. He was now laughing hysterically at my annoyed face. I squirted more juice at him and we both kept laughing. The laughter must have caught on, because now Lucia as laughing as well.

We finally calmed down, but I still had a stitch from laughing so hard. It felt good to see Lucia with a pleasant smile on her face

We sat at the table, talking for about another half hour, about anything and everything. She asked me questions about Lissa and I and how the bond worked. Also, about Christian and how he used offensive magic to fight the Strigoi back in Spokane. She wanted to know about Eddie, and how privileged I am to have a guardian like Dimitri to train me. She didn't need to convince me too much, because I knew how lucky I was. She also asked about Adrian and my relationship, which was a tough one to answer, but Adrian explain how he felt about me and I told her that everyone at school thought I was going out with him anyway.

"Well, my two beautiful ladies, I shall be off. I need to have a shower and clean up," Adrian dragged his eyes over to me. "Thanks to someone."

I giggled and said, "Oh Adrian, you look stunning, like you always do."

Arian bent down and whispered in my ear, "Glad you think so." He walked over Lucia and gave her a bow before saying goodbye.

"He is a player, but a funny one I must add," I chuckled.

"He seems quite nice," as Lucia said this, she flushed a bright red on her cheeks.

"Well, sorry to leave you as well, but I better get cleaned up before someone tells me too."

"Yeah, I got to get back to class."

"It was nice to meet you, Lucia." Lucia waved goodbye and headed off to class while I headed to my dorm.

I cleaned up my hair and decided to do more research on the computer. Instead of finding out more information on Dimitri's illness, I googled how to cure him. I wanted to help him get over his flashbacks and go all the way with me.

I found a lot of sites which explained what to do before going into sexual intercourse. I wrote down a list of what to try out and hid it under my mattress.

I heard the sound of someone knocking on my door, so I opened it to see the hall matron.

"You have mail," the matron said.

"Who is it from?"

"Why don't you open it and find out," she said snarkily, while walking off.

I stuck my tongue out at her back as she walked off. Closing the door, I sat on my desk and stared at the envelope.

Last time I received a letter, it was from Victor, and nothing turned out well. This time though, it wasn't enclosed in a lavish envelope with fantasy writing. It was just a plain white envelope with my name printed on. That still doesn't relax me one bit though, there is still every chance that it could be from him.

I stared at the envelope for a while longer, and looked over to the gold bracelet. Victor left it for me for something, but I can't quite work out what it was. Maybe the envelope has something about it in it. It is my birthday today, after all. He shouldn't remember such things, but there I go again with assuming the least with Victor; he was proven many times to be sly and cunning.

I ripped open the envelope, and a small piece of paper typed up from the computer fell out.

_Rose,_

_Would you do me the honour of spending tonight with me?_

_I know a nice place we can go and enjoy ourselves._

_I'll come and pick you up from your door at 6:00 tonight._

_There is a surprise for you in the top drawer of your dresser._

_Love, me_

I throw the note and it landed somewhere on the floor of my room. I ran to the other side of my room and opened the top draw of my dresser. In the dresser was a beautiful purple metallic dress. I screamed with joy and placed the dress up to my neck to look at it in the mirror and see what it would look like. It stops half way down my thighs. I opened my eyes wide in shock and thought of who would buy me such a dress.

The first person who came to my mind was Lissa, but she wasn't on speaking terms with me at the moment. The second and last person who came to my mind was Dimitri, and if it was him, then he had great taste in dresses. Also Dimitri had a key to my room and easier if he sneaked in and placed the dress when I wasn't here earlier. The note did say, 'do the honour of spending the night with me,' so it must be Dimitri.

I jumped with joy, and started to look through all my jewellery, make-up, and shoes to compliment my dress.

I only had just less than two hours to get ready, so I hopped in the shower. I washed my hair with a shampoo and conditioner that smelt like apples. I shaved my legs, and made sure every inch on my skin when smooth to touch and feel. After being satisfied with the long hot shower I slipped out into my fluffy robe, with my hair wrapped up in a towel.

I moisturised my body and face, which had the smell of star fruit. I applied liquid foundation to my face, before slowly brushing on the powder foundation, to have a smooth complexion. I decided next to apply my eye-shadow. I put a dark layer of purple on my eyelid before applying a light purple around my eye, for a smoky look. I then applied liquid eye liner to draw out my eyes. I folded a tissue in half and carefully placed in under my eyes lashes, while closing one eye. Taking turns with each eye, I added black mascara. Now down to my lips. I have a choice between light pink, dark pink, or clear lip-gloss. In the end I choose the light pink.

I took the towel off my hair, and dried it before putting it into place. Because my hair was wet, it wasn't as straight as it normal is. For once I liked it, because it went well with my dress. I sprayed hair spray on my hair, to give it a soft wave, and only straightened my fringe.

I took my robe off and put on an Elsa Floral lace bra and underwear set. It was also purple with cute little bows. It looked quite nice and I hoped Dimitri would like it on me as well. I quickly looked at the time on my bedside table: half an hour left. I carefully slipped the dress on my body and awkwardly pulled up the zip that was on the back of the dress. The dress looked amazing. It was satin and clung around my body showing my curves; it had thin straps and was tight around the burst area. As mentioned before, it also stopped half way down my thigh.

I sat down and put on my black pumps and went to the bathroom. I heard knocking on my door and my heart raced because I was going to be see Dimitri. I smiled to myself opened the door and stood there, looking at...

"Little Dhampir," Adrian greeted me, while looking up and down my whole body.

"Adrian," I said a little less enthusiastic.

"You look – gorgeous."

"You don't scrub are to bad either."

Oh my god – I can't believe it was Adrian who sent me the note. What the hell did I get myself into? I hope Dimitri wouldn't be mad at me for spending the night with Adrian. It's not like I can back out on him now.

Adrian walked me through the quads, past the gym and stopped at a building just outside the academy. It was rarely used these days, only when offensive magic was allowed. I stared at the building wondering what the hell Adrian was doing, bringing me here for our "special night"', but Adrian grabbed a blind fold from under the mat and placed it over my eyes.

"Adrian, I don't like this idea," I hissed.

"Trust me, you will enjoy it."

"Trust is something you earn," I mentally slapped myself when I said that.

"What have I done to break your trust?" He asked and for once sounded hurt.

"Nothing. I'm just irritated by this blind fold, so hurry up so I can take it off."

He grabbed my hand and I heard the door being open. He led me forward. Different smells assaulted my sense: sausage rolls, party pies, alcohol.

"We are here, Rose."

I pulled the blindfold off and was greeted with a "HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY!" There was Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Mum, Alberta, Carly, Lucia, Meredith, Shane, Bruno, Todd, Emil, of course Adrian and in the far left corner – Dimitri.

"Oh my god! I can't thank you all enough!" I yelled with excitement.

I looked around the room and it was wonderfully done up. There was a big white banner and written in glitter was 'Happy 18th Birthday Rose'. There are streamers hanging everywhere as well as balloons. A table with delicious looking foods and drinks. A table with presents, and another table with a fancy looking cake. Over in the other side of the room, was a projector facing the wall and a little dance area.

Lissa came running up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, her emotions were all over the place.

"I'm so sorry for the way I've been acting, Rose." she half cried.

"It's alright Liss, you had all the reason," I said while patting her back.

"I was disappointed that you didn't tell me, but that's not why I wouldn't speak to you." I looked at her with a confused face and she explained. "We had planned this surprise party, and I was trying so hard to not let you find out earlier, and I realised by not being near you it was easier to hide. So I-"

"So you pretended to stay mad at me, to make it actually a surprise," I finished for her.

She nodded and hugged me again, "I hope it was worth the surprise."

"It was. It is. It's amazing... did you do all this yourself?"

"I planned it and asked to put it together, but everyone chipped in."

"It's perfect, I couldn't have imagined it better. Actually I didn't consider it possible. I thought no one remembered my birthday, apart from Eddie."

Lissa giggled, "I couldn't handle you thinking that, so I told Eddie not to worry about pretending to forget. It made it look more real if at least someone remembered, and I didn't want you sad."

"Ah, Liss, you defiantly surprised me this time."

"Excuse me, Princess."

I looked up to see mum standing in front of me.

"Mum, I didn't expect you to be here."

"Give me some credit, Rose. I may be a tough mother, but I wouldn't dream of missing your eighteenth birthday."

"But... what about your charge?" I asked suddenly.

"Another guardian is watching over him for the time being. Even though I was here last week, I was unable to speak to you. It's hard to get a hold of you, Rosemarie."

"Yes, it has been a hectic week," I sighed. I briefly remembered seeing mum at my hearing test, but with everything going on – I forgot she was _here_.

"You look stunning," she said rather passively.

I remembered the night of the Royal dinner where she got aggressive with the way I was dressed while speaking to Adrian. At least that night, I wore a dress which was long and covered my body, whereas tonight it's short and defiantly shows off my curves. Mum was looking at me intensely when I didn't say anything because I was thinking back to that night. I felt a strange feeling come over me, and I unexpectedly pushed myself into her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She was stiff to began with, but relaxed a little bit and rubbed my back.

I turned around to face Christian and Eddie; Christian still looked very pale and Eddie had a huge grin on his face.

"I knew they wouldn't forget your birthday," Eddie winked.

"Rose Hathaway thought she had no friends? I wish I was there to see her face," Christian teased.

I poked my tongue out at him and he punched my arm before making his way over to where Lissa was talking to one of the guardian on duty – Emil.

"I'm happy this was a great surprise for you, Rose – you deserve it," Eddie said while slipping his arm over my shoulder.

"I'll get you back when it's your birthday. You can count on that," I said slapping his chest.

"Happy Birthday Rose." Carly said as she came towards me and kissed my cheek.

It was so, so out of character for her to do so, especially to a Dhampir._ Does Eddie have something to do with this? _I hope so, because I didn't like the stuck up Carly who hung out with Camille Conta.

"It's good to see you Carly," I so badly lied. Carly gave Eddie a look and he became a little uncomfortable. My guess is that she wanted to spend time with him, so I abruptly said, "I see you two have much to catch up on. If you need me, I'll be over by the food table." I had a big smile on my face from thinking about the food.

Eddie bent down and whispered beside my ear, "We are on a date."

I gave him a quick wink for only him to see and headed off to the food table.

"I'm glad I got to see you grow up Rose."

I grabbed a mini meat pie and saw Alberta standing across from the table.

"I bet I didn't surprise you one bit with the way I grew up," I snickered.

"Actually, no you didn't," she answered with her guardian mask on her face.

I looked down and frowned.

"Because I knew you would turn out to be the person you are today." I looked up at her surprised. "You always had potential, Rose. Even though you have had mistakes – we all have, but you have learnt from them. You are not only a Novice in the training to be a guardian, you are a friend to many, and best friend and sister to the last Dragomir; someone who others turn to when in the need and an inspiration to many. You will be an exceptional guardian when you graduate – there is no doubt about it."

I felt like I was going to cry. Not only had Alberta been proud of me, but she spoke to me like a friend. Someone who I could always go back to if in doubt or trouble. I smiled at her and apologised to her for all the trouble I had given her over the years.

I started to jump up and down when I heard the song 'move, shake, drop' by 'Pitbull' being played from the sound system. It was one of my favourite songs at the moment, and it was great to dance to, not to mention the bass that it produced. I saw the crew apart from Dimitri, Alberta and Emil go to the middle of the dance floor. I turned the music up, so it was blasting in the room. I started to move to the beat with my feet, and took a quick look in Dimitri direction.

He was looking at me with no emotion in his face. Why did he have to be on duty? I want to be with him so bad. It's my birthday for crying out loud. I shook the feeling out of my head and joined the group to dance. All us girls were dancing with each other, rubbing and moving down to the ground. The guys were yelling and cheering and even trying to dance themselves.

When the chorus came all us girls started to dirty dance with the boys. Lissa was obviously all over Christian, Eddie was paired up with Carly, Lucia was dancing with Shane and Meredith was dancing with both Bruno and Todd. I on the other hand was dancing with Adrian, and boy, did he enjoy his time.

_I wanna see you move move shake shake now drop (what your momma said)_

My back was rubbing along Adrian chest and his hands were on my hips.

_Move move shake shake now drop (what your daddy said)_

I swayed my hips against Adrian personal stick and his mouth was so close to my neck, that I felt his breathing on me.

_Move move shake shake now drop (what your sista said)_

I turned around so I was now facing him and I saw lust in his eyes. My hands were around his neck and we were moving in sync. I looked beyond him and saw my Mother trying very hard to keep her cool and not spoil the party.

_Move move shake shake now drop drop drop drop_

I put my hands on Adrian chest and swayed all the way down to the floor and swayed up.

All the crew kept dancing for a few more songs, and I got the chance to dances with Lissa and Lucia. I took the chance to look over at Dimitri. He wasn't showing any emotion, but I could see in his eyes, that he was furious about my dirty dancing with Adrian. I would have to explain to him later that I was just having fun, and nothing was to come from it. However I would have to clarify that with Adrian, so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

A slower song came on, and Shane had me in his hands. The song was called 'Accidently In Love'. Not even ten seconds into the song, a tall, handsome Russian tapped Shane on the arm.

"May I?" Dimitri asked, while looking at me.

With Shane dispatched, I was now in the arms of my lover.

_she said what's the problem baby  
What's the problem I don't know  
Well maybe I'm in love love  
Think about it every time  
I think about it  
Can't stop thinking 'bout it_

"This song is perfect, for us," I said.

"Could that explain why I requested it be placed on the disk?" He said with a sexy side smile.

I bit my lip while staring into his brown eyes, "I wish I could kiss you."

"I wish I could do a lot more with you."

I stared at him shocked he would say such thing. It was completely out of his character.

"I can't believe you said that," I said while shaking my head.

_How much longer will it take to cure this  
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)  
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love_

_Come on, come on  
Turn a little faster  
Come on, come on  
The world will follow after  
Come on, come on  
Cause everybody's after love_

I was now resting my head against Dimitri's chest as he was taking the lead in the dancing.

"Dimitri," I whispered.

"Yes, Rose."

"What if someone gets suspicious of us dancing together?"

"Why would they do that? I'm just your mentor congratulating you on your birthday."

I put on my best seductive tone, "Is that all you are?"

"That's all I am," he said trying to make his face innocent.

"Hmm. I best get back to Adrian then," I teased while pulling away.

"Don't. You. Dare." He growled and held onto me tighter.

_So I said I'm a snowball running  
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love  
Melting under blue skies  
Belting out sunlight  
Shimmering love_

_Well baby I surrender  
To the strawberry ice cream  
Never ever end of all this love  
Well I didn't mean to do it  
But there's no escaping your love_

Dimitri let go of my hand and twirled me around before I was in his arms again.

"You look beautiful tonight," he murmured in my ear.

My heart started to beat faster. "I got given a beautiful dress. It was you, right?"

"You always look beautiful Roza, and yes and no. Lissa choose the dress but I agreed and put it in your room with a note."

I blushed and said, "I thought you forgot my birthday."

He pulled his face away so he could look at me straight in my eyes, "I would never forget it. It means a lot to you. It's a new step in life, for you to take."

"It's just with everything going on..."

He shook his head and we went back to dancing.

_These lines of lightning  
Mean we're never alone,  
Never alone, no, no_

_Come on, Come on_  
_Move a little closer  
Come on, Come on  
I want to hear you whisper  
Come on, Come on  
Settle down inside my love_

I was in contentment dancing with Dimitri when I heard him quickly growl and try and pull me closer to him.

"Something you want to tell me?"

"Adrian is staring at you and I know he is undressing you with his eyes."

"Let him undress me."

Dimitri pulled away and lifted his eyebrow, "Let him undress you?"

"With his eyes, because he won't have a chance to do it in person," I stated.

Dimitri tensed and his grip on me tightened. He wouldn't look at me when we danced and I realised I must have said the wrong thing.

_Come on, come on  
Jump a little higher  
Come on, come on  
If you feel a little lighter  
Come on, come on  
We were once  
Upon a time in love_

_We're accidentally in love __  
__Accidentally in love_

"Dimitri..." I whispered. "I love you."

He looked down at me and his facial features softened, "Я чувствую то же"

"What did you say?"

"I said, I feel the same."

We stared into each other eyes, and I don't know about him but I wanted to be with him so much. I need him now, but I knew we wouldn't have sex. However, that doesn't mean I can't try my seduction ways.

"Dimitri..."

"I know Roza. I feel it too."

"Can we go?" I asked sounding impatient.

He let out a chuckle and said, "You still have your cake to cut."

I pouted and said, "Well what are you waiting for? Let's cut the cake."

"Rose, the night isn't going anywhere. We still have time," he breathed against my lips.

I nodded, breathing in his scent and trying to hold myself together.

_Accidentally_

_I'm In Love, I'm in Love,  
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,  
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,  
Accidentally_

_Come on, come on  
Spin a little tighter  
Come on, come on  
And the world's a little brighter  
Come on, come on  
Just get yourself inside her_

_Love … I'm in love_

I reluctantly let go of Dimitri and motioned for everyone to come over so I could cut the cake. All I kept thinking about was being alone with Dimitri, on my birthday. He wanted me just as I wanted him. _Tonight was going to be interesting!_


	19. My Lust Control

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M_.**  
**The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there are sexual references and sexual scenes.  
****This chapter doesn't go into too much information about sex, but I'm being cautious.**

**_For the fans who don't want to read Rated M details, I suggest you stop reading when Rose says, "_**_**I don't want it any other way.**_**_"_**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; so proud to have you as my Beta. **

**Authors Notes:**  
**I've read all of your theory's for 'Last Sacrifice,' and they are very interesting. :)  
Here is the chapter a lot of the fans have been waiting for!  
****Let me know what you thought about this chapter, please!  
Also just remember, it's the beginning of Rose and Dimitri's intimate relationship, so over time things will heat up more! **

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

_My Lust Control_

I was walking to my bedroom in a hurry. Not too far in the future, Dimitri was going to be joining me. After eating my birthday cake with my family and friends, I thanked them very much for the surprise and for making my eighteenth a birthday to remember. Dimitri told me to run along first to my room because we couldn't leave together; otherwise, it might look suspicious. He was still officially on guard duty so he would only be able to come when everyone had left and taken off to their dorms for the night.

After messing around with the key in the lock to my door, I finally got inside. Closing the door, I laid my head against it to rest. Tonight had been amazing, but there was still much more to come. Smiling to myself, I tried my best to clean up my room as much as possible. I picked up all the clothes off the floor, putting them either back in the clothes drawer or in the washing basket. I made my bed with blue silk sheets and blankets and puffed my pillows up. I closed the curtains, tapped the touch lamp until it was on its lowest setting, making the room have little light but still relatively dark, (as dark as it can be, since in the Moroi world it's day time outside). I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and added perfume.

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

My heart starting beating extremely fast and I ran the short distance to the door. There he was – Dimitri. He was wearing what he wore to the party, as so was I. He also had a bag with him that looked rather bulky.

"May I come in?" He asked with a small smile.

I nodded all too eagerly and slid to the side of the door, to let him in. After shutting and locking the door behind me, I turned around to the most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes. I reached up on my toes and kissed him on his lips.

"What's with the bag?"

He raised his eyebrow and said, "An all too enthusiastic beautiful young lady forgot the presents her loving family got her."

I gasped as I had totally forgotten about the gifts I was given. The wrapped gifts. I immediately thought about what my friends would think of me, but I'll make sure to thank them all tomorrow.

"I was too caught up in my own world, that I forgot."

"It seems that way," he said while sitting on the end of the bed.

"Should I open them?"

"It's up to you," he shrugged.

I sat beside him and smiled. "I want to open them."

Dimitri passed me a medium sized present, with a card attached to the top. I carefully opened the envelope and read it aloud.

"Dear Rose, congratulations on turning eighteen. I hope you enjoy your gift, from St Vladimir Guardians." I looked up to Dimitri, who tried not to laugh. "You knew about this?"

"Yep, open it up."

I opened it and it was a small trophy palate. It had my name in the middle and all the awards I had won, since starting the academy at the age of four.

"No way," I laughed. "I'm going to treasure this forever."

Dimitri handed me another envelope which was from Carly, Lucia, Meredith, Shane, Bruno and Todd. They had all given me $50, which ended up as $300 in my savings account.

Next was Eddie's present. I ripped it open to find out it was a Digital Camera.

"Oh my god, how awesome is this?" I turned the camera on.

"It looks like a decent one too, Rose. Don't lose it," Dimitri stated.

I leaned in closer to him and he put his arm around my waist. I pushed my arm out and tried to take a photo of Dimitri and me. I turned the camera around to have a look, and it wasn't too bad. Dimitri had a little smirk on his lips and I was showing all my teeth.

Next was a present from Lissa. It was shaped like a book, and I started to wonder what kind of book she would be giving me for my birthday. I have to admit I was a little nervous when opening the present. I held it in my hands and looked all over the cover. It was a digital photo album. It was like a book, except it had photos on the page instead, like pictures of a story. The cover of the book also had a photo as a cover. It was of me and Lissa when we were two years old.

"You were a beautiful baby," whispered Dimitri.

"Yeah sure, if you think me being chubby is beautiful."

"Rose, whether you're skinny or fat doesn't make a difference because you'll always be beautiful."

I pecked him on his lips and looked through the photo album with him. At the beginning of the book were photos of me when I was born, including mum, and went up until I met Lissa. There were photos of us in the mud, crying, laughing and even playing with Andre when he was a child. My age kept getting older in the photos, and some of them I didn't even know were taken. I saw a photo of Lissa parents teaching me how to ride a horse, plenty of photos with Mason and Eddie and it kept going up into the age of was now. Surprisingly there was a photo of Adrian and Christian in the photo album, but that wasn't the biggest surprise of all. The biggest surprise was the photos of Dimitri and I. There was one with us training, one when we went shopping earlier in the year and one at the Ski Lodge.

I looked up at Dimitri and he was still staring at the last photo in the album. It was me when I replaced Christian for Lissa at the Royal dinner at the Ski Lodge.

"You're not angry are you?" I asked quietly.

He looked straight back at me and said, "Why would I be angry? This was a lovely idea."

"I thought you might be annoyed at the fact that Lissa took these photos, without your knowledge."

"It surprised me at first. She was sneaky about it," he reached up and rubbed my cheek down to my neck with his thumb. "But I'm not angry, I like these photos. I just didn't think I would see myself in a photo with you... yet. The emotion in your eyes is... strong."

"That's how I look at you. My connection and need for you is strong."

We stared into each other's eyes until Dimitri broke away and handed me another present.

"It's from your Mother."

"I'm worried. She hasn't brought me a present since I was ten," I winced.

He smirked and tried to recover himself, "she is trying her best, Rose."

I opened the present and it was a mobile phone. It wasn't one of the new Iphone's but it was a LG enV touch mobile phone. Dimitri helped me set the phone up, and noticed a note in the box. It was from my mother telling me to add her number at the bottom of the page in the phone, and give her a text when I set the phone up. So I sent her a text and thanked her for the gift. I also got Dimitri's number from him and added him as Dee. It was in case someone saw the text, so I could say it was a girl I met at the Ski Lodge. I don't know what he put my name after; I guess that's something I will have to find out.

Dimitri stared at the next present, and his lips came together in a straight line.

"Dimitri, who's it from?"

He breathed in and passed it over to me. I looked at the name and sighed.

"I didn't ask him to."

"Even if you did, it wouldn't have mattered to him. He does whatever he wants to do and he gets away with it," he growled.

"I've spoken to him lately, and he has changed. Maybe it won't be so bad," I insisted.

Dimitri watched me carefully open the tiny present and froze once he saw what was inside. I stared at it for a while myself, not believing what my eyes showed me. Adrian had given me a credit card. I couldn't believe it; however, it was so like him to show off his money. _But giving me a credit card – what was he thinking? _I couldn't use it, knowing it would be his money I was spending. I just couldn't do it, and I am going to tell him that as well.

"I'm giving it back to him," I said frustrated.

"I believe that's a good idea," Dimitri said, barely moving.

"There's only one more present to open," I said, pointing to the last box in the bag. "Let's get this over with."

Dimitri didn't move to pick up the present, so I reached over him and picked it up myself. As I was starting to go back to my sitting position, he grabbed me by my hips, and pulled me down on him, so he was now lying on his back. He didn't let go of my hips, however he did bring his lips to mine and kissed them like there was no tomorrow. I moaned against his lips and moved my hands up to let his hair down. My legs parted and were now over his. I tried to move myself up his body, but he caught on and stopped the kiss. I pouted and he only chuckled at me.

"You have Christian's present to open, remember?" he teased.

"I suppose I could open it," I murmured, still annoyed that Dimitri pulled away.

"Well if you aren't interested, then I guess I'll be putting it back over here," he said taking it back to the bag.

"No wait. Of course I want to open it. I'd love to see what Fire-boy got me," I grimaced.

I opened the wrapping to find it had another layer of wrapping to open. When I ripped it off the second time, there was a third layer.

"Oh, for fucks sake Christian," I growled.

Instead of Dimitri getting up me for my language, he did the opposite; he chuckled.

I finally got through the layers of wrapping and my eyes widened. Christian had gotten me an Itouch. I couldn't believe it. Christian knew me quite well._ I've been wanting one for ages._ I turned it on and noticed there were already songs on there. The playlist was named Christian, not spontaneous at all. I laughed out loud and Dimitri gave me a questioning look while raising his eyebrow.

"Christian decided to add some songs for herself."

He chuckled and said, "Herself? How come I wasn't notified of his sex change?"

I laughed back at Dimitri because it was the first time I had heard him play around. I gave him an ear plug and put the other in my ear. I clicked on the first song and it was 'Disconnected' by 'Trapt'.

Dimitri pulled out his earplug and said, "Defiantly not my taste in music, my sweet."

"I'm so lucky. I've been gifted the best presents, and I have the best friends. Not only that but I have the best boyfriend."

For the second time since I've known Dimitri, I saw him blush. He stood up and grabbed my hand. I saw his other hand move to the pocket of his suit pants and in his hand was a box.

He cleared his throat and said, "There's one more present left."

I looked at him shocked, with my eyes wide and mouth wide open. He had a box, he was holding my hand, we were both dressed up, and it was birthday. It can't be an... engagement ring, could it? _No, Dimitri wouldn't propose to me._ Then what else could it be... _Oh dear, he is going to ask me to marry him. Oh my god. I can't breath, I can't breath. _I mentally hit myself. _Shut up you idiot. This is the guy you love, what else would you say other than yes._

"Rose, you take my breath away when I look at you. I can't think straight when you're around me. You and I have had our differences, but in the end they come together as one. I want to spent my life with you until I die, and even then, my soul will be forever yours." He opened the box and it took my breath away.

There, in my eyesight, were two beautiful matching gold rings. The rings had two bands and on each band was a heart. On one band was an emerald heart and the other was a ruby heart. My heart was racing a thousand miles an hour, and I was so shocked at Dimitri's proposal. He wasn't asking me to marry him, so I felt a little disappointed. At the same time, I wasn't ready to get married.

"Rose, will you do me the honour, of accepting this promise ring?"

"Yes, yes yes!" I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with full force.

"Steady Rose," he chuckled and pulled me back. "I still didn't put it on."

He slipped the ring on my ring finger and it fitted perfectly.

"Dimitri! it's perfect!"

"Just like you, my love."

"You didn't need to give me anything. I already have you, that's all I need."

Dimitri held my chin up to look him in the eyes, "I know I didn't need to give you anything, but I wanted too. I know it's not an engagement ring, but I'd like to think it's the next step up from where we are now. The ring signifies my love, my protection, my friendship and my soul, because it's all for you."

"As the other ring means the same to you, Dimitri. Where is the other ring?" I looked around franticly.

"It's here," he showed me the ring in the box.

"Let me put it on you, as you did for me."

As I was lifting the ring out of the box, I noticed there was engravings on the inside of the bands. On the inside of the first band of the ring, it had 'навсегда'. I don't speak Russian, so I'll have to ask Dimitri, but on the inside of the second band was the date '17/09/09'. I let out a loud gasp when I realised the date. It was the day Dimitri had caught Lissa and I in Portland to bring us back to St Vladimir.

"It's the date I fell for you, Roza," he said with a big smile.

"As I fell for you, Dimitri. Please tell me something though..."

"Of course." He looked worried by my choice of words.

"What does it say in Russian?"

He laughed and said, "навсегда it means 'forever'.

"nar vek ki," I said trying to coping how he said it.

He let out a natural laugh and said, "Here copy me. Na..."

"Na."

"Ve..."

"Veh..."

He chuckled, "no, Ve..."

"Ve."

"Ki."

"Ki."

"See Roza, you can do it. Now, try and pull it all together. It rolls off your tongue, naveki."

I took a breath, closed me eyes and thought about the word. Dimitri was actually willing to teach me this word, so the least I could do was remember it.

"I love you Dimitri, naveki."

He cupped my face and brought my lips to his. "You better be careful, we are bound together now."

"I don't want it any other way."

My hands found his loose hair, while his rested on my hips. I reached up and softly moved my lips along his. He responded almost immediately and moaned against my lips. Dimitri made the kiss accelerate, and it picked up speed rather fast. He was in total control of our lips moving. He started to suck on my bottom lip, and I moaned out in pleasure, taking in some air. He slammed his lips back to mine and his tongue traced my bottom lip for entrance. I accepted his offer and our tongues found each other. Our tongues were battling for dominance, having there own war to win. Finally, he won. Once again, Dimitri had control over my body.

I reluctantly pulled out of the kiss to breath, but his lips never left my skin. He nibbled from my earlobe, down my cheek, and along my neck to my collarbone where he planted heavy kisses. The want I had for him was starting to boil and I pushed him back onto the bed. He stared at me, and I saw desire in his eyes. I gave him my best man eating smile and playfully bit his neck. He let out a hiss and I moved up to look him in the eyes. He took the advantage to kiss the top of my nose and find his way to my neck. He found a sensitive area on my neck, and he knew it because I couldn't keep in the moan I made. I felt his teeth bite down and tongue swirl around on my neck.

I don't know how I thought straight, but while he was sucking, I slid my hands up his shirt, to feel his wonderful, sculpted muscles. His sucking became harder. Not too hard to hurt, but not soft either. I then realised it was because he felt me touching his chest. I let my fingers trail down to the bottom of his shirt and then found his suit. I slowly undid his buttons to the best ability I could without moving my neck to see. He let go and I found it easier to breathe again. He followed my glaze to his suit and he yanked the suit open, with buttons falling off.

"I had a way of taking it off, without destroying it," I giggled.

"You were going too slow," his voice was low.

Dimitri then flipped me over so I was now the one lying on the bed. He was looking down at me with a small smile on his lips. He started to nibble on my jaw and slowly trailed down to the other side of my neck. He then bit it and sucked on it like he did on the other. I had no doubt that he left a major love bite on my neck, soon to be another. My hands went to the bottom of his white shirt and pulled it up. He pulled away from my neck and moved so I could lift the shirt over his head. I took in his body, kissing his delicious lips. His hands trailed up my thigh under my dress, and a frill of desire heated up in me. I kissed him down his neck and all the way to his chest. I then slowly made my way to the end of his stomach, right above his pant line. I felt him shiver above me.

"That's not fair, Roza. You are able to see me, yet you are still covered," he purred beside my ear.

"There's nothing stopping you," I managed to squeak out.

He looked me in the eyes, and I gave him a small smile, letting him know I'm ready. He flipped us over again, and I was now straddling him. He never took his eyes off mine as he slowly left a burning trail on my skin where his fingers touched. His fingers caught the zip at the back of my dress and he slowly brought the zip down. With his eyes still looking in mine, his hands came to the dress straps and slid them down my arms. With the dress now floppy, revealing a small part of my Elsa Floral lace bra with cute little bows. He sat up, taking me with him. However, I was now standing. I bit my lip, preparing for Dimitri to see my body fully for the second time, (Victor's lust spell was the first). He noticed my hesitation and asking permission with his eyes.

My eyes must have told him my response, because his hand only needed to pull the dress down a little bit, and it fell to the ground. Dimitri's eyes roamed all over my body, and a smile was tugging on his lips. He pulled me to him, while growling and I was now sitting on him, with my legs around his waist. His lips moved with mine, showing me love and hunger at the same time. My hands moved within his hair. One of his soft, calloused hands threaded in my hair while the other wrapped around my back. I started feeling the need to be closer to him, so I tried pushing myself closer, my core feeling a hardness beneath me. Dimitri groaned and his head stopping moving on my neck.

The silence continued between us and before I spoke to Dimitri, I wanted to make sure my breathing was even. He didn't move his face away from my neck, but his breathing was slowing down as well. It was then that I realised that we had gone too far for Dimitri. As least we got this far right? But god, I wanted him so bad. No, still want him. His hold on me was still tight and my hands never left his hair.

"Dimitri..." I whispered. "Hey, look at me."

Dimitri moved from my neck and I saw the pain in his eyes.

"It's okay. You've made this the best night I've ever had." I was waiting for him to have a mood swing, but it didn't come. Yet.

"This was meant to be your night." He struggled to get the next sentence out, "it was going to be our night."

"Oh, Dimitri. It was our night and it still is." I cupped his face in my hands. "I love you, naveki."

Dimitri's emotion didn't change; not a crack of a smile, or emotion in his eyes. It was then I realised the information I had looked up. It was ways to stimulate a guy who is afraid of commitment, hence, intimacy. I wanted to give it a go, but Dimitri stopped here. I wanted to get just a tad more intimate with his body, to try at least one of the experiments.

"Dimitri, I'm going to tell you something, but I don't want you to get mad at me." He moved his head so he was looking me in the eye and waited. "I did more research," I waited for him to snap, but he didn't. "There are ways where I can slowly try to stimulate you, and you'd do the same for me. So we can slowly build up our intimacy. But, it can only work if... if you let me get a bit further."

Dimitri moved us out of our sitting position; leaving me sitting on the bed while he was standing up, looking like he might blow.

"What are these things?" He said through gritted teeth.

"Um... well I'll just tell you about the first step for now." I sneaked a peak at his face and quickly looked down again. "You have to touch my breats," I said in a low, soft voice.

"What's that meant to do?" His voice wasn't as gritted but still harsh.

"It's meant to let you get a little physical with the opposite sex. It's so you've got control. You'll be touching me... I'm not touching you." I bit my lip waiting for him to yell.

"I can't do this," he said turning around to grab his shirt.

"Wait! Please, it might help. It's worth a shot, right?"

He looked at me like I was blind, "you honestly want me after..." He couldn't even finish it, he looked so disgusted with himself.

"Yes, I do. I'll always want you. I know you want me too Dimitri. I see it, I... feel it. All I'm saying is give it one shot, and if it doesn't work, then I won't pursue it."

He closed his eyes, and I knew he was thinking about it. "I'll give it a go, but... only for you."

I stood up and Dimitri still showed no emotion. I wrapped my hands around his waist and pulled him to me. My head was resting on his chest when I felt his big, strong arms hold me tight to him.

"Да благословит вас Господь, Roza. Вы - единственный - этот мир, кто мог нарушить мой барьер. Я нуждаюсь в Вас также, моей любви." He said to me softly.

"What did you say?" I asked looking up at his face. It had now softened.

"God bless you Roza. You – are the only one – in this world, who could break my barrier. I need you too, my love."

I shook my head, "That's just too much for me to remember."

He gave me a crooked smile and I went up on my tip toes to give him a chaste kiss. It was then that I realised I was still only wearing my underwear and bra set. I blushed and bit my lip. He arched his eyebrow and I explained.

"I just realised – what I'm wearing."

He looked over my body once more and gave me a big smile. "You look sexy, don't ever be ashamed."

I bit my lip and moved closer to his body. I twined my arms around his neck and his hands went to my hips. Out lips met, and they moved in a slow synchronisation. He pushed me back onto the bed with his body leaning on me. He wasn't using all his weight, because he had both hands on either side of my face holding him up on the bed. His wet kisses trailed along my neck to my collarbone. He slowly kissed further down my chest and stopped just above my bra. He then picked up his trail from underneath my bra and went down along my stomach. I let a moan escape, and I felt his smile on my skin. He trailed his kisses back up, to above my bra and my body arched up to his. His hands unclasped my bra and I felt the weight of the bra drop.

Dimitri pulled the bra off and took me in, his eyes darted from my breasts to my eyes and his lips clashed with mine. My breasts were now free rubbing against his bare chest, and the feeling was surreal. Dimitri's hand travelled to my left breast, and started to play with it. I let out a gasp and he stopped and looked at me. I gave him a little nod, and he continued to kiss my lips while fondling with my breast. Dimitri's mouth left mine and moved down to my free breast. Dimitri started to suck on it, and a laughing moan escaped my lips. I then felt his teeth nibble on my tit, and I started squirming around under him. I wanted him so bad; I needed him!

He froze on my breast, and I knew he got to a point which would be too much. I didn't say anything; not wanting to embarrass myself, since I was basically naked, except I had underwear on. His hand started to play with my other breast, and I didn't know what was happening. His lips sent a wonderful sensation through my body when he attached them to the breast he was working on earlier. His tongue swirled around making me moan more frequently. He then swapped sucking that breast and the first was now getting a massage.

He finished with the other one and kissed all the way until the middle of my breasts. Both of his hands went to my hips and he kissed the middle of my cleavage. He looked up into my eyes, and I gave him a smile for succeeding with the first step. I brought his head to mine and we made out a while longer. He let me unbutton his pants and all he was left in was his boxers, and that was fair for me.

He laid down on my bed and pulled me towards him. No words were needed, we knew what each other was thinking. We laid there looking into each others eyes, for so long. My eyes started to get tired and he moved to relax on his back. I placed my head on his chest, and the next thing I knew, I was dreaming happily in the arms of the man I loved.


	20. Strange Events

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T._****  
**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; another chapter cleaned up by your genesis brain and talent.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I'm sorry fans, but I will not be able to update this story until I come back home.  
This was not intentional - I got a recent phone call, and there is an emergency I need to attend too.  
It is hard to say when I will be able to update next. Please give me at least two weeks.  
I hope this chapter satisfies you enough while I'm away. Many of you may be curious about the ending.  
I really hope I have a lot of reviews to read through when I get back. It would seriously make my day!**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

_Strange Events_

I stirred around in my bed and moved closer to Dimitri. Well so I thought. When I reached over, all I touched was more of the bed. I opened my eyes and Dimitri was no where in sight. _Oh crap, please don't say he left feeling guilty. _I sat up in bed remembering last night. My birthday night. Dimitri and I slept together. Fine, not really _together_ together... but he got more intimate than he ever has with me. As if water splashed on my head, I looked down to see my naked breasts. Feeling self conscious, I pulled the blankets up and tucked them under my arms.

The door opened and thank god it was Dimitri. He had already changed into grey track pants and a blue loose shirt. He saw me sitting up and I tried tucking the blankets around me tighter. He sat beside me on the bed, and placed what smelt like a hot chocolate on the bedside table.

"Morning," I said biting my lip.

"Early morning," he smirked.

"What? What time is it?"

He chuckled and said, "Too early for you to be up and awake."

"Then why are you up and dressed?" I frowned.

"Because I..." He stopped and looked at me hiding inside my blanket. "I had an early shift."

"Why didn't you tell me last night? I thought you had gotten up and left me," I said accusingly.

He cupped my face and looked into my eyes. "The reason I didn't tell you, was because I had only recently found out. You fell asleep last night and I got a text early morning to swap a shift with Guardian Stephen. I didn't want to wake you, since you didn't notice when the phone went off. I was hoping to come back to bed, where you still would be sleeping. However I had a feeling on the way over here that you had woken up, so I thought I'd bring a hot chocolate in case."

I smiled and said, "Your feeling was correct."

"I never thought in my life, I would see you awake at this hour," he laughed.

"Hey, I do get up early you know. How early is it exactly?"

"Only two in the morning," he moved closer so he could peck my lips. "You look tired, why don't you rest."

"I can't, not now," I said, biting my lip once more. "I don't want to waste time with you."

Dimitri got up and took off his boots and shrugged off his duster. I kept looking at the hot chocolate sitting on the bedside table. I couldn't move to get it though, because one move and the blankets would fall from me. Dimitri noticed me eyeing the hot chocolate, and handed it over for me to hold. I took a couple of sips, while looking at him watch me, and he had amusement written all over his face. I seriously didn't understand what was so amusing. He took the cup away from me and put it on the table.

He brought his lips to mine, and I felt the electricity spark between us again. He pulled back and said, "Thank you for last night."

"I should be thanking you," I blushed.

His lips made a small smile and he lent in and kissed my red hot cheeks. Before moving back and looking at me wrapped in the blankets.

"You know... I'm technically still in bed. Did you want to join me, like you planned on doing?"

"Hmm." He said while looking over my body again. "Are you sure I'm welcome?" he said raising an eyebrow.

I nodded and he moved to the other side on the bed. I laid down on the bed and tried unravelling some of the blanket for him. I wasn't having much luck, and Dimitri noticed it.

"Rose, why are you embarrassed?"

"I'm not... I'm just a blanket hugger," I murmured.

Dimitri moved over and slowly unravelled the blanket from around me. I looked down the whole time. I know Dimitri has seen me half naked before, I mean he basically owned my body last night, but I don't feel confident around him. I feel like I need to be better for him, because he is so damn perfect. He didn't say anything, and I assumed he was looking at my body.

I felt a hand lift my chin up to face him, "You're beautiful Roza. I'm sorry if I don't tell you enough."

"No, it's not you Dimitri. I just feel–"

Dimitri had kissed my left breast, and sent a shock through my body. He looked back up at me and kissed my lips. We stayed there smiling and looking at each other, until I had dozed off to sleep again. This time I woke up to brown eyes looking at me, with a big smile on his face.

"Did you get any sleep?" I asked.

"I got enough," he answered.

He got up, kissed my forehead, put on his shoes and duster before checking his phone.

"Going so soon?"

"Yes, love. You get ready for breakfast. Don't forget the statistics test today."

"Oh shit, I totally forgot. Ah, crap."

"Rose," Dimitri shook his head. "It starts at eleven. Make sure you are there," he warned.

"Yes, yes. Go on, you have Guardian duty to do." I stood up and gave him a chaste kiss before he left.

I got dressed and brushed my hair up into a pony tail, before leaving for the cafeteria. Lissa and Christian were already eating breakfast, so I joined them not long after.

"Morning, how are you feeling today Rose?" Lissa asked

"All good to go. You know I didn't drink Liss."

_Just checking... you know... in case. _She said through the bond.

"How was your night Fire-boy? I bet it was sizzling."

_Rose, stop it. That's embarrassing private stuff._

"Well it's not my fault you drag me in." I said out loud.

"Will you two stop it," Christian hissed. "You know I hate only hearing half of the conversation."

Lissa gave Christian an apologetic kiss and I pretended to gag, which made Christian glare at me. Christian still looked pale as ever; I have no idea how Lissa didn't notice it, but I wasn't going to say anything. Unless it was too serious, Christian would have to fess up to his girlfriend.

"Rose, there's something I was meaning to tell you about the Royal Court..."

"Oh, yes." I think I knew where she was going with this, but I would pretend I wouldn't know.

"Queen Tatiana asked to speak to me while we were on our visit. She wants me to live at the Royal Court, when I gradate."

"Mm. The choice is up to you, Liss. Just remember, if we stay there she will try and control your life," I warned her.

"I like the idea. We could learn so much living there. I just don't like the fact that I can't choose which university to study at," she sighed.

"Or who to date," Christian butted in.

I ignored his statement and said, "Where do you want to go Liss?"

"Lehigh University. It would be great for me and you... you could even start classes you like and I would follow you."

"Lissa, you have to choose the class you take. I will be your Guardian, I'm there to protect you, not get an education. Ok, so I'll have to learn some stuff because I'll be sitting in on your classes, but university is for you to study, not I."

"I want it to be fair," Lissa said.

"And it will be. Just the old fashioned way."

"Hey guys," Eddie said as he joined the table. Carly joined us as well.

"Someone have a good night last night," Christian teased, while taking in Eddie's happy mood.

"As a matter of fact I did, we did," he said looking at Carly who smiled back.

"Carly and I are officially a couple."

Lissa squealed and got up to hug Eddie and Carly. "Congratulations, I was hoping it would happen soon. Welcome to the group Carly."

I watched Christians smirk on his face grow wider, "About time you get some action, Castile," Christian snickered.

Carly blushed while Eddie raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, I almost forgot," I blurted out. "I wanted to thank you all for your lovely gifts. You were all so thoughtful, I love every single one of them."

"Your welcome," Eddie and Carly said at the same time.

"I thought a photo album would be perfect," Lissa chimed in.

"It was, you did an amazing job. How did you even get some of the photos?"

"We walked around and took them. Just call us sneaky."

"I'll say, but thank you." I lent over the table and gave Lissa a hug.

"How's the Itouch?" Christian asked.

"It's great. I really hate to say this, but it was a fantastic idea."

Christian chuckled, "I know, I thought of it. The songs are great, aren't they."

"Yes, they are. There not too bad actually. I might leave them on there."

Christian wiggled his eyebrows at me and Lissa slapped his arm.

We all spoke about the funny events that happened last night at my party. Meredith was the centre of conversation for a while, considering she danced with two boys. The topic then changed over to how soon graduation was coming and what we would do after we left the academy. Carly said her plans were to travel around France and Scotland, before settling down with a house, marriage and children. Eddie wasn't all too surprised about her decision. I assume they had spoken about it before they had gotten together. It wouldn't be too bad of a problem for Eddie. Considering Carly could request Eddie as her Guardian, then they could travel together.

Christian spoke about how he wanted to further improve his cooking skills, and if that meant staying at home looking after the children while Lissa worked, then he would do it. Lissa loved the idea, considering she knew she wouldn't be home often. She had a busy future ahead of her. Since she is the last and only Dragomir, she has years of representing the family and accelerating in her career. In this case, it meant that I would be going where ever she went, which wasn't a problem. Yes, I don't like politics. I think it's a bunch of shit that falls out of peoples mouths, but, when Lissa speaks people want to listen. One day she will make an incredible leader of the Moroi world.

Adrian decided to pop in with the group, as he does most mornings. Eddie asked him what he's going to do with himself, since the only reason he is staying at the academy is because of Lissa. They are both spirit users so they take the time to practise together. Adrian said that he might consider doing a university course, or travel the world to find more spirit users and teach them. Both of his choices surprised us all. Neither of us thought he was going to University. However, we didn't think that he would want to teach either. It did seem like a good plan though, because there were other non-specialised Moroi out there.

"So cousin, what's the plan for the day?" Adrian asked.

"I was wondering if you could try and teach me how to dream-walk."

"I could try," he smirked. "I still think it would be easier if you stick with trying to read aura's first."

"Aww, please Adrian," she begged.

He chuckled, "I think that can be arranged. After classes meet me in my room, I preferred to be in a relaxed environment and since it's where I sleep..."

I noticed Christian getting tense and I gave him a don't-start look. He looked down and played with his food, while Adrian and Lissa were in conversation and so were Eddie and Carly. I stayed out of the conversations to keep an eye on Christian, and well to think about the statistics test today. I kept thinking about what might be set up for us to do, until I was brought of out my daydream, from Christian slamming his fork on the table. Everyone looked up at him with shocked looks.

"I'm going to the feeders," he practically shouted out.

"Alright, let me come with you," Lissa spoke softly.

"No. I'll be fine by myself."

Christian stalked off out of the cafeteria, with everyone watching him walk out of the door. I looked up at Adrian with a confused look on his face, but also a slight smirk on the side of his lips. Lissa was shocked and worried about his outburst, but decided it was probably nothing and relaxed a little.

"Adrian," I whispered. "What was his aura like?"

"It was orange mixed with yellow and had a brown edge to it," he scrunched up his face.

I rolled my eyes, "Explain to me what that means."

Lissa interrupted us. "From what I have learnt, orange means built up feelings. I don't know about yellow and brown." She looked at Adrian, "What's it mean?"

Adrian looked between Lissa and I, and I could tell he was thinking through whether he should tell us the truth.

"Yellow is something along the lines of feeling different," he gave me a sharp look. "The brown I'm not too sure myself. That's something I need to figure out."

Lissa let out a sigh, just as the bell to first class went. We all said our goodbyes, but I stayed behind to talk to Adrian.

"Adrian don't crap me around alright."

"Hold up, Little Dhampir. I have never, quote, 'crapped you around' before." he said looking hurt.

"I know you know what Christian's aura had told you. Please tell me."

"Rose, sometimes it's best not to know. Especially for Lissa, I don't want her to find out until I knew for certain." Adrian looked serious and I knew I needed to know what he saw.

"Same here, I'm trying to protect her and if that means helping Christian, then I'm in," I said.

He nodded and answered me. "Lissa was correct about the orange. It means his holding things in, not letting them go. She was on the right track, but yellow is the symbol of sickness. It's not a colour I see often on Moroi, and hardly ever on Dhampir."

I looked at him, trying to sort out my thoughts. "What type of sickness? Do you mean he's dying?"'

"No, well at least I don't think so. Maybe he is coming down with a head cold." Adrian laughed at himself.

"Adrian," I spat. "This is no time for jokes! The colour brown... explain it."

"It was a dark brown on the outside of his aura," he said softly. "When I look at yours you have a black edge. As said before, its when you have a spirit side effect. All I know is, I don't have a good feeling about it. Something isn't right with him."

"So what we have so far is, Christian is holding in feelings while being sick and has an evil edge to his aura. Hmm. And you were making a joke out of this!" I yelled.

"I'm sorry. I'm concerned about him too. It's important not to worry Lissa though, not yet."

"I agree. We have to know what's happening first before we freak her out. I'm trusting you to keep this a secret Adrian."

He sighed, "Have I told any other secrets?"

Thinking back about Dimitri and I, I replied, "no."

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I pulled it out to read the message.

_I thought I better remind you, since you always seem to be running late._

_You have fifteen minutes to make it to the gymnasium for your test. Hurry up._

_Love Dee_

I smiled down at the phone and Adrian gave me a smirk.

"You're aura is pink. Is that your lover boy?"

"Why yes it is. His reminding me about my statistics test in fifteen minutes. I better get going."

"What's your number Little Dhampir? Add mine, 08 345 264 88."

"I'll put it under sleaze-ball," I chuckled. I saw his face and I added, "I'm kidding Adrian. You know not to take me seriously."

"I should receive a hug for the sore blow."

I smiled and gave him a hug, before I left on my way to the gymnasium.

I pulled the phone out of my pockets again, to reply to Dimitri.

_On my way now._

_I had sumthin 2 sort out._

_Should I expect 2 get a reminder txt everyday?_

I laughed at the fact that Dimitri had sent his text, with the correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. Whereas I shortened it down wherever I could. Dimitri would talk to me about that later, no doubt. My phone vibrated almost straight away. Man he is fast at texting!

_If that's what you need so you can be at the correct place at the correct time, than shall be it._

_I'll see you when you get here._

_I'll be waiting for you._

While I smiled and lost my thought while reading the message, I didn't notice Eddie come up beside me.

"The text message that interesting aye?"

"Um. Something like that," I said. "You know you shouldn't sneak up on me like that."

"I didn't think I was until I saw you distracted. I got a fright myself," he laughed. "Seeing you walking to the gym on time. It's very hard to catch."

"Oh, you should talk. I thought Carly might have made you late for once," I laughed with him.

"The idea came to her mind, that she and I skip. However I had to remind that this was my future," he said a little glum.

"How are you two going?"

"We seem to be going alright. She spent most of her life with Royals, so she acts like one. But when she's with me; I see a different side to her. She is caring and sweet. I sometimes have to remind her

about who I am and what my duty will be; she seems to think there is no problem," he gave a little smile and sighed. "I'm realistic however, and know it will be tough on us. I even realise that our relationship will only last until graduation, the maximum a couple of weeks after."

"I'm afraid that's how most relationships go, but Eddie do me a favour." He took his direction away from where we were walking and looked at me. "Don't just give up, because that's what most people choose. Give it a fighting chance for you two to be together. If you can get through the rough patch of four months not together all the time, with people talking behind your backs, then you can have the rest of your life together."

"Thanks Rose," he said, as we were through the gym doors.

For once I was on time, and that was all thanks to Dimitri. Eddie and I sat on the stairs waiting for the other Novice's to show up. Meredith and Shane came to sit with us. We were all in a conversation similar to this morning's events; my birthday party. Meredith blushed several times, but Shane always went in and gave her a reassuring hug. From the outside it looked to me as Shane wanted to be on Meredith good side, so he will get something out of her. My attention was lost in the conversation however, when Dimitri walked into the gymnasium from the back door.

"Will you guys excuse me."

They all nodded and I made my way over to Dimitri, who as a matter of fact was speaking to my Mother. I waiting patiently for them to stop talking, and Dimitri turned to face me.

"I appreciate the mobile, mum."

"No worries, Rose. I know we haven't been on the best of terms, but I'll like to think now that you was a way to communicate with me – I could hear more of you..."

I looked at Dimitri who was eagerly waiting for my response. After thinking about her request and taking slow gulps, I finally spoke.

"I would love that," I smiled.

Janine nodded to Dimitri and walked out the back door as Dimitri walked in through. Dimitri was now giving me a small smile, and I think it had to do with my improved relationship with my Mother.

"So as you can see, I'm here." I gave him a salute.

"Good, because you better use this time to warm up," he said he Guardian mode.

"Or I could do it right before the test."

Dimitri gave me a stern look and that's all it took for me to say, "Fine, but you better watch me to make sure I do it correctly."

"Rose, I already know you do it correctly," he sighed.

"Are you sure? Are you really sure?" I said in a seductive tone. He didn't say anything back so I turned around and said, "You don't know what you're missing." I turned around to see his reaction and I caught a hint of a small on his lips.

I did my warm up stretches just in time for Alberta to speak.

"Can every one move in closer, please. Alright, this is your second test. You're second last test to build up your marks. So make it count and give it everything you have. As you know, it's a statistics test and boy, are you going to be impressed with what we have in store for you. One by one you will walk out the gymnasium back door and enter a new landscape. You will be given a gun and a stake. I would choose wisely when to use your gun, because you will only be given three bullets."

The gym was full of moans when we heard about the bullet rule. "You are to walk through the corridors and rooms. Images will pop up, either in your face or in the distance. You may see one image or you may see several at a time. Your job is to decide whether the image is harmful or harmless. Your score will be recorded and once you reach the end door, we will ask you some questions. Is that understood?" The crowed murmured yes and then Stan took over.

"You may believe that this test is easy, but let me tell you it will not be. We have marked which image should be shot and which image should be staked. If you shoot or stake the right image, you receive 5 points. If you shoot the staked image or stake the shot image, you will received 3 points. Now here is the down side. If you shoot or stake an innocent image you loose 5 points. If you don't shoot or stake an image which is harmful, you loose 3 points."

We all made a groaning sound, not wanting to mess up. Alberta and Stan weren't lying when they said it would be hard. "As you can see for one right one there may be a wrong choice, which brings you back to 0, so stay focused and concentrate hard. I can't wait to see who wins." He pulled out a piece of paper and yelled, "Mitch Gondola, you're up first. Please make your way to the back."

Guardian Michelle Celeste stayed with everyone in the gymnasium while, Janine, Alberta, Stan, Emil and Dimitri went out the back to commence the training. The wait seemed to go on forever. Meredith and Eddie had been asked to go through, and they never returned. Well no one that went through returned, so I'm guessing the Guardians told them to exit another way, so no one could give us the heads up on what to expect.

Stan came back into the gymnasium and told us we may leave for lunch, but be back within an hour to commence our test. I didn't need to be told twice, so I left in a hurry. Coming up in the hallway was the feeders. In my line of sight I saw Christian come out of it. No way! He went there this morning. He must be drinking a fair bit.

"Christian," I yelled. He didn't turn around, so I trying again. "Christian!"

There was no way that he didn't hear me the second time and all he did was keep walking. I was catching up to him real quick, until I noticed where I was following him too. I was now at the back of the academy. He stopped by a small grass area and all of a sudden, I saw flames shoot our of his hands and burned the leaves off the trees.

I ran up to him and slammed into him, pushing him down on the ground. He landed knees and elbows first and his head hit after. He rolled over and kicked me, which was rather hard for a Moroi. I elbowed him in he ribs, enough to cause him pain and pinned him down on the ground.

"What the fucking hell were you trying to fucking do?" I yelled.

"Get off me," he growled.

"Not until you explain yourself. Either you do, or I'll tell Lissa and Headmistress Kirova."

He looked at me and resigned. I slowly let him go and eventually he shoved me off me.

"Why were you following me?" He spat.

"You're lucky I was only was following you. What if it was Lissa? Or even worse, if one of the Guardian saw how you were acting and followed you. What would you have done then?"

He looked around pissed off and spoke. "Adrian is pissing me off."

"Oh right, so that explains you burning the leaves of this innocent tree, but it doesn't explain your behaviour and feeding habits," I hissed.

"Nothing is wrong, Rose," he said through gritted teeth.

"There is something seriously wrong with you, if you can't see that your feeding has increased. It should be only once a day Christian, but you going in there two to three times. I don't even know how the teacher doesn't notice you."

"Fine. I have been feeding more, but that doesn't make me a bad person."

"Not only have you been feeding more, you are as pale as shit. You need to get help and quick."

He started walking off, so I caught him by his arm.

"Leave me alone, otherwise I won't hesitate to burn you," he threatened.

I didn't like the way Christian was acting and was starting to scare me. The only other option I had

was begging. Something I never thought I would do to Christian.

"Christian, please listen to me," I said softly.

"I've heard enough."

"If it's Adrian doing this to you, than I will do something I thought I would never do."

"Which is?" he probed.

"I'll try and convince Lissa to stop training with Adrian. Only because I can see what it's doing to you," I said quickly.

His eyes narrowed, "You would do that for me?"

"It's just an extra step in the deal we made," I said trying to cover up the real truth. "But you have to try and do something for me."

"And here is the catch..." he trailed off while walking away again.

I shoved him up against the tree. "You listen to me Christian. I do not have to help you here, I can let you ruin your relationship with Lissa, and get expelled if I wanted to," I threatened. "Yet, here I am trying to help you. I want you to rest. That's all I'm asking three days bed rest and than I'll know you'll be fine."

I tried my best to cover up my lie. I needed the three days to work out what was wrong with him. If he was just sick then the rest would do wonders, however if he was still pale and feeding then I would have to do something.

"I have class-"

"I'll tell them you're sick. It shouldn't be too hard for them to believe, you look shit. Promise me you'll stay in your room to rest."

"Whatever."

I slammed him back onto the tree and he tried kicking me but it did no use.

"Rose!" Dimitri's voice roared through the air. "Put him down this instant," he warned me.

I looked at Christian and felt myself burn with rage, "H needs to suffer, they all do!"

"Let him go now," Dimitri raised his voice. "NOW!"

I threw Christian onto the ground and his fire heated up my hand. I went to lung for him, but strong arms held me back. I twisted and turned in Dimitri arms, but it was no use. I couldn't escape to get to Christian.

"Lord Ozera, leave now. I will speak to you about this later," Dimitri ordered.

"Don't forget what I said Fire-boy," I tried grabbing him before he walked off. "I need to go after him," I shouted.

Dimitri turned me around, "Rose, look at me. Come on, look at me."

I looked him in the eyes and I felt myself winding down from my outburst.

"I don't now what happened... I just..." I said through heavy breaths.

"You need to tell me everything. I can't ignore what happened here," he stated.

I wanted so much to let Dimitri know what was going on, but for some reason I couldn't let myself tell him about Christian. It felt like some part of me would be betraying him. So I told him something else. It wasn't a complete lie, it just wasn't the whole truth.

"I tell you what happened... I lost control and all this anger took over," I sighed. "I blame the spirit's effects."


	21. Power Struggle

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T._****  
**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; I wish I could let you know how much I appreciate your work and time.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
Here is chapter twenty-one, for all you loyal and patiently waiting fans!  
I arrived home last night and I typed this chapter up for you guys.  
I hope this chapter does not disappoint!  
Some of you are picking up the clues as the chapters go on,as to what is happening to the characters. Well done.  
Please review this chapter and let me know your opinions. I have a high rate of readers, but hardly any feedback.**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Power Struggle

"I don't think it's – maybe I could talk to Alberta about letting you do your test another day," Dimitri stated. I tried to intercept, but he cut me off. "This is serious, Rose. What I saw out there... with Christian... it wasn't like you. What if it flares up while your fighting?"

I looked up at Dimitri for a few moments, taking in all of his features. He was mad, that I could see clearly. The reason for his anger, I couldn't decipher. I relayed what I was feeling towards Christian and how the angry feelings have been building up with the regular outbursts. He didn't have trouble believing me, simply because I wasn't the kind of person to lie to him. He had also seen my outbursts, they were mostly directed towards him. However, at this stage, he was trying to convince me to not do my statistics test. As if... there was no way I would miss any test which would decide my overall Guardian result. Dimitri's last sentence wasn't a question. He was stating a fact. I couldn't help but bite.

"Well then, I'll be fighting, won't I Comrade?"

"Rose, this isn't something you can ignore. Especially when we don't know what is causing you to act this way."

I studied his face for a bit longer, contemplating whether I should go with my gut, knowing I could do this test, or listen to Dimitri.

"Dimitri," I said softly. "Please, trust me. I need to do this test. I'll be fine. I promise if I start to feel it building up, then I'll back down."

His guardian mask was up, as he did every time we spoke about anything serious, but his eyes... I saw them soften slightly and I knew he had given in.

"I worry about you Roza," he murmured so softly I was shocked I could hear it myself.

"I know you do. But I have you with me," I said, as I looked down at the promise ring.

I looked back up and Dimitri had walked closer to me; he was oh, so close to my lips. His guardian mask was gone, and all that was left was a little crease in his forehead. I stood up on my tip-toes and kissed his forehead where the crease was indented. I let my lips linger there for longer than necessary, before moving down and giving him a chaste kiss on his lovable lips.

"As much as I really don't want to do this... I must go have some lunch before I'm needed." My stomach growled in agreement and Dimitri softly laughed.

"And as much as I don't want to let you go... I must so you're all ready for your test," he said.

I lightly grabbed Dimitri's left hand and started to play with it while looking into his eyes. I traced every finger on his hand and stopped when I moved to his ring finger.

"Dimitri," I said shocked. "Where's your ring?"

He looked at me with a little smirk and placed a hand over his heart. "It's right here, with me."

I looked at him frustrated, "Where is it?"

He bent down so his lips were right on my ear and he held my hands in his. He softly nibbled on the end of my ear, which sent me swaying in response. He always had this effect on me, and just for a few seconds it would knock me senseless. He moved back up so his lips were slightly touching my inner ear.

"It's under my shirt and in middle of my chest," he whispered.

He moved back to look and me and smiled when he saw the look on my face.

"Why don't you have it on your finger?" I pouted.

"I can't have it on display, Roza. Other guardians will notice and ask. I have it on a chain, and it's dangling down on my heart. I'm still with you and the ring is still with me."

I bit my lip and nodded before saying, "I'll let you off this once," and gave him my man eating smile. "What if they ask about my ring?"

"Then you can tell them whatever you wish."

I gave him a quick peck before leaving to go get lunch. Christian was no where in sight, which I was glad about. Hopefully he listened to me and decided to get some rest. Lissa however, was there and asked if I knew where he was and I told her, "Last I heard, he wasn't feeling so well. I think he went to his dorm to rest." She nodded and continued to talk to me. It was nice... usually Lissa had Christian hanging off her like a bad smell, or Adrian wouldn't leave me alone, so we never had time to talk privately.

I enjoyed every moment of it, and it felt good to have Lissa to myself for half an hour of the day. She noticed my ring, and I told her it was a birthday present from Dee. She asked who Dee was and I explained it was someone I met at the ski lodge. She was a bit suspicious at first for someone I just met to be sending me something so beautiful and expensive, but eventually she let it go. I walked Lissa to her next class and she gave me a big hug to wish me well on my test.

I waited about an hour before my name was called out by the one and only, Guardian Stan Alto. I stood up from sitting on the floor, squared my shoulders, headed up and followed Stan through the crowd to the exit doors. I heard other Novices talking, the ones who were left to be tested. Which, considering how many we had been through now – there was hardly anyone left – maybe say twenty left.

I followed Stan through the exit door and there it was – in front of me – the virtual studio where my abilities were going to be tested. I looked around in the court yard, and no one was in sight. It was only Stan and I. I figured the Guardians that were involved in test were inside waiting to watch my performance. I was secretly hoping I would see Dimitri, even a quick glance. But no, I was unlucky.

Stan pointed to five pairs of clothes I could choose from to wear during the test. There were: one black tracksuit, one white tracksuit, grey sweatpants with a white top which stopped about the belly button, mini black shorts with a low cut shirt or a greyish black dress. I gave him a questioning look because, honestly, why the hell would clothes be important? He didn't answer my questioning face. Well, actually, he gave me an answer. Just not the one I've been waiting for. He told me I had five minutes to change and then went back inside the virtual studio.

A thought then popped into my mind – the clothes are part of my test. It's to test my ability to choose the appropriate clothing. I know right, seems like a lame test. But I got to think about what would best hide me and what would be easiest for me to move in. I then had two choices to choose from. It was either the black tracksuit or the grey sweatpants and white shirt. I ended up choosing the black tracksuit, because the white shirt would be quite noticeable. I have no idea why anyone would choose some of the clothing, but hey, some people must if they put the option out there.

Once I changed into my clothes, I walked over to where Stan had left my practice gun and practice stake, and took deep breaths. I closed my eyes and reopened them, while positioning myself at the virtual studio entrance. I tucked my gun in the left side of my tracksuit and held my stake with my right hand, taking a few steps in. The door slammed shut behind me, which made me jump – I wasn't expecting it to be like a horror movie. It was quite dark inside and yet... I hadn't seen any image in my sight. I took a sharp right turn and ended up having to climb some stairs.

And there it was – my first image. It was of a little girl with a smile on her face holding her mother's hand. I slowly walked past the image thinking nothing was wrong, then it clicked... the mother wasn't smiling. Wasn't she meant to be happy with her child? The child had sort of an evil gesture in the way she was holding her hand. I quickly staked the girl in the heart with the stake, and the image faded away. I took a deep breath hoping I was making the right choice and didn't just stake an innocent girl who decided to be a brat for her Mother for the day.

Another image appeared and it was a teenage girl putting on some make-up. I quickly walked past her taking a turn to the left when two images popped up. One was in the distance and one was up close. The one up close was a middle aged man reading a book and the one in the distance was defiantly a Strigoi. I lowered to the floor pulling my gun out at the same time and pulled the trigger. It didn't aim straight for the heart, which was a bummer, but it did end up in the centre of his chest. So, the Strigoi would be paralysed for about ten minutes. I power walked over to the body image and staked the Strigoi in the heart. The image disappeared and I took the time to look back at the other image. I walked over and the image was staked. The man wasn't reading just any book, he was reading a book about Strigoi Killings. I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, and continued climbing the stairs and down through obstacles towards images when they appeared.

I made my way to the end of the course. Well, I thought I did, but I didn't see an exit anywhere. It looked like a dead end and I knew turning around would not help one bit, because I was perfectly sure this lead to the correct way. So, the only other explanation is that I was having my final test – how to exit this shit of a place.

I carefully walked around the room, feeling the wall and knocking it to hear the sound. I had no luck with it so, my next mission was to find out where a door would be, because honestly, there had to be one – right? I mean... the others left this studio and they couldn't break through the wall like I was planning to do, because there would be evidence of that. Unless... no... it's very unlikely... unless they had to build it up again, after each student. But who would put so much effort in doing that each time? Hmm.

I moved loose wooden planks, and metal timber from around the small room I was now left in. I knew the guardians would be watching me, so I tried to keep my cool, just like Dimitri had tried to teach me so many times. I was learning though... very slowly, but still learning. I began feeling frustrated and angry while I threw pieces of useless material around. And then it clicked... maybe these weren't useless, maybe they could help me escape. I stared at the material for several minutes and decided to take action.

I quickly ran over to the pile I made of junk, and laughed like a crazy woman when I found the long pole again. It was made out of metal and was partially long, however it wasn't too heavy for me to carry. I walked over to the wall I believed was an exit and pushed the pole into the wall. Nothing happened. Nothing at all. Well, apart from myself stumbling back from the impact. I walked back about ten metres, to give me a run up. I stood there holding the pole with two hands over my shoulder. If I was to look at myself from the outside, I would be cracking up laughing, however by this time, all I wanted to do was escape this place. I was stuck in here for too long, I just wanted to leave. Leave and relax. I felt exhausted already today.

I took plenty of breaths, thinking about how stupid this idea could be. If it didn't work, I could put myself in complete danger by injuring myself. Then I thought about Dimitri. Ah. Dimitri was mostly always on my mind. Don't think about Dimitri that way, Rose. Think about what he would want you to do in this situation. So I did think about it. A lot. And I couldn't help but laugh, because I knew by this stage, I was mostly certainly pissing Stan off with my stalling.

I tightened my grip on the pole and ran towards the wall. I suddenly hated the idea, but I couldn't come around to stopping my legs from moving. I closed my eyes tight, and rammed the pole into the wall. I kept my eyes closed but I didn't fall back like I expected. I stumbled back a little, yes... but I did land on my ass. I slowly opened my eyes and quickly shut them again, due to the light shining in my eyes. It was too bright, too bright for a girl who had spent an hour or more in a dark studio.

I dropped the pole on the ground, and sat there for a moment longer catching my breath. While slowly opening my eyes again to the blazing sun, I saw shadows on the ground. Three shadows to be precise.

"Welcome out," Stan acknowledged roughly.

"You made quiet an exit." I heard Alberta try and muffle a laugh.

I slowly stood up and rubbed my eyes before moving outside to where they were waiting. I first saw Alberta, holding a sheet of paper. My results. Oh, how badly I wanted to know how I scored on this test, but at the same time I was worried that I didn't make the cut.

"As much as would hate for you to fail this test Hathaway," Stan began with a sarcastic tone, but took a look in Alberta's direction and quickly finished what he was saying. "...You have passed the Statistics Test."

I stood there staring at him for a moment, and then sighed with relief. Alberta caught my attention again calling my name several times.

"Would you like to know your score?" Alberta asked.

_What a stupid question! Of course I want to know my score._

"Yes, please."

"Your total score was 112."

I blinked at her a couple of times and asked, "What's that? A high score, or a low score? What's it out of? I don't understand Alb- um... Guardian Petrov."

She let out a quiet chuckled and handed me the piece of paper she was holding in her hands. It was my piece of paper – it had the results on it. However she insisting on explaining to me my results as well, due to clear understanding.

"You were shown 24 different images during your journey throughout the studio. You staked the correct images, which gave you the score of 90. There were 18 images to be staked, and 5 points were given to you for each one." She quickly took a glance at the sheet in front of me and continued, "You shot the correct 5 images and you got given each 5 points for those as well. That came to a total of 25. So your score now would be 115."

I nodded at her, excited that I had not made any mistake in my test. I shot the correct images and staked the correct images. But wait... Didn't she say my final score before was 112 and right now she said it's 115. Wait! What? Where did I go wrong?

"That's... that's 3 points over my final score," I stuttered out annoyed that I had lost 3 points. "Where did I go wrong?"

Stan cleared his voice and spoke, "there was a particular image in the tunnel you had to climb through..." I looked at him to continue with a glare. Of course Stan found a way to sabotage me, I believe it's his mission in life. "That was an image of a man lying face down in the water. You didn't stake him, which resulted in taking 3 points off your score."

"The man was lying down in the water! He was harmless!" I shouted in anger.

Stan glared at me, "He was a Strigoi."

"The man was face down. Maybe in the real world I would have turned him over to check, but those were images. I can't even flip them over. You have got to be kidding me!" I kept shouting.

"Miss Hathaway," Alberta warned. "I suggest you calm down a bit."

"Calm down? Are you serious? He just deducted 3 points, 3 lazy fucking points, because the 'man' was a Strigoi. Where I was standing, the man was clearly unconscious, face down in the water."

Stan intercepted, "If it was 3 lazy points, Miss Hathaway, then you wouldn't mind another 10 been taken off for your behaviour."

I felt so angry, I felt my body go rigid and my hand form fists. I was staring Stan down and I was about to say something when I felt his hand hold on to my wrist.

Dimitri's hand.

"I believe Miss Hathaway has had a misunderstanding. It would be fair to say that she is clearly one of the best skilled Novice's here at the academy. It would be a shame to lower her score because of a misinterpretation." Dimitri's voice was calm, but demanding.

_I don't know what misunderstanding he is talking about! What the fuck does Dimitri think he is doing! _Oh, but his skin on my skin is so mesmerising. I took a peek at my wrist and his hand was tightly holding it. My eyes then flew straight to Stan's. I was too afraid to look at Dimitri and see disappointment in his eyes because of the way I acted. Stan's eyes, however, were angry. I could see how much he wanted to go against Dimitri's demand, but he didn't push it any further. Instead, he finally forced his eyes away from our direction and looked at Alberta.

"You're right," Alberta announced. "She is very skilled and talented. However..." She turned and took her eyes from Dimitri's to mine, "Her attitude will not be accepted when she is a Guardian. I will, for the hard work, not take any more points off, but that is not to say she is off the hook. If I hear that you have caused trouble for a teacher... or other students, I will over think my decision."

Dimitri let go of my wrist when he felt me relax slightly. "Thank you," I mumbled to Alberta.

Stan and Alberta walked off in the right direction, to rebuild the wall I had broken. I still can't believe they put all the effort in each time. I started to walked off towards the pond, when I heard Dimitri's footsteps following mine. I couldn't help keep the smile off my face. Dimitri caught my forearm and turned me around.

"What were you thinking?" He half shouted.

"Oh don't bother Dimitri. I'm not in the fucking mood with your stupid Zen life lessons. Thank you for the support and all, but I got it handled."

I started to walk away from him again but he caught my arm once more.

"Don't walk away from me," his voice was level and not giving anything away.

"You walk away from me all the time," I spat and tried to move out of his hold.

He waited for me to stop moving around and said, "I don't walk away from you any more"

"So what? That means I don't get the opportunity to walk away from you for once. Why? Because it's all about you? Isn't it always all about you?" I hissed.

He looked me in the eyes and his mask came off as soon as he spoke.

"Rose, please calm down. You know it isn't about me. I did all I had to do for you at least. You know that now. Please tell me what's wrong Roza."

"I'm fucking pissed off, that's what wrong," I said half defeated.

Dimitri noticed my lack of energy and let go of my arm. He moved closer towards me and moved the hair that had fallen out of my pony tail behind my ears.

"I can see that, but I don't know what's wrong... in here," he said as he placed his hand on my heart.

I looked him in his beautiful brown eyes, and without my knowledge I felt a couple of tears fallout from my eyes. Dimitri wiped them away with his thumb pads, but all I wanted to do was have him close to me. I crushed my body against his, and rested my head of his chest, while I held him close to me. I knew no one would find us where we were, so we were in no risk of being caught, but that didn't stop Dimitri from being stiff.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He reached around to lift my chin up and kissed my forehead. "Was it the spirit affects?"

I nodded my head, "I think so... it makes sense, but I am tired from the busy day."

"You need to rest."

I shook my head, "I can't rest, because I have nothing to do and when I have nothing to do, I think about you."

He half smiled, "You look exhausted. I'm sure you'll hit the bed and be asleep in no time."

I looked up at him with pleading eyes, "Can you come see me? I don't want to be alone."

"Roza, you know we can't risk getting caught," he cautioned.

"Fine," I rolled my eyes. "I'll see you around," I mumbled and went to walk back past him.

"Rose..."

I spun around, "Yeah?"

"Try and look after yourself. You haven't been well."

_Jeez, thanks for the concern, Dimitri. _I turned around again, but he called once more.

"Rose..."

I stood there not turning, waiting for another health message to escape his lips. Instead I felt a pair of hands turn me around and I was now looking up at Dimitri.

"I want to be with you too, but we have to be careful. I'm doing this for you, you know?" He sighed and pulled me into him.

I felt a hard lump digging into my head, so I slowly undid a few buttons from the bottom of Dimitri's shirt and moved my hands under. He froze in position but did not stop me from touching him. I soon found what the object was and it was his promise ring. I held onto it for a while and took in Dimitri's smell.

"This is going to be a hard goodbye," I sighed.

He pulled back to look at me, "Goodbye?" He asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, until graduation. That's what you want... right?"

"It's not what I want, Roza. It's something that we need to do. You will still have training in the mornings and afternoons. We just can't be _together._"

I nodded and pulled my hand out from his shirt. His grip on my lower back tightened and I knew it was his attempt to keep my close for a while longer, which I gladly accepted. I wrapped my arms around his waist and we stayed there holding each other. His face was leaning on the top of my head and my head was relaxing on Dimitri's chest, listening to his fast heart beat.

"We should start heading back. We don't want to give them a reason to start looking for us," Dimitri mentioned.

We pulled away from each other, however, Dimitri lowered his hand and intertwined it with mine. We walked together in silence, but it was a comfortable silence, until we reached the boundary of the trees. The academy was in sight now. Dimitri stopped and I followed his gesture.

Dimitri gently rubbed circles on my hand. "This isn't for forever."

"I know," I mumbled looking down.

Dimitri's hand cupped my face and he didn't say anything until I looked up at him.

"I'll be here if you need me, alright?" He smiled but quickly added, "Within reason."

I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips and I saw the amusement in his eyes. I stared at his lips and then back at his eyes. I was asking him a silent question and I knew he knew what I was asking.

He lowered his head and touched his lips with mine. It was slow, oh so slow. It was painful but needed.

We moved away from each other and I found myself walking to my dorm in a daze. It was going to be a living hell not being able to be with Dimitri.

My day routine was pretty much the same everyday, since it was three weeks ago that Dimitri announced our separation. Yes – I know, sounds like we are having a divorce, but I feel lonely and incomplete without him around me so often... touching me.

We kept our training sessions in the mornings and afternoons... they were still my favourite part of the day, but the only physical contact I got off him was when we were sparring. It was only four hours of the twenty-four hour day I get to spend with him, but every moment I cherished it.

School was pretty much the same as well. The Moroi were busy preparing for their end of school tests, so they were running around frantic most of the time. They still had six weeks left before graduation, but to them it was very important that they got accepted into great universities. Us Novices, well... we got to slack off a fair bit. Not that the teachers would acknowledge it, but our education has a very low percentage when it comes to the overall result. Our training skills are what makes up the score. Don't get me wrong, the school part is important. For example: history, combat techniques etc... but fighting is our strongest point, and that's why it helps decide who we end up guarding.

Lissa noticed my mood change, but didn't persist when I said, "It's nothing much, just the reality hitting me in my face."

Lissa was also having problems of her own. Her and Christian were having disagreements more often than usual and her main focus was on their relationship. I don't really take notice of their bickering any more, I pretty much got used to it. One of them is always walking away from each other when something doesn't go to plan, or because they disagree on an opinion. However, give them a couple of hours or a day to blow off steam, and then they're back to flirting.

Christian was a different matter. After our discussion three weeks ago when I told him to take some days off, he did so. I was surprised myself that he even listened to me, but I would have been pretty scary to look at. He didn't look any healthier, only pale. But no one seemed to be to concerned because he was doing everything like normal. Apart from he was still feeding very often. I convinced him with Lissa's help to see Dr. Olendzki, which he did. It was incredibly hard to get him to go, but he did and we found out that when boys and girls mature, their feeding may increase. Christian took it as a 'I told you so Rose', but I still had my suspicions.

I kept my deal to Christian and spent plenty of time with Adrian. He only practised spirit with Lissa for two hours a day, and the rest of his spare time was with me. It was nice having Adrian around. He always knew how to make me laugh and when to stop the interrogation questions about Dimitri and I. He tried his damn hardest to not smoke often around me and every now and then he would have some vodka. I didn't mind that because Adrian off his 'medication' is a scary thing to see. Trust me. Spending the time with Adrian also meant I had a lot of time to get to know him better, and I must admit – sometimes I wondered what it would be like to give Adrian a chance...

I was having a rather normal morning training with Dimitri. He told me to run 20 laps, and I did so with ease. He said today there would be no sparring, and I gave him my best puppy eyes look, however he didn't budge. Instead he made me climb an object he made around the gym.

"Is this necessary?" I whined. "I could think of other ways to keep my adrenalin going."

Dimitri shook his head and yelled, "Move it or you will be staying later."

"You say it like that's a bad thing."

"It will be if you don't pick up your pace!"

I rolled my eyes and continued around the gym. I'm sure I finished in time and I even exaggerated looking at the time. I jumped off the latter from the top and jogged over to when my water bottle was located in the corner of the room. I sat down taking my shoes off and sweaty socks, before looking up at Dimitri. He was packing away the equipment, but he looked amazing. He always did, but I just needed to touch him so much – yet today he wouldn't even let me touch him from sparring. Which was a major disappointment and a attitude downer.

"Are you going to make me do this everyday for now on?" I asked, with a touch of sadness in my voice.

Dimitri didn't look up from his packing, but answered me honestly.

"I needed to see how you would do under pressure. Without knowing what I was going to be testing in advance."

"You didn't answer my question, Comrade."

"Rose, how many times do I have to tell you to not call me that."

"Why are you avoiding the question?" I laughed.

He looked up and started walking towards me, "Think of it as a pop quiz."

"I see, a pop quiz – so that means there may be more of those..."

"You look like a girl who likes changes and surprises. Am I wrong?" He asked with a smile.

"No, I guess not. Do you mind if I take a shower here instead? I need to be at my Math class early and I don't have time to walk back to my dorm."

"Eager to get to Math... this must be important," he teased and I saw the amusement in his eyes.

I snorted, "More like if I don't go, I'll have double Algebra by this afternoon. I'll take that as a yes, I can shower here."

He nodded and turned back to the packed equipment. I stood there checking out his ass and headed for the showers.

"Feel free to join me," I purred over my shoulder.

I saw him shaking his head, but he wasn't mad by my suggestion, because I saw a smile on his lips.

After the shower, I hoped I would have a waiting Dimitri for me in the gymnasium. I was wrong. The gym was cleaned up and there was no sign of him left. I sighed and exited the gym for the path of my Math class.

I stopped in my tracks and Goosebumps rose on my skin. I felt nauseous and shivered involuntarily. Something wasn't right and I knew it. I didn't know where to go, but I kept walking to Math class. Students were everywhere, with panicked expressions on their faces.

I got one's attention, "What's wrong? What's happening?"

"Go Hide! They're here, they're coming for us again!"

The young boy took off, and I knew he was talking about Strigoi. I walked further down the hallway and saw Guardian Chase.

"Hathaway, retreat to your dorm immediately!"

"I can help. How many is there?"

"You certainly can not help! Go before you cause more trouble than necessary."

"Look, I need to do something. Anything, just please..." I begged.

"Fine, go up to the 3rd floor and watch out for the freshmen Moroi. They would be very shaken up." I nodded in understanding. "There is one window in the play-club, I suggest you get as many of them as you can to hide in there for protection."

He left in a hurry and I bolted for the 3rd floor, Moroi and young Novices were yelling and scattering everywhere. I got to the floor and got as many of them as I could into the play-club. I stayed close to the one and only window in case and Strigoi happened to break through. I told everyone it would be best if they could keep as quiet as possible under the circumstances. They seemed to understand my authority and they were quiet in minutes. The only sound in the room was the sound of rapid breathing, which was something I had no control over. A loud knocking came from the door and I saw some Moroi flinch. I grabbed my stake out of my pocket and got ready to pounce as I open the door.

_It's me and Adrian_, Lissa said through the bond.

I relaxed and opened the door for them to hurry in.

"What are you doing here? You should be in your rooms!"

"We were practising... a Guardian told us to come here," Lissa voice was shaking with fear.

"Thank god you two are safe," I sighed in relief. "Did you see anything?"

"No," they both said in unison.

"But I overheard a Guardian telling another that there was at least 30," Adrian blurted out.

I heard gasps in the room and looked around at the terrified Moroi. I gave Adrian and glare and he quickly gave me an apology. I took them over to the corner of the room as far away as I could from the Freshman.

"I need to get out there and help," I whispered. "I can't stand here and not do anything."

"But you are, Rose." Lissa emotions were worrying for my safety.

I gave her a hug and told her everything would be alright. I gave Adrian and nod and he understood I felt happy for him to be here as well. That's when I realised...

"Where Christian?"

Lissa's eyes got wide and I felt fear taking control of her body. "I thought... I thought he came here with you?"

I looked at her confused, "Why here with me?"

"He said he was coming to see you. I just assumed he was here with you as well."

Adrian put an arm around Lissa and held her up.

"It's ok Liss, I'll go get him. He'll be okay, he knows how to fight."

"Adrian are you -"

"I can take care of it Rose." Adrian voice was serious and very stern.

I nodded and gave Lissa one last hug. "I will find him, he will be fine."

I looked back at the Freshman, "Stay safe and don't come out unless a Guardian or I tell you to."

I gave Lissa and Adrian one last look, before I open the door and went on my hunt for Christian. The next problem was, where would Christian be? And in what state of mind? I don't have a link to him like I did with Lissa.

Why do I always get stuck with him?


	22. A Seeking Quest

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M._******  
**The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there are sexual references and sexual scenes.  
****This chapter doesn't go into too much information about sex, but they do experiment a little bit.  
**

_**For the fans who don't want to read Rated M details, I suggest you stop r**_**eading _when Dimitri says "__I want you, Roza" and continue reading when Dimitri says "I'm glad you have a smile on your face."_**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; Keep it up, girlfriend.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I've had a lot more fans add me on their favourites list, and I appreciate the thought of you suggesting my story to other viewers! Thank-you. :)  
This chapter is the biggest chapter I have written yet, so please, feel free to leave me a review and let me know what you think.  
Will Rose find Christian? And if she does will he be safe or alive?**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

_A Seeking Quest_

Looking for Christian wasn't the easiest thing in the world. I believe it was one of the hardest things I had to do. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but everywhere I tried looking for him... he wasn't there. I thought about the places he liked hanging out in. So obviously, first I ran to his dorms. I know it would be silly to think he was still there, but this is Christian was are talking about... he does stupid things. Though it did not matter, because he wasn't there and I then I tried Lissa. Maybe he went to her dorm to check on her. Not such a bad conclusion, however, he was not there either, and there was no sign that he even went there.

I franticly looked in all the rooms I crossed as I rushed off into a direction. It was no direction is particular, but since I had no clue in which way to go, running in any direction seems like a good way to start. I stop in my spot a few times, flinching to the screams I could hear around the Academy. I tried not to focus on the innocents being hurt, killed or turned. I tried not to over-think and rush out there and fight. I would go out there and do my piece in the battle once I knew he was alright.

I still hadn't found Christian when I made it to down to the ground floor, and I started to severely panic. Pulling on my hair, I got an idea – the attic. Lissa and Christian had gone there several of times for privacy and their own amusement. Hopefully he went there to think about things because he couldn't find me. That was my only lead at the moment, and without realising it, my legs were running towards the church. I stopped out front of the back door, scared of what might be waiting for me on the other side. I shook my head sideways. _There was no point in me being scared!_ I had faced Strigoi before, I killed them both. Not only have I fought against them in real life, and have a high record in the academy, I had one of the best god damn mentor's anyone could have. He taught me everything I possibly can know at this point of time, and there was no way I'm going to out his skills to shame.

I opened the door and quickly checked my surroundings. I was safe for now, so I took off in the direction of the path, which leads to the church. I didn't walk on the path, because the Strigoi could have easily spotted me. Instead, I tried to stay within the trees. I felt an sudden urge to gag, but it wasn't telling me to do it so much. It was more of a sickening feeling. I decided to stop and lean on a tree for support, so I could get my body together. However the nausea wasn't leaving and it was getting stronger. I heard a branch snap not far from where I was resting on the tree. I quickly held my stake tight in my grip and turned in the direction of the snapping noise.

And what do you know... it's a Strigoi. _Oops – no sorry, make that three of them. _The closest Strigoi went straight for me, and I dodged out of the way. He quickly recovered and kicked me straight in my lower stomach. I stumbled back from the force and tried to recover my balance. It had been a while since I had last fought a Strigoi, and I forgot how quick they really could be. I charged for the Strigoi and we were both on a pretty even level. He was quick and strong, but I was stronger and more skilled. The Strigoi used to be a Moroi before he got turned, so that explained the lack of tactics. Finally seeing an opening point, I used my left elbow to smack him in the side on his head. He lost balance and I used the opportunity to pushed my stake right through his ribs, to his heart.

I didn't have time to realised their were two more waiting, before I got grabbed and pushed to the ground. He was blond and didn't have a body of a Moroi or Dhampir, so that means he must have been Human. I quickly jumped up and gave him my full fist. He lunged for my neck, but I moved in time to knee him in the back. It wasn't enough to faze him and he twisted my arm, leaving me in a tight embrace. I tried manoeuvring out of his hold, but he was strong. Too strong for any human. I felt his breath on my neck and I knew it was only moments, before his teeth would be sinking into my soft skin on my neck, and my life would be over.

Just as he grazed my skin, I stomped on foot and elbowed him in the stomach. I turned around without any hesitation and double kicked him in the face. He fell backwards and I jumped on top of his to keep him down on the ground. He squirmed around on the ground, but he wasn't getting anywhere. I had the power right now, and there was no way he could attack. All I had to do was wait for the right moment, to pierce his heart.

"There is no point in struggling," I said. "You have lost. You should save yourself some embarrassment and let me stake you right here, before anyone has to see."

"You can't stake me, otherwise you would have done it by now," he hissed.

I quickly let go of his arm with my right hand and punched him fair square in the face.

"Well, you will get the golden seat to watch me show you. I'll let you see every step of the way. I'll tried and make it slow, just for you of course," I said slyly.

"I'll make sure you rot in hell, you stupid dirty -"

He got cut off when my stake sliced through his chest and straight into the heart. I gave him the perfect distraction and he took it. I quickly got up off his body and looked around for the third Strigoi. She was no where is sight. I franticly looked around again, making sure she wasn't making a sneak attack on me. Nope, she wasn't here. I took the time to take some deep breathes, and let my brain catch up to what was happening. The nausea was suddenly gone and I felt alright to sit up.

I started on my course to the church and quietly opened the door and shut it closed. The church was dark. The only good thing about this, was that Father Andrew had long left the church, and hopefully is safe somewhere else. It made it harder for me to see Christian. Not too hard, because my eyes were sharper than Humans, but defiantly no where near as good eye sight as Moroi or Strigoi. I walked up the alter, and had no luck. I creped up the stairs, wishing with every step that I took, that I wouldn't step on a squeaky floorboard. I wasn't worried about Strigoi being in the church, because Strigoi technically can't enter a church, however they can burn it down! I was more worried about a Human sneaking around. It wasn't a bazaar thing to think about, as others would say, because the wards to the Academy have now been broken into twice, and that can only be done by Humans. I wasn't crossing out the chance that a Human could possibly be walking around.

I slowly twisted the attic door handle and swung it open. I immediately flinched and clang onto my chest feeling like it was on fire.

"Shit Rose, I'm sorry," Christian said running to my aid. "I thought you were a Strigoi. I was trying to protect myself, I didn't expect you to be here. What are you doing here?"

"Trying to save your ass. Instead you try and fry me to a crisp," I said glaring at him.

"Rose, Lissa – what about... is she..."

I quickly popped into Lissa head, and she was still locked up safe in the room.

"She's fine, but we need to get moving. We need to get back to the school."

"I thought we were safe here?" Christian asked confused.

I walked over to the one and only window in the attic. The very same one Lissa and Christian used to share a chair and sit on it when coming up here to think and be alone.

"Not unless you want to be a pile of ashes," I sighed. "Don't forget Strigoi can burn done buildings, like they use to. And right now... I wouldn't put it pass them."

Christian nodded, but his eyes started falling back in his head and he sat down against a wall. I knew what was happening. He wasn't well, like I always knew. I needed him to be ready to run, because being realistic, I needed to keep Christian safe and that involves him running.

"Are you feeling up to running?" I asked sincerely.

He closed his eyes and his breathing picked up. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Good, because when I say run, you run. There is no arguments about it. Do you understand?"

"I could help you. I'll fry them."

"No. You run," I said, my voice fierce.

He didn't look up or open his eyes, but he did nod his head. Not something I was satisfied with, however that was the only response I knew I would be able to get out of him. I walked over to him and checked his forehead. It wasn't hot, so that's a good thing.

"Is this the appropriate time for you to be touching me up?"

I snorted, "One: there is no appropriate time to touch you up. Two: Someone really desperate would do such a thing and Three: there will never, be a me, touching you up."

"Lissa would be hurt to know that you think she is desperate." He tried to smile, but I could see it was taking to much effort for him.

"Come on, Fire-boy, we need to get going."

Christian followed close behind me as we walking through the church, towards the door. I opened the door and took a few steps out, before motioning for him to follow. We started to jog back towards the Academy, when the nausea hit. I slowed down and grabbed Christian's arm.

"Rose, what's wrong? What's happening?" He asked alarmed.

"I'm alright, let's go."

Just as we were about to run off the women Strigoi that went missing, earlier with the attack, stood in front of us.

"Well, well, look who I found again," she hissed. "And look, she brought another snack."

"He is none of your concern. I'm the one you should be worrying about," I said creasing the space between us.

The Strigoi went for Christian instead of me, which was a bad move on her part. I was the threat, she should have got rid of me first. Christian surprising ran out of her line, but it was only by a whisker that she didn't touch him. Without further speculation on my behalf, I gave a swift kick and knocked her into a tree. She grunted on impact and slowly slid and slumped to the ground. She looked up at me shocked, but then gave me a nasty growl. The growl exposed her full length fangs, and her angry dry lips. With the speed of lightning she was up in a heartbeat and lunged at me with full force. I dodged her lung, but didn't dodge her reflex kick to my right rib. I threw several punches of my own. Some getting a blow and some blocked, by this rather skilled used-to-be Moroi. I spun around, and kicked the Strigoi hard, however she caught my leg, and I stumbled, just barely keeping balance.

The stumble made me realise Christian was still in the area and he looked like he would faint at any moment. With the stake still held tight in my right hand, I sliced it across the Strigoi exposed arm. She hissed in pain and let go of my leg, giving me a few seconds to talk to Christian.

"Christian," I yelled. "Christian, run! Don't look back, don't stop, just run!"

"Rose, I'm not going to -"

"RUN NOW!"

He nodded and took off.

The women Strigoi was still startled with the pain, but she recovered enough for her attention to focus back on me. I sprinted as hard as I could, throwing my full body weight on her. She didn't fall back, like I would have liked, however she was startled, just as I lifted my stake in my hand, the Strigoi turned into flames. She started screaming and I plunged the stake into her heart. She stopped moving. I jerked out my stake, once I was certain she was dead, and watched as her body whimpered to the ground and slowly burnt to a pile of ashes.

I looked up to a smiling Christian.

"I thought I told you to run! Why don't you listen to me?"

"I did listen. I ran to the end of the tree line, but then..." He shrugged, "...I wasn't going to let you have all the glory. After all, she did want me first."

"You could have been killed like this," I snapped my fingered together. "I had it under control, but thanks... you didn't have to... do that."

"Like I said..." he smirked. "...I didn't want you to have the -"

"Shit!"

I ran over the Christian's body lying there on the ground, and bent over to try and get him to wake up. He wasn't moving, but he was breathing... just. I placed one arm under his back and another under his knees, and carried him through the trees to the academy. Christian wasn't heavy, but he wasn't as light as a feather. I couldn't run as fast as I would have liked to the medical clinic, but it was faster than I thought possible, while holding onto another mass of body weight about the same as my own.

While running to the clinic, I didn't even bother about looking out for Strigoi. All my mind was set on was getting Christian to help, and nothing was going to get in my way. I would not forgive myself if anything happened to him. I shoved the medical clinic door open, and Dr. Olendzki hurried over to us.

"Tell me what happened," she told me. Then quickly turned to a nurse, "It's an emergency."

"I was bringing Christian back to the safety of the academy, but we were stopped by a Strigoi. He wasn't well as we were running back, but he used his last bit of energy burning the Strigoi."

"Your information was very helpful Rose. However right now, I need you to step out of the room. We need to work on Christian and we are unable to have our full attention on him, if you are focusing on our distractions." I nodded and she continued. "When we know what's happening with Christian and he is stable, I will let you know straight away."

The nurse had came in with equipment and I left the room. I took one last look at Christian through the blinds, before the nurse closed them shut on me. I took the opportunity to check in on Lissa. She was now in the common room with Adrian, Eddie and Carly. A Guardian must have let them out with the freshmen from the room. That could only mean that it was safe. _Well, safer for the time being. _

I left the medical clinic and hurried my way over to Lissa. Once she saw me, she ran up and gave me a hug.

"Oh my god, Rose. I was so worried," she cried.

"I'm fine Liss," I reassured her.

Now, when was the right time to tell her about Christian?

"What have you heard? Is it clear for now?" I demanded.

Eddie gave me a sharp nod, "Yes, but they are still working on the new wards."

"How bad was it this time? How many taken? How many lives lost?"

"I don't know..." Eddie looked worried as I did.

"How long have they been breaking the wards?"

"I don't -"

"What did they come here for?"

"Rose, I don't know!" Eddie said urgently.

I nodded, "I'm sorry, I just wish... ah... I need answers.

"We all do." And that was the first time Adrian spoke.

We all sat in silence for a while, listening to the other students shuffling around in the common room, nervous and scared. Talking to the friends about what happened and what to expect. I noticed Carly holding Eddie's hand and I decided I better tell Lissa about Christian now, because she will already be mad at me for not telling her straight up.

"Lissa, there is something I need to tell you." She nodded but I could feel how scared she was through the bond. She also knew it would be about Christian. I have no idea why she didn't bring it up. "Christian is in the medical clinic. He isn't well and they are working on him. He is alive but no one can go see him at the moment."

"What happened?" She demanded.

"I found him, but he wasn't well. As we were coming back, a Strigoi found us..." She gasped. "... but Christian used his element and it drained the energy he had left out of him. I had to run him to the hospital, Liss. He wasn't in good shape."

"I have to go. I have to be there for him," she cried.

"I know... of course. I'll take you there myself," I offered.

"No. I'll... I'll go by myself."

I looked at her for a moment and took in her feelings. She wasn't upset with me per se, but she was disappointed I didn't tell her when I first came and just wanted to be alone with him, until she knew he was going to be alright.

I nodded and she walked out of the room. I looked back over at Adrian, who also looked like crap. I could tell by the way he was reacting that he needed a smoke and most likely alcohol as well.

"How are you holding up? I asked him.

"Yeah, Yeah... Ah... I might just leave you guys alone."

"Adrian, you can talk to me... if you need too."

"I know," he smirked. "I just need my medication, little Dhampir," he added with a wink, before leaving.

Carly and Eddie were giving each other googly eyes, so I walked over to the table which had some food and drinks. There wasn't much to choose from, because we were meant to be in the cafeteria, but they were kind enough to supply us some here so we could feel comfortable. I looked around the table screwing up my nose. It didn't look very advertising at this time of moment, but I knew if I didn't eat my stomach would play up, so I grabbed a piece of toast and slumped down on the comforter seat across from Eddie and Carly.

"Where were you?" Carly asked. "When all of this was happening."

"Out saving Christian, as I have previously mentioned."

"There's no need to get narky, Rose," Eddie spoke up.

I took a bite of toast and replied, "Well, if she listened in the first place, I wouldn't have to say it again."

"I understand that you had a rough time out there, but that gives you no right to talk to others rudely."

I scoffed, "...and who are you to tell me what to do? I don't give a crap that she is your girlfriend, if she doesn't listen, then that's her problem, if you can't handle it, then I suggest you leave."

Eddie gave me a disproving look and gesture for Carly to leave with him. I honestly didn't give a crap. I wasn't in the mood, and no one tells me what to do.

After eating the rest of my toast, I got up to go find Dimitri. I needed to see if he was okay. I knew he would be, I had a feeling, but I still had to check for myself. I just got up the stairs to his floor, when I bumped into him.

"Rose, I was wondering where you were."

"I'm right here, Comrade."

Without anymore words, he turned around and was headed for his room. I took that as a invitation and followed directly behind him. Since it was been ages since I have been able to be near Dimitri, I wasn't upset about him leading me to his room.

After unlocking his door and stepping through to his room, I bolted through and slammed the door shut. I took one long, hard look at Dimitri and noticed things I didn't see before. He was hurt and he made a poor attempt at cleaning himself up. Starting from the bottom up, one side of his pants has been ripped off and he had deep scratches cut through his leg. His arms had some cuts, but it was mainly bruised throughout. I only wonder what he looked like under his clothing, whether it was as bad as the rest of his body. Slowly finding my way up to his face, he was bruised badly and their were scratches across the left side of his cheek. Blood was still visible, but I could see the stains of when he would have tried wiping it off.

"It must have been really bad out there," I whispered, stepping closer to him.

"It could have been worse." He was a very modest man. "We were lucky we found out when we did, otherwise more damaged would have been caused."

"What's happening Dimitri? This has happened to many times. It's not safe here, not anymore."

He raised his left hand to cup my chin. "I know Rose, but we are trying to secure it. This is still the safest place to be."

"How many lives?"

"We were lucky. Only one Guardian and two Moroi. We certainly could have lost more."

I looked him in the eyes, and saw his emotion, he didn't like this anymore than I did. I moved in and wrapped my hands around his waist. He did the same around mine and relaxed his head on top of my hair. I swear, he took in a breath and smelt my hair.

"I'm so glad you're safe. I couldn't find you, and I got told I could help the freshman. So I went up there and took them into this room... and then Lissa and Adrian came. She told me Christian went looking for me, so I knew I had to find him..." I rambled on and told Dimitri the rest of the story.

"How long are they going to be keeping him in the medical clinic for?" Dimitri asked.

"I'm not sure, they practically told me to leave. Lissa is with him now," I sighed.

"Roza," he purred. "This is not your fault. He hasn't been well, he needs to be taken care of. I'm sure that is what they are doing now."

"I still... I still feel responsible," I said burying my face into his chest again.

Dimtiri held me tight on his bed, and we stayed in a comfortable silence. I hadn't been close to him for so long, and being here, held by him, meant so much to me. I then realised how badly Dimitri looked. I pulled up and he looked like he was about to pull me right back down. I slowly pulled up his shirt and had a close look at his chest. Just like his upper body, it was bruised.

"Let me fix you up," I stated.

"Roza, I'm fine. I'm a Dhampir, we heal, remember."

"You're certainly are not fine, Dimitri Belikov. Now you move your ass or I'll move it for you," I said crossing my arms over my chest.

He gave a soft chuckle and he gracefully climbed off the bed and we walked into his bathroom. I picked up the green cloth resting on the sink, and let warm water soak into the cloth. I brought it up to his face and I saw him flinch when I touched certain areas of his cuts. He tried very, very hard to not show that he was in pain. _He could have fooled everyone else, but he couldn't fool me._ After wiping the blood away from around his cuts, I brought it up to wipe the blood around his nose. I moved my eyes away, from his nose and looked deeply into his eyes. He must have been watching me carefully the whole time.

The way he was looking at me was something I haven't see before, but I knew he could read what I was thinking. I slowly moved my face towards his, and our lips met. Just that little bit of contact sent electricity through my body, and I was sure he could feel it too. Our lips didn't move fast, they moved very slowly. Like it was our first time tasting each other. One of Dimitri's arms snaked to hold my hips and the other held my neck. I moaned and dropped the cloth – I hope it landed in the sink and not the floor. Dimitri started walking and I was stumbling backwards, it was only then I really noticed what was happening when I felt my legs hit the bed.

"Dimitri," I groaned trying to catch my breath. "... we don't have to do this."

He stopped kissing my neck and moved away to look at my face. "I want you, Roza."

He lips soon found mine again, and this time it wasn't soft and it wasn't slow; it was fast and hard. I fell back onto the bed and he was now lying on top of me. My breathing came hard, and he started to kiss me from my lips all the way down to my collarbone. I traced his chest with my fingertips under his shirt and I collected it in my hands. He raised his arms so I could pull it off and I threw it to the ground. He looked up at me and I brought his head back to mine. I needed to taste his lips. I had been forbidden to touch and taste them for so long.

His hands found the bottom of my shirt and he slowly brought it up over my stomach and chest, teasing me. I took in a sharp breath when he began kissing and licking above my breasts. It brought memories to what he did to them last time, and I have been longing for his touch again. He moved the shirt high to my head and I lifted my head up, so he could take it off. He continued to tease me around me breasts and I decided I should have some fun of my own.

I bent my knees so they were on either side of his hips and I then rolled us over, so I was now on top. He looked up at me with an amused look and I came down and started to suck on his neck. I slowly moved down to his shoulder blades, and I heard his moan. He must like it on the soft skin he has. I have to remember that for future reference. His hand trailed along my stomach as I was having a sucking moment on his chest. His hands moved to the top of my jeans and I gave an involuntary shiver. He slowly popped my buttons and pulled my jeans off. I looked up at him and I saw his lustful eyes search all over my body. I moved to a sitting position, so I was now straddling his hips.

I bounced a couple of time on his body and I felt his pants rise. Dimitri growled and once again flipped us over, so now he was hovering over me. I gave him my man eating smile and I felt his hands slide behind my back and he unclasped my bra. He slowly pulled off the straps and threw the bra away. I felt the cold area creep into the once warm area, but it was okay, because Dimitri's warm, soft lips sucked on my breasts. He nipped from time to time, sending me vibrations through my body. While he then moved his tongue around the nipple teasing them, I unzipped his pants.

He stopped fondling and licking my breasts; instead to holding onto my hips very tightly. I didn't take his pants off, knowing I had to take it slow with him. The last time he only played around with my breasts, so I want to let him make the next move. I moved my hands to his back and started rubbing him up and down his spine. His grip loosen on my hips and he started to take his pants off. I heard a 'thud' on the ground and took the opportunity to look at Dimitri face. His eyes were closed and I knew he was talking himself through it. I position one of my hands to caress his face and he opened his eyes to look into mine.

He brought his lips back to mine, and we soon began rubbing each other. The sensation felt good, but I was still wearing my underwear and he was wearing his boxers. Soft moans kept escaping my lips and I would hear him moan as well, but he would normally moan into my neck, so it was muffled. He gave my a chaste kiss before slowly leaving butterfly kisses down my neck, collarbone, breasts, and stomach. He stopped short just above my underwear. I so badly wanted him to go down, and I was even bucking my hips. But he stopped and froze where he was.

"Rose, I can't... I can't do it," he strained to get out.

"Hey..." I said pulling his face up to mine. "...it's alright."

He closed his eyes tight and I knew he was blaming himself for this situation. He was embarrassed and angry with himself. I needed to stop him, before he decides to flee the room.

"Dimitri, look at me," He looked up with a pained expression. "Were you enjoying it?" He nodded. "Then why do we have to stop? You were okay with just feeling. We don't have to go further."

He looked at me for a while, and I was positive he was trying to see how I was reacting to the situation and if I was being honest.

He finally spoke, "You need further, Rose."

"No, no I don't. I was getting all I need, from just being here with you."

He moved up so his face was so, so close to mine. I dug my fingers into his hair, making sure he stayed close to me.

"Are you sure?" He whispered in my ear.

I didn't answer him verbally instead I brought his lips back to mine. He was soft and didn't touch the rest of my body for a while, but his testosterone took over and he was back to fondling and sucking my breasts. I felt the wetness come between my legs and I started bucking my hips and rubbing into Dimitri. I knew he liked it, because he was most certainly hard under his boxer short. He let out a groan and took deep breaths, because he finally came up for air. He began to move with my body and we were rubbing against it each other. He would always look at my face, watching my reactions. My knees bent up around his hips and his hand came to my hips.

"Is this too much?" I asked.

He shook his head, "No, how does it feel?"

I smiled up at him, after I moaned so he was getting the idea. "I like it... but are you..." I couldn't finish the sentence. It was funny, I had no problem seducing him, but when it came to how he felt about being intimate, I suddenly became shy.

"You're satisfying me, Roza," he murmured into my ear.

I nodded and let my body do it's magic. Dimitri would occasionally kiss my lips and suck my breasts. While all I did was moan and dig my fingernails into his now sweaty back. His erection was defiantly high and hard. He made sure his tip rubbed against my core, and the sensation was thrilling. It was hard to believe only two thin pieces of fabric was keeping us apart. My moans began to come closer together and I felt a better sensation work through my body. Dimitri must have noticed, because he started rubbing up against me faster, and that all it took for my vagina muscles to clench together, and I sighed in contentment, while I felt wetness seek in my underwear. Dimitri rubbed a couple more times, before moaning and falling down on top of me.

I started to rub Dimitri back and in return he kissed my neck. He then rolled off of me and landed on his back. We stayed quiet for a while. All I thought about was what we just did. I know it wasn't exactly sex, but nevertheless we both gave each other an orgasm, and that hasn't happened before. Not only did that happen, but Dimitri took it a step further and I couldn't help but smile at his progress, and to think I made him moan, groan, growl and sigh in contentment.

"I'm glad you have a smile on your face," he broke the silence.

"There is no other expression I can do on my face, to express how I feel right now."

His hand found mine and I intertwined our fingers. I lifted myself up on my elbow and looked at Dimitri.

"How do you feel? I didn't push you did I? Oh god, please say you wanted to."

"Roza," he softly laughed. "No, you didn't push me, I wanted to do it. And if I remember correctly, I'm the one was lead you to the bed and took your clothes off."

I smirked, "That... you did."

I rested my head on his chest and his arms came around me, holding me tight so I couldn't escape his hold. I heard and felt his heart beat fast and then it's slowly came down to a slow steady pace, as did my own heart. I familiarised myself with Dimitri's breathing pattern, and it soon became my own rhythm. I sighed into his chest when he let one arm go from around me, and started drawing patterns on my back. I knew it was wrong to be happy, when others at the academy were afraid or upset about someone they lost, but I deserved to be happy. Especially when it came to Dimitri and I.

I woke up in the same position I fell asleep in, and that was lying on Dimitri's chest. His arms were still holding onto me, but he was still asleep. I could tell by his steady heartbeat and breathing. I closed my eyes again and just relaxed my body and mind. I felt Dimitri moved a little from beneath me and I felt his hold tighten. He was defiantly awake, now.

I kissed his chest, "Good morning, Comrade."

"Good morning, it is, Roza," he said, as he gave me one of his wide smiles.

I bit my lip and tried feeling around with my hand for his sheet. I soon found it and tried pulling it up to cover my body a bit more. It was when I felt his hand stop my arm from pulling it up further I stopped.

"Rose, what are you doing? I thought I told you last time to not be embarrassed. I don't want you to cover up. I like the way you are now," he told me with all cuteness.

"I can't help it," I said, burying my head between his arm and chest. "It's just comes naturally."

He lifted my head and gave me a kiss, "I'm going to have to teach you to be confident."

"I am confident," I defended, with a slight pout.

He gave me a lopsided smile and said, "Yes, you are – but not when it comes to you and me."

"What are you saying?" I gave him my best scowl. However, I did know what he was referring too.

He kissed my nose, "You know what I'm saying." Then he used his index finger to poke my nose.

I gave a little huff and went back to my position on laying my head on his chest. Dimitri's mobile started ringing, and he reached his arm out to look at the caller id. He didn't answer it and threw his phone back on his bedside table.

"Who was it?" I asked innocently. He has been ignoring phones calls for a while now.

He said, "No one important," and then he kissed my forehead.

I suddenly heard knocking sounds on his door, and I jumped and look up at Dimitri. He froze too and looked over to the door with frown-lines, as if he could see through the door. Who ever was knocking on the door, kept persisting and finally Dimitri said...

"Won't be a moment." And like that, it stopped.

I looked up at him with wide eyes, and he kissed my lips before climbing out of bed. He picked up his pants and put them on, and then found his shirt. He went around and picked up my clothes, before coming over to me and bent down to whispered next to my ear.

"Go into the bathroom, I'll get you when it's free."

I nodded and took off into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I could barely hear Dimitri opening the front door and all I could hear was murmuring and two people talking. I took the opportunity to put back on my clothes and look somewhat decent when he would walk in.

The door opened and Dimitri popped his head inside.

"Headmistress Kirova and Guardian Petrov, Guardian Hathaway, Stephan and Chase would like to talk to us about what happened yesterday. They can't get a hold of you, so they want me to find you before hand."

I nodded and said, "Well you can tell them, you found me at the pond..." I looked down at my clothes, "... in a terrible state."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, "That, I shall."

We left his room and we were nearly at the administration building when I spoke to Dimitri.

"Dimitri," I said quietly. He looked down at me and I continued, "I don't think I can stay away from you anymore, not since last night."

He looked around to see if anyone was close and said, "I don't even have that much amount of control," and gave me a small smile.

I smiled back and Dimitri knocked on the door, to be told to enter. I looked around and surely Janine was here.

"Guardian Belikov, MissHathaway, I'm glad you could make it," Headmistress Kirova said. "We have gathered information about yesterdays' attack with other point of views, and you two were the last we would like to hear from."

I gave a small nod and looked over at my mother. She had her Guardian mask up, but I could see she was proud that I was here, because that meant that I had some important involvement with the attacking.

"Before you begin, Headmistress," I interrupted. "I was wondering why it is necessary to have the other Guardians here in the room." I looked up at Dimitri and he gave me a shut-up look. "I mean, is there an important reason for them hearing our version also."

"In fact there is, Miss Hathaway. Guardian Stephan, Hathaway, Chase and soon-to-be Belikov will be running a mission. So they will be needing to hear all the information they can gather."

I was about to say something when we heard another knock on the door.

"Please, come in," Headmistress Kirova invited.

The door opened and what do you know... there standing right in front of me. My breathing increased, my teeth gritted together, my fist clenched together and my heart pounded a million miles an hour.

I couldn't believe the words that escape Kirova mouth when she says, "Lady Ozera, please feel welcome, and take a seat."


	23. Erroneous Motives

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_.**  
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**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; you're so awesome and amazing. :)  
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**Authors Notes:  
Oh My God... I nearly have 400 reviews, and it's all thanks to you fans!  
I wonder who my 400th reviewer would be? Should I give them a special teaser of my next chapter?  
Hmm... I shall think about it. ;)  
There is a character in this chapter who has grown close to my heart...  
Can you guess who it is?**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

_Erroneous Motives_

I stared her down, watching every single step and movement she made. She sat across from Alberta and plopped her bag down on the floor. She flicked her hair back behind her shoulders and plastered a smile to her face while she looked around the room to see who else was present. She nodded to Headmistress Alberta and the other guardians, except one guardian – Dimitri. Her face lit up and she gave him a big smile, which if I didn't look close enough like everyone else in the room, I probably wouldn't have noticed, but she fluttered her eye lids. I didn't see Dimitri's reaction because I was to focused on staring her down. She was my prey and I was the predator. _I needed to take her down, and quick, before she gets her filthy dirty claws into my food (Dimitri)._ She has already entered my territory, so there is no need to defend, I will now have to attack. Did I mention animal behaviour is my favourite class?

I was shoved out of my daze when her eyes moved to mine. Her eyes narrowed, and even if it was just that slightly closure, it was enough to send her message through. Her smile faded into a half smirk and she let out a small giggle.

"Miss Hathaway..."

I snapped my head up at Alberta. "Sorry."

"What I was saying is, Lady Ozera came to the academy to explain what she has been doing with herself for the past few months. As we assume, Lady Ozera has been doing some tracking of her own. Nevertheless, she is now also here for her Nephew, Lord Christian Ozera."

I nodded, but didn't say any more I stared down at my feet, thinking about what a bitch she was to turn up at the academy. And even worse now. It had to be now – when things were going great between Dimitri and I.

"If you would excuse us Headmistress, I must speak to Miss Hathaway quickly, before we proceed. It will give Lady Ozera some privacy as she talks to you about Lord Ozera," Dimitri explained sincerely.

"Oh no, it wouldn't be a problem," Tasha spoke up. "Please don't feel the need to excuse yourself."

"It isn't a problem. Inform us when you have finished."

"Very well," said Headmistress. "We shouldn't be too long."

Dimitri walked past me and I didn't have the energy to look at Tasha face. It all seemed to drain out of me. Dimitri continued to walk to the far end of the hallway and opened a door to storeroom. It was rather large, but if Dimitri wanted to talk in there, he had another thing coming.

"Rose, I don't want a repeat performance of last time," he warned.

"Oh, gee, thanks Comrade. Glad you think I'm a child that needs to be warned to be on their best behaviour."

"You know it's not like that," his voice was stern.

I glared at him, "No? Because that's what it sounds like to me. You know what, I'm sorry I'm not as mature as her, and I'm sorry I can't give you a family. Maybe one day I will have scars like her and still look beautiful."

"Please don't do this," he begged.

"Do what?" I hissed. "You are the one who dragged me out of the room and brought this subject up, and yet, you don't want me to react?"

He stood there thinking about what he would say. "I saw you in there, Rose. You were going to lose control. Anyone would have noticed."

"No I wasn't. Yes, I'll admit that I was pissed. Of course I would be. I wouldn't have feelings if I didn't. But that wasn't to say I was going to lose it. I kept my mouth shut and didn't pounce on her. What more can I honestly do to please you?" I shouted.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before replying. "Let's say I did overreact-"

"You did!"

"It's best to let Tasha discuss Christian's health privately."

"Oh yeah, it's so private that my own Mother is still in the room," I rolled my eyes.

Dimitri didn't say anything, but he didn't make an attempt to leave the storeroom. I turned around and pulled out a piece of A4 paper. I started fidgeting with it and folding it into many shapes. I ended up folding it into a paper heart. I sighed and let it fall out of my hands to the floor. I was bored and wanting to get the speech over and done with so I could leave the administration building, but Dimitri had other plans.

I walked around him and head for the door, but he pulled me back.

"Where do you think your going?" he whispered against my ear.

"To finish what I came here for. Care to join?"

He pulled me against his chest in a locked position and I couldn't move. My back was pressed up against his stomach and chest, but that wasn't the worst tease. The worst tease would be his warm breath blowing onto my neck.

"I'm hurt that you want to leave so quickly," he murmured.

I tried to control my breathing, "We weren't doing anything."

"What about now?" He leaned down and left a soft kiss on my neck.

"Nope. Not doing anything," I teased.

He gave me beautiful kisses all the way up my neck to just behind my ear. My sensitive spot, and he knew it.

"Maybe you could show me once more."

He then held his embrace tighter and nibbled on my neck. I let out a moan and pushed further back into Dimitri. He let out a growl and spun me around. His hand moved to my neck and he started rubbing my cheeks.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he whispered.

I moved closer and made my body touch his. "I have a fair idea," and gave him my man eating smile.

"Roza," he growled.

"It's only fair I get to tease you if you get to tease me."

He bent down so it made me kiss him easier.

"We should head back," he stated, "But Rose..."

"I will Comrade. It's a learning process, but you have already taught me so much. So let go... I got to inform everyone about what I know."

Dimitri gave me one last kiss before leading the way back to Kirova's office. He knocked three times and opened the door. I took a deep breath and walked in. To my delight, Tasha was no where to be seen. I smiled mentally and sat down ready to relay what I knew.

Kirova was shocked that I had three Strigoi after me, and that I survived with barely any marks at all. Alberta seemed impressed with my fighting, however, my Mother seemed disappointed with my decisions. Headmistress Kirova dismissed me, but Dimitri had to stay to talk tactics.

I was walking to the bathroom when Lissa caught me attention.

_I need to talk to you now! _She ordered.

It's very rare for Lissa to contact me through our bond with direct orders, but I obeyed and looking into her head to see she was waiting in her dorm. I quickly changed my direction of path and started towards her.

"Hathaway."

I turned my head to the direction of the voice and what would you know, Jesse and Ralf walking towards me.

"I'm busy Jesse, maybe some other time when I can afford to fit you in my schedule."

He gave me a smirk and said, "You're pretty famous around here at the moment."

"Aren't I famous around here all the time? Especially in those intrusive rumours of yours," I snickered.

He narrowed his eyes. "Leave Lucia and I alone."

"What are you talking about Jesse? Why don't you just stop your stupid little fantasy, because honestly, I'm sick of being involved in them."

He stepped closer, most likely trying to intimidate me. "She told me what you said. Just leave her the fuck alone. She is mine... or should I say Ralf's? Whatever the reason, don't mess with her again."

"Seriously? You got to be joking. No? Fine. I'll do what the fuck I want when I want and with whoever I want. Got a problem with that? Then suck it up, or should I say, suck it in?" I laughed in his face. "Just in case you haven't got the idea in that fried brain of yours, you fuck with me again and I won't hold back next time. And with your sick obsession over Lucia Lombardi, good luck, because if I see you doing something to her against her will or anything at all, you won't even have a second to tell your boyfriend Ralf that you love him one last time. You got that?"

"Keep your distance," he replied walking away.

I walked to Lissa's and she opened the door straight away and I must say, she does not look impressed.

"What's so important you had to order me to see you through the bond?" I asked shocked.

"I think you know," she answers.

Lissa is pissed off and she is pissed off at me. I suddenly walk over to the couch and fall down on the cushions. _Crap! What have I done now?_

"Please explain, I really don't know what you are talking about."

"Tasha is here."

_Huh? I know that. How is that my fault? _"Yeah, I know. I ran into her not long ago, when I got called up into Kirova office. I thought you would be pleased about that."

Lissa huffed, "I was when I first saw her. She surprised both Christian and I."

"Lissa," I sighed. "I'm not quiet following you. Why are you pissed off at her?"

"I'm not."

"I can feel it through the bond. Why are you lying?"

Lissa stood up and raised her voice. "Because I'm not angry at her, I'm angry at you!"

Shocked at her response, I stood up. "What? What did I do?"

"I should have known. It's been happening for some time now, I've seen it and I'm sure others have as well. I thought it was friendship or because you both have something in common – me. But no. I understand now, it's clear." She speaks. "How could you do that to me? I thought I was worth more than that!"

"Woah – hold up there Liss. What's clear?"

"Why won't you just admit it?" She yelled. "I know about you and Christian. I know there is something going on."

"Lissa, please listen to me. There is nothing going on, I promise. We are just mates, always have been, always will be. What's gotten into you?"

"Right, because while I was sitting beside Christian the whole time... I – I – me, Rose, me – I was sitting beside him in the medical clinic waiting for him to wake up. And all he could say or ask was 'where's Rose? Is Rose coming soon? Is Rose going to be alright?'"

I tried to reason, but no use, she cut me off.

"And when he wasn't asking about you, he would either not talk to me or talk harsh to me. He wouldn't even let me be near him. I thought it was because he was in shock, but when Tasha came in. He hugged her and told her he missed her. I tried talking to him, but he snapped."

I tried to place a supportive hand on her arm but she flinched away.

"He might just need time Lissa. He might not know what his thinking at the moment. You can try talking to him again, I'm positive he'll listen."

Lissa started crying and sat down on the end of her bed, so she didn't fall.

"Christian broke up with me. I tried to makes things right. I pleaded. Asked what I did wrong. But he didn't change his mind. He said it's been going this way for a while now. That it's best."

I gasped in shock. "Shit. I'm so sorry Lissa. I didn't know. What a bastard!"

Her head snapped up and she spoke, "dame right you knew! You and him have been spending plenty of time together. You are the reason he broke up with me! All he wants is to see you!"

I couldn't bite my tongue any longer and I snap at Lissa. "Lissa, for fucks sake! There is nothing, and I repeat – nothing, romantic going on between Christian and I. I'm going to leave, so you can calm down a bit and clear you head. You should know me better than that. I would never, ever do such a thing to you."

Lissa stared after me and I slam the door shut. I stood there for a while, trying to sort out my head and figure out what my next move would be. Should I tell Dimitri? Would he think it's teenage drama and get annoyed? Should I visit Christian? Would it makes things more worse? Oh screw it, I'm going to visit Christian.

Dr. Olendzki gave me permission to see Christian, but only for fifteen minutes, as he needs to rest. I quietly knocked on the door and pushed it open. Christian looked sound asleep, so I tip-toe over to the spare chair beside his bed. He slowly opens his eyes, and weakly says, "Hey".

"Hey yourself," I say softly. "Looks like you're in a bit of a mess."

He weakly closed his eyes and tried to smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Could be better," he manages to croak out, while trying to sit up. "I've been asking for you."

I lean in closer and take hold of his hand. "So I've heard, and not from a happy source."

I see him grimace, but he tried to hide it. I know he loves Lissa. He loves her with everything, but he isn't in a condition to be put under pressure, so I'll pass on it... for now.

"There's something I have to tell you," he says and I nod for him to continue. "I'm sorry. I should have gone back to safety like you told me."

I let out a soft laugh, "Christian," I whisper. "Is this really you apologising?"

"Take it while you can. I'd also like to thank you." He takes several deep breaths before continuing. "You noticed I wasn't well a fair while ago, and I appreciate you looking out for me. I should have came in earlier, but it's too late now to debate over it."

"Shh, it's alright, really. No need to thank me, that's what friends do, remember? Try not to speak. It's too much for you at the moment. If you need to respond, just shake or nod your head," I advise.

"Before I do, I just need to say one more thing. Please try and go easy on Auntie Tasha." I give him an are-you-kidding look and he says, "I saw the way she got on your nerves on her last visit. She's not doing it intentionally."

"Why does it sound like you are saying reasonable things because you are dying? Please, it's not necessary."

Christian corrects himself, "she's isn't doing it to annoy you or destroy you. She has been lost for quiet some time."

Christian gave me an innocent pleading look which I couldn't deny. Who would want to argue with a sick boy anyway?

I gave a low sigh and said, "I'll try and do my best, but no guarantees."

Silence overcame us, and I took the moment to look around the room and cringe at the sight. Nothing has changed. I still hate it here. I've often been here myself, but now Christian is stuck here. Poor Christian.

"I don't know what Lissa and Tasha filled you in on, but the rest of our gang got out untouched. It looks like Tasha wasn't too far behind them either. She has shown a good track record. Her tracking must have been what you didn't want to tell me about in my room that day. I understand, you know. I'm not going to lie, she is very brave for doing what she is doing."

Christian nodded.

"You scared me there for a while. I seriously didn't think I'd make it here at the hospital on time for you. Not even my insults got a reaction from you, that notified me that something was seriously wrong. Don't ever do that to me again. Please, don't ever scare me again. Ever."

Christian shook his head.

"I'm not going to nag you or try and change your mind..." Christian closed his eyes shut and squeezed my hand. He knew what was going to spill out of my mouth. Well, he knew who it would be about, not necessarily what I was going to say about it. I'm sure he had a fair idea though. "... but are you really sure about your decision with Lissa?"

Christian nodded.

"Maybe it's just what you are feeling now. Something your mind does to protect itself. You'll most likely change your mind when you get better."

Christian shook his head and kept his eyes clamped tightly shut.

"Does that mean the deal is... off?" I asked warily.

Christian nods his head.

Before I have a chance to ask any more questions, Dr. Olendzki politely walks in and lets me know it's time for me to leave so Christian could get some much needed rest. I give Christian's hand a good squeeze and kiss his forehead before I say goodbye and leave.

Thinking about Christian on my way to the common room, he still didn't look any healthier. Yeah, his heartbeat is normal and his blood pressure is no longer high, but he still doesn't have much energy and honestly, he still looks sick. I forgot to ask Dr. Olendzki what Christian's sickness is and if it's major. But I'm sure if it was life or death she would tell me, right? Or Christian would at least... _Maybe I should give him a few more days in hospital to judge about his condition._

Walking into the common room, I incidentally see Dimitri talking to Tasha. Tasha seems to be leaning into him, whispering into his ear and Dimitri laughs back at her. I narrow my eyes and try to think of a way to interrupt them.

I could:

Walk up to them and pull Dimitri away, which Dimitri might disapprove of or completely disregard.

Flirt with Dimitri in front of Tasha. Hopefully, she would get the idea, but most likely wouldn't give a shit. Dimitri on the other hand might not want to play the flirting game in front of her.

Bump into Tasha hard enough to hurt her. It would get her out of the picture, but would Dimitri want to follow and make sure she is okay? And would he be disappointed in me for playing so low.

Or I could text Dimitri to get his attention. She wouldn't know what I said to him, and I would be able to see how he reacts.

I think I'll go with the text for my first attempt. It probably seems immature to do so, but hey, I'm jealous and there is no way I'm going to let Tasha try and steal him away from me again.

I take out my mobile phone and write:

_Wat r u doin?_

_I need 2 c u!_

Alright, sent. Let's see if he lies to me. Dimitri doesn't seem like the type to lie and especially not to me, but this will show me.

Tasha and Dimitri look engaged in a deep conversation, until Dimitri looks down at his pocket and takes out his phone. He gives Tasha a signal to politely wait a moment and soon enough, I have a message back.

_I'm talking to an old friend. We're mostly just talking about tactics._

_Shouldn't be too long._

Well he didn't lie about talking to Tasha and I didn't expect him too, he's not that kind of man, but it certainly does not look like they are talking about tactics. So I decide I should send one more message back. I quickly look up and I can't see them in the stop they were standing in. I franticly search the room, and let out my breath when I see him sitting in a corner with her.

I write back to him:

_I hope ur friend doesn't mind u sharin ur tym wid me._

_I want u NOW!_

_So don't b 2 long, cuz I'll find another way 2 occupy myself._

I look up and search for his face, to see if he understand the double meaning in my text message. Not that I've tried masturbating, because I haven't had the need, but I might need to do so soon.

Dimitri looks at his phone, and I soon see a smirk playing on his lips. Tasha grabs his attention though, before he gets a chance to reply. He then shakes his head at her and sends a message through.

_Time with you is no issue, and please, don't disappoint me. See you soon._

I smile to myself, because I know now that he understood the double meaning and he wants me too. I look up once more and Tasha has her legs around Dimitri's and her hand is rubbing his arm. So much for discussing tactics. That's a little too much touchy feely with my boyfriend! That fucking bitch! Oh, I'll see you soon alright, Dimitri. You and Tasha.

I storm through the common room over to the side corner where Tasha and Dimitri are sitting. Tasha's eyes flicker up to mine, but don't make permanent contact. She leans in to kiss Dimitri, but he pulls back. He doesn't have time to react and say anything, because I say it first.

"What the fuck are you doing to my boy- my mentor!" I shout.

Tasha looks up at me all innocently. "Well that is none of your business."

"The hell it's not! It's every right my business!"

"Your relationship with Dimitri, oh sorry, in your case – Guardian Belikov, is strictly mentor and student. What I do with him in my time, has no concern with you," she states with a sly smile.

"Don't you dare tell me what concerns me. If I were you, which I'm thankful I'm not, I would be concern about my fist connecting with your face," I threaten.

"Rose," Dimitri's stern voice calls. "That's enough."

Tasha puts on a mocking caring voice, "you heard the teacher, that's enough... your childish behaviour certainly represents your age."

That's all it took for me to ball up my fist and stand in a position to punch. Familiar warm hands send an electric shock through my body when Dimitri's hand circles my balled up wrist.

"Relax, Roza," he whispers in my ear. He then turns to Tasha and says, "Rose is a very talented person. She certainly does act her age..." He looks at me and raises an eyebrow, "...but that's how it's meant to be. She doesn't act like a toddler, who needs to be constantly watched and told how to look after herself and she doesn't act older than who she is. I'm sorry Tasha, for the misunderstanding between Rose and I, and for you to be effected by it."

Tasha looks between Dimitri and I for a moment, and stops to look at his hand still wrapped around my wrist.

"It's a shame we have to end our reunion so soon, perhaps we can finish this some time... soon?"

Dimitri nods his head and answers, "That would be lovely. Have a pleasant evening."

Tasha walks away, but not before caressing Dimitri forearm. I stare at the back of her body until I am satisfied she is far away enough to relax my posture. I turn my head to look at Dimitri, and it seems he was watching me the whole time. I look around the common room, and notice not too many people were paying any attention to us. However, we did catch some attention, which means time to role play.

"Don't touch me," I hissed and pull my wrist out of his hand.

"What you did back there was uncalled for," he stated.

I rolled my eyes, and say, "Whatever," as I walk out of the room.

As I walk around the academy, I have no idea, where I'm going or what I'm trying to do. Everything is so shit at the moment. Lissa dislikes me, because she thinks I love Christian. Christian's in hospital, because his sick. Tasha turns up at the academy, and tries to hit on Dimitri, and Dimitri still treats Tasha with respect after the way she treated me in front of him. I end up walking to the pond on the boundary of the wards.

Staring into the water, I hear leaves and grass crunching under some sort of boots. I don't need to turn around, because I know his walking rhythm anywhere, and I can smell his beautiful scent. His arms wrap around my waist and he leans his chin on my shoulder.

"How do you always know where I am?" I wonder out loud.

"It feels like a magnetic force pulls me towards you," he murmurs.

"I'm not in the mood for bullshit," I caution.

He keeps his voice soft, "I kind of worked that out myself no more then twenty minutes ago, when you threatened to bash a royals face in."

"She's not the first royal I've threatened in my life time. She was actually the second one for today. Plus, she deserves it – that bitch!"

"She may have done things which were disrespectful, but that doesn't mean she deserves it."

I stepped forward out of his hold and spun around to face him. His face was calm and held no anger, but I could tell he was sorry for me.

"Why do you do that? Why do you always protect her?" I yell.

"I'm not protecting her Rose, I'm protecting you," he says.

"I don't need protection. Especially from you!"

"Rose," he says sincerely, "There is no need to be jealous."

I snort, "You're kidding, right? She was all over you and you treat her like she has done nothing wrong."

"In her defence, she wasn't doing anything wrong. She doesn't know I'm with you. She doesn't know that I'm taken. So she flirts and has fun. She doesn't know what she is doing is hurting you." He steps closer and tries to hold my hand, but I move my hand out of the way. "You should know I wouldn't touch her. My heart is with you, if you have forgotten."

"You had a chance Dimitri. You had a chance to tell her you weren't interested or to show her you weren't interested, but you didn't. You laughed and you let her touch you!" He looked at me, trying to figure out how I knew. "I saw you two together. I was watching from a distance," I blurt out. "Why do you think you got the text message? Because I wanted to see what you would say. So there you go, it's out there now."

Dimitri closed his eyes and said, "Rose, you shouldn't have done that."

"I know. I know okay. But I did and I saw what I saw. I didn't want to feel the way I did, but once I saw her with you, I just couldn't stand the idea of her there... with... you." I stomp my foot and kick the ground. "I wanted to be with you, I wasn't lying."

"You could have came up and joined the conversation," he suggested.

"Yeah, because a student of yours coming up and talking like we have been best buds for years would have looked casual," I roll my eyes.

"Tasha knows you too, you know. It wouldn't have been a big fuss. All you had to do was show me your presence and I would have included you, you silly, silly beautiful woman."

"Save your flirtatious comments, Dimitri. I've seen enough of it from you for today," I hiss.

"Rose, please..."

"Leave me alone," I demand and turn to walk away.

Within a second Dimitri is standing in front of me. "Don't do this. Not again."

I push him back with two hands and shouted, "Fuck off!"


	24. Sexual Frustration

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M._**  
**The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there are sexual references and sexual scenes.  
****This chapter does get hot and heavy. There's no home base, but there is second base!  
**

**_For the fans who don't want to read Rated M details, I suggest you stop r_eading _when Dimitri says "I'm giving you five minutes." and continue reading when Rose says "Hey, I wouldn't pull me up here if you know what's good for you." _**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; You're the best Beta is the whole wide world!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
Wow - you fans are the best! I got an amazing response for this chapter, which makes it the most reviewed chapter as well!  
I want to thank everyone who took the time to read the story and review. All you're reviews were worth the time to read!  
PeaceRoseG'ladheon was my 400th review - Congratulations!  
I'll also like to shout out to Nadia Callanan... you sent me many reviews which were interesting and close to how I am writing the story - I appreciate your input! :)**

******Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

_Sexual Frustration_

Huffing with frustration and betrayal on my walk back to my dorm, I couldn't help but let my mind wander with all my thoughts. I told Dimitri to 'fuck off', and he did. Well, not in the sexual context, but neither did he walk away from me. He just stared at me. He didn't say a word, didn't try and talk about it, didn't walk forward and didn't walk away. He just stood where I pushed him backwards with my hands, and stared at me. I couldn't read the expression on his face. It might not have been an expression; it could have been _expressions_, but the point was, he was unreadable, and that, is what I fear most. Most of the time I understand Dimitri, I understand him more than he understands himself, but not this time. his time it was different.

I turned into the direction of my dorms and didn't bother looking back at him. I didn't want too, to be completely honest. If I took a moment to see his beautiful face again, I might have given up right then and there. I might have fallen for his reasons and forgot about it. He could have easily made me forget about Tasha, forget about Christian and forget about Lissa. Because all he had to do was be around me and he could have all my heart, mind and body, without me even giving a second thought about it.

But I didn't turn back around to look at him, and I didn't forgive and forget. That's when the feelings I felt at that moment had completely taken over and I had no idea how to control them. Too many things happened that day. _Too much drama._ My life should be a soap opera; at least the actors and actress's get paid for the heart wrenching events.

Stumbling with the keys in my dorm door, I finally got it open and I slammed it shut when I got inside. It didn't take me ten seconds before I placed my back up against the door and slid down crying. Everything was building up; everything was happening all at once. I don't even know where my head is any more. My mind flashed through images in my head and every single one of them made me cry harder. Lissa. Christian. Tasha. Dimitri.

Lissa's my best friend. To think that she hates me right now is killing me. I can't believe she thinks something romantic is going on between Christian and I. I understand how she might have gotten that idea, but there is no way, even it hell froze over twice. She should know that. I know she knows that. But still, here she is, hating me for it. I saw it coming... maybe not the break up, but a fighting happening between them. They would have small fights, but it's not the same. Christian might have taken it too far to break up with her, especially just as he woke up in the medical clinic. She was only looking after him. I understand that she needs to vent. We all need to do that occasionally, but to blame me, that's... that's... unconditionally painful.

And Christian. Well, I completely blame him for the reason he is being held in the medical clinic. I told him from the beginning that he wasn't well. He shook it off, everyone shook it off. He scared the living shit out of me when he collapsed. Yeah, sometimes I wished that he would piss off, or hurt himself badly and occasionally I would wish died... But... I never really meant it. I must be more careful when I wish for things, because they can most definitely come true. Christian is like a brother to me, a brother I never had. I love him. I will never admit it to anyone, but I do. He has grown on me a lot since the incident in Spokane. But even though the doctors say he is getting better, I know he isn't. He doesn't look it one bit. Maybe that's not enough for everyone to believe but that's the reason why I know he isn't getting better. It's my gut instinct and I'm sticking by it.

Then we get to Tasha. The thing about her is, I thought she was a nice person. She was until I found out she was after Dimitri. Then my perception of her changed. So maybe it was just me being jealous which made me hate her. Dimitri told me that he told her no and that she accepted his choice, but it looks like to me like she hasn't accepted it, because I saw her not long ago hitting on him. She treats me like I'm nothing. She treats Dimitri like she owns him. But she treats Christian the way she should be, and that's caring. She does everything right for Christian and that I appreciate, because she's the only family he has left. But that doesn't excuse her for her behaviour towards me and... Dimitri. The way she was touching him makes me sick. The way she was undressing him with her eyes, makes me sick. The way she was seducing him with her voice, makes me sick. Everything about her just... MAKES ME SICK!

I went on a rampage around my room. I felt all the anger and pain build up within me, and I wanted to hurt something or someone. No scratch that – I want to kill someone. I knew who that someone was, and I tried thinking of ways I could get to her; find my way to her. I came up with nothing, clearly because I didn't know where to find her. She could be anywhere. Instead I took the second option I had left – and went straight for destroying everything I could set me eyes on in my room. I tore the pillows apart. I ripped the sheets and blankets to shreds. I ripped the alarm clock out from the wall and threw it hard to the floor. I knocked over the lamp and it smashed into tiny pieces. I pulled the drawers out from the dresser and threw them all over the room. I just couldn't get enough. It felt good to let everything out.

Sitting down on what was left of my bed, my eyes flickered to my left hand. The promise ring. Dimitri. I love him so much. I would do anything for him, but there is a point where I just can't do it any more. I believed him when he said that he never touched her back and that he chose me over her. However, that doesn't change the fact that there are possibilities still out there. He hardly lets me touch him; let alone get intimate, but he doesn't push Tasha away. Is there a chance that he likes her touch more than mine? This intimacy shit is just that... shit! I understand his situation. I don't force him. He seems willing and then he backs off. I understand and I know that it's not too important in our relationship, but it is important to some extent and I want to feel it. I need to feel it. I yearn for him, all the fucking time. I know I'm feeling sexual frustration. I got a release the other night when we... dry humped, but I know I need the real thing.

"Rose, open up." His voice was demanding.

"Fuck!" I screamed. Why can't everyone just live me the fuck alone! Why can't he leave me alone? I just need to escape him, because when he is with me, I want to jump him and it's not what I need right now.

"If you don't open up, then I'm coming in."

I rolled my eyes at him, even though I know he can't see it. The door opened and Dimitri walked in only to be stopped in his tracks. He twisted his arm around and pushed the door closed without looking back. His eyes flickered to look around the room. They then stopped to look at me on the so called bed.

"Welcome to the house of doom," I said sarcastically.

"Rose, this is – what happened?"

I stood up off the bed and bent over to pick up a shredded pillow. Well in this case a shredded pillow case, because the actual pillow was spread out over my floor. I held it in front of my body with two hands and Dimitri lifted up his eyebrow.

"These items... got a load of my anger," I said with a shrug.

Dimitri didn't step any closer to me, probably worried that I would skit out. Instead he lowered his voice, so it sounded even and soft.

"Did you hurt yourself? There seems to be a fair amount of glass shattered."

"I wouldn't worry so much about me, Comrade. I'm more worried about Alberta or even Kirova when they find out the mess I made. I will be expelled for certain."

"That's where you are wrong, Roza. I worry about you all the time, so much." He took a deep breath, "Are you going to murder me as well if I come near you?"

I tried searching for any emotion on his face, but I found none. It wasn't surprising, he was great keeping his emotions in hiding. I didn't know how to answer his question. I wanted him near me. I always want him near me, but at the same time, right now probably isn't the best time for him to be so close to me. Especially when he is one of the reasons why I'm so messed up at this point in time.

I didn't have the energy any more to yell or fight against him so I said in a low voice, "I won't murder you, but don't blame me if you leave with bruises and marks."

I saw slight movement in his lips, he was trying to hold back a smile.

"I'm not going to let you run away from me."

"I've done it plenty of times before. What makes you think you can stop me now?" Venom dripped out from each word.

He took a couple of steps forward, "for one: I was unsettled in my mind on how to pursue you. Two: you were younger back then in many ways. Three: I was a stupid idiot for letting you go."

I dropped the pillow case and sighed, "have you finished? Can you leave if you have, because I really want to fuck you right now and you standing there is only teasing the fuck out of me more."

Dimitri walked over to me and looked into my eyes, he held them for a while before speaking.

"I have finished, but I'm not leaving. I've told you that already."

"Can you stop? Please? I can't do it any more, Dimitri. I can't have most of you one day and then none of you the next. It's driving me completely and irrationally insane and unstable," I panted.

Dimitri bent down so his lips were just softly brushing against mine. "I'm not going anywhere, Roza."

It was all too much for me. His closeness. I pushed closer to him and made our lips touch. I felt my lips lingering on his. He wasn't pulling away, so I started to make a rhythm with my lips. It was at a slow pace which I controlled, because Dimitri's lips hadn't started moving yet. I sucked his bottom lip in my mouth and I felt him shudder. I moved my lips over his jaw and placed soft kisses all the way up to behind his right ear.

"I swear if you don't leave now, I'm going to jump you," I whispered with a harsh tone in his ear.

His hands came to rest on my hips and he pulled me back so he could get a good look at my face. I'm positive he would have seen the lust and neediness in my eyes.

"If you're going to jump me, then it's best we find better accommodation," his voice was husky.

I broke our eye contact and looked around my bedroom once more and let out a high pitched laugh. _Yep – this really wasn't my day. I sounded and acted like a crazy woman._

"What's wrong with this place, Comrade?" I said blinking my eyes. "Isn't dirty your type of style? If you ask me, I'll say lets give it a shot. No harm can be done."

Dimitri looked at me with concern and worry in his eyes and I noticed his facial expression. He let his mask slip and I'm certain he is unaware of his discrepancy.

"Come on, let's get out of here," he said.

"Aww, why?" I pouted.

"Rose," he growled, "Lock the door behind you and make sure no one is watching when you come to my room. I'm giving you five minutes."

I gave him a big smirk and he walked out the door. I know I'm not acting like myself at the moment, but I did tell Dimitri how I was feeling and he wasn't saying no. In fact he told me to meet him in his room. That can only be a good sign. I smiled in relief. Not too long after Dimitri left, I locked my door and headed for his room. I hid from the lady on duty and reached his door unnoticed. It was unlocked, so I walked straight in.

Dimitri turned the light switch off and came over to lock the door. I didn't have time to touch him, before he leaned forward and took my mouth savagely, and I uttered a startled "mmph" of surprise at his sudden aggressive behaviour.

Before I knew it, I found myself flat on my back on his bed. Dimitri's full weight was pressing down on me deliciously, and I could hear myself making strange noises at the back of my throat. His tongue was sweet in my mouth and he worked his hands between our bodies to roughly caress every available surface of skin. When he reached my breast he palmed it roughly, and I cried out into his mouth. The feeling was unbelievably erotic. He laid wet kisses up and down the exposed flesh of my throat, the scruff of his whiskers marking me with a pleasant burn. Dimitri hardly ever let his facial hair grow in length. He always looked clean shaven, but today he had stubble and it was irresistibly hot and sexy.

I wanted to wrap my legs and arms around his body and never let him go. The feeling of being held so securely was exhilarating, and I panicked at the thought that there was a possibility that I might never get to feel it again. At any moment Dimitri could pull away and say that it was too much. But right now, I needed it, and for some reason I was sure he needed it too. My grasp turned frantic as I yanked at his hair and pulled at his clothes, desperate to get him as close to me as possible.

The urgency in my touch seemed to alert Dimitri to my distress and his hands became tender, smoothing down the sides of my body in relaxing motions. He kissed my cheeks and my eyelids, stopping to nuzzle into the crook of my neck.

"Shh," he whispered. I trembled and bit my lip, wondering why I had to go and ruin the moment with my uncontrollable craziness. My chin began to quiver as I fought back an overwhelming urge to just start bawling. My emotions were rolling and seething uncontrollably, like a tempest inside my chest. I felt Dimitri's fingers drift along my furrowed brow and across my swollen lips, his movements quieting me with their unexpected tenderness.

"Just be still," he said, his voice hushed. I felt his weight shift over to my side until he was resting with his hard body meshed with the soft curves of mine. "I'm going to take care of you. I won't do anything you don't want me to do." His mouth pressed tenderly against mine once, then twice. "Do you trust me?" he breathed into my ear, stirring the hairs at my temple and causing my nipples to tighten beneath my shirt. He had the wrong idea. He thought I was scared and nervous, where as I wasn't. I was horny and I didn't want him to stop. He wanted to know if I trusted him, and I absolutely did, there was no doubt about it.

I took a moment to contemplate the fact that Dimitri was giving me an out. I knew that I could tell him that I wasn't ready, and he would get up in a millisecond, no questions asked. He was putting the power in my hands. It was a heady feeling, knowing that I was the one in charge of this decision. There wasn't anyone telling me what to do. I could decide what felt right to me… and I didn't feel embarrassed about it. Not one little bit.

"Dimitri," I murmured, reaching out to tangle my fingers in the lush thickness of his hair. I pulled his face down close to mine. "I trust you. I love you." His smirk made my eyelids lower in instantaneous arousal, and I felt his careful fingers work their way up the long row of buttons on my shirt.

I gasped as I felt his fingertips trace down the centre of my chest to the clasp of my bra, located directly between my breasts. All my craziness over our intimacy had managed to evaporate at the intensity of my arousal. I arched my back, pushing my breasts up and into his awaiting hand. He pulled away and I pouted. "Dimitri, please."

"No need to rush," he said, hand hovering teasingly over my flushed skin. _No need to rush? Was he kidding? I've been wanting this for a very long time! _I felt his warm hand return to trace the seam of my bra and I sighed happily, my entire body tingling. His eyes met mine, heavy and laden with desire, before drifting back down to my naked breasts. He cupped me delicately in his hands, and I felt awash in a sea of languid desire, helpless against the deluge of feelings welling up inside of me. His head lowered slowly and he delicately licked one of my hardened nipples. My breath seized up inside of my chest and came out as one long sigh as he sucked it into his mouth. The throbbing in my private parts intensified to a full-on ache. I shifted restlessly on the bed, desperate for any kind of friction.

Dimitri's lips left my skin and I groaned, my hands fisting themselves into his hair in an attempt to force him back down to my breast. He chuckled, deep and throaty, and pried off my unhappy fingers. Pressing my hands down into the mattress at either side of my head, he smirked and kissed the tip of my nose. "Hold still, Roza."

The look in his eyes was so serious and full of intent that I immediately nodded. "Good girl," he purred. My eyes narrowed and I opened my mouth to really lay into him, but he caught my mouth in a kiss so devastatingly mind-numbing that my brain ceased to function. His tongue touched mine, so sweet and delicious that I could have cried. I was so caught up in the magic of his extremely talented mouth that I almost didn't notice when one of his hands began a slow ascent up my skirt.

When he reached the cotton panties at the juncture of my thighs, I definitely noticed. Dimitri was surely taking the lead. I didn't have a problem with it. _I was enjoying it, but was he ready to make such a big step?_ I guess the information I told him said it's better for him to control the situation and well, he was!

His mouth left wet, sucking kisses on my throat. "Okay?" he asked, the hot breath of him against my flesh driving me crazy. I hummed in response and felt my legs shift open as if of their own accord, and he took that as an invitation to continue. I felt one of his long fingers press into my most intimate place through the fabric of my underwear. I moaned, and what seemed like a near deluge of fluid seeped out to soak the already damp cotton.

"Roza, you are so wet." I could feel his voice rumbling from deep within his chest. He cupped me in his hand, and I pressed myself down eagerly into his palm. My insides clenched up in immediate delight.

He stroked me softly through the wet cloth of my underwear and then more firmly, alternating strokes with his sinful fingers until I thought I'd go completely insane from the tension that was coiling up inside of me. With every loving press of his hand, I spiralled closer and closer to what I knew was going to be an all-consuming euphoria. Then he slipped his daring fingertips inside the elastic of my panties and touched the bare skin hidden beneath. Oh my fucking God!

"Oh," I panted, my hands clenched into fists next to my head. I wanted to pull my hair out, I wanted to scream bloody murder, I wanted to punch and scratch and wrap my arms so tightly around Dimitri that he'd barely be able to breathe. I just wanted so badly.

His fingertips traced around my clit and the sensations were thrilling. I moaned out loud and his fingers stopped near my opening. His spare hand came up to my face and directed my gaze to him. I slowly opened my eyes and met with his. He was asking if he could go further. The only answer I could give him was the bucking of my hips. He took it as a 'yes' and his index finger slowly slid into me. I gasped at the feeling. He softly moved his finger around inside me and it started to bring me over the edge. I moaned his name, and he slipped another finger into the hole. He started moved them around, trying to reach every angle. His fingers curved inside of me and set me squirming around in the bed. It felt so good. I started to buck my hips and his fingertips rubbed the best sensation spot in my body. I let out a soft scream.

He looked down at me with hooded eyes and smiled. "Just give it to me," he whispered. My body responded like it had been built to follow his every command, and my orgasm exploded through me so fiercely that I saw stars. My insides clenched and pulsed, and it was as though a miracle was taking place inside of me, transforming me into liquid delight. A scream caught up in my throat, and I somehow managed to keep it from escaping by biting into his shoulder. He brought me down slowly, the strokes of his fingertips lessening in pressure until he'd wrung every last ounce of pleasure from my trembling body.

He slowly pulled his fingers out and kissed my forehead. He moved off the bed and exited the room, probably to wash his fingers, before returning. My chest was still pumping up and down from my heavy breathing. Dimitri laid down on his side, holding himself up with his elbow. He gave me a big smile and caressed my thigh. He is such a tease!

"How are you feeling now?" He asked softly.

I looked up at him with a smile of my own, "Much, much better."

"Good. You had a fair amount of tension built up."

"Oh, really? I wonder why that was..." Dimitri didn't reply to my statement, instead he caressed my cheek. "I must be very frustrating for you..." He tilted his head. "...I get very emotional when I'm... well, you know."

"You're a hormonal teenage girl. It's not uncommon," he breathed against my neck.

I reached my hands out and pulled Dimitri on top of me. I gave him my man eating smile and crushed my lips onto his. We had a full make out session and I managed to actually take some clothing off him. I seemed to have most of my clothes off, whereas now he only has his pants on. I discarded his shirt.

I trailed my hand down his chest and stopped when my fingers encountered the top button of his jeans. "You are an incredibly sexy man," I said, lifting the hem of his shirt and gently fondling the exposed skin at his navel. "But my curiosity is overwhelming me. You got to see me. Now I want to see you."

"You do?" he replied, his voice deep and rough.

"Yeah," I whispered. I fingered the frayed denim at his waistband, and his breath came out as a long, slow hiss.

This was it. He got to see my vagina so why let me have a look at his cock.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I opened Dimitri's jeans. I popped open the button on his jeans with trembling fingers and gripped the tab of his zip. I pulled it down slowly. The resulting purr seemed as loud as ripping paper in the stillness of the room. I felt, rather than heard, the resulting rumble that came from Dimitri's chest. He was looking at me, eyes slumberous with banked passion. I waited for a moment longer, rubbing my fingertips along the edge of his shorts before I decided to take the metaphorical plunge – and I slowly eased my hand beneath the elasticised waistband.

There was hair, and then my seeking fingers immediately encountered the hardened length of his penis. His eyes immediately shot open to meet mine, and then they drifted down to greet my amateur attempts at pleasuring him. My fingers twitched under his watchful gaze and he groaned, pressing himself up and into my hand. As I twisted my hand around to try and reach more of him, I nearly sliced my wrist open on the grated edge of his zippier. It was extremely exasperating to not be able to see what was going on. The situation was driving me crazy. I slowly began to pull my hand back out of his pants. He made a sound somewhere between a growl and a whine and grabbed for my wrist. It seemed like the combined efforts of our breathing should have been sucking all the oxygen content out of the room.

Our gazes locked on each other and he finally let go of me, his eyes apologetic. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I wasn't thinking." He brought his hands up to his face and scrubbed at the skin there, obviously just as frustrated by the situation as I was.

"Dimitri, don't be sorry. At least I know you like it." I quickly added, "you like it, right?"

"More than you can imagine," he struggled to say.

Finally, we are making progress. _Finally. Finally. Finally._

"Let me know when you need me to stop," I whispered into his ear.

I pulled his jeans down as well as I bit my lip. As his erection sprang free of the tight confines of his pants, I gasped in shock. It wasn't at all what I'd expected. Well, it was and it wasn't. I'd had a vague inkling of what boy parts were supposed to look like, but Dimitri's seemed beyond huge. It was long and jutted up toward me like it was begging me to touch it. My questing fingers brushed its length, and Dimitri gasped. I watched, completely fascinated, as his erection seemed to move all on its own. It was surrounded by crisply curling hair, much like my own sex, and it was darker than the rest of his skin.

Any remaining worry or embarrassment I might have had melted away at the strange mixture of power and arousal I felt coursing through my body. Reaching out with one hand, I ran a finger up the long length of his erection. I felt the electricity spark between us, and I revelled in it. I wrapped my greedy fingers around him and gently squeezed. "Show me what to do," I whispered. "Show me how you like it. Show me the way you want me to touch you."

His eyes met mine and he smiled crookedly, melting my heart into a puddle of goo inside my chest. I kept my gaze trained on his and held my breath as I felt his calloused fingers wrap around mine. So slowly that I thought I would die from anticipation, he guided my hand up and down the swollen length of his erection. When we reached the tip, he moaned and squeezed my fingers there more roughly.

"Fuck, that feels so - so - wonderful," he groaned, showing me with the force of his hands what speed and pressure felt the best to him. After a few more strokes he was muttering a colourful litany of swears under his breath, mixed with my name and God and Jesus.

His fingers left mine to reach out and wrap themselves in the tangled waves of my hair, pulling me closer to crash his lips to mine in a fiery kiss. His tongue was so soft and sweet that I could have cried. Without his hand there to guide me, my hand sped up its pace on the length of his erection and he growled into my mouth, his curses coming out as sweet puffs of air against my tongue.

"Please, fuck. Oh fucking hell," he mumbled against my lips. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

It was so very rare to hear Dimitri swear. He never liked to, but when he did there had to be a bloody good reason to do it. At first I thought he was swearing because of the amazing feeling, but when he keep saying it over and over again, I thought it was getting too much for him.

"Do you want me to stop? Is it too much?" I asked softly.

He opened his eyes and pulled my lips to his. That was his answer. He didn't want me to stop. I felt aroused beyond the telling of it. I forced myself to move away from his sinfully delicious mouth, curious about the work that my hand was doing. Dimitri was almost writhing on the bed, his hands fisted tightly in the sheets. It was a truly heady feeling, knowing that I could control his impulses and desires with the soft touch of one small hand. I leaned closer to his lap to really examine him, and I noted with interest that there seemed to be a small amount of liquid seeping from the tip of his penis. I rubbed the pad of my thumb over it on my next stroke upward, and Dimitri's hips rocketed up off the bed.

His brown eyes stared at me from underneath sleepily lowered lashes. I felt my own private area throb in appreciation as he thrust himself up and into my hand over and over again. His moans were getting louder and more guttural, intermixed with pleas for me to go "harder" and "faster." I was a little worried that someone might hear us and come knocking, but the fear soon vanished. As I stroked him, I looked into his lap and noted the soft sacks of skin cradled below his erection. Curious to know what they might feel like in contrast to the rock-hard firmness of his length, I reached out with the fingertips of my free hand and lightly caressed the soft skin. Dimitri's reaction to my curiosity was instantaneous.

"Fuck," he roared, propelling himself up and into my hands with such ferocity that I nearly fell over on the bed. As I continued to stroke him, his penis jolted. I watched in fascination as streams of white cum pumped endlessly out of his erection. It landed on his stomach, and the slippery liquid even coated my fingertips.

His eyes stayed shut and his body finally went still. He looked like perfection lying on the bed the way he did. I slid off the bed like he did and walked to his little kitchenette. I washed my hands and quickly had a sip of water, before returning to Dimitri on the bed. His eyes were still shut, but the big smile was as noticeable as ever. His erection had now softened, but I couldn't resist touching it once more.

"Roza," he growled and pulled me on top of him.

"Hey, I wouldn't pull me up here if you know what's good for you," I teased.

"I wouldn't mind what you had planned for me."

I gave him a peck on the lips and nuzzled my face into his neck.

"Roza," he whispered.

"Mm."

"You make me an exceptionally happy man. Thank you so much for showing me what love is."

I pushed myself up to have a better look at his face. "I should be thanking you, Comrade. Plus, we haven't even made home base yet... I love you."

Dimitri pushed some hair behind my ears and rolled us over, so now he was on top. His penis rubbing against my core.

"Dimitri, you are going to break my patience. Please don't tease me, not unless I get to tease you back."

Dimitri sucked my nipple and then trailed kissing all the way up to my mouth. We had a make out session and touched every part of each others body.

"Roza," he mumbled into my back, "Please stay with me tonight."

"There's no other place I'd rather be."

We fell asleep. I woke up, because I thought I heard someone calling me. I waited quietly in the bed to wait and see if it happened again but it didn't. I looked over at Dimitri and he was still fast asleep. I snuggled back into his hold and closed my eyes, hopefully to fall back into a peaceful sleep. I knew we didn't have long before we both needed to be up and ready for a new day, but I didn't want to leave this amazing moment.

_Rose, can we talk._

Lissa? It must have had been her calling me.

I slowly moved out of Dimitri's hold. Moving my leg over the edge; a pair of hands brought me back to the bed.

"Where were you going? I didn't want to wake up alone."

I gave him a chaste kiss and said, "Lissa was calling me. She wants to talk."

"Can't she wait. It's my time with you," he pretended to pout and be hurt.

I never told Dimitri about Lissa accusing me of being with Christian. So he didn't know how important it was for me to go, because obviously she wanted to talk to me. I wanted us sorted out and if she was ready to talk, then I am more than willing to go listen.

_Rose. Please. I really need to talk to you. Hurry. _She begged.

"I'm sorry, I really need to go."

"Come here," he said. I leaned over and he gave me a big wet kiss. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. Hey, can we please pass training this morning?"

He gave me the are-you-kidding look.

"Hey, don't give me that look," I said.

"What look?"

"That look."

"Fine. But only, because you seem to be in such a hurry to be with Lissa when I couldn't think of a better place then here." I gave him a stare. "But... I see it must be important."

"It is. I promise I wouldn't leave if I didn't think it was."

I quickly got changed and kissed Dimitri goodbye.

_HURRY!_

I looked into Lissa's head and saw that she was in her room. She was in a panic._ Shit. What could have happened now?_


	25. Continuous Pain and Sorrow

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T._****  
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**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; I have to say... you're one freaking awesome Beta.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I'll like to thank Dimka's chick for her constant reviews and support from the beginning of this story, and to request my story to other readers. I'm so thankful!  
As I am grateful to all my other fans, who are constantly waiting for me to update and reviewing each chapter. Thank-you!  
This chapter, was very emotional for me to write, but saying that, this chapter is very close to my heart.  
Please don't hate me when you finish this chapter. It has to be done to set other events up. Saying that though, please stick around until the end of the story. You may not be very disappointed in me after all, because everything will be cleared up and finalised. (Wink Wink).**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

_Continuous Pain and Sorrow_

My clothes looked crinkled, my hair was a mess, my make-up was splotchy and my casual manner was missing. But none of those things mattered to me. Not now. Not when I needed to get to Lissa, and fast. She wanted me. Badly. The least I could do was go. Talk to her. Help her. The quick five seconds I took to find where she was, she looked like a mess. A sad, hurting, confused mess. A mess I should have been able to fix up. A mess I should have supported her through. Instead, I let her deal with it alone, so I could what? Spend some alone time with Dimitri? As much as that would appear to me as no problem at all, this time, it was a problem. Because I chose my time to be with Dimitri and not with Lissa. The same thing Dimitri had told me he didn't want to happen on several occasions. Now it has, and now, for once, it has to stop. Lissa comes first, she has always came first, and right this moment, this exact moment, it will be all about her. I'm supposed to be her best friend. The one she is meant to turn to. The one who is meant to be there – for everything. The one who should protect her at all cost. Right now, I'm going to be that friend. The friend I use to be before I met Dimitri.

Running through the guardian wing and up to the Moroi wing; I stopped once I came to a halt at Lissa's door. I needed to take action, and quick. I didn't know whether I should knock and be polite, or barge right in there. I took option two and heavily hit the door. I got it open and shut it loudly behind me. I looked around the room. I found her. She was rocking herself backwards and forwards in a corner of her room. She looked helpless.

"Lissa. Lissa. Oh, god. Lissa, speak to me."

She lifted her head up from in between her knees, but the sight of her was upsetting. Her face was bright red from all the crying and her body was shaking. I knelt down on the floor beside her and held her in my arms.

"Lissa, was it it? What's going on?" I begged for her to tell me.

"Rose, I-I'm so s-sorry," she cried. "I know. I know you're n-not with Chri-Christian. I was s-so rude and m-mean. I didn't m-mean too, I was just hurting so b-bad, I wasn't thinking s-straight a-and oh, I'm so-"

"Hey, shh. It's alright. I know. I know. I never blamed you for thinking that. I know it would have looked like that from the outside. Especially with the circumstances he put you through," I tried explaining to her. "I was hurt that you wouldn't listen to me, but I knew you needed time. I'm here for you Lissa. I accept your apology. Please stop making yourself suffer."

Lissa held onto me tight, and continued to cry on my shoulder. I understood that she was beating herself up about being rude towards me, but there had to be others reasons that made her call me here. It sounded so important and I wished these tears were for me, but they aren't and I know it. After her crying seemed to slow and only patches of tears flowed down her face, I decided to take the time and ask her.

"As much as I would have hoped these tears were just for me, I can't help but think there is another reason you wanted me here," I spoke softly.

"There is something else," she sniffed. "Christian's not getting better, Rose. He's too sick. Nothing is working."

"Are you sure? How do you know this?"

"I'm pretty positive."

"Were you able to go visit him, Lissa?"

Lissa looked towards the floor and took a moment to gather her thoughts together.

"No. He told the nurses to not let me in, but he didn't say I couldn't come by and check for myself."

"Oh Lissa," I said rubbing her back. "Is that why you think he isn't getting better? You looked through the window and there was no improvement..."

"No, I – Um..." She stumbled. "...I walked into the medical clinic and I was able to look at him. Just to make sure he was ok. That's all I was going to do." She looked at me, pleading for me to believe her. "As I was about to turn the corner, I heard Tasha talking to Dr. Olendzki. I couldn't hear or understand much, but she was devastated."

"And you think you heard enough?"

"I know I did! Rose, I can't lose him," she started crying again.

I wiped her tears away and spoke, "This can't be right. I know Christian, and he is a fighter. He wouldn't give himself up."

"I should have listened to you," she said.

I looked at her in shock, "What are you talking about?"

"Y-you noticed he was sick. I should have believed you about not being involved with him. I'm s-such a terrible friend."

"It's not your fault. Please don't beat yourself up over it." I looked at her again and I saw how much it was breaking her. "Lissa, will you be alright here by yourself for a little while?"

"Yes," she sniffed quickly. "Thank you for coming. I know it wasn't important but I needed you, so much."

"It absolutely was important. I'll come back and check on you soon, okay?"

I walked her over to her bed, and assured her that she needed to rest. I tucked the blankets up around her and kissed her on the forehead, before walking away. I pulled out my phone and looked at it. After a while I decided to message Dimitri. He was the only one person I texted.

_I'm worried bout Lissa.  
Could u check on her l8a?_

If Lissa was correct about her suspicions about Christian not getting any better, there was only one place I would be able to get the answers, and that was the medical clinic. My stomach started growling, protesting about getting some breakfast, but at this point in time... I didn't want to eat. I had no appetite. I just wanted answers. And fast. My mobile buzzed in my pocket.

_No worries. Should I be concerned about her safety and yours?_

I typed out a quick reply and headed in the direction on the clinic.

_I'll let u no asap.  
I luv u._

I was in luck when Dr. Olendzki was in the front office, trying to sort out some paperwork. I gave the door a little tap and welcomed myself into her office.

"Miss Hathaway, how can I help you?" she asked.

"I was kind of hoping you would be able to share some information with me about Christian's condition," I said with a matter of fact.

She nodded her head in understanding. "Of course. I will have to advise you though, some information I can not expose. It's against the code of patient conduct."

"As much as you could possibly tell me would be fine."

She motioned for me to take a seat, while she hurriedly placed the papers together and quickly named the file, before putting it away.

"What are you interested in knowing, Miss Hathaway?"

I took a deep breath and said, "Look I'm not going to run around the bush, I'm going to be up front. Is Christian any better?"

"I have been able to stabilise him. He is unable to leave the clinic in the mean time."

"That's not answering the question though," I huffed.

"Is there anything else?"

I knew she wouldn't be able to give me a solid answer. Not because she didn't want to, but because it's a breach of patient confidentiality. The only person I would get the answers from were Christian himself. I needed to see him.

"Yes, actually there is. Can I see Christian please?"

Dr. Olendzki's facial expression was shown to me. She let her doctors mask slip, and for a moment there she was debating whether to ask Christian or just plain out say no.

"If you would give me a moment, I'll go check and see if he is up for visitors," she spoke politely.

I sat in the chair, twiddling my thumbs. I was sick of waiting, I just wanted the truth. I saw her walk back and I quickly got to my feet. _Please say I can see him. Please, please, please._

"Lord Ozera is willing to see you. However may I remind you, he is not up for arguments for he needs to rest."

I nodded my agreement and walked to his room. I knocked softly informing him of my presence and opened the door. The room was quite dark. The only light that shown was a small lamp in the back of the room. Christian had many wires attached to his body which were connected to many different machines. If I didn't know any better, I felt like I was going to be saying goodbye.

"Hey Fire-boy," I said softly. "What's the 411?"

He let out a small chuckle. "Nothing interesting happens here. You should know that with all your attendance."

"I'll give you that one. So tell me... why all the dramatic effects?" I said pointing around to the room. "Are you trying to audition for my own biographic soap opera series?"

He tried to laugh, but it just came out as an awful painful cough. "How are you?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm fine. Wish I could say the same for you though." He gave me a sad smile. "Christian... what's happening?"

He tried sitting up in the hospital bed, but it was no go, he was too weak. I walked over to him instead and held his hand in my own hands.

"They're trying to find a treatment," his voice was so quiet I could barely make it out.

I nodded my head. I knew what he was telling me. Nothing was working.

"Dr Olendzki said she has you stabilised," I said denying that facts in front of me.

"Rose, it won't la-" Christian started to have a coughing fit. "They have been trying many things, but nothing seems to be working."

"But they'll find something, right? I mean, this illness has happened before." It was a statement rather than a question, but he replied.

"They've seen nothing like it before. It's what's making it so hard for th-" He stopped trying to catch some breath. He started panting really fast and I didn't know what to do. "Rose, I'm dying."

"What?" I stepped back from him in shock. I knew in my mind that was what was happening, but I couldn't accept it.

Christian pressed a button attached to a pipe and I saw some kind of liquid enter his body. "They can stabilise me for a while, but once it gone..."

"But they can do it again, they can find another way to keep you going."

"Rose, no."

"What do you mean no!" I couldn't bare to hear it any more

"Rose," he said begging for me to come closer. I did as he wished. "They have done all they can do. This is it."

"But I don't... I don't understand," I said shaking my head.

"Listen to me," he said before starting to cough for air again. "I know it's hard to believe. I didn't believe it at first either. But I have accepted it, and you need to too."

"But... but... No, it's – it's happening to fast. We didn't know. What about the others? Do they know? Are you going to tell them?"

He squeezed my hand, and closed his eyes for a bit. It was too much for him. I should have tried to be strong for him. But I just couldn't. He couldn't leave me. He couldn't leave... Lissa.

"You remember the day in the feeding room when you said I looked pale?" He asked slowly.

"Of course I remember. I still haven't gotten over the fact that I touched your face," I teased.

He made a small smile. "That was the beginning. I should have listened to you."

"That was over a month ago," I said to myself more than anything.

"Yes, it was. It's been getting stronger every since. The excessive amount of extra blood I was drinking, it was because the illness was draining it out of my system."

"When you came to the clinic with Lissa to get checked... why did they let you go free?"

"Passed it as a growing teenager."

The sound of knocking broke through the silence and Dr Olendzki walked in. She checked the monitors and machines, making sure Christian was as comfortable as he could be.

"I'm sorry to intrude, but it might be best if Christian was able to have some rest now," she advised.

"No, I – please let her stay a while longer," Christian begged. He looked lost. He looked upset. He looked hurt. He looked anxious. Finally, he looked scared. I didn't know how he was feeling with all of this news. He would be feeling lonely, having no one to support him. He had Tasha and now he had me, but the person he needed was Lissa, and that was the one person he stopped from seeing.

"Very well," she said walking out of the room. "Only for a short time longer."

"Christian how long... how long do you have?" I struggled to get the words out.

"Not long... now. The medicine is numbing most of the pain."

"How can you do this? How can you just lie there and not be pissed, or sad, or even lost? How can you be so understanding?" I seethed with pain.

Christian started to pant hard for air again and I realised it was my doing. I gave him a sympathetic look, and mumbled "Breathe in, breathe out."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"I don't want you to go," I blurted out. He didn't look at me, he just closed his eyes. "Can I tell Lissa? She has a right to know."

"No!" He snapped. "She can not know. I don't want her to come in here with pity in her eyes. Please. Please, don't tell her Rose."

I didn't answer him to begin with. He was asking me not to tell my best friend – my sister, that her lover was on his death bed, close to passing away. How could I not tell her? How was it possible for me to not run out of here this minute and alert her of the news. What would be the consequences of my actions if I told her about Christian, and what would be the consequence of keeping Christian's secret? It would pull me apart inside to keep such important facts unknown from Lissa. Whereas it would tear me apart if I didn't oblige a death wish. My mind was made up. Either chose I choose will hurt me and the ones I care about most.

"I won't tell her, if that's what you are certain you want. But saying that, I better be on your dying will?" I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Thank you," he breathed with relief.

"Oh my god," I yelled. "Christian, Lissa could heal you!"

"No, she can't. She tried when she was here last time. It didn't heal a thing. Even when I..." He couldn't get the words out, but I knew he meant when he passes away. "...she is already shadow-kissed. It can't be done again."

"Are you sure? We haven't even tried..."

"Please, Rose... I've accepted my fate. Please just... let it be."

"What... what would I tell her?"

He took a deep breath, "Tell her I died a sudden death. Tell her, no one saw it coming. Tell her – tell her, I love her."

I nodded my head and sat on the seat beside him. He closed his eyes and I took the time to process my mind. I thought about: Victor, Dimitri, Lissa, Tasha, the attacks, the illness, the bracelet, graduation.

_The bracelet._

The bracelet was left by Victor. It must be important. Until now, I had totally forgotten about it, but I'm going to work on it now. Maybe it could somehow link me to Victor. I pulled out my mobile and noticed I had 1 new message. I didn't even feel it vibrate in my pocket. I opened it up and it's from Dimitri.

_Lissa told me what's on her mind and she is sleeping at the moment.  
Do you need me?_

Well at least I didn't have to break the news to Dimitri. I sent him a new text.

_No, I'm ok 4 da moment.  
Plz, watch her.  
I've got sumthin 2 figure out wid Eddie.  
I'll meet u 2 soon._

I shifted in my seat and it caused Christian to open his eyes.

"Sorry, to wake you. I'm going to leave you alone to rest now, but before I do, is there anything you need."

Christian shook his head, but spoke, "You're an amazing person, Rose. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. If you tell anyone this, I will haunt you when I'm gone, but I always cared and thought of you as a friend. You annoy the shit out of me, but I'd do anything for you."

I laughed at his statement and gave him a kiss on the forehead goodbye.

"I'll see you soon, okay," I warned. "Don't you dare go anywhere until I come back. Promise me."

"Rose," he tried laughing but coughed instead. "I can't promise you that."

"The hell you can't. You're Christian Ozera, you can do anything you bloody want to do." I gave him a warm smile and finished with, "Promise me you'll wait."

"I promise," he said with a all to familiar smirk.

Walking out of the hospital was a hard challenge for me to complete. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave Christian. I didn't want to leave behind the mess which had been created. Even though Christian promised me that he will still be there when I returned, it still felt like I was walking away. Like it would be the last time I saw him, spoke to him, and teased him. I felt my eyes begin to water and I shook my head, hoping to bring myself back together.

I went to the cafeteria first to grab a bite to eat. I still wasn't in the mood for eating, but I knew all too well that if I didn't eat my body would be in trouble. It was around lunch time, so I was out of luck for getting doughnuts, but I did happen to take some greasy fries and a can of lemonade. I scanned the area for any sight of Eddie and I was out of luck, once again. Repeating, not to want to eat in the cafeteria, I carried my food to the walkway outside looking for a place to go. A couple of guardians gave me odd looks, but didn't comment on my behaviour. I was still searching for any sign of Eddie when I found the pond, I, on occasion visited. My phone started vibrating none stop, so I realised I was receiving an incoming call. I threw the rest of my fry in my mouth and answered my mobile.

"Hathaway."

"I hope you aren't putting yourself in danger," Dimitri's voice was stern.

"No, No. Not at all. I'm just trying to figure everything out. My head is a wild mess."

"Which is why you shouldn't do anything irrational," he stated.

"Since when have I done anything irrational?" I asked irritated.

The line went silent.

"How's Lissa doing?"

"She is still sleeping. The longer she rests the better it will be for her. She was asking for you though. She she should have been back by now. Did something go wrong when you went to see Christian?"

"You have no idea," I sighed.

The line silenced once again.

"Dimitri where are you?"

He didn't answer straight away, "in my room. Reading a novel," he said slowly. "Why so interested?"

"Just curious... you always seem to know where I am. It feels like we are connected by an invisible force," I muttered. "Sounds corny I know, but if you were in danger, I'm positive I would sense it."

"How's the atmosphere around the pond? Have you stunned the fish to doom yet?"

I snorted, "see? nothing can get by you. And no, there still seems to be fish swimming around."

I grabbed a fry and shoved it into my mouth.

"I'm on duty shortly. If I see you by the pond..."

"I know, I know," I said while rolling my eyes. "I wish you were here with me," I whispered.

I heard Dimitri take a sharp breath, but he didn't say anything to my statement. He did break the silence though.

"Rose, I must be going now. I'll see you soon."

"I love you."

I sat on the bench a while longer, finishing up my fries. It did taste good to have some food in my stomach, but the thought of eating made me want to gag. I drank the last sip of coke before I went to seek Eddie. He wasn't in the library, gymnasium, classrooms or common room, so I went to his dorm instead. I only hoped that Carly wasn't there, because I wasn't in the mood to hear moaning noises when I arrived at his door. Some luck did happen today after all. Eddie opened his door on my first knock and he was alone. Perfect!

"Rose, didn't expect you to be standing in my door way," he said.

"Look, I'm sorry about my behaviour. It's some type of affect I receive from Lissa when she uses to much magic. Please give Carly my regards," I sighed.

Eddie grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the couch to sit beside him.

"You look so withdrawn. Have you not been sleeping well?"

"No, I haven't been. There's actually something I need to ask you," I asked looking at my hands.

"Shoot."

"You can say no straight away, and don't feel like you have to but, I need your help." I looked up at Eddie. "Do you remember the bracelet Stan returned to me on the plane back from the Royal Court?"

Eddie's eyebrows furrowed together while he thought about the memory. "Yep. It was the gold one?"

I nodded, "I didn't forget to pack it. Victor left it for me. It's a lot to explain and I really don't feel like going into details right now. I do however, need you to help me work out: why he gave it to me, why now and what's the importance behind it."

Eddie eyed me for a moment, before nodding his head. "Alright, lets say I help you. Will you explain it all to me after we get what we need?"

"Yes – of course. You can pull out at any time, I just need-"

"Rose," Eddie interrupted. "I'm in. I'll help you. Just tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it."

I closed my eyes and smiled. "Thank you, Eddie. Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Not a problem, I would do anything for you. Now... when do we start?"

"Um, right away if you're up to it."

"Sure, I'll just clean up a little bit around here and then I'm all yours," he smiled. "I might have to give Carly a quick call, but I shouldn't be too long. How about we meet up... let's say – your dorm? That's where the bracelet is at the moment?"

"My dorm is fine. It's probably best you have a look at it yourself. I'm pretty sure, I remember you saying that you're mum is a fine jeweller... maybe you will be able to tell me a little about it. Where it's from? The price? Anything that could give me a clue to Victor. He must have had given it to me for a reason."

"I should be able to do that. Then we can do a quick cross check on the Network. I remember how to hack into the system. It should be pretty simple, shouldn't take too long at all," he agreed.

Walking back to my dorm, I remembered that I left my room in a terrible state. What would Eddie think about it all? I quickly walked to my room, hopefully I would get there quick enough to clean up the mess, so it would at least looked a bit more presentable. I opened the door and gasped. I was in the correct room, wasn't I? I walked back out and checked the other doors. Yep. It was my dorm, but it was now clean and put back together. I had new sheets, blankets, pillows, curtains, lamps, chairs... I took a closer look at the drawers and they had been put back together. All the mess on the floor had been cleared out and my clothes were neatly folded. I saw a note near the laptop and read it.

_Everything should be in working order. You have new sheets and pillows. Please try not to hurt these ones, they are as innocent as they come._

The note didn't say who it was from, but I already knew. It was from Dimitri. I didn't send him a text, I thought it would be a more polite way to say "thank-you" in person. I have some ideas on how I might be able to thank him, I just hope that he is going to be up to it. A knock on my door stopped my day dreaming and I told Eddie to come straight in.

"I hope Carly wasn't too mad I'm taking up your time," I stated.

"Nah, she is cool with it. It gives her some time to spend with her friends. She hasn't been doing much of it lately," he replied.

"I hope you know I appreciate it."

"Like I said before... anything for you. So where is this bracelet you have been talking non-stop about?" he winked.

"Over here," I motioned him over.

He picked up the bracelet and had a closer look at it. "Well he certainly has taste. This bracelet doesn't come cheap. I'll say at least $30,000."

"Good to know he still has money growing off trees," I muttered.

"Is this an engraving? Oh, its your name. That's a little creepy if you ask me."

"I agree with you. So what do you think?"

He walked over to my laptop with the bracelet in between his fingers and sat down. "I can't say much sorry. But I'll get on their system and I'll be able to tell you."

It didn't take long for Eddie to hack in. Like he said, it looked simple. We searched through different brands of bracelets and codes.

"Ah ha!... got it!" Eddie shouted with happiness.

"What does it all mean? This looks like a new language to me," I said wiggling my nose.

"Alright, let's look," he said scrolling through the information. "My bad, I was incorrect. It's valued at the minimum of $45 000. It came from 'Al Jizah' in 'Egypt. However, it got imported to 'Corinth' in 'Greece' where Victor must have had purchased it."

I screwed up my face, "what the hell would Victor be doing in Greece?"

"Hiding? It's not a likely candidate to go looking for him. Someone else could have purchased it, and then passed it along to Victor," Eddie suggested.

"That seems more likely, because Victor was in the cell, he couldn't have flown to Greece. Can you find out what the purchase name was under?"

"Yep, I'll just click here, and – here we go... Mr Dan Cunningham. Oh wait, cross that out. They found out that it was a false name, and wrote it on the data base. Sorry Rose," he said apologetically.

"Don't be sorry Eddie. You have nothing to be sorry for. You helped so much. We found out where it was brought from... you know us... We can sort it out from any sort of lead.

Eddie placed the bracelet back in it's box and apologised once more, before leaving. I was on my way to visit Christian again, when I heard shouting from the medical clinic. I rushed in and the nurses with Dr Olendzki were surrounding Christian. I pushed through the nurses and grabbed hold of Christian hand.

"Christian, Christian!"

"I need you to step away, Rose," Dr Olendzki instructed.

Christian's eyes barely opened._ No. No. No!_

"Christian look at me. Please, look at me. Christian!" I begged.

"I need some help in here!" Dr Olendzki shouted to someone near by.

"Christian! Wake up! Please! Oh god, Christian!"

I saw the nurses plugging more equipment onto his body. They started giving him different medication and were flickering lights in his eyes.

"I need you, Christian. Please, wake up. I need you. I need you," I cried.

Dr Olendzki was now pumping Christian's heart. My eye sight started to become blurry from my tears. The nurses tried pushing me away from Christian, but I kept holding on tight to his bed. I wasn't about to let him go. He had to get through this. He had too!

"What's happening? Why isn't anything working? Someone speak to me, please!"

I tried holding on to Christian's hand again, but strong arms pulled me away. Arms I couldn't compete with. Arms I usually never wanted to leave. He pulled me out of the room. I tried struggling against him, but it was no hope.

"I need to be in there with him. Let me go," I seethed.

"I'm not letting you go in there. So calm down," he ordered.

"He can't leave. He can't leave us. He just can't," I cried onto his chest.

He tried soothing me by running his fingers through my hair. I turned my face to look up at him, but I saw Tasha in the corner of my eye. I stared at her, only to notice tears of her own. I turned my head back to Dimitri's chest. The nurse's were calmer than they were in the beginning so I took it as a better sign, but no one came out to tell us if he was okay, so I took that as a bad sign.

"Roza," he soft voice called. "Do you need a drink of water?"

I moved my head back to look at him and he was being so caring. It was written all over his face and body language. I wiped away my tears and nodded my head. He reluctantly let me go, looking back several times to check on me before turning the corner. I sat down on a near by seat and closed my eyes. I heard Tasha sniffling not too far away from me, and for once I didn't want to punch her in the face. She was suffering the same feelings as I was, and she had the right too. I was about to go over there... but I didn't know what I was going to say, or do. Not in this situation and not when I've had nothing but bad things to say about her.

I let my had fall back against the wall, but loud shouting and orders made my head snap up again. It was the nurses and Dr Olendzki with Christian.

"His gone again. Get the machine ready," Dr Olendzki demanded.

The nurse obliged and handed her the machine. I looked around and noticed Dimitri still wasn't in the room. I took advantage and ran into the room Christian was held in. I caught a nurse's attention, but she didn't try and push me out this time. She was too busy working on Christian. I stared at him. He wasn't moving. He wasn't breathing. He wasn't doing... anything.

"His not responding," one of the nurses said.

"Christian, please just listen for once and wake the fuck up," I cried again. "You can't leave yet. You have so much you need to do."

"Where's Belikov?" Dr Olendzki asked a nurse. The nurse shrugged and got back to work.

"Please. I need Christian back. Please, don't let him die," I begged.

"We are trying our best Miss Hathaway. Please stay out of our way."

Christian still wasn't doing anything. It will be too long for response soon. _For god sake wake up you selfish animal!_

"Christian," I yelled. "You're a coward! Wake up. Prove yourself to me, you selfish coward!"

I felt Dimitri hold my arms down and bring my back to his chest. I still tried struggling against him again, but I don't know why I bothered.

"Take her out and make sure you stays out," order Dr Olendzki.

"Christian!" I yelled while Dimitri was dragging me away. "You promised me."

Dimitri dragged me to the door and I latched my hands around the metal bars. He would have to try his damn hardest to make me leave this room. Dimitri tried peeling my fingers off the bars, but I ended up kicking him. He fought back of course and we ended up sparing in the room. Dimitri won and held me down. I was exhausted, I couldn't fight him any longer. As he held me and pulled me back, I told Christian one last thing.

"You promised me you would wait! You promised!" I yelled. I took one last look at his face and whispered, "I love you."


	26. Life Resolution

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M._**  
**The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there are sexual references and sexual scenes.  
****This chapter does get hot and heavy. There's no home base, but there is third base!  
**

**_For the fans who don't want to read Rated M details, I suggest you stop r_eading _when Rose says, "__a__nd what do you want to do to me?" and continue reading when Dimitri says, "_****_Hmm. Relax, my beautiful._**"

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; You rock!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
I can't believe the amount of reviews I received about Christian's death! I'll write this again - you are all wonderful!  
I know it's hard on some of you, because Rose believes he is gone, but please trust me, it was for the story.  
Also, many things can still happen in this story. I know how it ends, and I will say please don't give up hope yet. There may be a way for him to return. :)  
If you are unable to read the M rated sections: please notify me in a review and I will give you a brief outline.**

******Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

_Life Resolution_

The room was spinning. I groaned and laid my body back down on my bed. I badly wanted to be sitting out in the waiting room at the medical clinic, but my body wouldn't let me. After the fight I had with Dimitri in the emergency room, I was physically exhausted, and not long after he pulled me out of the room... I fainted. I was an emotional and physical wreck. The next thing I remember was waking up in my own room in my own bed, not able to move without feeling like I'm going to gag. I tried reaching over to the table near by to grab my glass of water, and I suddenly had another head spin. I moaned and rolled onto my side, as Dimitri walked into the room.

"Hey beautiful," his velvet voice spoke. "Sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. How are you feeling?" He reached up and brushed the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ears.

"I feel like shit," I glared at him, letting him know I wasn't letting him off the hook about dragging me away from Christian.

"Here, have some water." He handed me the glass and I was about to take a full gulp when he said, "not that much, just a sip. You need to go easy, otherwise you are going to be resting in this bed a lot longer than you intend."

I took a sip of water and dramatically smiled up at him. His caring expression didn't change; it was like he was ignoring my attitude. He continued to caress my cheek, while I lied down, lost in my thoughts.

"Dimitri," I whispered. "You heard me, didn't you?" I knew he heard me whisper "I love you," to Christian.

He nodded his head.

"It's not what you think." I said in defence. "I – He – It's not the same love. I love you with my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. I just never really told him how much he meant to me, and saying 'I love you' felt right. It was the shortest way I could explain how I care about him without rambling on. I would never say it to his face. I just wished I... If that was you there instead of him, I would be-"

"Rose, it's okay. You don't need to-"

"But I do. I want to explain. I owe-"

"No. No you-"

"Would you just let me-"

Dimitri's lips were on mine, that instant. They were warm and soft. They showed loved and tenderness.

"Thank you for my room," I muttered into his neck.

"I thought you were feel more comfortable in here."

"I wasn't talking about bringing me here. I was talking about cleaning up my room."

"I know what you mean, Rose," he smirked.

Dimitri passed me again the glass of water and I took little sip to satisfy him. I pulled him down on top of me, but he shook his head and moved to lay down beside me. I gave him a pout, but he just chuckled and told me to rest. I let my arm rest on his chest, and his breathing rhythm helped me fall to sleep. It took a while for my eye lids to drop fully, because every time I tried I would see Christian's face and I would shudder. Dimitri would try and bring me closer to his body, but realistically I couldn't get any closer. The closest I could get was, well, intimacy, and that wasn't going to be happening right now. Dimitri made it quite clear. I woke up to an empty bed. It was disappointing to find he once again, let me wake up without him beside me. I was about to turn over and try to get more rest, until I heard muffled voices outside my door.

I slowly sat up in bed, too worried that I might not be able to walk yet without feeling dizzy. To my delight, nothing too dramatic happened. I took it slow, and reached over for a sip of water. I pulled the bed covers away and realised I was only dressed in my bra and underwear. Dimitri must have stripped me down when I was asleep. I risked the chance to stand up, and when I did I had no problem with my balance. It seemed the rest did me good. I sneaked up to the door and placed my ear on the wood, listening to the voices on the other-side.

"Doesn't her age concern you?" Tasha's voice was disgusted.

"No."

"Not even just a little bit?"

Dimitri sighed, "I'm not going to lie. We do have several years between us, but mentally and emotionally she is at the same standard."

"You're kidding right? You saw the way she acted before. That is not at the same mature standard."

"Tasha, she was losing someone she clearly cares deeply about. You would be the same. No, you were the same. I saw that you wanted to follow her straight in there. You would have if I didn't turn up when I did."

"That's the difference," she paused. "I could have, but I didn't. I'm more stable for you Dimka. Why can't you see that?"

"I'm not going there again with you Tasha. I've told you what I needed to say," he spoke sternly.

She huffed and sweetened her voice. "Does she know?"

There was a no paused on Dimitri behalf.

"Know what?"

"Does she know about you?"

"Yes, I told her," he hissed.

"And? She won't wait for long. You know that right?" I detected the smile in her voice. "She'll say she'll be there for you, as long as you need, but she will get tired. She won't be able to stay and wait. She's too young to understand the responsibility. I'm not. I've always been there for you Dimka."

"If that's what she chooses than I won't stop her from leaving, but until then, I'm going to keep holding onto her," he whispered.

"It's such a shame. Will you at least consider my proposition?"

"I will rethink it over, but my answer still stands. I'm staying with Rose until she doesn't want me any more"

"It won't be too long now, Dimka. It'll be easier on you and me if you come with me now, instead of later. Why didn't you answer my calls?"

"There was nothing to say..."

"Why are you doing this? There is plenty to say..." She sighed, "I gave you time and space after you made your decision to stay here, hoping you would finally see sense and change your mind. Obviously, she has diluted you."

"Tasha, you are a close friend of mine. I do not want to have to ruin our friendship," his warning brought my body to shiver.

"Consider me warned," she laughed, "I'll be waiting for you. You and I are meant to be, there is no other for either of us."

Dimitri growled, "that's where you are wrong! I have found someone else, and they love me back. I'm sorry you haven't been able to find someone to return your love, but please, be happy for me. I've finally found someone who I can connect with on a whole other level. Don't I deserve to have that?"

"I returned your love, Dimitri. She is too young to understand love!"

"Rose understands more than you give her credit for. She is an extraordinary woman," he gloated.

She gave a soft sly chuckle, "that's why I don't doubt that she knows there's a better life out there for her. Where she doesn't need to wait. Where someone can show her how much they love her. I'm doing this for you, Dimka. I'm looking out for you!"

I heard a loud thud on the wall, and realised it must have been Dimitri hitting the wall in fury. He doesn't get angry often, but when he does, you should know not to push his buttons. Either Tasha obviously doesn't understand, or she just doesn't give a shit. I think I'll go with she just doesn't give a shit.

"I show her all the time, Tasha. She knows how much I love her," he seethed.

I heard a cackle and a softer, "I bet she does," fade away.

I realised Tasha had walked away, and Dimitri would either: walk away and get some fresh air, or walk back into the room. I quickly moved away from the door and pulled the covers of the bed up. I heard the door handle turn, so I shoved my eyes closed. I felt the bed move down in weight and Dimitri lips kissed my temple. I stayed still for a while, hoping that he didn't realise I was awake. I started to move slightly and stretch my arms.

"One of these days, I'm going to have to teach you how to eavesdrop without being detected," he whispered in my ear.

I froze, and thought how I could respond. How the hell did he know?

"I'm intrigued, Comrade. Why would you think that?"

Dimitri kissed a trail down my neck, "you can never fool me, Roza."

"I'm starting to believe that's true," I sighed. "I didn't hear all of the conversation. Only the bit I woke up too."

"I know." He kissed my nose and his eyes turned worried. "You're feeling better then?"

"Yeah... I think the rest was needed. I managed to walk up to the door without falling. That's a pass, isn't it?"

Dimitri nodded and laid back down on his back. His face turned cold and distant. I wasn't sure whether he was angry that I eavesdropped or if he was just pissed off at Tasha. My eyes found his knuckles, where they were starting to bruise and had scratches.

"You know it wasn't necessary for you to punch the wall for dramatic effect," I smiled.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"I'm not. I'm glad I got to hear it. She is a bitch..." I stopped and saw his pained face. "Thank you for supporting me."

His head turned towards me, "why wouldn't I? I would protect you with everything I have."

"I know you would. I appreciate it. Are you sure... you – are you sure you want to be with me?" I blurted out all at once in a hurry.

Dimitri pushed me down further on the bed, and held his body over mine. "There is no one else I want to be with."

I nodded and kiss his chin. I couldn't reach up to his mouth. I knew Dimitri loved me back, but I had to ask had and make sure, and yet again, Dimitri let me speechless. I was one lucky woman to have Dimitri Belikov – the god! I held his right hand with my own and brought it up to my lips. I kissed each knuckle on his hand, making him close his eyes. He opened them up, realising that I had finished and pulled his weight away from my own. I was feeling cold and moved out of bed to put a shirt and pants on. I knew he took the clothes off me because I wasn't well, but now I was feeling the cold. He didn't seem to notice, because he continued to stare up at the ceiling. I moved back under the blankets and I felt detached and wanted his body on my once more. He closed his eyes and sighed. He needed to rest and be alone, but he was in my room. I intertwined our fingers, and gave his cheek a peck before closing my own eyes to relax. The room was silent with only our breathing making any noise in the room. I was the one to break the comfortable silence after what seemed like hours, but I don't think he minded.

"Dimitri..."

"Mm," he murmured and pulled me closer to him.

"We are in this for the long run... You don't want to back out, do you?"

Dimitri's eyes were still closed when he answered me, "I want to be with you. If the thought scares you, then I suggest you say something before we make a proper commitment."

"I'm not leaving you. Ever," I stated firmly. "What proper commitment did you have in mind?"

"Engagement, marriage, living together, children, work, grandchildren."

"They all sound so nice, but what are we kidding. We can't have it all."

Dimitri's eyes popped open and he turned on his side to look at me better. "Why not? Why can't we have it all? We can make anything happen. I will try and give you anything and everything."

"Queen Tatiana will hardly even let us get married, let alone work or live together. And children... that's impossible. You know we can't have children," I whispered.

"Roza," he purred, "if I have to, I'll quit. You can still be guarding Princess Vasilisa, and I'll find work someone else. We can get married and live together. Tatiana won't have a say in the matter. As for children..." he trailed off. "It isn't impossible. You can still have children. I'll still love him or her as they are my own. We can make it all happen."

I looked at him in shock. His face was showing all honestly and sincerity. What he was saying was that he would retire from the duty he loved and cared dearly for, so he and I could have a life together. He would also sacrifice his love for me so we could have children. There was no way I would have sex with a Moroi man in the hopes of becoming pregnant. I wouldn't do that to Dimitri and I couldn't see myself even thinking like that.

"Oh, Dimitri. There are other ways. We will work through them. How about I just get through graduation first," I softly chuckled.

"I think that is a wise idea," he said.

"You're not leaving me before than are you?" I hesitated to ask. Dimitri gave me a questioning look and I responded, "the mission. What's going on there?"

"The council has had enough of all the threats and break ins. They think they have enough information to support where the Strigoi are for an surprise attack."

"Since when has the council been known to take action into their own hands? What about the policy of not hunting down Strigoi?"

"Under the circumstances, they believe it is the right time to put matter into our own hands, with the upper privileged. They're certain they know where they are hiding out," he informed me.

I punched the bed, "that's insane, and suicidal. As long as it's none of their own, they'll put us in danger!"

"Hey," he said as he held my hand in his. "We are well prepared."

"How? You don't even know how many Strigoi are there. What about Victor? You and I believe he is working with them... they don't know that. If they did, they would know it would be more dangerous. Dimitri, please don't go."

"You don't have faith in me?" He asked with a small teasing smile.

"Sure I do," I frowned.

"Everything will go to plan, Rose. Graduation is only less then two weeks away. The mission will be finished by then."

Dimitri seemed so confident I didn't want to let him down, so I smiled and nodded. He rubbed my arms up and down, sending a shiver down my spine. I jumped on top of him and giggled. He moved his lips to my neck and started nibbling. I moaned and moved my neck back so he could have better access. I frowned when I suddenly remembered Tasha, and I pushed away.

"Did I hurt you?" Dimitri asked.

"No... I, ah... thought of something, or... someone."

Dimitri gave me a worried look, "tell me."

"Don't get mad at me, but, well, I can't help but think about Tasha."

He frowned, "why?"

"She seems to really want you away from me. What if she doesn't stop until she gets you?"

"She'll be waiting a very long time. She isn't going to get me, Rose. She had all the time in the world to convince me to be with her before I even met you, and it didn't work, did it? Nothing is going change."

"Okay, I believe you. We promised to be honest with each other, right?" He nodded and waited for me to continue. "I do get jealous when I see you two together. I know I shouldn't but I do. It's the same when you see Adrian and I together." Dimitri's eyebrows furrowed. "I trust you not to go fuck her, or whatever you men do, that's not what's making me jealous..."

"What's making you jealous?" Dimitri asked curiously.

"The fact that I can't be with you when you're with her. You can call it 'marking what's mine' or I'm being 'possessive' but I just feel like that."

"Roza, I told you the other day that you could come over and I'd include you. I wish I knew about this sooner."

"I just want to feel like an adult, you know? When I'm with you, you make me feel powerful and loved, and wiser. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel, so... I don't know... insignificant when she's with you. I don't know if that's the correct word to describe how I'm feeling..."

Dimitri closed his eyes and it looked like he was in pain. "Roza, I didn't realise I was hurting you."

"No, no." I jumped up to stop him from blaming himself. "It's not like that, I think I'm just feeling insecure... or a child like Tasha puts it," I mumbled.

Dimitri held my face with his left hand, so I would look at him, "you're not a child. Do not even think that," he said seriously. "If you're insecure, then I'm just going to have to secure you."

"It's not you... it's me. So cliché, isn't it?"

I saw movement on his lips, "maybe a little cliché. It's just as much me, as it is you. I'm not very experienced in the relationship sector."

I snorted, "and you think I am?"

Dimitri raised an eyebrow, "you're more experienced than I am."

I open my mouth wide enough for a grasshopper to jump in. I can't believe he was bringing in my past flings. It's not like I had intimacy with them, just a bit of making out. It's not like he denied kissing Tasha. Dimitri slid his finger under my chin and closed my mouth shut, while letting a little chuckle escape.

"I can not believe you just said that."

"What?" he said faking innocence. "I'm just stating a well known fact."

"I sure as hell didn't sleep with any of them!"

"I didn't say you did!"

We stayed there glaring at one another until I said, "Dimitri, this is the first serious relationship I have had, and it's a learning experience for me too."

"I know, I know. It's a good thing we can learn together, isn't it?" he said with a small smile.

I couldn't stay irritated at him for long, I never could. "Yeah. We are both going on the long curvy road together," I said giving him a peck on the lips.

"I'm going to try harder now. Now that I know how you feel," he whispered.

"Don't try too hard," I whispered back, "I don't want my boyfriend to burst brain cells thinking up ways to secure me."

"I'll try and keep that in mind. Rose, I'm sorry about Christian."

"Me too," I said muffled as I pushed my head harder into his chest.

"You don't have to act brave in front of me. I'm the one person who you can show your true self too," he said rubbing my back soothingly.

I moved my mouth away from his shirt so he could understand me, "I know. It's just... I don't think I have the energy to cry any more, at least not at this time. Christian told me what to tell Lissa, but I, I don't know if I can go near her. She is going to be so upset with me from keeping it from her as it is."

"She will understand over time. She'll just need time to grieve and mourn, but you don't need to rush into it. Tasha said she wants to keep it on low for the moment, she is trying to wrap her head around it as well. It will give you time to think about how you will tell Lissa. There is no rushing, okay? And if you need me, I'll be there."

I nodded and moved my lips to his neck and left wet kisses on his skin. I felt his body react and smiled to myself. He pulled me closer to him and sucked just below my ear. He always knows how to send my body into a frenzy.

"How much alone time do we have?" I asked.

"I have duty in a couple of hours," he mumbled onto my neck.

I groaned, "a couple of hours won't be enough."

He lightly kissed all the way up to right behind my ear. "It's long enough to do the things I want to do to you," his voice was husky.

I giggled and pushed him down to the bed, "and what do you want to do to me?"

He didn't answer, but instead brought his lips to mine. He sucked on my bottom lip while pushing me closer to him by my hips. He tried opening my mouth for him to enter fully, but I wouldn't oblige. I wanted to tease him. I heard him groan and he lightly nibbled on my lip. His hands slowly traced my stomach while ascending up my chest. His tongue traced my bottom lip moving up to my top lip, begging for me to finally let him in. I bucked my hips, as my answer of no. His fingers traced the outline of my bra, sending my body into a frenzy. His fingertips slowly traced patterns around to my back to unclasp my bra. My bra was now loose enough for him to slip his hands into, and that's just what he did.

Dimitri cupped my breasts, and moaned into my mouth. I let out a loud gasp, and opened my mouth for him to play with. His tongue plunged straight in, and he didn't hesitate to taste my tongue and take control. My lips were now moving with his, his tongue tracing the outline of my mouth. The sound of our tongues clicking together was surrounding the room. I fisted his hair into my hands, and kept his head close to mine. I reluctantly pulled away from his warm mouth to catch my breath. Dimitri, however, didn't seem to need to, because he started kissing my neck. His hands started playing with my breasts again, which earned a loud moan from me. He separated from my skin and looked me in the eyes. He must have seen what he wanted to see, because he lifted my shirt halfway up my stomach and put his head through. His head was now situated between my stomach and shirt, completely hidden from me.

"Dimitri," I whispered shakily, "what are you doing? Don't hide from me."

"Hold still."

I did as he said, and he started pulling the bra strap down my arms, and pulling my arms through. He then pulled the bra down and off it came. He threw it across the room, and I heard a little "ting!" as it had hit something. Dimitri blew on my left breast, which made me get cold and my nipple harden. He kissed around my nipple and then on it. He kissed it three times, before sucking it. It felt so good. His mouth was so warm and soft. He then started to lick around the nipple; slowly extending to lick my whole breast. His hand came up to my other breast and fondled with it, to make sure it wasn't feeling left out. Dimitri licked my nipple once again, but this time swirled his tongue around it while sucking. A moan of contentment escaped my lips, while I consciously bucked my hips. He growled and started to bite down. At first it wasn't very hard, but the more frequently I moaned or sighed; he would bite slightly harder.

He took turns and paid my other breast a visit. I loved how he would make me feel, but I wanted to be able to make him feel something as well. So I started tracing his abs with my fingertips, and slowly traced the top his his jeans. I popped the button of his jeans open after several attempts. I found it hard, considering he made me squirm around on the bed and I couldn't see what I was doing. I pulled his zipper down and stroked his erection. He sighed and pulled his head out of my shirt and looked at me with lustful eyes. I pulled his jeans down, down to his thighs and he took care of the rest, pulling them down past his ankles. I brought his head back up to mine, and our lonely lips came into rhythm. Our tongues fought for dominance, thrusting against each other. I knew he needed to be in control, but so did I. My hand rubbed his erection popping up through his boxers. He groaned and pushed it further into my lower stomach.

My thumbs curled into his boxers and pulled them down over his hips. He let out a hiss and sucked my neck. Dimitri kicked his boxers all the way off. His erection was now free for me to play with. My thumb rubbed the pre-cum off the tip of his penis and he sucked harder on my skin. I tried to remember what I did last time to make him feel so good. I curled my hand around his penis and started to move my hand up and down. His hands on my hips tightened and he started to moved his hips up and down. I fastened the pace and he started to moan. Knowing I was doing it correctly, I used my other hand to play with his balls. Dimitri bit down hard on my neck, and I let out a loud gasp. It hurt, but it turned me on a hell of a lot more. Not long after, I felt Dimitri shake and pant for breath. I had given him an orgasm; I smiled to myself. When he caught his breath, he licked and kissed the bite mark on my neck, various times, in a caring gesture.

I rubbed his back in a calming matter and he trailed wet butterfly kisses all the way from my lips to my collarbone, down my arm and my shorts. He pulled my shorts off in one swift movement and rolled us over. He kissed and licked around my underwear and down my legs. He slowly kissed and sucked my inner thigh and I didn't know how long I could just lay down and take it without needing more. He ascended to my hips and rubbed his fingertips over my core. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, while he continued to tease me.

"Dimitri, I can't... oh fuck... I need you," I pleaded.

I needed him inside, so bad. He didn't seem to be hesitating any more when we got close, so I thought he would be alright to finally do it. I needed to be close to him. I always needed to be close to him. I just wanted the pain to go away for a moment. His erection was certainly hard again, and I knew I turned him on. I knew he wanted me, but instead of being inside me, he flipped us over again so I was now on top of him. He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips and pulled my underwear off.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Yes," I whispered.

"If you want me to stop, you tell me straight away."

I bit my lip and nodded. Both of his hands came up and held my hips. He started to pull me forward and I scooted my way up to him. I was now resting on his chest not too far away from his face. He pulled me closer, and I soon realised what he was doing. He wanted me to sit above his face. I moved up and placed my core above his head. My hands held on to the bed headboard and he placed soft kisses around my vagina. He started to suck on my clit and I let out a loud moan. It felt amazing. It was a different feeling all together, and it was a feeling I didn't want to stop. He moved his tongue around. Going in between my flaps, and the edges. He slowly entered his tongue into my opening, and I shuddered in responds. He did it a few more times, before going back to sucking on my clit. I bucked my hips into his mouth; causing him to lick my opening and rub his thumb on my clit. It sent me into overdrive and I felt maximum pleasure building up inside my lower stomach. I moaned and groaned together, which caused Dimitri to laugh. His laugh caused vibrations to go up through my body, and that's all that was needed for me to release.

I rode my orgasm out; holding on extra tight to the headboard. Dimitri cleaned me up, by licking my cum up into his mouth. He let me know he was finished by pinching my bum. I lifted myself off, and laid down beside him. We didn't say anything to each other. I was too stunned by what had happened. My body felt great. I felt great. Dimitri just acted on an intimate gesture towards me, more intimate than we have ever be before. His mouth was in my vagina. Fuck. Just thinking about it turns me on. The release was needed, because I was still holding onto my emotions about Christian. There was still so much that had to be done, but now wasn't the moment to think about it. This moment was about Dimitri and I. I looked up at him and he was smiling down at me. I leaned up and gave him a full wet kiss. There was a different taste in his mouth, and I realised I was tasting my own cum.

"That was..."

"Unbelievable?" he suggested.

I laughed, "yes, that describes it perfectly."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"That's an understatement, Comrade. Now if you don't mind... I've got business to attend too."

Dimitri raised an eyebrow and growled when I held his shaft in my hand. I let go when he pulled my shirt off over my head, exposing the naked breasts he had owned in the beginning.

"We won't be needing this," he growled.

I smiled at him and lifted his shirt off his body, "as we won't be needing this."

Dimitri and I made out. It was very hot! He didn't hold back like he normally would. It was like the conversation he had with Tasha had made him stronger. We felt up one another; rubbing and touching, both of us moaning and sighing. Dimitri was beautiful to me all the time, but even more so when he smiled with contentment. I descended on Dimitri and his eyes opened wide when he realised what I was about to do.

I popped my head up and gave him my man eating smile, before moving my mouth down to his penis. I let the tip of my tongue trace the tip of his knob, and he hissed and bucked his hips. I hadn't done this before and I didn't know what to do, so I went with my gut instinct. I opened my mouth wide, hoping his erection would fit inside my mouth. He was incredibly huge, and I was going to be embarrassed if I couldn't even wrap my mouth around him. His penis went in, and I closed my mouth so my lips were rubbing against his skin. I slowly started moving up and down, and finally found a rhythm to take him on. He moaned my name and hissed occasionally. From his reaction I was positive I was doing an alright job. His hands came to my head and he started to move my head to the pace he wanted. I followed his direction and I let my teeth graze his shaft. It caused him to buck his hips, which pulled his erection further into my mouth. I let my hand play with his ball sack, and he closed his eyes and grabbed a hold of the bed sheets.

"Roza – I'm... I'm close... you have got to-"

I swirled my tongue around his tip once more, and took him into my mouth again. He let out a moan and I felt him explode inside my mouth. I took one gulp, and swallowed his cum. I pulled away from his erection and climbed back up his body. His eyes were still closed, so I kissed them both before crashing my lips to his, making sure he tasted himself as he made me.

"Thank you," he breathed against my forehead.

"I don't know about you, but I'm stuffed."

"Hmm. Relax, my beautiful."

Not long after, Dimitri kissed my forehead and told me he had to start getting ready to leave for his duty. It took a while for us to be fully dressed. We kept interrupting each other with kissing or groping. Dimitri was just about to leave when he said...

"I'm going to enquire about changing Moroi."

"Is that such a good idea?"

"We can't be together, if we are guarding Lissa. I'll want to protect you ins-"

"- Instead of Lissa. Yeah, okay, okay. I get it," I sighed. "What will you say if they ask why?"

"I'll say the truth."

"Dimitri," I said shocked. "You can't."

"Relax. I'll just admit that because of us working so close, I don't want to have to take the risk. After losing Lord Zeklos, I don't see them having a problem with it."

"Who... who would you be guarding instead?"

Dimitri shrugged, "no idea. I don't get given a choice. I'll request to guard a Moroi at the Royal Court. That's the best I can do."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked concerned.

"Yes. Nothing you can say will change my mind."

"I love you, Dimitri Belikov."

"I'll do you anything for us. For you."

With that he gave me a kiss and left. I thought the room better be cleaned up, so I took the sheets and blankets off my bed, and put them in the washing machine. I put new sheets on the bed, and continued to clean the rest of my room up. I felt dirty afterwards, so I walked to the bathroom and turned on the hot water tap for the bath. After several attempts to make the water warm, and not too hot or too cold, I hopped in and started to relax.

After two hours, I decided it was time to leave the bath before I turned into an old lady. The water relaxed my muscles and I felt all fresh. After changing into new clothes, blow drying my hair and brushing my teeth; a knock came from my door.

"Won't be a moment," I yelled.

I opened the door and saw Carly standing there. Her eyes were puffy and red.

"Hey Carly, what can I do for you?"

"It's... it's Eddie," she stumbled.

"Does he want to talk to me?"

"No," she cried. "Eddie's sick!"


	27. Astonished Discovery

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M._  
The reason it is_ Rated M,_ is because I believe there is some adult context in this chapter, which some fans might like to advoid.**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; A Saviour to Fan Fiction!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
Here is the chapter you fans have been telling me to publish sooner! I made it extra long for you fans - so enjoy!  
Also there will only be 3 more chapters and an epilogue of this story left to publish.**

******Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

_Astonished Discovery_

"What?"

"He's at the medical clinic," Carly sobbed. "It all happened so fast... he was good one minute, and the next he... he collapsed in front of me."

Carly cried softly in my arms after I brought her inside from the hallway. I didn't know what to say to her without saying the wrong thing and upsetting her more. I just held her tight and let her control her tears.

Eddie was sick. He was sick, just like... I didn't want to think about it. Why didn't anyone see the signs? I started to run my mind through every possibility. Dhampirs don't get sick, and when they do – it's serious. Moroi don't get sick, ever, but when they do it pretty much leads to death! Two friends of mine had gotten sick. Some might call it a fluke, but I, don't think it's a fluke at all. One of my friends had died because of a sickness, and no one but a few of us knew yet. They wanted to keep it quiet until they worked out what the cause of the sickness was, but I know... it wasn't just an ordinary sickness. As for Eddie, his came so fast! I only just recently saw him, and if Carly says that he is sick and is hospitalised, then I'm not going to let someone else close to me leave.

"Carly, do you remember seeing any side affects Eddie had experienced, which may have been different than normal?" I whispered to her.

She shook her head, "No. Wait... there may have been something. I – after he came back from hanging out with you he said he was going to go train alone for awhile. I didn't think anything weird about it. He sometimes does it, you know?" She looked up at my expression, I nodded and allowed her time to gather her thoughts. "He was sweaty. Yes, that's it. He was sweating highly. I thought it was from him training, but after he took a shower, it didn't take long for it to come back. Oh god, why didn't I... why didn't I realise this earlier?"

"It's fine, Carly. You are doing great. Don't panic, okay? He is in good care."

"Eddie said he was starting to feel hot, so he laid down for a while. I got him a cold, wet towel to place on his forehead; he said he was feeling better. I should have known he was just trying to stay calm for me."

"Good old Eddie," I joked. "He has been that stubborn for years. He is always trying to calm others before himself. He really cares about you Carly, there is no wonder why he did it. It was all for you..."

Carly continued her story, "he insisted on standing up and having another cold shower, but when he did, that's when he... when he collapsed."

"Everything will be alright," I said trying to smooth her.

"I should head back to him. I don't want him to think that I'm not there to support him."

"Great idea. Do you, um... mind if I come? I would love to see him," I said.

Carly agreed for me to visit him. She left straight away to make her way back to him. I hated seeing her beat herself up. It was unpleasant. I wasn't too far behind her as she enter the medical clinic hall, but I couldn't enter. My mind keep showing me flashes of Christian. What if I walked in there and Eddie was in a worst state of mind? I shook away the memory and walked in. I had to see him no matter what I was feeling.

"Miss Hathaway, I'm sorry fo-"

"Please Dr Olendzki, it's best not to dwell on the events," I informed her. "I'm here to see Mr Castile. What room may I visit him in?"

Dr Olendzki gave me a look over, before telling me his room number and politely exited the room. My breathing did increase; and my heart pace was rapid. Walking through the medical clinic again was something I was hoping not to do for a long time to come. I came to Eddie's door, and Carly was close by talking to him. He also had machines connected to his body, but he looked healthy enough for company. I didn't want to interrupt the deep conversation Carly seemed to be having with him, so I waiting patiently by the door for an opening.

"Rose, didn't think I would see you in here without good cause," he smiled up at me.

"I wasn't planning on it," I chuckled. "Someone I know decided to play dead sheep and ended up in a hospital bed. Anyone come to mind?"

"Ah, Rose. It wouldn't be the same without you," he smiled. "I'm surprised to see you here actually."

"As if I wouldn't come and see you Eddie. Someone had to warn you about their food."

Eddie chuckled and held Carly's hand in between his own hands.

"So what do the doctors think?"

"I'm going to have to be hospitalised until I recover. They are doing some test at the moment trying to figure out what caused my body to shut down."

I nodded, "you're feeling better now though, right?"

Eddie looked over at Carly, and she was on the verge of tears. He pulled her closer and kissed her cheek, before answering me.

"I'm feeling better then how I was, yes."

"I'm assuming you heard about Christian?" I cringed at the sound of his name.

Eddie nodded, "yes, they said he has a similar illness." That's where Eddie was wrong. He _had_ a similar illness. He didn't know it was past tense.

"Okay, well, I better leave you two alone," I smiled at Carly. "I'll come see you tomorrow. Try and rest."

"That would be great Rose. I just hope I'm all good as new by graduation."

As I was walking out of the medical clinic I saw Dr Olendzki looking over some charts. No doubt they were Eddie's. I didn't want to be seen by her so I sneaked past her and ran out of the clinic. I walked into the cafeteria and I saw Tasha and Dimitri sitting down eating together. I took several breathes, and counted to twenty. I had to start trusting Dimitri. I trusted him, but not when it came to Tasha, and that's something I needed to work on. Dimitri wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He loves me. He also admitted to me not long ago that he didn't understand how to work in a relationship, so he would try and work harder to make me feel secure.

I kept my eyes focused on the food ahead and walked passed them. I'm positive they saw me enter. Tasha was in perfect view and Dimitri would have to be able to see me now that I'm plating up food. I grabbed some fries, bacon, eggs and mash potato. As I was making my way over to where the drink were held, I let my eyes flicker over to where they were sitting; Dimitri was looking straight at me with a strong emotion in his eyes. I quickly looked away and grabbed a bottle of Fanta.

"Rose," his voice called out to me.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and turned around in his direction.

"Would you like to join us?" he asked.

Oh my, Dimitri invited me to sit with him and Tasha. Wow. He really meant it when he said he was going to try. I wish I could kiss him right about now! But this only means I have to listen to her gabble on. Oh well, I did let him know I felt insecure and he is trying to prove to me that there in no need, so I better say yes.

"Yeah sure, I would love too," I said giving him a smile.

Dimitri stood up and pulled out a chair for me to sit beside him. He took my lunch tray out of my hands, while I sat down in his chosen chair.

"Where's your food?" I asked him.

"I haven't had the chance to grab a bite to eat yet. I just finished my shift when I ran into Tasha. We came in and started talking."

I nodded and put a fry into my mouth. Dimitri started talking to Tasha about childhood stories. I had no idea about what they were talking about, so I thought the best thing I could do was stay quiet and let them have their fun. I hadn't taken a look at Tasha yet, and I wasn't planning on it. If I didn't have to look at her face, than I might be able to stay good for Dimitri.

Tasha laughed, "...you were always a lady's man Dimitri. It's no wonder you're taken."

I froze in my place and the bacon dropped off my fork back onto my plate.

"No, no, no. It wasn't my personality, it was my eyes. I always knew how to give people puppy eyes when I wanted something," he chuckled along. "Just ask Rose. She falls under the spell my eyes compel."

Dimitri turned to look at me, and I felt Tasha's glare on me as well.

"Um..." I mumbled, "what?"

"Never-mind. Tasha just thought teasing me was eventful. How was your day?"

"It started off good," I blushed. "But I ended up going back to the medical clinic... Eddie's isn't well."

Tasha gasped, "oh no! He's going to be okay though, right?"

"Um..." I said finally having to look and talk to her, "I'm unsure. He says he is better and that he has to stay in until his condition is healthier, but well, he might not want us to know the truth."

"That's awful. What happened?"

I looked up at Dimitri for confirmation if I should tell her details and he understood my question and gave me a sharp nod to continue.

"He collapsed and thankfully, Carly was there to get some help. They don't know what his illness is..."

Tasha's face turned sad, "so it's like Christian's."

"I would say so," I whispered.

I felt Dimitri's hand slowly slide up my leg and rest on my thigh. I knew he wasn't trying to grope me in front of Tasha or the students and teachers in the cafeteria. His gesture was for comfort, letting me know that he was there for me. The three of us stayed in silence for awhile. All I could hear was: the students chatting or laughing at each other, forks and knives scratching across the plates, bottles being spun around on the table, and foot steps of teachers and students walking around.

Dimitri broke the silence, "I was informing Tasha, that I have spoken to Headmistress Kirova about a transfer."

"Oh," I said acting surprised. "How did it go?"

"I expected her surprise for her, but she understood my reasoning and will be setting up the paperwork within the next couple of days," he said giving me a small smile.

"Just like that?" I asked shocked,"...she just let you off so... easily?"

Dimitri gave me a little squeeze on my thigh with his hand and he said, "yes. If it is accepted, I will be Lissa's guardian until graduation and then she will be assigned to someone else."

"I asked Dimitri if it was your increasing bad ass reputation forcing him to change," Tasha tried to joke, "but he said you had it all under control, and it would be good for him to be able to experience something new."

"His bad ass reputation surely will be missed," I said biting my lip. I would miss being so close to him everyday. Dimitri gave me a secret look, which showed that he understood what I meant.

"So, have you and Lissa got anything planned for school holidays?" Tasha asked excitedly.

"Mm. We have spoken about a couple of places; France, Italy, Hawaii... but nothing is in full concrete."

"They all sound so lovely," she smiled.

I found myself smiling back, "they are. It's just, with everything going on lately, we haven't actually made a decision. Not only that but the cost of travelling...I don't have that kind of money, and I don't want Lissa spending what she has left of her parents trust fund to pay for the trip."

"I understand."

"Well," Dimitri stretched, "I better go grab some lunch, before it's emptied out. You coming Tasha?"

Before Dimitri had the chance to stand up out of his seat; I held onto his hand and said, "I have plenty of food here if you want to share."

Dimitri looked at my face and put his mask up, "okay, but I do need to grab some water." He looked over to Tasha, "are you alright to grab your own bite to eat?"

Tasha rolled her eyes, "of course Dimka. I'm not a child. I surely don't have to remind you that I am older than you."

Dimitri gave Tasha a full wide smile and walked her to the food buffet on his way to grab a bottle of water. I started eating my eggs when Dimitri was back sitting beside me. He grabbed a fry and held it up to my mouth, I took it and he smirked.

"Trying to claim me?" He asked, recalling the talk we had earlier.

"No," I said trying to be innocent, "I just wanted to know if you wanted to share."

"Thank-you," he said tucking some hair behind my ear, "I know it mustn't be easy for you."

I took a sip from my Fanta and shook my head. "I'm going to be honest with you, because that what we need to do. When I saw you with her, I was mad, but I was just going to get some lunch and leave you two alone. When you called me over I..." I bit my lip trying to bring the words together, "I was happy, shock and excited, all at once. You made the first move... you ask me to be with you... I– We're making progress."

He leaned in and whispered, "if it was you and me alone right now I would kiss you. No, stop, wait there. I would do more than kiss you, I would-"

"what are you whispering about there?" Tasha asked while shoving a carrot stick in her mouth.

"Just telling Rose about how we met," Dimitri smiled. "I think it's enough to keep her mind occupied for a while to come. How about we talk about something more enthusiastic?"

So we did. We ended up sitting about the table for just over an hour talking. I never thought I would admit this, but, Tasha actually wasn't bad company. She and Dimitri talked about what they used to do together. Nothing inappropriate to my liking, which I was grateful for. I knew Dimitri wanted be to be civil towards Tasha. He didn't want us. I to hate each other, call each other names, or humiliate each other; he wanted us to talk. I understand his reasoning, I mean, they have been friends for a very long time, way before I came into his life. She was the one who kept whatever sanity he had left from his traumatised childhood. I shouldn't be the one to break their friendship and I'm happy I didn't. Dimitri needs someone else in his life apart from me and his family. Tasha did Dimitri some good, and for that, I would always be thankful. Dimitri's face would light up when Tasha and I would discuss a topic in detail and agree on opinions. He would occasionally rub my thigh or play with my fingers. These were his signals of saying 'thank you for trying' and 'this means a lot to me' or 'I love you.' Tasha did lay back from the flirting with Dimitri. There was the odd flirt with the eyes or remarks, but she was no where full on like she was the other day. It seemed to have calmed down today. Tasha let it slip earlier that she knew Dimitri was taken, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought that he was taken by me!

After saying goodbye to both Tasha and Dimitri, I made my way over to the medical clinic. I found Carly crying on the floor outside of Eddie's door. My first thought was that he was gone like Christian, but I couldn't accept it until she told me. At first she wasn't able to form any signs of communication, she was too heartbroken. I understood her completely, because if that was Dimitri in Eddie's position, I would want to die with him. Carly and Eddie had become extremely close since they have been together, and it was tearing Carly apart knowing that Eddie was literally only living by a small thread.

When Carly calmed down enough to explain to me what had happened everything came clearer to me. She said that Eddie had fallen asleep, so she left to go fill her cup up with some hot chocolate like she would any other time. The nurse came in to check up on him and his breathing was low. The nurse needed him to be awake so they could do some more tests on him, but it was impossible. Eddie wouldn't wake up. They classified him as alive, for now. His heart is still beating, but his breathing needs help with machines; his body is lacking fluids and is in need of vitamins. Dr Olendzki and her team have not been able to come up with a cure... just like Christian.

I stayed with Carly for a few hours, scared to even leave her alone. I was able to lead her to her dorm, and told her to rest. Guardian Clarke was on duty at the time and said he would occasionally pop in and see how she was coping. Camille Conta and Monica Kurtz offered to keep her company. I was able to have her eat some food, but when she did, it would just come straight back out. I told her to keep her fluids up, because at a time like this she needs to try and keep her body hydrated.

I spent the next few hours with Lissa. I missed spending time with her. I was used to spending nearly every minute of every day with her since the age of 4, until Christian came into her life. Christian became a major part of her life, and it was hard enough for me to be able to have some girl on girl time, but with all the terrible events happening recently, I haven't had the chance to be there for her, like I wish I could have been. We talked about random things, life, boys, music, movies, cars etc. I was able to make her smile and occasionally laugh, which was a good thing, because since she found out Christian was sick and broke up with her, she well, has been miserable. It's still hard knowing I'm keeping a big lie from her, but I also knew it had to be kept a secret. It was for Eddie and Carly as well. The doctor's needed to know what the illness was before announcing it to the public. Towards the end of my visit with her I told her about Eddie in hospital. She was worried and upset, but she had a right to know that he was in a hospital bed. If I didn't tell her, she would have found out some other way, considering Carly had friends with her already. Lissa insisted on being one of those friends with her, so I walked over of to Carly's dorm, and Lissa sat down with the other girls in support.

I was on my way to my dorm, when I changed my mind and walked in the direction of Dimitri's room. There was no way I could sneak up to his room this time, so I took the chance and asked the hall matron on duty to pass on a message to guardian Belikov, that I needed to speak to him. She wasn't going to do it at first, but I explained to her that it was important and that he was expecting me. I just hoped to God, or whoever else out there that he would play along with it. It wasn't long before I saw the door open on the top of the stairs and he motioned for me to walk up. He walked straight to his kitchenette and made two Milo's for us.

"You look like you might need this," he said handing me the mug. "I'm sorry I don't have any cake or cookies," he said a little smug.

"No worries, I have all the desert I need in this room."

"Now, now, Rose. You've already had your fun for today."

I looked at him from under my eyelashes and teased him back, "it's not like you dipped out of any of the pleasure waves."

I saw Dimitri eyes turn to lust, but he soon fixed his posture. "I suggest you finish off your Milo."

I did as he said and we sat in a comfortable silence. Not long after I sat on Dimitri's lap and we started making out. He lifted me up to walk me to his bed, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He started sucking hard on my neck and I gave his fine, tight, perfect ass a squeeze. It was then that he instantly froze and then pulled me off him. I was shocked at first, and then realise he was shaking. I closed my eyes, and prayed he wouldn't be too hard to talk to. I knew he was having a replay of what happened to him in his past. It was only a matter of time for it to come. These past couple of weeks have been great between us, and I thought he was making great progress, but I guess everyone has a relapse every now and then. I just couldn't think I what I did differently to all the other times we made out. I opened my eyes and saw him standing in the corner of his room, with his head against the wall. He was in bad shape.

"Dimitri..." I said softly, "I hope I didn't hurt you."

He shook his head and I saw him trying to control his shaking.

"Did I... did I," I gulped, "did I touch you inappropriately?"

He didn't say anything and didn't shake his head. It's what I feared, I brought something back for him to remember. If only I knew what I did! I didn't want to approach him and make him even more unstable, so I chose to continue to sit on the bed and try to get him to open up.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't know I would hurt you in that way." What else could I say?

"You didn't hurt me," he whispered. Oh right, he said that already!

"I shouldn't have touched you the way I did. I should have held back my aggressiveness. Please forgive me?"

Dimitri shallowed and said, "I'm the one who needs to be forgiven." He turned around to look at me and harshly said, "you haven't done anything wrong. You were doing what anyone else would have done. It's me. It's always me that screws everything up. Especially with you. Don't you see? This is what I am, Rose. I always come back to this heartbroken, moody, disgusting fake being who you call a man."

He looked at me so steadily in my eyes, trying to send his message straight through to me. Most likely trying to scare me off, hoping I would leave, so it would be easier for him, but I wasn't leaving. I stood up and held my ground. He sighed in frustration and looked around from my determined posture.

"I'm the so-called-man who let someone else rule him; touch him all over his body. A man who can't treat you right. Can't give you what you deserve most. It'll always be here. It'll always be in my mind. I thought I got over it, but no. Look at me! JUST LOOK AT ME!" he yelled.

"Dimitri," I whispered, while wiping my tears away, "I need you to trust me. I need you to listen to me."

"I can't," he said voice hoarse. "I can't do this to you any more."

"Do what? You're not doing anything I don't want you to do, except hiding. I don't want you to hide from me. If I touch you where it's inappropriate, I want you to tell me. It's called communicating, remember? Something we both agreed on... and honesty."

He looked up at me, and I saw his eyes water. "I wanted to make us work, Rose. I want you so much, but I can't – I'll never get over this," he shook his head in disgust.

I took a few steps towards him, "Dimitri, we are working. You might have a set back every now and then, but that's a given. I understand that, I know to look out for it. You can't let this illness stop you from having a fulfilling life."

He closed his eyes tight and his breathing hitched, "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, baby," I whispered with relief. I moved closer to him and held his head between my hands. "I love you, and it's unconditional. Nothing you say or do, is going to make me run away from you. If that were the case, I would have packed my bags and bolted to Antarctica back when you confessed at the Royal Court."

He snickered at my metaphor, but I saw the pain in his eyes. "Wouldn't Antarctica be too cold, plain and deserted for your high liking?"

I rolled my eyes, "not if I wanted to escape from you. So if I do end up running away – which I don't intend on doing – you know where to come find me."

His tense posture didn't change, but I saw his amusement in his eyes. I knew I would have to make the first move with him, so I moved up and kissed him on his lips. I let them linger for more than necessary, for his comfort. I intertwined our fingers and lead him to the bed. He followed but he was wary.

"I think... I think we should talk about this."

"Talk about what?" he asks uneasy.

"What happened between us... We need to communicate. I need to know the boundaries," I looked up from my hands and met his anxious eyes. "I know there aren't many, but obviously today I have over stepped one – or some."

"My behind is not a place I liked to be touched," he finally answered after some thought.

"Because of your father?"

He nodded, "he used to hurt me."

I saw that it was hard for him to speak. I knew it would be, but I needed to know to some level why he reacted the way he did. I was after all, the only person he has shared this information with. I held out my hand and he took it without any hesitation, however, I did need to prompt him for more information.

I spoke very quietly, "I remember you saying you were eight. Was that when he first started...?" I couldn't finish the sentence. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach just thinking about someone taking advantage of him. "Or did he just torment you?"

Dimitri squeezed my hand and continued to stare at his feet. "It was touching and whipping first," he barely managed to speak. "Not long after, he started..."

"I fucking swear, if I ever see this man, he will beg me to kill him!"

Dimitri flinched, "Rose, you will not go anywhere near him! Do you understand?"

I swallowed my pride and nodded; he only slightly relaxed. "I'm sorry, it's just... I don't like seeing you like this. You shouldn't have to put up with it."

"So, with me saying this in all honesty, my behind is off limits."

"Agreed. I'm sorry I touched you there," I said feeling guilty. "I mean, I knew what he did to you, and the only way he could have done it was from..." I cringed at the thought of his father taking him from behind! "...I should have known not to grope you there."

His head snapped up to look at me. "You shouldn't be sorry! You didn't know I was still sensitive about it."

I gave him a small tight smile, "and you're sure he didn't go near your sisters?"

"No," he said with confidence. "It was just me, and well, my mother."

"And she had no clue?" I wonder out loud. How could she not know?

"No," he looked at me like it was obvious. "I told you before, they thought the bruises were from training. He acted like a caring father in front of my sisters – they were young at the time. So was I at the beginning of it all. As I started realising what was happening to me, my older sister, Karolina, started to see the jerk he really was. Sonya was too naïve at the time, and well, Viktoria was too young to notice much."

"I bet your mother was proud you beat the day light out of the creep!"

He smiled, "yeah, she was quite proud."

I pulled him to me and gave him a gentle kiss, "will you tell me more about your family?"

He blinked a few times at me, "you would like to know more about them?"

I looked at him shocked. Of course I did, why wouldn't I?

"Absolutely. When you speak about you're family you smile and relax. It's obvious they mean so much to you."

He looked again at me searching my eyes and then my face for some type of emotion or answer for him. "They are very important to me, Roza. Perhaps we could talk about them another time?" he whispered.

I nod my head and caress his face. I pull on his hand and lead him up further on the bed. I know he understands that I wouldn't try and take advantage of him, that's why he follows my lead so freely. I laid down on the bed and brought him towards me. We end up relaxing on the bed, with him resting on my stomach and me drawing patterns with my fingertips along his neck and rubbing circles into his scalp. I lean up slowly so I can take a peek at his face, and his eyes are closed and his breathing is at a steady pace. I begin to relax, and smile. I knew the make-out session didn't turn out the way it was planned, but it did on some level bring us closer. It was a good feeling knowing Dimitri would open up to me more about his father, and hopefully tell me more about the family – he obviously and dearly – cares so much about. There was also a welcoming feeling of joy, knowing Dimitri needs me to be there for him, care for him and hold him together when he needs it the most. Just the same as he has done for me so much over the past year. It was a sign that we needed each other.

I started drifting off to sleep as well when I started to feel him move on me. I opened my eyes to see beautiful brown chocolate eyes staring up at me. I smiled down at him and he lifted his hand, so his thumb could trace over my lower lip. I'm just about to ask him if he wants to stay with me later tonight when his phone rings. Now, usually when his phone rings, he looks at it and ignores it, and tells me it's not important. Until, recently I've learnt it's been Natasha Ozera ringing him, (I've learnt this from eavesdropping on their conversation). However, when the phone rings this time, he looks at it, raising his eyebrows, and answers it.

"Guardian Belikov," he answers.

I look at him and see his posture tense up again, I frown and sigh. This can't be good. I decided to listen in on his side of conversation. What does Tasha want now? Can't she leave us alone!

"Is it correct?... I see... How soon?... I don't want it to take longer then necessary... Yes... I'll be there right away."

He looks over to me, and holds out his arms for me to jump into, and that's just what I do. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight to me. He kissed right below me ear and chuckles when I squirm under his hold.

"I have to go, beautiful."

"No, I don't want you to go," I said while holding onto him tighter.

He pulls me back so he can't look at me properly. "I have a meeting about the mission to attend. I don't think it's highly recommended to skip out on a very important meeting involving life and death, when it will help increase my chances on changing guards."

"Oh..." I look at him surprised. So, it wasn't Tasha! Thank God for that! "Well you better not keep them waiting then."

He gives me a small crooked smile and kisses me before leaving. Ah, I wish for once everyone would just leave us alone, so we could have some alone time. I sat in my room thinking everything over. After thinking about Dimitri and I, I thought about Eddie. If I lost Eddie than... ARGH... I wasn't going to lose him too! I thought about all the possibilities that could tie Christian's and Eddie's illness together, but I came up with nothing. I walked away from my bed and went over to my laptop, knocking a box on the way. And what do you know... it's the gold bracelet Victor left me.

THAT'S IT – THE BRACELET!

It's the bracelet, I know it is. I just don't know what to do with it or how it's doing anything. I couldn't go tell anyone, because they would think I was nuts, but I knew there was one person who might think I'm nuts, but would listen and try to help me.

Adrian Ivashkov.

I pick the box up which contained the gold bracelet, and grabbed my keys, before I headed to the door. I looked around my room one more time, and stepped out the door and locked it behind me. I quickly grabbed my mobile out of my pocket and sent Dimitri a quick text. I knew he had a meeting, but it's been over an hour and it should have finished.

_I'm goin 2 Adrians._

_Don't h8 me._

_Just trust me._

_I don't no how long I'll b, but plz cova me 4 trainin._

So where to next? Adrian is either outside smoking or in his room sleeping. No real surprise, right? So I set off in the direction of the guest wing. It was raining outside and very windy. I opened the door to the outside when my phone went off. I quickly stepped back, closed the door and checked my mobile.

_I don't hate you. I'll always trust you._

_I'll cover for you, but you owe me an explanation and various other things._

_Should I mention, I can't help but be jealous..._

I smiled to myself as I wrote back...

_U hav every rite 2 b jealous._

_I'm gunna b wid Adrian, u deserve da rite._

_Thank U! I luv u 4 eva._

I regained my posture; opened the glass door and speed walked along the path to the guest dorms. I smelt smoke along the way and knew either Adrian was out here smoking or he just left to go back inside. So I turned the corner off the path and saw Adrian leaning against the wall, with a cigarette in his hand.

"Are you going to give up on these one day?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ah, Rose. How good it is too see you," he said with a wink.

I smiled and rolled my eyes, "I figured you'll either be here or in your dorm."

"You came looking for me?"

"Yep. How do you feel, now?"

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you, sweetie. Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of you seeing me?"

"Adrian," I huffed, "I do try and see you. You make me sound like I only come and see you when I want something."

Adrian smirked, "Ah, so you do want something."

I nodded and explained everything to him from the letter I received, to Stan giving me the bracelet from Victor and the illness of Christian and Eddie. I was able to be completely honest with him, because he knew from the being about Dimitri and I. He was a little surprised about the letter Victor sent me, but he said because it had to do with me it shouldn't have surprised him. He admitted my theory that the bracelet is tried to their illness is a bit far fetched and going to be hard to convince anyone. But after telling him how Victor had given me a lust charm, before I met him, he seemed to be convinced that it was possible. He finished his cigarette and led me to his room. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket as I was talking to Adrian, but didn't want to be rude and pull it out, as he was giving me his time to help me. Dimitri had sent me a message back...

_You're welcome beautiful._

_Behave, and remind him about the no touching policy._

_I miss you already, see you soon, xxx._

"Your lover boy?"

"Yeah... I asked him if he could cover for me this afternoon. I don't know how long we'll be."

Adrian laughed, "you know Little Dhampir if you wanted to see me, you only had to text me. You have my number after all."

Adrian was right. I didn't even think about texting him. All I've done with my phone is text Dimitri when needed. It was used for my personal uses only. My bad.

"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't even think about it..."

"No worries, maybe next time? Alright, let's get this started. How do we start?"

"Um. Well, I got Eddie to do a check online about the bracelet. We didn't find out much only where it was brought, and than that lead us to no where either."

Adrian's eyebrows furrowed, "but you think it's got a charm like the lust charm?"

"Yes," I said somewhat doubting myself, it sounded so ridiculous.

"How would it work? It can't just work by being near you, because otherwise you would be sick as well."

"I don't know. With the lust charm, I had to be wearing the necklace for it to work," I said remembering Dimitri taking it off my neck.

"Have you worn it?"

"No, I haven't..."

Adrian low whistled, "wow, you have a mint."

"Huh?" He had me so confused.

"Do you have any idea how much this bracelet is worth?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

I snickered. "Yeah, I know. What a waste of money if you ask me. How the hell does he still have loads of money? Wasn't he was suppose to be stripped of his title..."

"Beats me... Wait," Adrian said in all seriousness. "You said you haven't worn it, but has Christian or Eddie?"

"No, they haven't worn it. It's a bracelet Adrian, they wouldn't be caught dead wearing it."

Adrian shrugged in defeat.

"Wait. Shit!" I spat. "Eddie touched the bracelet the other day. Oh my god, it was the same day Carly said he looked sick. He held onto it while he was looking up the information on the computer. It wasn't for long, but he definitely touched it."

"So he touched it? Is that even long enough?" Adrian wondered, "What about Christian?"

"No, not that I can recall. Fuck," I sighed, "that doesn't help us."

"Ok, let's stick with Eddie 'touching' the bracelet. You would have touched it, several times. Even bringing it over here to see me. Same with Stan in that case."

I slouched over in defeat. I had to face it... my theory wasn't solid and made no sense. Wait, yes it does!

"I've been holding it, but not touching it." Adrian cocked an eyebrow. "I've been holding it by the box it's in. Eddie actually took it out and held it in his hands. Same with Stan. Shit – we are on to something... Stan gave it to me by holding the box."

Adrian smirked, "you do know how crazy this sounds?"

"I'm fully aware... but we have to be in the right direction."

"I'm sorry, Little Dhampir, but unless you can find a way to match Christian with your 'touching' theory... we have nothing to stand by."

I nodded my head with agreement and sat down going through all my thoughts. When I was with Christian, what we did, when it was...

"I got it! Christian was playing with it in his hands... weeks ago! Not long after we got back from the Royal Court. He liked it and was thinking about getting one for Lissa. He was 'touching' it, Adrian! It's just like Eddie," I screamed.

"Woah – hold up. Are you sure?" Adrian asked concerned.

I took a deep breath and thought about it. I thought back to when Christian came to my room, because Lissa was practising her magic with Adrian...

"_I love her... I love her so much."_

"_Than why are you telling me? Have you been listening?" I sighed and said, "I know you love her – tell her."_

"_I tell her all the time," he sighed and reached over to look at the now mine – gold bracelet._

"_Christian, she knows you love her."_

"_I haven't even brought her anything, to show my affection."_

"_You don't need too, she can see it in the way you look at her, talk to her, touch her."_

_I shuddered at the thought of Christian touching Lissa. I've had too much experience with feeling the way Christian touches, to my despise – no thanks to Lissa._

_Christian was now fiddling with the bracelet, "I could get her something like this." He wasn't really talking to me any more, he was in his own world._

I snapped back into reality and said...

"I'm positive! I remember the conversation completely. Christian was holding it and fiddling with it."

"Good. So we know you have to touch it, but how does it work? I mean he obviously had to have it charmed. He's an Earth user?"

"Yep, he can do those sort of tricks by himself," I sighed. He needed no help in that department.

"You said so yourself, for the lust charm to work you need to be wearing it. In this case all they needed to do was touch it..." He trailed off.

"...which means it's one hell of a charm." Great! That's all we need. How did Victor become so strong?

I know he had all the years to practice his element, but in prison you're not meant to be able to have much strength, so to be able to do such a powerful charm – is enticing. To be able to make charms work, by only people touching it requires loads of strength. He must really want me dead! I shivered from the thought of leaving Lissa alone, and well – Dimitri.

"A sickness charm?" Adrian asked.

"Hmm. A death charm? God – I have no idea. I didn't know there was such a thing."

"You know what we have to do know, don't you."

I shook my head, "no. It's what I have to do. They can't know you were in on this. If they don't believe me and think I'm crazy, I'm not going to bring you down with me. I'll go tell Headmistress Kirova and Alberta."

"Rose, you don't need to protect me."

"Yes, I do Adrian! I wasn't able to protect Christian or Eddie. I'm not going to let you go too!"

Adrian finally agreed to let me speak to them myself. I walked to the administration building thinking about how I would come out with the information, without making me look crazy. Adrian was right, this was one hell of a hunch. But all the information comes back to my bracelet, I just have got to be able to convince about Victor would leave me such a gift, without letting them in on the letter.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I didn't get a reply straight away; I was beginning to believe Headmistress was out, but than I finally heard...

"Please, come in."

I opened the door and closed it shut behind me; only to find myself in a room with: Headmistress Kirova, Alberta, Mother, Guardian Chase, Guardian Stephan, Dimitri. It was the very same company I had earlier when I spoke to Headmistress about the attack. Except this time Tasha wasn't with them and there was a very tense Dimitri looking my way.

"What's going on?" I asked Headmistress shocked. I must have interrupted something important.

"I was going to ask you the same thing Miss Hathaway."


	28. Judgement

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T._**

**Beta:  
Twilighternproud; You're so awesome. Best of luck in the future with your studies!  
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**Authors Notes:  
I want to thank you all again for your wonderful reviews. They mean so much to me!  
I'll like to shout out to my ANONYMOUS fans! I would love to reply back to your reviews, but I'm unable to. However, I can say thank-you so much for your support! Perhaps, you could log in with a username? I would gladly reply to your reviews, if it were possible.  
3T I'm glad you are enjoying my story. I'm sorry to hear about your past and I hope I portray this chapter correctly for you!  
Not long to the end of the story now. :)**

******Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

_Judgement_

I quickly looked at Dimitri and noticed his body language had not changed. In fact, I think he put his Guardian mask on his face to hide any expression I might have been able to decipher. It puzzled me as to why the guardians were back in Kirova's office... Why, in fact, Dimitri was back in her office... The meeting was meant to be long over.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Headmistress," I spoke with serenity. "If it isn't an appropriate time, I may leave."

Kirova looked at me at strongly. I guess she was trying to determine if I was fooling her around or if I actually came to her for a good reason. My presence must have given me away, because she sighed and her body relaxed a little further into her chair.

"What may be the reason for you to see me Miss Hathaway?"

I bit my lip and looked at my Mother. She stood tall and had her hands behind her back, her face was masked just like Dimitri's. I didn't like the fact that I had to inform Kirova and Alberta about the information I had found out about Victor in front of an audience. It made me nervous, and scared. What would happen if they all thought I was crazy, or just trying to cause trouble? I wanted to be alone with them, but there was no chance of that happening...

I cleared my throat, "before I go into details, please keep an open mind until I am finished. I want to be able to explain everything, before I am interrupted."

Kirova gave me a quizzed look and sharply turned to Alberta and whispered in harsh voices. I didn't like the suspense of just standing there waiting for them to even consider of giving me the chance to explain. I took the chance to look around the room. Dimitri was standing by the side wall; guardian mask up and fists clenched together. Guardian Chase actually looked casual. He wasn't tense and he wasn't trying to hide his expression. If I had to guess, I'll say he was concerned. Guardian Stephan was sitting down on a near by desk and was looking at some papers in front of him. He looked disinterested in the conversation happening in front of him, and more concerned about the information on the papers, and lucky last my Mother. She was standing by Alberta as still as a statue. She wasn't looking anywhere in particular but if I was in her eyesight, I would think she was about to kill me! The murmurs were still going back and forth between Kirova and Alberta, so I returned my eyes to Dimitri. To my surprise he was looking straight at me, but not with love or lust. There was another emotion in his eyes: Anger? Fear? Anxiety? I had no idea... but it was a look which scared me.

I tried telling him with my eyes, that what I was hoping to tell Kirova was important, but I didn't see get reaction . I mentally sighed and waited to be either kicked out of the room or to be given the opportunity to speak. I hated when Dimitri was in one of those moods. He wouldn't stick up for me, he wouldn't tell me any information, he wouldn't be Dimitri to me – he would be Guardian Belikov. Which meant no: kissing, hugging, touching, talking, compromises or ever sleepovers.

"Miss Hathaway," Kirova spoke, "you will be given the chance to express your thoughts. May I ask what the matter you wish to discuss is?"

I tried to stay calm and professional, it's what Dimitri would want me to do. "Of course. I have some insightful information on an illness which has occurred lately. The same illness I believe Lord Christian Ozera and Mr Eddie Castile share. I also believe it is relevant to the case on Victor Dashkov, Headmistress."

Kirova looked at me in shock. Was she shocked that I had come to an conclusion? Or shocked that I would try and bring up such upsetting events? Alberta, on the other hand, had a small smile on her lips... I think she may have been proud of me. The room went silent, and the only noise I could hear was the paper flipping through Guardian Stephan's fingers, (he still wasn't interested in what I had to say). I was too nervous to break the silence, and too scared to look around the room at the faces of the Guardians, especially Dimitri's face.

Alberta broke the silence, "Are you sure you want to express your interest in this case? Once you start it will be forever remembered."

That was her pleasant way of saying, 'are you sure you don't want to back away now and run before we knock you down, and everyone will remember this was the day Rose got institutionalised. Fine – maybe I was exaggerating a little there, but she was giving me the option to leave now, before I committed myself to something that may lead to humiliation.

I gulped and nodded, "Yes, I'm positive what I have to say is important information. If I don't share what I believe, then I will be forever guilty for not mentioning the things necessary. I don't want to have to look back at this day and regret not speaking up. I want to be able to remember it as new point in my life."

Alberta nodded her head to Kirova and Kirova said, "then we shall discuss your... concerns." She turned and look at Janine, "I would like to consume this meeting shortly. I would assume Miss Hathaway would like some privacy with this discussion."

"Yes. That's not a problem," Janine bowed her head.

"Perhaps, Headmistress..." I quickly said. For some reason knowing they weren't going to be in the room made me more nauseous. If I had the Guardians in the room with me, they might, if needed, help me out. They could back me up on my leads if they thought it was possible. "...would they be allowed to stay? I would prefer if they heard what I had to say as well. If this some how is connected to the attacks, I believe it could be some key information they will need to know."

Kirova looked at Janine and said, "you may stay." She turned to look at me, "when you are ready Miss Hathaway, you can proceed."

I looked at Dimitri, not because I couldn't continue without looking at him. Alright – maybe that was half the truth... I did want to look at him, but the reason behind it was I needed something from him. I need his strength. I didn't want to run out of the room, and freak out like a child. I didn't want him to have to hug me and tell me that it'll be okay. I wanted him to be proud of me. To be proud to call me his girlfriend, and to be proud that his student was finally learning how to be a bigger person. The only thing was, I didn't have the strength I needed to tell Kirova about the charm bracelet. I would have been able to tell her about anything else with confidence, but this wasn't just about me. It was about everyone I cared about and a lot more lives. It I failed to convince Kirova and Alberta, than I failed everyone else... including me. I didn't need Dimitri to hold my hand, I just needed to know that he was there for me. His eyes caught mine and I saw it: love, admiration, energy and strength. That was all I needed...

I took a deep breath and started, "it all started back to when we arrived at the Royal Court for Victor Dashkov. I was as shocked as you were when we found out he escaped, but honestly, I wasn't too surprised. It's Victor we are talking about... we can't let anything go by him. He killed Lissa's parents, just because he wanted to see the extent of Lissa's healing magic. He put her through pain and fear, day after day, because he wanted her to strengthen her element to be able to heal him with his disease. Not only did he charm a necklace to remove me out of the equation," I turned to Dimitri and looked him in the eyes, "but he tortured Lissa, so he could get what he wanted. He even went as far as convincing his daughter to turn Strigoi." I turned back to Kirova, "So you see my point... Don't. Underestimate. Him."

"Alright Miss Hathaway we understand what you are trying to say, but how does this have to do with the Mission?" Kirova asked.

"I'm getting to that part," I said matter-of-factly. "As we know, Victor had help from the Guardians at Court. But what you didn't know is he left me a gold bracelet, by his cell. Stan gave it back to me on the jet back over, but he said you took it to be examined because I was a suspect. What you didn't do what examine it like it was from Victor. If you did – well, let's not go there." I quickly looked at Dimitri to let him know that I was going to say something he wasn't going to like. "That gold bracelet wasn't mine. Victor left it for me. I don't want you to ask me how I know, because truthfully, it's none of your business. What is your business in the fact that the bracelet isn't safe."

"Please explain."

I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes, because I thought I made it clear not for them to interrupt me. "The bracelet is charmed! It's charmed with: illness, sickness, death – I don't know how to specific it, but it's like a bad curse, you could say. Please don't interrupt, just listen." I said looking at my Mother who was going to intervene. "You have to touch the bracelet for it to work. It doesn't seem to matter how long you touch it, so even if it was just to move it to another place, or you actually wore it – the charm takes effect. So now you're wondering why I'm not sick, well that's because I personally didn't touch the bracelet. I held it by the box it was it. The same goes for Stan... when he gave me the bracelet he was holding it by the box. I don't know what is happening to the guy who checked it out for clues? But if he is sick – the bracelet is the reason."

I heard someone clear there throat and I turned in the direction of Guardian Chase. He looked like he didn't want to interrupt, but wanted to get my attention so I would let him say what was needed. I nodded my head, because seriously they weren't going to _not_ interrupt me – that was proven.

He spoke softly, "how do you know it's the bracelet? Could it perhaps be a virus?"

"I know this sounds like I'm crazy, but please remember I said to keep an open mind. There is plenty more I need to say." Chase nodded his head for me to continue. "Christian came into to room not long after we came back from court. He was talking about... stuff, and at the same time fiddling with the bracelet. Not long after I noticed him looking pale, and he started needing to drink a lot of blood. Dr Olendzki passed it off as growing up, but he wasn't. It was an illness you couldn't cure, or know about. That's because she hasn't come across this kind of situation before. It was the gold bracelet, I'm positive of it."

"Rose," my Mother said, "I can see that you are eager that this is the problem, but have you considered that you might just want it to be the reason. I understand that you have just lost a dear friend of yours, maybe it's what you think is best to move on. But there is no other evidence to suggest it's the bracelet. I'm sorry darling -"

I cut her off. Not because she called me darling, well yeah, that was strange even for my Mother, but because I was positive and I did have other evidence.

"I have other evidence! Yes, I'll admit I am upset, wouldn't you be? But I have thought about this and put this together so I could come and tell a solid story."

"Then please enlighten us," Kirova stated.

"It's happening to Eddie too." Janine looked at Alberta for confirmation, and Alberta nodded her head. "Just yesterday Eddie came to my dorm. He came to help me. I knew Victor leaving the bracelet for me was suss, but at that point of time, I didn't know why. So he offered to help, even if it did sound strange. He knows some websites to go on and check where the bracelets are made. We found out where, but it didn't matter because where it was purchased Victor wouldn't have been able to buy it. But that's another story... Eddie actually held it in his hands. He looked closely at the engravings and held it while he looked on the net. Not long after, Carly said he was starting to look sick. He collapsed and ended up in hospital. Dr Olendzki again didn't know the cure or the illness. He hasn't passed away yet, but he will soon if we don't do something. Can't you see, it's the bracelet. You have to believe me."

I saw Kirova and Alberta look around the room at the others faces. I heard Dimitri speak...

"What makes you think he charm your bracelet?"

"He wants me out of the way. He was hoping I would touch it. If I did I wouldn't be here, and that means it would be easier to get to Lissa. His escaped, it means he will also need her again soon, to heal him. It's not hard to out two and two together."

Dimitri looked at me intensely in my eyes, "he specialises in earth, correct?"

"Yes."

"So he's well known to create charms?"

"Yes. He's done it to me before. It's him again."

He nodded, "To make a charm work, you need to be wearing it. You said, however, that Christian and Eddie only held it?"

I looked at him questionably for a moment, wondering why he was asking me questions he knew the answers too and why he was making it hard for me to convince them. And then I realised. He was trying to help me. He asked the simple questions, so I could state the facts. He asked the tough questions, so I could explain. It was all the questions they wouldn't ask, but because he did they had to listen and hear me out. He was showing he had faith it me.

"I thought the same thing as well. For a charm to work you do need to be wearing it. That's how the charm worked on me last time, but I also know that it is known for a charm to work with only touch. It has only happened very few times in history that has been recorded, but it is possible and I know Victor can do it."

Dimitri raised an eyebrow, "how?"

"To make a charm work by only touch you need to be excessively strong in your element. It takes years to accomplish, but once you have accomplished it, it isn't hard to do again. From what I can remember since primary school, Victor specialised in charm making. He has had plenty of years to practice his magic."

I saw Dimitri try and fight the smile on his lips when he said, "he was held as a prisoner for months. How did he have such strength to cast the charm?"

"That's where I believe the Guardians that helps him escape came to play," I stated. "The same guardians would have watched over Victor, they would have given him all the strength he needed by: food, water, blood and vitamins..."

I didn't need to speak no more, because Alberta raised her voice.

"If this is true... then we need to act immediately."

"There is nothing we can go by," Kirova explained. "We can relay what Miss Hathaway has told us, but what can they do? They are already trying to find him. The next best thing they can do is when he is caught again, lay more charges on him. I'm sorry Miss Hathaway, but I don't understand what you were expecting from us once you told us the information."

"There's more..." I said with full confidence.

"Please, go ahead and tell us the rest," Alberta insisted.

"I have no evidence to prove what I have to say next," I said softly, "but I do know that somehow, and in someway, Victor Dashkov is involved with these Strigoi attacks."

"As you are correct about having no proof Miss Hathaway with your suspicions, we however, do have evidence which suggests otherwise," Kirova voiced.

I looked at her surprised, "what? You do? I mean... you know that he is involved, so my theory can help you."

"That I can not be so certain about. Don't get me wrong, at first when you came to me about this... theory of yours, I doubted it, but you show integrity, confidence, intuition and most of all proof for your statement," Kirova said highly. "If it were up to me, I would change the tactics of the mission, but I do not have the power or authority to do so. I will have to notify the Queen immediately, and the Guardian Council."

"Okay..." I swallowed, "we have to do something now, though. Eddie might not last while we wait for an instruction."

"It is out of our power to do so. Guardian Hathaway, can you please discuss further arrangements in the yellow building, while I notify everyone required?"

"Of course," Janine nodded to Kirova and motioned for the guardians to follow. "You have done a great job, Rose."

"Um. Thanks," I stuttered.

"It will take some time for the authorised act-of-statement to be processed. I think it's best for you to take it easy and rest. If the request is accepted than the mission may be in process as early as tomorrow morning."

"I could help. If what we know is true, than you are going to need a lot more body power. You know I am up for it and capable. Please let me go with them," I pleaded.

"I'll reference for you, but don't be surprised if it isn't passed. You haven't even graduated yet, Miss Hathaway," Kirova said. "Now, please go rest."

I tossed and turned in bed. Sleep wasn't coming easy. It was still only the afternoon for our world, but Kirova was right. If the mission got processed they would most likely leave as soon as possible, and if I would be leaving with them, I would need my rest as well. The recent events have been emotionally and mentally exhausting, and it wasn't hard for my eyes to close, but every time they did I would see Christian or Eddie in the darkness. I checked on Lissa before I got changed for bed, she was fine. By fine, I mean she still had damp cheeks from crying and was lying in bed, but she wasn't unhealthy.

I must had finally fallen asleep, but I stirred awake from someone kissing my cheek. I moaned and turned on my side, but I received another kiss to the cheek. I opened my eyes and found Dimitri lying down beside me. He had a smile on his face, most likely from me reaction to seeing him.

"Dimitri!" I half yelled hugging my body tightly to his.

"Hey, baby. What brought on this reaction?"

I tried pulling him even closer to my body, "I just missed you, but you're here now."

He pulled away and kissed my forehead. "I'm very proud of you."

I blushed, "thanks. They only listened to me because you asked the questions."

"I just asked the questions they were too scared to ask. You were the one who did all the hard work."

"What evidence do you have that proves Victor is working with the Strigoi?"

Dimitri wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me down on the bed to lay beside him. "That my dear, is for me to know, and for you to rest."

Ah, I knew this would happen! When I saw him tense in the administration building and he put his mask up, it meant he was all business. So mush for the no: kissing, hugging, touching, talking, compromises or ever sleepovers. He already kissed me on the cheek, let me hug him, touched me by wrapping his arm around me, and came for a sleepover.

I pouted, "what happened to compromises?"

"That stopped once I knew I wasn't going to put you in danger."

I guess he was still sticking to his 'no talking about guardian matters and compromises', which only meant one thing. He put these rules out because I was his student and he was my mentor, but he kissed, hugged, touched and was staying because he loves me, and that's what a partner does. We were really moving in a new direction, and I was excited for it. He kept the compromises and talking about guardian situation out, because he was doing his job and this was not to discuss information, and I accepted that. I looked up and Dimitri, and he was moving under the blankets to be closer to me.

"Dimitri, don't leave me," I whispered.

"Roza," he purred. "I'm not going anywhere without you." He pulled me closer to him and gave me a chaste kiss. "What's this I hear that you want to come on the mission?"

I kissed his chest through his shirt and said, "I need to be there. I can help, you know I can."

"And risk you getting hurt..."

"Dimitri, it's not fair that I might have to wait here and find out if something goes wrong. I couldn't handle it if something happened to you. I need to be there – with you. What happened to 'I'm not going anywhere without you?'"

He looked at me intensely and lifted my chin up so he could kiss my lips, "if anything happens to you..."

"I can say the same, you know."

He nodded, "well then, we need to rest. We can at least get in another six hours sleep."

"Can I... can I request one more thing?"

"Anything."

"We need to use Moroi. Fire users will be very useful... you have seen what they can do. And don't forget the wind users. If they can distract them, and we fight. It should be an easy win."

He sighed, "I don't think that's possible. I have high authority here at the Academy, but outside of the academy I have no authority. That's something Kirova will have to request."

I nodded and tucked my head in between his neck and shoulder, "I know. I was just trying..."

"I know, Roza, I know. I'm here now, you can relax."

"I'm not tired!" Dimitri lifted up his eyebrow. "Alright, I am a little, but I want to talk to you." He was about to interrupt me when I said, "just until I'm ready to fall asleep."

"For you," he smirked. "What do you want to talk about?"

"You. Me. Us." I said tracing patterns over his shirt. "Why were you still in Kirova's office?"

"She called us back in. We got given new information – we had to put it in consideration. She also asked about our relationship."

I panicked and sat up, "what? Shit! What did you say?"

"Calm down. If she knew about us, we wouldn't be here together now. She didn't mention anyone telling her anything, but it was implied. Since she knows about my request to change Moroi, she wanted to make sure nothing else was affecting my decision."

"I bet I know who snitched," I seethed. "She finally let the topic pass then?"

"Rose, you don't know that it was Tasha. If could have be anyone... For instance, Stan. He has noticed we haven't been training for a while. He would have mentioned it. Please, don't blame her unless you know for sure."

I rolled my eyes and agreed. He was right I shouldn't assume. "What did she say about me missing training?",

"Not much. She understands that you have been through a lot lately." He sat up so he was level with me. "Speaking of... why didn't you tell me about the bracelet? No secrets, huh?"

I looked at him and shook my head. "No, no. It isn't like that. I didn't really know about it until today. Once I realised, I went straight to tell."

"So, you're saying you had no idea and all of a sudden it came to you?"

I sighed, "No. Ok, fine. I had an idea earlier. But none of it made sense. I knew it was the bracelet causing it, because it was obvious Victor wouldn't just leave me a present, but honestly – Adrian helped me work out it was charmed. I didn't keep anything from you. I was going to tell you after I told Kirova, but you were there... it worked out fine."

Dimitri landed back on the bed, with a loud exhale. "I wish you still would have told me. I would have helped."

I looked back at him, "you mean, you would have helped so Adrian didn't need to be near me."

He looked back at me and no words were said. It was obvious he was still jealous, and I didn't need to say what my thoughts were. He knew. We didn't say anything for a while, but I played with his fingers.

"Why were you so tense when I walked in?" I whispered, hoping on the off chance he didn't hear me.

"Various reasons. She drilled me about you. I'm not going into details – it's sorted. She also confirmed my suspicions about Victor working with them. And then you walked in."

"Did I surprise you?"

He shook him head and didn't speak. He looked deep in thought, trying to decide how to say something. I left him alone, and waited for him to talk.

"I thought you were checking up on me," he finally said.

I gasped, "what? Why? Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you," he murmured. "I thought you didn't trust me. I thought you came to make sure that I was with Kirova and not with... not with someone else."

"Someone else as in – Tasha?"

He nodded, and I knew he regret his reaction. I moved up the bed and placed his head in my lap, while I moved my fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way. We're okay, aren't we?" He nodded and rubbed my thigh. "Can you..." God, how do I ask him to talk about his illness. Someone help me! "Can we talk a little more about your illness?" Nice one Rose, straight to the point. I mentally rolled my eyes.

"I don't think this is the right time." He stated with his voice cold.

"I do. With you, there will never be a right time. You're still in denial. Not all the time, but occasionally. I believe this is the right time, because we are sharing. It's better for you if you talk to someone. Someone who knows, baby. Someone like me."

"You are the only one I've gotten close too. The only one who knows the real truth, not just assumptions. For over 7 years, I've had to deal with the knowledge of my illness alone. I did have a choice to talk to someone, and I still do, but I didn't want to. That's denial, my dear. I've shared with you now. I feel lighter, knowing you'll be here for me," he laughed but it didn't touch his eyes.

"Denial is a symptom."

"Yes, it is. It was hard Rose. I wanted to make my family proud. I wanted to make myself proud. I knew I made them proud, it wasn't very hard. But for me? I never felt proud. I felt disgusting. More so than I do now. You've made me change. I wanted to experience what others did. Have girlfriends, go out and have fun. But I couldn't, because if someone touched me the wrong way... I would react. I would either: shake in fear, freeze up or go bloody ballistic at anyone and everyone. Hence, another reason why I don't have many friends. I do prefer to be alone. However, now I prefer to be with you then be alone."

"Must have been tough on you," I said intertwining our right hands while my left hand was still playing with his hair.

"The hardest part was moving on. If you could call it moving on. Moving on for me was being accepted to guard Lord Ivan Zeklos. He was a friend of mine, even though he saw how I acted. He knew I tried my hardest; with my grades... I was the top of the class. I think he knew I was suffering. He wanted me to feel good about myself. It was working, until well... you know."

"His death must have been hard for you."

"Yeah, it wasn't pleasant," he gave a little chuckle. "We get taught to not be emotionally connected, but it was hard for me when he showed me I could become something. Something amazing." He looked up at me and I smile for him to continue. "The easiest part of my illness, is you."

"Me?"

"You've changed me, Roza. You stuck by me, knowing my past and faults. You have showed me what love is; what it's like to be in love. Showing me it doesn't have to be rough. Showing me it can be kind, gentle, caring, slow, sensitive, peaceful. I've never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else. The way I feel about you did scare me to begin with. Hence, the reason why I couldn't let you touch me. It was the illness, but I also didn't know why I was feeling the way I was about you, and it scared me. But you were very persistent, and understanding. You made me believe I could love someone and be loved right back, and now... I'm one very lucky man, to have a beautiful, intelligent, funny, determined, strong, woman to share my love and life with."

I nodded and noticed I had been crying. I laughed at myself and brought our entwined fingers up to wipe them away.

"I love you," I said while kissing his forehead.

"Does that make it easier for you to understand? I find it difficult to explain myself."

"It's perfect. Thank you!" He nodded and I had the sudden urge to change the topic to a happier one. "Tell me about your family."

He laughed, "I don't know where to start. How about I start with Grandma? She's pretty awesome," he smiled fondly. "She's hard on you when she needs to be, but she is a very inspiring woman. If you can impress her, than you have nothing to worry about. Oh, apart from her fortune telling."

"She can read your fortune? That's a load of crap, don't you think. No one can tell you how your future will be."

He shrugged, "Grandma can be very convincing. I've grown up with it, so it isn't so strange to me. Then that brings me to Mother. She's everything a Mother should be. I miss her, Rose," his voice cracked.

"Tell me about her."

"She cooks the best food. Just one taste of her food and you'll be wanting more," he chuckled. "She's caring, and will do anything for you. She's strong and will take not take 'I can't' as an answer. She won't let you clean around the house or offer her help, because she says, 'it's it the Mother's description handbook, to do the housework and looks after the family.' I hardly ever see a frown on her face, and she never thinks negative."

I lifted his chin up and bent down to give him a slow, warm kiss. He moaned into my mouth as I slid my tongue along his bottom lip.

"What about your sister's?" I asked. "Do you have two or three?"

"Three. Maybe more we don't know about," he said in a sneer. "But three in our family. The oldest is Karolina. She is 28, with a son named Paul, who is 10, and 18 month old Casey. She defiantly plays the big sister role in our family and is currently dating Guardian Borowski. Next is Sonya and she is 22 years old. Last I heard she got knocked up," he frowned but continued. "She would be about 5 months along now? Yeah, that sounds about right. She's working at a pharmacy trying to save as much money as she can for the baby. She did have plans to go to university, but I guess that's out of the question now. She's a lot like me." I giggled like an idiot. "In a girl way," he corrected and laughed along with me.

"She would be the one you would have to please. She is stubborn, but knows control. We are very familiar. Sometimes it's hilarious, other times it daunting," he screwed his face up. I tried smoothing his skin out and he continued on to his youngest sister. "Her name is Viktoria. She isn't much younger then you. She turned 17 two months ago. She is a little bugger. I don't know her as much as the other two, because when she was growing up, I was out in the Guardian world, but from what I know she has the boys wrapped around her little fingers. Apparently she is letting it rip at the Academy as well. She has the nickname 'Little Belikov' attached to her face. You would get along with her very well. You have a lot in common with her. You know: boys, clothes, make-up, shopping, partying."

"Ha Ha. It's not all I think about!" I exclaimed. "They all sound so lovely. You have a wonderful caring family, Dimitri. I would love to have a supportive family to help me when in need."

He brought his hands to my hips and pulled me back to lye beside him. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked at me.

"They are a very loving, supportive family. They're our family."

I smiled, "I love the sound of that." Then my smile faded. "What if they don't like me?"

He cupped my cheek with his free hand and said, "Roza, trust me, they will love you. I can't wait till you meet them. You're part of my family now. They trust my judgement and when they see you they will fall in love with you too. You'll see."

He looked so happy and confident, that I moved closer to him and attacked his mouth. He chuckled and pulled away after a while.

"I think that is enough talking for tonight. You need to refresh. Try and sleep, Roza."

"I love you," I yawned.

I looked out the SUV's window, past the cliff's edge and into the sea. It was pretty much all the view I had. If I looked in the other direction, all I saw was blackness and trees. So here I was in one of the twelve SUV's. There was 96 of us on the mission to kill off the gang of Strigoi; 20 of us were Moroi and the other 76 were guardians or novices.

Headmistress Kirova contacted Queen Tatiana Ivashkov immediately after our discussion, and she insisted that we finish off what we were starting. We did, however, have to wait seven hours for the Guardian council to make up their decision. Their decision was that we proceed with the mission, but wait until more reinforcements arrive. That lead to another four hours of waiting around, and four hours of praying that the doctors keep Eddie alive. The decision also passed that Moroi was able to attend, due to the mass of Strigoi, the catch was however, that every Moroi had a guardian protecting them. Only a small number of Novice's were allowed to join the mission and I, of course, was one of them. If the Novice survived they would be getting a well recommendation on their graduation results.

We have another two hours drive to the destination where the cars end, and approximately one hour on foot until we reach the gang. We will be arriving during the night, but that was apparently the plan, so we can see how many Strigoi will be waiting inside. Once it hits sunrise we will then invade the old building they are still in, for the time being. Alberta and Stan had to stay behind at the academy. It was for the safety of the students. If the Strigoi attacked the academy then at least they had some Guardians left to fight against them. Alberta didn't like the idea, she wanted to be here with the rest of us, but she knew her duty was to protect the school. Lissa and Adrian got told they had to stay behind as well. Lissa got all hysterical; but I calmed her down and told her everything would be find. Lissa and Adrian would wait patiently at the academy – for the remaining of us who lived – so they could heal us from our injuries.

I felt Dimitri's hand brush over my own and I focused my attention to him.

"I'm going to test you on how well you do," he said with amusement in his eyes.

"I wouldn't assume any other way Comrade," I teased back. "You would take any opportunity to see how well I move my body."

I heard a little growl from Dimitri mouth and started to giggle. Novice Meredith turned around in the front seat to see what I was giggling at, but thought I was doing it at nothing and turned back around. I looked back up at Dimitri and he gave me a glare.

I leaned in closer to his ear and whispered, "is it too crowded to ask for a supportive kiss?"

"Roza," he warned.

I giggled some more and puckered my lips. Dimitri was the only reason why I wasn't so uptight. If he wasn't in the same car as me, I might have killed someone by now. His presence calmed me down, and made me feel safe.

Tasha was in the same car as us, but decided to sit in the middle row with two other guardians. She was the one out of five Moroi I knew who said yes to helping out. There were others, but I didn't know them so well. The other four Moroi I knew were: Carly, Jill, Bruno and Tim. The Moroi that were selected to come had to be non-royal. The council wasn't letting any Royals go near the Strigoi, especially since they knew that the Strigoi were seeking out to destroy them all. Tasha came because that's who Tasha was. She taught herself how to do offensive magic and can be very useful in a fight. She also was tracking them down herself, so whether the council liked it or not... she was coming. It was also because of Christian. She was doing it for him. Victor was the cause of his death, and she wanted him to pay. As for Carly, well she wanted to feel useful. She was also doing it for Eddie. It hurt her to be away from him, but she was also doing it for him. If we bet the Strigoi and got Victor to destroy the charm (that's what we thought we needed to do to cure Eddie), then Eddie would be back to normal. The other Moroi who were joining us, thought it would be a good experience to put their powers to work.

The SUV came to a halt and I instantly clutched onto Dimitri's hand. As soon as we left the cars and started walking, all of us were going to be in danger. Everyone knew the risks, but we all knew it was something that needed to be done. Dimitri was one of the mission leaders and he needed to be fearless. He tried pulling it off for the others, but I knew what to look for, and he was just as worried as I was.

"Everyone, please, gather over here!" Janine yelled from a distance.

All 96 of us gathered under the trees waiting for Janine to give us our orders. Dimitri, Matthew and Ronald we standing in front of us in front as well.

"Before we spilt up in four groups, I just want to go over the final details one more time, so it is clear to everyone," she looked around the group. "We will be heading 'North-West' in just over 15 minutes," taking a look at her watch. "We will be stationed at the area for quite some time, once we arrive. I will not lie – it will be dangerous. The Strigoi who are out and about will be returning to the abandoned building... it is foretold that at least one of them will detect us. There is too much of us, to be able to hide. However, with that being said... who ever detects us, will not be making it to the rest of the pack to let them know our whereabouts. We will kill them. Is that understood?"

We all murmured 'yes' and listened on for more. "When the sun is up enough to cause the Strigoi harm, our leaders will make a signal for us to proceed our surprise attack." Janine sighed and looked at us with sadness, "some of us won't make it back, it's unavoidable. But, that does not mean once you get injured, or tired from the fight, that you go ahead and be defeated. I will not accept it! For those who do not make it out... we will forever spread the memory of what you have done for us today." She looked at Dimitri and then said, "That is all. Good luck and be brave."

We all split up in our four groups: Guardian Hathaway, was leading the group of 9 Guardians, they were called group one. They were to invade the abandoned building head on. They were the front of our attack, and our lives depending on them killing as much Strigoi as possible for the other 3 groups to make an impact. Guardian Chase was the leader of the second group. He had the Moroi who controlled wind and water. Each Moroi had one Guardian with them. So his group ranged to about 21 bodies. Group two was meant to enter once group one had killed at least 10 Strigoi. They would just use their speciality to distract the Strigoi enough for an easier kill. Group Three was Guardian Stephan; he had the remaining Moroi, which were fire users. As with the other group, each Moroi needed a Guardian on there side. He was leading a group of 23. His group was meant to enter the abandoned building from the back. It would have the element of surprise and burn the Strigoi bodies enough for Group four to come in and attack ferociously. Group Four was Dimitri's group. My group. It wasn't intentional, it's what my Mother had decided. If it was up to us, we would have preferred different groups. Knowing we were in the same group meant we would see one another fight and risk us paying attention to each other and not what was happening on around us. Never-the-less, Dimitri and I both agreed to do our best, and focus on the mission, not ourselves. Dimitri had the Novices in his group and the remaining Guardians. Our group was the biggest, containing 43 of us.

It wasn't long when I saw the spirits around me. I recognised Lissa's Mother and Father, and the murdered victims I saw earlier in the year. I even saw Andre, but he disappeared too quickly. I turned around to make sure all the spirits were gone when I laid eyes on Mason. I gasped and saw my follow students looking at me. I quickly turned back around and pretended I was paying attention. Mason appeared in front of me again. He looked sad and upset. I tried looking for Christian to see if he was here as well, but I didn't see him. I walked away from the group long enough so I was with them but not to close to be heard talking to 'thin air'. Mason kept pointing towards the abandoned building and I nodded in agreement. I whispered for Christian a few times, but he still wouldn't appear. I'm not going to lie – I am upset that he wouldn't come and see me, but maybe he thought it was for the best? I waved to Mason as his spirit slowly faded and prayed that Christian was happy in heaven. If there was such a thing.

After taking several sips of water, our leaders lead us up the path to where we would be waiting for our attack. It was nearly morning, and we were all on full alert. I saw group one on the move, and knew it would only be minutes before we heard the battle begin. I flicked my eyes back on Dimitri and saw him staring back at me. His face showed no expression, because his Guardian mask was on so the others didn't see, but his eyes... those eyes explained it all. He was sending that he loved me, that he cares about me, and that we'll put are one hell of a fight so we both come out of this alive. I returned the same intense look back to him and he raised his hand. I didn't know what he was doing at first, but then I saw it. The promise ring. He was wearing the promise ring on his ring finger. I wanted to cry and hug him so tight, but I knew we couldn't. I hoped that my eyes would express my emotions to him, and they did, because I saw him just slightly move towards me, before deciding it wasn't a good idea.

I saw group two moved forward, and knew we would be moving shortly after. I was right – I heard the battle taking place. The other novices were fidgeting and anxious; Dimitri gave them positive words of encouragement. He then lead as forward toward the other entry of the building. He told us to get in our position, and wait for his signal. He was slightly crouched, waiting for movement moving our way. Group Three had already entered, and Dimitri was waiting to hear screaming, indicating that they were burning. We all heard a high pitch scream and tensed. This was our cue. Dimitri motioned us forward. We took one look at each other; and sent our love. We all stormed into the building ready for attack. It was hectic. Bodies fighting each other everywhere. Flames flying around the room. Waves of forceful wind pushing you back, and water being sprayed in the air. I was too busy trying to see where the main course of action was when I heard...

"Rose, look out!"


	29. The Horrific Battle

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M_.  
****The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there is violence and death.**

**Beta:  
****Icestorm51; thank you so much for editing this chapter - much appreciated!**

**Authors Notes:  
****Only 1 more chapter left, and an epilogue!  
I will be writing another story after this one is complete, so if you haven't done so already - I suggest you add me on author alert or favourite author.**  
**That way, you will be notified straight away once I begin publishing the new story.  
My new story/characters will be all human, and I will be using the well created Vampire Academy characters.**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

_The Horrific Battle_

I quickly realised that someone was calling my name and I ducked. I was very thankful to the person who told me, because I soon realised I had two Strigoi ready to attack me. One of the two male Strigoi threw a punch towards my right ribs. I gasped in pain but fought back. He was strong, very, very strong. He must have had been a Guardian when he was turned. He had a very good attack stance and knew how to defend himself very well. He was muscular, strong and knew how to block my hits. I spun around and kicked my leg out for a low kick in his legs. It unbalanced him for the slightest moments which I used to my advantage. I charged at him, full force and knocked him onto the wall behind him. He lunged for my throat, but I pulled away in time to give a forceful punch to his nose. I turned his head to the side, away from my face and noticed the Guardian tattoo on his neck. Well, that corresponds with my Guardian theory.

"Guardian?" I whispered.

He hissed, "Was a Guardian. Now I'm much stronger and better off."

"You're dead!"

"No, I'm alive. My heart is still beating, I still have my memories and thoughts. It's all me, except now I can live for eternity with much more strength then I had before."

I snorted, "You are not alive! You drain the blood of innocents and watch them die in agony. You are a filthy being. A being from the un-dead."

He growled and grabbed my waist to turn me around, clashing my back into his chest. With his free hand, he held my arms away so I was unable to attack him.

"That's where you are wrong little girl... we had it all wrong, we didn't know it's a better life this way. We all say that the Strigoi are evil, but now I know what it's like. It's worth it to become one of us," he said near my ear.

I stomped on his foot and jabbed my elbow into his face. He stumbled back, and I pulled out my stake. He attempted to rip it out of my hands, but instead it scrapped along his skin. He snarled wide mouthed, showing his fangs. I pushed him back one more time and slid the stake through his ribs straight through to his heart.

"So much for eternity," I said, scowling. "Now what about you? You believe in eternity too, or do you believe in death?" I asked, looking at the second Strigoi.

"I believe in your death," he said as he kicked my lower stomach.

I brought myself back up from the blow and into a defence position. I moved my elbows at a 90 degree angle alongside my body with arms in front of shoulders, and fists in front of my chin. He moved forward keeping his elbow close to his body, giving him full power to use his first two knuckles for a forward jab. I brought my knee to my chest and reached up with both hands to pull the Strigoi down by his shoulders and onto my knee. He hissed and fell back while I returned my leg to the starting position. He quickly regained his balance and spun us around so I was pushed up against the wall. He lunged to tear some skin from around my throat, but I used a front high block by bending my elbows to almost a 90 degree angle. I kept my fists tight with my palm facing outward. I then front kicked the Strigoi by bringing my right knee up and extending my lower leg into his chest. I brought my leg down to my original position with control to maintain balance. I pushed him down on the ground and straddled him so he was now locked in position.

"I guess you chose for me to show you what death was like on your way to eternity," I said sarcastically.

I didn't give him a chance to speak because I pushed my stake through his chest. I looked around and saw bodies laying on the ground. Most were Strigoi bodies but I noticed some Guardians and novices. I saw Tasha close by and tried calling out to her, but it was no use. She couldn't hear me. I turned in the other direction and saw Dimitri fighting off a group of Strigoi. He was by himself, and I wondered why nobody went over to help him. I quickly got up from where I was sitting above the Strigoi to help him.

I surprised one of the Strigoi he was fighting and plunged the stake through its back and into his heart. The other Strigoi then noticed my appearance and some turned to attack me. I threw a direct uppercut to the closest Strigoi and he stumbled back directly into Dimitri's waiting stake. I spun nearly in a full circle and laid a forty-five degree angle roundhouse kick on the next Strigoi. He was impacted but didn't budge and threw a cross punch into my chest. I hissed at the pain, but threw him one of my famous right hooks. I felt a body press up against mine and looked out of the corner of my eye to see Dimitri's back pressed up against my back in a defensive position.

We were surrounded. The other Guardians were busy with their own battles. Some of the Guardians whose job was to protect the Moroi made a move to come and help us, but Dimitri's commanding voice set them back.

"Don't leave your Moroi!" he shouted. "Protect them with your lives!"

"We can do this. We can do this. I know you can do this, Rose. Show them who you are," I whispered to myself.

"You can do this, Rose," Dimitri's voice answered me. "We have covered it all in training. Show them who Rose Hathaway really is!"

I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me, because he was focusing on his side on the circle. "I've got your back covered, Guardian Belikov," I said with determination.

I felt his warm fingertips collide with mine as he said, "As I have yours. Don't give up and remember, do not hesitate."

The Strigoi to the side kicked me on my left rib, I brought my fists up into a neutral stance and then gave him a left jab to the left side of his ribs, with another right jab to the right side of his ribs. Next was a left uppercut to his chin and a right hook to his temple. I caught him off guard by my fighting sequence I had learned from Dimitri and went straight to a fighting stance. I noticed from his first attack that he depended on his right arm. I waited for him to make his next move and thankfully it was with his right arm, going for a punch. I grasped the Strigoi's wrist and applied pulling pressure. He tried to give me a low kick, but I blocked it with my shin. I made a strike for his elbow with my fist and his arm popped. His arm was now broken. I smiled to myself as I watched him scream in pain. I pulled my stake out of my pocket and pushed it into his heart all the way.

I was able to stake three more Strigoi while keeping my defence stance back to back with Dimitri. The next Strigoi I had to face was rather strong. He had me fall to the ground and I saw Dimitri look back. I yelled out that I was fine so that he could concentrate on his own Strigoi that he was fighting. I jumped up, giving him a high kick to the face which was long enough for me to stand up in a fighting position. I aimed a right jab to his face while stepping in closer and then a a left jab to his face while stepping closer again. I quickly followed through with a left jab and grabbed his head. I pulled it down with more force from his struggling and connected my right elbowed to the back on his head. The Strigoi faltered for a second –a second I didn't waste– and staked him.

"How many left on your half?" I asked, breathing heavily.

"On my last... one," he said while I heard the stake being pushed through the Strigoi's body. "You?"

I couldn't reply as a woman Strigoi punched me straight in the mouth. I growled and threw a left jab to her eye and left my hand there to block her view. "On my second to last now," I grunted. I lowered my stance and tackled the left side of her body with my left shoulder. Once her body hit the ground, I punched all areas of her face as many times as possible to wear her down. I felt Dimitri nudge me out of the way, and he sliced easily and quickly through her chest.

I looked up at him, "I can take the last one. Go. They need you more than me."

I could see him hesitate to leave my side.

"You have taught me everything I need to know."

He looked around the building and his eyes stayed focused over on the other side on the room. I looked in the direction his eyes were focused on and froze for a moment. "Dimitri, they need you. You're their leader now... he's dead– Guardian Chase is dead. Make sure the Moroi leave now!"

The Strigoi didn't like listening to our rumbling, so he attacked Dimitri's back but Dimitri was quick enough to land a hard blow to his head and knock him over to the ground. "Be careful," he warned. "If you become outnumbered, you run. You hear me? You run!"

"I will," I said, nodding.

"I'll be back as soon as I know the Moroi are safe outside." He turned around and quickly looked back. "Make sure you run, Roza!"

I turned back to the Strigoi as soon as I heard Dimitri telling Group Two to retreat. Guardian Stephan was telling Group Three to retreat as well. That left us with no more fire, but we were better off, because the amount of energy they would have used would have left them weak and easier targets to kill. A Strigoi ran towards me, growling and showing me his fangs. I used his run up as power to me and gave him a punch, sending him straight back down to the ground. I pulled out my stake, ready for an opening while he attacked me. I drew back my left shoulder and delivered a quick jab to his face. As he was trying to refocus, I stepped forward with my right foot and in an uppercut motion I made a strike for the Strigoi's throat with the stake. He hissed and I took the opening to end his suffering and mine.

It was then that I heard a noise. A noise I had heard before, but wasn't a noise I had heard recently. The noise I heard was growling. Growling of three very, very scary looking psi-Hounds. They had me surrounded and I knew the only way I could escape was to kill them. The psi-Hounds only took orders from Moroi, so there was no point in me trying to compromise. Because seriously, how stupid would I look to try and convince a dog/wolf to not eat me alive? Stupid enough!

I didn't have any weapons to help me beat the psi-Hounds. All I had was my stake and a stake is pretty useless against them. Last time a psi-Hound attacked me, I was outside in a forest, on my way to save Lissa. I was able to use branches to push them away from me, but now... I was stuck. I didn't have time to think of an attack move, because the biggest psi-Hound jumped at me. I gave it a swift kick in the gut, but it didn't so much flinch. It lunged for me again, but I use my stake and cut it across it's flank. It was then I realised I had a gun. I pulled the gun out, aimed and shot. This time I did hear a whine and it defiantly put me in the dog food pile with the other two psi-Hounds. I just about to defend myself and shoot another when all too quickly, I heard an order being shouted. I couldn't hear it clear enough to understand what it was, but the psi-Hounds stopped attacking me and bared their teeth.

I took the opportunity to help another Guardian when a figure I knew all too well stepped out in front of me. He looked pale, withered and bony. Last time we saw him before Lissa healed him, he looked double his age. Well this time around he didn't, but that wasn't to say that he looked in his early fourties. He looked like he was about in his sixties. His skin wasn't as wrinkled but you could see the skin starting to shrivel. His hair was still shiny and thin, but I could see patches of grey throughout his head. His jade green eyes still sparkled with life and a touch of bliss showed through.

Victor Dashkov.

"My dear Rosemarie, how nice it is to see you so soon," he said, smiling.

"I thought you knew it would only be a short matter of time once I received the letter you wrote to me."

"Ah, how could I forget, you were also so courageous and witty with your remarks. You haven't changed one bit, but I never suspected that you would," he said to himself. "How is Vasilisa?"

"Like I would tell you, you disgusting pig!" I shouted while lunging for him. However, I was stopped in my tracks, by strong, cold, hard hands pulling my back by my wrists. I was too caught up in Victor that I hadn't noticed two Strigoi sneak up behind me.

Victor smirked at my description of him and motioned with his head for the Strigoi to drag me out of the room. I tried struggling against them but it was no use. I thought it was better if I tried to save my energy and assess the situation first. While being dragged forward, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that others were being held hostage. Guardians, Novices and Moroi. There wasn't too many of us being held, but it was enough to send a message. From what I could tell, there were three Guardians, four Novices and two Moroi. I didn't know them very well... the Guardians were transferred for this mission, and the Novices were from another year. However, I did know the two Moroi: Carly and Bruno. There was at least fifteen Strigoi following Victor's orders in this new room. Victor ,from what I could tell, ordered the psi-Hounds to leave, and for once, I was relieved.

"What is this, Victor?" I seethed. "You've teamed up with Strigoi now? So, it wasn't bad enough that you kidnapped Lissa and convinced your own daughter to turn, but now you have joined forces? Could you make yourself any more revolting?"

"Now, now, there is no need for snarly remarks. All will be taken care of pleasantly if you listen and follow what I say carefully. Otherwise..." he laughed out loud, "...Well, it's quite simple really. I'll make sure it isn't as pleasant."

"I would never do anything you say," I spat.

"Oh, Rosemarie, you really don't have a choice." He looked around at one of the Guardians and ordered for him to be brought forward. "What's your name?"

"Go to hell!" the Guardian hissed.

Victor shook his head with slight laughter. "Boys, who wants a treat?" he asked, looking at the two Strigoi who brought him over.

They both hissed and fought over who was going to have him. Victor got tired of their bickering, and said that the tall lanky one could have the first taste. He was just about to bite him when I screamed...

"Stop! Please, Victor, please!"

"You have to learn young one, you will not go unpunished for such behaviour," he stated. "As a matter of fact, you should not be standing here now."

I gave him a strong glare and said, "I know you charmed the bracelet, Victor! You thought I was be dead by now, didn't you? Well, guess what, you were wrong!"

"Yes, yes, indeed I was. So, tell me Rosemarie, how are you not... affected per se?"

"It's Rose! And because of you, Christian is dead! Because of you, Lissa is depressed! Because of you Eddie is dying! I came here to kill you, to make you reverse the charm!"

He laughed loudly. "I didn't think the Ozera boy was stupid enough for the charm to work for him. As for this Eddie, another close friend of yours?"

"Don't even pretend that you're interested! If you wanted me dead or out of the way, you should have stopped being a coward and done it yourself."

"I was hoping the charm would pull you out of the picture, but now, ah, I will rather enjoy watching you die before me."

I screamed with anger and pulled my arm free from the Strigoi on my right. He was quick to respond and kicked me in the stomach. The other Strigoi then pinned me down in a headlock. Victor smiled at me and then told the Strigoi to feed. I struggled against the hold but I couldn't move. I heard screams and crying around me, my mind thinking it was Carly and some Novices. The Guardian tried to move out of the other Strigoi's hold, but the tall lanky Strigoi sunk his teeth into his neck and the Guardian screamed out in agony. I closed my eyes and thought about Dimitri. What he would want me to do in this situation? He would want me to get as much information as I could. He would want me to think clearly and not make any rash movement or smart remarks to fasten my death (it's a little late for that now, but I could still try). He would tell me to get out of this position and hold my own fight. But the thing was, the room was full of Strigoi. There is no way I would be able to stake them all and live. I have two more Guardian in the room, but one of them looked out of it and the other well... he didn't look so good either. The novices were too scared and injured, while the Moroi had no chance in hell, being water users.

I needed to get out of this headlock and quick while Victor was distracted. If I was able to move, I would at least be able to stake a couple Strigoi. It would mostly likely piss everyone off enough to want to kill me faster, but it was better than not trying at all. If I was to die, I wanted to die fighting and doing my duty. I moved my head away from the Strigoi's elbow joint, so it was easier for me to breathe. I balled my hands and hammered my fists to his kidneys. I lifted my right hand around his arm and grabbed his ear. I pulled with all my strength while still holding his ear down to my waist. Lastly, I did a hard palm thrust to his face with my right hand. I was then out of the headlock and his chest was exposed. The other Strigoi pulled me by my waist but wasn't quick enough to stop my hand from pulling out my stake and shoving it into his heart.

I spun around and ducked from the other Strigoi's double cross punch. Just as I rose from my position from crouching on the ground, giving me more power in my strike, I drove my elbow upwards into his stomach; right on the lower abdominals, stunning the Strigoi. I took the chance and pushed my stake through his chest. Two down... many more to go. I looked up and saw the Guardian who was being drunken from hunched on the ground. He was dead. The tall lanky Strigoi was about to attack me when Victor said, "Don't attack! If she wants to be free, then let her be." The Strigoi snarled at him, but Victor didn't seem troubled by it. "Candice, Mark, would you like to do the honours?"

I looked at him in horror, waiting for the so-called Candice and Mark to attack me and send me to my death bed, but instead, I heard screaming and begging. I looked sharply to my right and saw a male Novice being pulled by the limbs. The strigoi had his legs around the Novice's body and his hands around his neck. Within seconds his head was being pulled up; the boy gagged and then a popping sound ended the noise. I couldn't believe what I saw... the Novices head had be pulled out of it's socket. It didn't take long for another scream to fill the room, and I turn my body half around to my left. A Guardian had fear in her eyes. She was being drank from and selfishly. I started to run over to her, but another Strigoi was fighting me off. I saw the Strigoi stop feeding from her and she slumped over onto the ground. The Strigoi put his foot on her chest to hold her down and another foot on her face. I clamped my eyes shut, preparing for what was going to be happening next and heard the snapping of her neck being broken.

I opened my eyes and quietly sobbed. I was screwed! There was no way out... I was outnumbered... I watched innocents die... I was exhausted... I knew my time would be up shortly. I was secretly hoping it would be sooner rather than later. Victor walked towards me and stopped about a foot away. He looked at me intensely, searching for something... He lifted his hand up and was reaching to check my cheek, when I slapped his hand away.

"Don't fucking touch me! You make me sick!"

He spoke softly. "It's a shame I can't get you to send a message to Vasilisa. Well, send a verbal message. Now, you'll just be sending a... physical message.

"Leave her out of this!"

"That's an impossible request to fill... I need her. I need her to heal me. Don't you see? This is what I wanted all along."

I looked at him in confusion, "Why don't you just changed yourself? You won't die from your disease in that case." I shrugged. "You'll just get staked instead."

He smirked. "I love your logic, Rosemarie, but I don't want to turn. I can't become King if I turn."

"King?" I scoffed, "You can't become King. The Queen would never allow it and the community wouldn't vote for it. You're a criminal!"

His smirk faded and it became a glare– a death glare. "I'm so sick of your attitude towards me. You make me out to be some type of evil creature. I was willing to let you live a while longer, but now, uh-uh, I think you deserve some pain."

I tensed and took in a deep breath, waiting for my body to feel the intense pain inevitably coming, but instead I was surprised to see the door open. Three Strigoi came in, with Dimitri! No! Shit! He locked his eyes on mine and sent me his love. Victor nodded to one of the Strigoi by Dimitri and he held up a stake. He started to curse in pain from holding it and threw it to the ground. Victor picked it up and started examining it, and smiled at me before deeply scrapping it along Dimitri's chest.

"Noooooo! Stop, oh please, stop!" I begged.

Dimitri didn't scream but I saw his body shake with pain. He was holding it in; being brave. How dare Victor hurt him!

"Don't you see, Rosemarie, you did this. You caused me to hurt him."

"Let him go. You can have me. You can do whatever you want to me. Just please, let him go," I cried.

"Rose, no!" Dimitri shouted at me in agony.

Victor gave another of his throaty, evil laughs. "I see nothing has changed between you two. Still fighting for each other, I see. How's the love going? Won't have much time left together, now. You better say your goodbyes."

"You have no idea about us," I growled. "Break the charm and you can have me. Anything you want, I'll do it. But you have to let Dimitri go, and break the death charm."

"What did you call it?" He asked amused. "A death charm..."

"Is that what it is?" I asked, hoping to find out any information that could be handy were to escape.

"Something along those lines..." He said, knowing full well what I was up to. "The only way I would break the spell is if I died, and then..." He laughed. "It still wouldn't work, because I didn't undo the charm."

I looked at Dimitri in panic and he looked rather calm. Why did he try and be in control, when this was a time when he could be an animal and it wouldn't hurt anybody?

"Don't try and save him, Rosemarie. It won't work," Victor stated. "Dimitri will become one of us. He will be very handy, and welcomed into our clan. Someone like him would be very useful."

"No. I said pick me! I would be useful. I'm aggressive, and strong. I would be better for you then Dimitri."

"She's wrong." Dimitri voice broke the tension. "Take me... I'm all yours. Just leave her out of it. You know she won't be useful to you King Dashkov, she would be a pain in your ass."

I looked at him in shock. Not only did he call him _king_, but he insulted me by saying I would be useless and a pain to control. What type of tactic was he using? He wouldn't even look at me.

"Don't listen to him!" I protested.

Victor rolled his eyes and spoke, "Will you two give it up? I've made up my mind. Bruce?" He said looking at a rather big built Strigoi. I'm pretty sure he had been a Dhampir. "You can now start the transition. I would like Rosemarie to be alive to see it, if you wouldn't mind."

Bruce nodded, and I connected my eyes with Dimitri. He was sending me his love, and telling me he was doing it for us... for me. I tried telling him to fight, but he wouldn't. Instead I kicked the closest Strigoi who stumbled, which pushed Bruce back. Four Strigoi surrounded me and I knew I had lost. Bruce bit down into Dimitri's arm. He caused Dimitri to shriek and I saw the pain flood flew him. I pushed the Strigoi out of my way and kicked Bruce straight in the head. I bent down to Dimitri and held him in my arms.

"Isn't that sweet?" Victor said, trying to act happy. "Kate," he said, snapped his fingers. "Bring me the girl."

I looked up and Carly was being pulled towards Victor. She looked at me and she was in pure terror. I wanted to get up and fight for her, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave Dimitri. He was in pain. If I left him and tried saving Carly, I could risk losing Dimitri... forever. That wasn't a risk I was willing to take. It's not that I didn't care about watching her die, but I couldn't leave my love. I just hoped she'd understand.

"Victor, you don't need to touch her," I said softly, hoping I could persuade him. "Have us. Both of us. Dimitri and I."

"The council was right about you, Rosemarie, you are a slow learner. Maybe this will help encourage you to learn quicker."

He grabbed Carly by her face; one hand on each cheek. She tried using her water element, but there was no water to use. Victor simply snickered as her and snapped her neck. She was gone! She was dead! Once again, because of me. What would Eddie think? Oh no! Poor Eddie! I gasped and let the tears fall from my eyes and down my cheeks. I felt Dimitri intertwine his fingers through mine and gave my hand a squeeze. As long as I had him. If we survived this, we would be together. A very unlikely scenario, but I had to hope. If we didn't survive, then we would die together. We knew this.

"Now... do you believe me?" Victor asked.

I nodded and whispered, "Yes."

"Roza," Dimitri's voice was harsh and strained. "I love you. Don't ever forget that. You showed me what love was. I'm thankful for that."

"I love you too, _naveki_." I whispered. He laughed with me at the memory of him teaching me it meant forever on my birthday. "Just so you know... if you asked me to marry you, I would say yes in a heartbeat." He looked at me strongly with desire and love. He leaned in and gave me a soft, slow, tender, chaste kiss.

The kiss was wonderful. It was a kiss I was never going to forget. It probably helped that the feeling I was feeling inside my body was overwhelming. I was hurting and scared, but I was also very happy. Because Dimitri said that he loved me. Okay, I knew that he loved me, but he only ever said it once to me, and that was back at the Royal Court when he had hurt himself badly from taking his angry out on the trees. I always tell him I love him and he always says "same back to you" or "me too." Dimitri never said it back to me after he told me about his illness. I knew that was what the problem was and I didn't want to push him on the subject. I knew he would feel he wasn't worthy of love or loving someone back. But I wasn't too worried. I knew he loved me; he showed me in other ways. This was the first time in months that he was told me to my face. And he told me with love, lust, desire, devotion and honestly. At this moment, I was beyond happy and I knew Dimitri and I just made another step further in out relationship.

"Enough with the chit chat," a Strigoi snarled. "Let's just get on with the kills."

"I agree with you completely," a voice stated matter-of-factly.

It was a voice that wasn't in the room a few minutes ago. A voice I didn't think I would ever be happy to hear. A voice that gave me some hope in surviving.

Natasha Ozera.

I saw the Strigoi hiss and snarl. Dimitri and I turned our heads in the direction the voice came from and as if it was on cue, I saw a bright ball of flames light up the room and set Victor on fire. I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face when I heard Victor scream in pain for it to stop. Dimitri and I looked at each other and we both knew what to do. The Strigoi left in the room went after Tasha, but she was prepared and sent her fire burning through the room. Dimitri pushed himself up with so much strength returning to his body, from the chance that we may survive and went after to fight the Strigoi after Tasha. I, on the other hand walked over to where Victor was burning.

I knelt down on my knees before him. "What does it feel like?" I asked with curiosity.

"What do you think it feels like!" he spat in pain.

"I'm sorry it had to end like this," I said. "I was kind of hoping to torment you instead, but hey, watching you burn up in flames is high up there too."

"I hope your happy," he struggled to speak. His body was dissolving quickly. "You'll never going to help your friend." My heart stung at the truth. I was unable to get Victor to undo the charm and help Eddie. I was going to lose him, if hadn't already. At least he would be with Carly... in heaven. "I'm happy the Ozera boy is dead. Vasilisa could do much better. Move along now, you don't need to see this."

I heart tighten in my chest. He hit a sore spot, and he knew it. I wasn't unable to even find a cure to what kill Christian, but there was one thing I could do for him. He would be proud. I looked at Victor and gave him a tight I-win-you're-dead smile and said my last words to him.

"I'd rather watch you die," I said repeating the words he said to me earlier. "You thought it would be me instead of you. Well, surprise. We trusted you Victor, but now we know you're a piece of shit who isn't worth anything."

I looked at him and pushed my stake into his heart. His eyes slowly closed shut and you wouldn't believe the amount of relief that flooded through my body. Victor Dashkov was gone. Finally gone. We didn't need to worry about him anymore. I left the tears of joy fall from my eyes. I couldn't help but think Christian would be so proud. I pushed away the thoughts when I heard Dimitri cry out in pain. I looked up to see him pinned up against the wall by a Strigoi.

The number of Strigoi were quite low in numbers and I smiled at the thought of Dimitri killing a lot already, even when he was injured. I ran up behind the Strigoi and jumped on his back, wrapping my legs around his waist. He stumbled back and I hoped he wouldn't fall back on top of me. I pushed my stake through his hard back and pulled it out once I knew I reached his heart.

"That's what you get for touching my boyfriend!" I remarked.

Dimitri gave me a brief smile, before leading me into a defensive position.

"Tasha," he ordered. "I need you to burn them when their not looking. Don't use all your strength. When we are fighting them, just light them on fire, Rose and I will do the rest."

"Sure thing, Guardian Belikov."

There was only six Strigoi left, but six Strigoi was plenty to knock down Tasha, Dimitri and I. Dimitri started fighting and not long after I did too. The Strigoi pushed me back but I had the upper hand and put my guard up. I hit her left cheek with a quick hook, followed through with a uppercut to her chin. I finished her off with an elbow strike to her right cheek right before plunging my stake through her chest. The next Strigoi I was facing was rather strong and I had a hard time trying to find an opening to finish him off. I saw the opening and knew there was only one sequence I knew would work to make him weak. If I screwed the moves up I could permanently damage my torso and knee, not to mention my life. I moved in close to the Strigoi and gave him a boggie hook. I then hit three strong uppercuts to his chin and took two steps back. I moved around the Strigoi's body and hit a sidekick with my right leg to his ribs. He grunted and hissed when I staked him without any damage to myself.

I looked around the room and gasped. There was bodies everywhere. The room was clear and it took me a moment to realise I could stop fighting. The door slammed open and I was ready to give a full blow to the Strigoi head, when I realised it was my mother and four other Guardians.

"Rose, you're okay," she said, rushing over to me. She pulled me into a hug and I couldn't help but squeeze her tight to me. "I'm sorry we couldn't get in here sooner."

"There's nothing you could have done," Dimitri said walking over, "Victor seemed to have had it planned. We are lucky we are alive. Many lives were lost."

"We need to dispose of these bodies," Janine said mournfully.

"I can help with that," Tasha said walking over. "If you allow me, I can burn their bodies."

Janine nodded. "Very well. Try and take it easy, you must be exhausted." She turned to me "And you Rose– how did you learn to fight like that?"

I smirked and bit my lip, looking over at Dimitri. We made it. We survived... together. "Dimitri. He's been training me since I came back to the Academy," I said, admiring him. "All these kills go on my Graduation Certificate, won't they?" I asked my Mother eagerly.

She laughed at my humour at this point of time, but answered, "Indeed they will. You will make a fine Guardian. I am very proud of you."

It was the first time I heard my Mother admit she was proud of me. I wanted to pull her into a hug and tell her that I loved her and that's exactly what I did. She was tense at first, shocked at first but warmed up and hugged me right back. She then let go and looked around the room. It was getting hot in the room, from the fire burning the bodies. I noticed Tasha standing alone. Grieving.

"Tasha?" I asked and she turned around. "Thank you."

"No, thank you. Without your help we wouldn't have gotten this far," she said, keeping a brave face.

I smiled and said, "you saved my life... our life. I will be forever in your favour." And before she could respond I knocked her over into a hug. She softly laughed and pulled me tight to her.

I looked up and saw Dimitri smiling at me with his face and eyes. They showed that he was proud, showed admiration, desire, love and exhaustion. I slowly moved out of Tasha hug and walked over to him. I intertwined my left hand fingers with his right hand fingers and hugged him tight.

It wasn't long after that that Janine insisted that we leave and make our way to a hotel. It wasn't far from the area. She said it was too long to head back to the academy in our current states, so we could go rest up at a hotel. We made it outside and I was so happy to see the sun in the sky. Dimitri and I smiled at each other and I followed Janine to the SUV while Dimitri walked beside Tasha to talk to her. I watched them through the window, and I saw her crying in his arms. I felt sorry for her. I didn't feel jealous of her anymore. I knew Dimitri's feelings for me. There was no need to be threatened by her. Without the need to feel jealous for her, I liked her. She was nice, funny, caring and beautiful. It was everything I saw when I first met her and I hoped I would be able to gain her respect once more. I looked away and wiped the tears away from my face. I saw my mother smile to me through the rear-view mirror and smiled back.

I looked back to find Tasha and Dimitri walking towards the SUV. Tasha walked in and sat down. I smiled at her and expected to find Dimitri sit beside me, but instead he wasn't in the car yet. I stood up and saw Dimitri lying down on the grass.

"Mother," I yelled shaken. "Dimitri!"

"He's going to be alright, he just fainted," a Guardian said beside me, checking Dimitri's pulse.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he reassured me. "Hathaway, do you mind giving me some help carrying him into the SUV?"

My mother helped lift Dimitri up and placed him lying down in the back seat. I felt the SUV move and was surprised that no one told me to sit in a seat and put a seatbelt on. Instead I was kneeling down beside his body, holding on to his hand. Hoping he would feel better once we were able to eat, drink and rest our exhausted bodies.


	30. Unforeseen Miracles

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_****  
**

**Beta:  
****Icestorm51; your work is very much appreciated.  
**

**Authors Notes:  
****Well, here it is. The last chapter of this story!  
There will be an epilogue, however, the epilogue is extremely long; which is why I have chosen to split it into two parts.  
I want to thank everyone who has chosen my story for: Favourite Story and Favourite Author. I feel so honoured. Thank you!  
I can't wait to read your reactions about this chapter. I'm sure some of you will be very surprised and thoroughly happy with my decisions.**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

_Unforeseen Miracles _

We arrived at the hotel an hour later and Dimitri hadn't woken up yet. I was getting concerned but I knew he needed to rest. Having a stake sliced across your chest and getting bitten from a Strigoi would be exhausting, and because of that, it made my mind less worried. The Guardians helped carry him into a room and assured me more than once that he was going to be alright. I told them I wasn't going to leave his side, not until I was positive he was okay. They didn't seem to argue with me, for which I was grateful. Even if they tried, they wouldn't win. No one was going to take Dimitri away from me. No one!

Tasha came in a couple of times to check on Dimitri's progress. She seemed nice, polite, caring and helpful. She wasn't treating me like a child and actually spoke to me like a real person. I tried doing the same back to her. She did save us, after all. Without her, well, we would be dead. There was no 'if's or 'but's, about it. She saved our lives while risking her own. She told me she saw Victor take us hostage, but couldn't come to follow us straight away. She waited for the Strigoi in the other part of the building to be corpse before trying to see a way in to where we were. She saw an old window barred and hoped it was a window to us. She melted the metal and waited for an opening to step in. Surprisingly, we got on really well while we talked and I told her several times how much I appreciated her help. She nodded and said she would do anything for Dimitri and that included me as well. She didn't mention anything about knowing I was Dimitri's other half, but I'm certain she knew. She didn't try and say how stupid if was for me to take him away or even try and be rude to me; she just assured me that when he wakes up, all he would want to see was me.

Dimitri did finally wake up and he scared the shit out of me! I didn't want to leave his side, because he could have woken at any time and I wanted to be there for it, but I couldn't handle my stench any longer, so I reluctantly decided to take a shower. I was humming away to a song stuck in my head while washing my hair, so I didn't I didn't hear the bathroom door open. I felt two hands grab my waist. I didn't even flinch at the sudden contact because I knew his touch anywhere. I turned around and he was standing there naked in front of me. I was shocked to say the least. I've seen Dimitri with his shirt off and I've seen his man hood, but never have I seen him fully naked all at once, and gosh, it was a beautiful sight.

He came into the shower with me, and he helped me wash the shampoo out of my hair. He even washed my body, which he did ever so slowly. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. He too had one of his own. I've never seen Dimitri so bold. Yes, I've seen him confident in fighting, but not with us. We had to slowly take our intimacy slow for him to recover from his childhood. He however, made the step when he woke up to join me in the shower without me even suggesting it. It was definitely progress. Dimitri let me wash him in return and I couldn't help but laugh at him when he would flinch from my touch in certain areas. He said my touch did several things to his body and now wasn't the time to experience them. His chest was still badly cut, but over time it would heal. I rubbed soft circles over his arm with the wash cloth where the Strigoi had bitten him and made sure he knew how much he meant to me.

We finally made it out of the shower and got dressed. It was a long process but it was worth it. Dimitri couldn't keep his hands off me and kissing me every chance he got. I was thrilled, even when we had the moments where Dimitri and I were intimate, he never touched me the way he did now. The realization of us dying and not being able to experience our love fully definitely changed Dimitri. It was a good change; a change that needed to take place. If the battle never happened I knew Dimitri and I would finally be one, but the battle only made it happen faster and I couldn't complain.

Even though we didn't have sex in the shower and we haven't actually had sex yet, it didn't matter. All the emotions and feelings were there and showed. Dimitri eventually flaked it on the bed and I laid there, watching him sleep. He was still exhausted and honestly, so was I. He looked so peaceful and he had a faint smile on his face. I fell asleep as well and only woke up when there was a knock at our door. Dimitri jumped up in shocked and I rubbed his hands to calm him down. I slowly walked over to the door and unlocked it to see who it was.

"Mother?" I mumbled.

"Hey darling... sorry to wake you. I'm just checking in on Dimitri's progress."

I looked at her wide eyed and realized I didn't let anyone know that he was alright. "Um, yeah... he's alright," I stumbled.

"I'm well, Guardian Hathaway," Dimitri said, coming to the door. "Thank you."

Janine looked back and forth between Dimitri and I and I knew she would be wanting to talk to me later about the situation I was in.

"Great," she said, smiling at Dimitri. "The Queen would like to speak to you both as soon as possible. A car will be here in an hour to pick you both up to take you to the airport. Once at the airport, you will be escorted to a jet which will take you to the Royal Court." Her eyes moved to mine. "I will be leaving shortly to return to my Moroi."

"So soon? But I... I just got to see you again," I said with teary eyes.

"Yes, he is expecting me," she said, giving a small smile in return. "You made me proud Rosemarie. Graduation is only just over a week away. You will become a fine Guardian."

I nodded and without hesitation I pulled her into a hug. It was a second hug in two days and that was a record for us. Janine and I never were close. I always blamed her for not wanting to raise me and be Mother so she could be a Guardian. But I understood her more now and I was just happy that we were about to reconnect. Our relationship needed a lot of rebuilding, but I was willing to make the effort. I wanted a Mother and I knew she wanted her daughter. We pulled away and she gave Dimitri a hand shake before leaving and reminding us to be ready to leave.

There wasn't much for us to pack. Actually we had nothing to pack. We went to the abandoned building ready to fight, so we didn't have clothes or anything. Dimitri and I were just wearing the clothes we came back in. Dimitri and I sat in silence for awhile while he just held me close to him. I expected he was thinking over what Queen Tatiana wanted with us and what it meant for us.

"Dimitri, what do you think she'll do?"

He looked down and said, "I have no idea, Rose. Whatever she decides, I'm not leaving you." His voice was hard and cold and his eyes represented the same.

I smiled and nodded in return, I knew what he was feeling. Never, ever, was I leaving Dimitri! I said a final goodbye to Janine and Tasha gave us her best wishes approaching Tatiana. She said she was heading home, because it was time to sort out what she needed to do about Christian. Dimitri and I told her to contact us straight away if she needed help. The black, tinted windowed car pulled up in front of our hotel room and Dimitri and I gave each other a passionate kiss before we would have to leave. The jet flight to the Royal Court wasn't too long either. Neither of us spoke much, we just felt comfortable in silence. I knew he was thinking about all the possibilities and I was doing the same. We knew the time would come when we would have to come forward about our relationship, but Dimitri only hoped it was after graduation. I was a week away from graduating and Dimitri was worried I wouldn't make it.

The jet landed and a Guardian escorted us up to the apartment we would be staying in for the next few days. It did shock me. Our apartment was the same one, however there were two single beds and the Guardian said where would be staying a few days, which only meant I wasn't planning on going back to graduate. I saw Dimitri tense as he came to the same realization and I only hoped the Guardian didn't see it. He told us that there was freshly stocked food and drinks in the fridge and that our wardrobe was full of clothes for us to wear. I wanted to ask him how they knew our clothes size and how they knew about fashion sense, but instead he escorted us to the Queen.

Queen Tatiana Ivashkov was obviously not alone in her office, because she had her best friend and advisor, Priscilla Voda standing beside her as well as six other Guardians standing along the walls in the room. She stood up straight away when she saw us enter and not one emotion flickered across her face.

"Greetings Guardian Belikov and Miss Hathaway. I'm so glad you could make it with such short notice. Please forgive me, but I would prefer this situation was addressed eariler then later."

"It's an honour your highness," Dimitri said as he bowed.

She motioned for us to sit in the very expensive chair in front of us. "Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. There is no need to be anxious." She sat down herself, and I noticed she was rather relaxed. "I want to hear about the battle."

I looked at Dimitri and he gestured for me to go first.

"Where would you like as to start, your Majesty?" I asked softly. "When Victor Dashkov broke free? When he tried to kill me through using a charm or the final battle?"

Tatiana looked shaken and she looked at Priscilla Voda. They both couldn't believe what I was saying and the truth was, I didn't really say anything. What I was going to say would blow their minds away. I knew it would be hard to explain what happened and try to cover up what Victor knew about Dimitri and I, but I knew Dimitri had my back and he always gave me his strength. Queen Tatiana suggested I start from the beginning and I did. I told her every little detail excluding the bits about Dimitri and I figuring out that Victor was involved with the Strigoi attacks. Dimitri involved himself every now and then in the story when I was unaware of what had happened when I wasn't present. However, he pretty much let me talk and I was curious. Never would Dimitri let me speak about something so important. He would usually stop me before I would say anything to get myself into trouble. Where as, this time, I didn't get myself in trouble. Tatiana did seem a little harsh when she was asking questions, but I kept my cool and explained it all to her with going off the rails. Maybe this is what Dimitri wanted to see? To see that I had grown up and taken on a responsibility. I did see him out of the corner of my eyes, smiling a couple of times when I was explaining. Maybe he was proud?

After explaining the story to Queen Tatiana she seemed impressed with my behaviour and attitude, as did Priscilla. Priscilla told me that I would get my marks when I graduate, (yes – she said graduate) and Dimitri would receive his later on today. She didn't mention anything about the relationship we had going, and I was so glad we still had it as a secret. We stood up to say our goodbyes and before we could leave she gave me a smile. Yes, a real smile. Unbelievable, right?

"Rose? May I call you Rose?" She asked.

I looked at Dimitri in shock and turned back to her and said, "Of course you may."

She nodded and said, "You will be acknowledged for your involvement in Victor's case." I smiled and nodded before she continued. "There is something I think you will want to know." I gulped waiting for her to speak. "I understand that you are still being affected by the current events which have happened in a very short time, so I suggest you visit the hospital clinic here."

"Um, okay sure. I guess I could do with a check up."

"Very well. I'm sorry about your losses. A ritual ceremony for those who were lost will be held within a few weeks. You are invited to attend. Hope to see you in the future, Rose, Guardian Belikov."

Dimitri and I left but didn't speak to one another until we arrived back at our apartment. We both knew that what just happened when we spoke to Queen Tatiana was weird and not normal. We also knew that to speak to each other, we had to be alone. We couldn't risk the chance of us being caught. Not even the slightest. Dimitri unlocked the door and once we were inside, he slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him.

"You're an exceptional woman, Roza," he purred, his Russian accent rolling through his words.

"I don't know about that," I said, frowning. "What was that all about?"

He chuckled. "What was what all about? You just proved to her that you would be a damn good Guardian. I knew you could do it."

"But why... why did she give me a chance? I thought she was going to tell to me how reckless I was and get up me for hanging out with Adrian... blah... blah. But she... she listened and she smiled and she... she... she asked if she could call me Rose. She invited us to the ceremony – a members ceremony. That's – oh no! Is she sick? I bet she's sick. Shit, Dimitri what are we-"

He stopped my blubbering by holding his finger up against my lips.

"Queen Tatiana is not sick," he said with a smile. "Whether you will believe this or not, she gave you a chance because you acted like you deserved a chance. You have learned Rose. You have grown. You walked it professionally and spoke politely. You didn't interrupt when she spoke and you didn't give her an attitude when you were explaining. You showed her your potential."

"Whoa, I really did do those things, didn't I?" I looked at him shocked. "I learned all those things from you though."

He laughed. "Yes, yes you did."

I glared at him and playfully slapped him on his chest. He pulled his head down and kissed me while pushing me to his bed. We had a make out session for I don't know... an hour? And must I say, a best hour I have had in ages!

"Dimitri, what do you think Tatiana meant when she said I should go to the hospital here?"

He looked down at me and caressed my cheek. "Is it bothering you that much?"

"It was just weird, that's all. She was pretty much ordering for me to go. It should have been you she insisted on getting a check up. You're in worst physical state than I am. It's strange and weird. I mentioned weird, right?"

"Why don't we go then? I'll come with you. You could be suffering internally. We can both get checked over."

Dimitri and I made it to the hospital and the nurse made time to check us over, assuring us that we were fine, and we did the right thing by coming by. As we were about to leave, the nurse asked us if we minded waiting in Room 44 for her to come back with some pain relief for Dimitri. We obliged and started walking to the room. I noticed the door was closed, so I knocked to alert our presence. I heard mumbling and then the door opened.

"Oh my God! Lissa, what are you – why are you here?" I asked, surprised.

It wasn't long before she crushed me into a hug. She pulled back and said, "Why don't you come in and see?"

Dimitri held the door open for Lissa and I to walk into the room. I came to a halt. No way! No, no, no. It couldn't be, could it?

"Christian," I said crying. "It's really you? What are you doing here? I..."

"Did I make the famous Rose Hathaway speechless?" he said, smirking.

I stood there with my mouth open just staring at him. He was alive. How the fucking hell was he here in front of me when he died? I couldn't believe it. I slapped myself mentally and ran over to Christian and pulled him into a hug.

"It's really you! You're here."

I felt his chest shake with laughter. "It's really me. I didn't realize you would miss me this much, but if there's any doubt, I missed you too."

I closed my eyes and sighed. He was back. Christian Ozera was back. Who knew? He really could do anything. And then I remembered...

I moved back and punched his arm before slapping him across the face. He looked at me in shock and I heard Lissa gasp beside me.

"How dare you! I thought you were gone. You tore me apart. I thought I was too late to save you!" I yelled.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

I sighed and stopped being angry with him. How could I be angry with him when he was here? Alive and well. Well, healthy enough.

"What happened? How are you here?" I said confused.

Christian sat up and told Dimitri and I to take the spare seats by his bed. Lissa sat on the hospital bed with Christian.

"This is what I know..." he began. "I remember speaking to you and then falling asleep. Next thing I know, the nurses and Dr Olendzki are all round me with noisy machines. I couldn't focus real well and Dr Olendzki told me to rest. Then, I wake up here! At the Royal Court. They transferred me when I was out of it."

"The Royal Court has the finest doctors. I'm not too surprised," said Dimitri.

Christian smiled at Dimitri and then told the rest of the story. "So this is what happened... I died... that's what you saw," he said, looking sad. "Dr Olendzki brought me back and stabilized me. That's how they were able to fly me here. Headmistress Kirova notified the Queen of the situation back at St. Vlad's and one of the doctor's here did some research. They found information on something similar happening over 2000 years ago. So they did what they had to do... and ta-da... I'm here."

"It's good to see you back," Dimitri said.

"It's good to be back," Christian beamed back.

"I'm still lost... How did Dr Olendzki stabilize you, you said she did everything else that she could..."

Christian turned back to me and gave a small smile. "Adrian. He dream-walked and stayed with me." He took a few moments to think back on memories and said, "He kept begging me to get better. He didn't know I died either and well, neither did I. So he didn't think much about freaking out. He said that he knew I wasn't well by my aura. He also knew I still loved Lissa. He kept me going..."

I nodded. It was so much for me to process. "But Eddie... he's... gone?" I whispered.

Christian and Lissa smiled at each other and Lissa said, "That's something you can see for yourself as well."

My eyebrows rose up and I couldn't help but laugh in joy. "Eddie's alive as well?"

"He most certainly is." Lissa smiled. "Why don't you go see him?"

"Yeah, I think we will," I said, looking at Dimitri. "But first... how come the effects of the charm worked differently on you then it did on Eddie? The nurses told you it was the bracelet, didn't they? That Victor charmed it? He wanted me out of the way..."

Lissa's face fell. "They told us this morning. I can't believe he would go that low. And to think, I used to call him family."

"He had us all fooled for a long time, Princess," Dimitri complied.

Christian rubbed Lissa's arm in comfort and then answered me. "I can't believe it, Rose The Strigoi Slayer still has the interrogation mannerism. And I thought coming back to this world would give me some hope."

"Very funny, Fire-boy. Glad to see your still yourself. But Rose The Strigoi Slayer, really? I thought you could do better than that."

"It has a nice ring to it," I heard Dimitri mutter under his breath.

"I probably could think I something more intelligent, but please, give me some credit, I'm still recovering," he teased back. "As for your question earlier, well, it's easy to work out."

"How so?"

"Because Christian's Moroi and Eddie's Dhampir," Dimitri explained. I looked at him to say yeah-explain-further-please and he did. "The charm was created to kill. It was draining his energy. Christian gets most of his energy from drinking blood. So while he kept going to drink more..."

"It was slowing the process down," I finished. "But because Eddie was Dhampir, he didn't have the strength of blood to keep him going. He had food and water, but blood is a lot stronger and Dhampirs don't drink. It effected him quicker because he wasn't eating the donours."

"Yep, see while you were trying to make me stop, Rose. You were actually killing me."

"You better take that back," I said, narrowing my eyes.

Lissa spoke protectively over him. "He will take it back, don't worry too much."

"Ah, no I won't. I'm going to hold it over you for as long as I can," he said with a sly smirk.

"And too think I actually cared that you were gone," I shot back. "Hey, Lissa, how were you healing the returnees if you were here?"

"Just got here this morning. Not many were there at the academy to help," she said sadly. "I'm just glad you and Dimitri made it out."

"We were lucky. Tasha saved us."

"Christian, where is Tasha?" Dimitri asked with furrowed brows.

"I spoke to her this morning as well. She was on her way back home. She thought she was delusional hearing my voice."

"She was shattered. She thought she had lost everything when she saw you die. She thought the battle was closure."

Christian nodded, "Yeah, she is on her way here now. Shouldn't be too far off, actually."

"Alright, well, it's good to have you back Fire-boy. I'm going to see Eddie."

"Same too you, Strigoi Slayer!"

Dimitri and I said our goodbyes and started walking to where Eddie was being held. Dimitri didn't say anything, but I knew he was thinking about Carly and how I chose him over her. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it quickly and let it go, before anyone would notice. I took several breaths before I walked into his room. Dimitri mentioned that he should stay outside in the hallway. I tried to protest but he said he wasn't as close to Eddie as he was to Christian. He also mentioned that it would be easier on Eddie to not have an audience when he finds out the news about Carly.

"Rose?" Eddie yelled happily. "Come here..."

I walked over to him and he pulled me into a big hug. It felt so good to see him.

"Eddie, I'm so glad you're alright. I thought I was going to lose you as well. You wouldn't wake up from your sleep. I guess they transferred you here as well?"

"I thought I was a goner to," he said smirking. "Yeah, I woke up here and they explained everything. A miracle, I say. Where's my beautiful girlfriend? She came here with you, didn't she?"

Eddie looked so happy. The love in his eyes for Carly made my eyes water and I started biting my lip to try and stop the tears from falling. I couldn't talk. My throat started to dry up and I felt a hard lump get stuck in my throat. He started at me and he noticed that I was going to cry. His face turned into a worried frown.

"Rose? Where is she? What's wrong?"

"Eddie... I..." I mumbled.

"Speak to me. Take your time... Is it Carly?"

I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. I needed to be strong for him; he needed to know the truth.

"There's something I need to talk to you about and it's not something you are going to want to hear."

He closed his eyes and nodded.

"Carly came with us on the mission. She was amazing. She was brave and focused. She even helped us killed a lot of the Strigoi." I swallowed and I felt a tear leak from my eye. "I'm so sorry, Eddie. She... she didn't make it out alive."

Eddie didn't move, he just stared at me. He didn't cry, he didn't shake, he didn't do anything.

"Victor was leading the gang. He caught me, Carly and a few others. He planned to kill us all. He planned it from the beginning."

Eddie voice was strong and loud. "What happened to Carly?"

I wiped away my tears and said, "Victor snapped her neck." I saw Eddie flinch, but his posture was still the same. "I had a chance to save her. But I didn't..." He glared at me and I read the anger in his eyes. "They caught Dimitri too, they cut him along his chest with a stake and bit him on his arm. I had a choice... to either stand by Dimitri or... or go and try to defend Carly. I chose Dimitri, Eddie. I'm so sorry!"

"Get out," he said, his voice hard and cold.

"Eddie, please, I'm truly sorry."

"I said, get out!" he yelled.

I shook my head and without thinking I blurted out, "I stood by Dimitri, because I couldn't watch someone I love die. I love Dimitri, Eddie. I couldn't let them take him away from me." Eddie looked taken back from what I admitted to him, but I saw his eyes soften. "I wanted to save her, but I couldn't leave him. Please try and understand."

He struggled to talk. "Does he... love you?"

I nodded my head and tried to smile. "Yes. He loves me back."

He shook his head trying to put his mind around it. "How long has this been going on?"

"A while," I whispered. "You can't tell anyone! Not until I graduate!"

"And this is why you didn't save..." he trailed off because he couldn't say her name.

"She loved you. She still loves you. I always saw it when she was with you."

Eddie turned to look away from me and said, "I think it's best if you leave."

I nodded even though he couldn't see me and moped to the hallway. Dimitri was there waiting for me and he came straight to me. He took one look at my face and embraced me in his arms. I started to cry and he murmured sweet things in my ear. We arrived back at the apartment and Dimitri suggested that I take a nice warm bath, which I did. Dimitri didn't come in and join me, instead he left me alone to think. Dimitri informed me that he spoke to Guardian Shanks and was told to pass on the message that the gold bracelet was now disposed of. They ended up smashing it with a brick. I was thankful I didn't have to see it again, because it had brought me nothing but death and torture. I came out of the bathroom and Dimitri had pushed both beds together in the middle of the room and was laying on my side of the bed, reading a western novel (somethings never change). We also found out it was Lissa who brought the clothes for us. That explained the clothes size and fashion. How did she know Dimitri's size... I don't think I want to know. He set his western book down and opened his arms for me. We didn't speak; we didn't need to. Dimitri started humming a song to me in Russian and I started falling asleep in his arms.

My black vision started to blur into different colours and then settled for a beautiful green garden. I was swinging on a wooden swing in the middle of a small play area.

"It's good to see you alive, Little Dhampir," Adrian said, stepping out from behind a tree.

"Adrian," I yelled and jumped off the swing into his waiting arms.

"Is this a one off or can I have you greet me like this everyday?"

I playfully punched him and said, "How come you aren't at the Royal Court?"

"I am, Little Dhampir. I'm just leaving you and Dimitri alone. I've already seen Christian and Eddie." he smiled. "So I heard from the grapevine that Victor is gone for good."

I nodded. "He is gone. There is no coming back now. Well, he might be able to haunt me," I shuddered at the thought.

Adrian gave a throaty laugh and said, "I'm sure Guardian Hathaway can protect herself."

"Guardian Hathaway? I haven't graduated yet, Adrian. You're a little early on the mark."

"I know," he winked.

I suddenly looked at him curiously. "So what are you going to do with yourself once we have all graduated? Lissa and I will most likely be coming here, and Christian will tag along... but..."

"Don't worry about me, Rose," Adrian said rubbing my cheek. "I'm thinking about going back to university and finishing my degree. I only have a year left to complete, so I much rather get it done and out of the way."

"Really? Adrian, wants to go back to school and study? What happened to the old Adrian?"

He laughed. "He's still here, but I've learnt a lot these past months I've been here with you and Lissa."

"So you're leaving?" I said with sadness in my voice.

He lifted my chin up in his hand and said, "Yes. University is only a couple of hours away from here, so I will be about to visit you. I'll be staying with my little sister, you remember, Tessa." He smirked. "But I'll also like to go visit my brother Jason. You remember the one I was telling you about who is in a relationship with the human, Kate?" I nodded and he continued, "He contacted me and we planned to meet up. I'll be taking Tessa with me, whether dad likes it or not."

"Sounds like you have thought about this for a long time."

"Yes and no, Little Dhampir, yes and no."

"When do you leave?"

"After I see you and Lissa graduate, of course." He grabbed my hand and walked me over to a garden seat.

I gulped and thought about losing Adrian. I knew my heart belonged to Dimitri, but I still cared about Adrian deeply. I didn't want him to go. I knew it was selfish, but in reality he was also a reason why I wanted to get up in the morning.

"So, ah, what about us?" I whispered.

He squeezed my hand and said, "You'll always be in my heart, Rose. I know you care about me, I've always known that. I can read your aura, remember."

"Adrian, I... I'm sorry. I know I said I'd give you a chance and I tried, I really did, but..."

"... but you're in love with Dimitri," he finished for me.

I nodded. "I always have been. I was a fool for giving you hope. I wish I never did, so maybe you wouldn't be leaving me, but I-"

Adrian cut me off. "Little Dhampir, I'm not leaving because you hurt me. Okay, maybe I'm a little hurt, but I knew I would be. I saw the way Dimitri looked at you and the way he treated you. I also saw your side as well. I knew in the end I wouldn't win, but there wasn't any harm in trying. I'm leaving because I need to reconnect with my family. That's something you have shown me that I need to do. I'm not leaving because of you."

Tears fell down my cheek. "I don't want you to go. I'm going to miss you."

Adrian pulled me into a hug and said, "I'll miss you too, Little Dhampir."

"You'll come visit us?"

"Absolutely and maybe you could meet my little sister."

"That would be great."

Adrian pulled away and stood up. "I can feel you starting to wake up Rose. I'll see you soon."

I nodded and stood up as well. "Adrian, thank you. You saved Christian. If you weren't in his subconscious..."

"No worries, he and I may not be the best of friends, but he is family to you and Lissa."

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him and mumbled, "We will always be friends, right? You won't get sick of me?"

He chuckled. "I could never get sick of you, Rose."

I felt his arms wrap around my body and I waited for the moment where I would wake up in Dimitri's arms.

"Roza," he whispered. "Roza, are you alright?"

I opened my eyes slowly and mumbled, "I'm good, Comrade. Just had a dream with Adrian."

Dimitri's voice was hard. "Adrian?"

I realised what I said and jerked up in bed to look at him fully. "He dream-walked into my dream. He was pretty much saying goodbye."

"Where's he going?"

"His going to go back to university." I kissed Dimitri on the lips. "Dimitri, I love you."

"I love you too, Roza," he said, smirking. "If I remember correctly, you said that if I asked you to marry me, you would say yes in a... what?"

I giggled, "I said, I would marry you in a heartbeat."

He placed his hands on my hips and rolled us over so I was on my back and he was hovering above me. "I might just hold you to that promise."

I trailed kisses from his jaw line down his neck, "I hope you do." Dimitri groaned when I nipped his neck and trailed his hands up my shirt. "I couldn't have a much better life at this point in time."

"Mm," he murmured against the soft, tender skin above my breasts.

"Yeah. I have a best friend named Vasilisa Dragomir, who is healthy and well and preparing to become Queen. A close mate, Christian Ozera, who had a miracle and came back from his illness, who will someday marry Lissa and become King. Isn't that a scary thought? I have my extended family, Adrian and Eddie who are well and would do anything for me. To top it off, I've just had a break-through with my Mother and it looks like we will be rebuilding our relationship."

Dimitri's lips left my skin and looked up at me. "Aren't you forgetting someone?"

I squinted my face and tried to pretend to think about his question. "Oh yeah. I forgot about you," I said, poking his nose.

He gave me a full mouth smile and started tickling my body. "That wasn't very nice, Roza."

"Wasn't it, Comrade?"

"No," he growled, tickling me further up my body.

"Okay, okay," I said getting my breathing back to normal. "And I have the most perfect, handsome, wonderful, caring, loving and sexy boyfriend anyone could ever have."

"That's better!" he said before moving his lips in sync with mine. "I love you, Roza."

"I love you too, Dimitri Belikov."


	31. EP1: New Turning Point

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated T_****  
**

**Beta:  
****Twilighternproud; you have been my Beta through both of my stories - it means so much to me. **

**Authors Notes:  
Here is the Epilogue: Part One.  
Epilogue: Part Two, should be up within the week!  
Just another reminder: If you haven't added me on Author Alert or Favourite Author, you should do it at the end of this chapter.  
I will hopefully be writing another story. So if you have added me on those links/alerts, you will be notified straight away.**

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**EPILOGUE: PART ONE**

_New Turning Point_

Here's the day I've been waiting for. The day I knew my life would change. Graduation. I never knew if: it would be for the best or for the worst. Each choice had several pros and cons. However, now, I know graduation will be the best thing I have waited for. It's a turning point. A new beginning. A beginning I was going to be sharing with my true love. Dimitri Belikov.

I turned around in the shower and washed the conditioner out of my hair. I wished Dimitri was here with me, it would have made the task so much more thrilling, but he insisted that since we came back from the Royal Court, that we don't get to involved with one another. Something about him wanting this day to be special. I scoffed at him at the time, but now I see what he means. We hardly even bumped into each other the last few days at the academy, and the more I was without him – the more I wanted him. Dimitri and I got very close at the Royal Court, but we never did make it to home base. However, that wasn't too say that we didn't have fun, because we did! But I think he didn't want to have sex because he thought it would be for the wrong reasons. You know what Dimitri is like... "Rose we just came out of a life and death situation, this isn't the time." Or "We are at the Royal Court anyone could see or hear us at any time, we are not in the right place." Blah... blah... I knew he was just holding off, but he wouldn't be_ my_ Dimitri if he didn't stick by his morals.

I turned off the shower and grabbed my towel to wrap around my body. I took several minutes this morning deciding what I should wear to graduation. I was tossing between: formal, semi-formal or casual. I decided to go with semi-formal; you can't really go wrong with that. I dried off my body and slip on a dressing grown. I knew I had to do my makeup first, and I didn't want to put my clothes on and find out afterwards that I had makeup stains on them. I brushed on a light coat on foundation and started to apply my eye shadow. Lissa would love to be here right now, but I told her not to worry. She had to prepare herself for graduation. She wanted to get ready together - like old times - but Christian insisted on him being with her. Yeah, I didn't need him to explain to me what he wanted in detail. I'll get back to Christian and Lissa later.

After applying my smoky dark orange/light red eye shadow, I started highlighter my eyes with some liquid eye liner. The guardians at the academy had spent the last day or so, preparing everything that is needed, ready for today. Not that much was needed to be done. All I was expecting was: seating arrangement, diplomas, and food and drinks for after the ceremony. It wasn't that hard to prepare for, was it? Like my mum had said, she arrived late last night to see me today. I was more than happy; I was ecstatic. She said she had someone for me to meet today, and I couldn't help wonder who it would be. She seemed happy about the idea, but at the same time, anxious and I don't know... restless? I shrugged it off and thought that I was just seeing things. Janine never got nervous about anything...

After checking the mirror several times to make sure my eye makeup was as even as it could possibly be, I dabbed on some light pink lip gloss. It was actually the lip-gloss Dimitri brought me the day Victor came down to the shops with us. I smiled at the thought of Dimitri on my body, but he already had some part of him on my body, because I never took off his promise ring. Actually, since the attack at the abandons buildings – Dimitri never took his off either. Not much later, I shivered. Just remembering Victor being all loving and caring towards Lissa, made me sick. At least he wasn't a threat to us now, will not in a physical sense anyway, in a mental sense – yes. Victor had visited me on my jet flight back to the academy three days ago. I tried pushing the ghosts out of my vision and ordering them to go, which most of them obliged. However, Victor Dashkov didn't. You think he would be sent to hell, wouldn't you? If not hell, something equivalent to it, but no... he got a free pass to haunt me and piss me off.

I dropped my dressing grown down on the floor and pulled on my favourite pair of matching underwear and bra. It was bright red, with black lacy thrills around the edge. It wasn't something you could wear all day and be comfortable, but I wasn't worried about that, because I wasn't planning on being in them for long. I then pull up my tight black skinny jeans, which show my curvy legs and butt perfectly. I then carefully put on a red silky top over my head. It was beautiful. It had tiny straps holding the top in place and hugged tightly to my body. It was also low cut and showed some more skin than I thought was passable in academy grounds, but I shrugged it off. Who cares if it wasn't school appropriate, this was graduation, not a school meeting. For all I knew, Stan might even get a thrill out of seeing what I had to offer. I giggled at the thought!

I blow dried my hair and put in some curlers. I had about 20 minutes to wait before I could let my hair go free, so I took the time to have a sneak peek at Lissa. I knew from the bond that her and Christian weren't doing anything they wouldn't want me to see, so I took the chance and dove into her body. She looked beautiful. I could only see her from her eyes of course, but what I could see looks elegant and stunning. She was wearing a light blue dress, which clung to her chest and flowed free from his waist down. She also had diamonds scattered around her dress. She just finished up her hair, when I saw Christian walk into her bathroom. Oh my, did he look amazing. He actually put some effort into his outfit, well, maybe he didn't have a choice with Lissa being around, but he looked all grown up. He wore dark blue pants, a white button up shirt, with a matching light blue tie, to coordinate with Lissa dress.

I came back into my body and started pulling out the rollers in my hair. I sprayed a light layer of hair spray, to hold my curls in place, and swirled around in front of my mirror. I looked over at the time and swore. It was only me who could always manage to turn up late. I had 10 minutes to make it to the gymnasium where they were holding the ceremony. I could feel through the bond that Lissa was on her way to come get me. I quickly ran into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I also put on some hoop earrings and a long gold chain necklace. I heard Lissa call me through the door and put on some black pumps. I took one more look in the mirror,and satisfied with what I looked like, I opened the door to 3 gorgeous looking friends.

Lissa was all smiles, Christian looked unimpressed - with how he had to look - but couldn't help smirk at what I wore, and Eddie looked handsome. Eddie wore a black suit and a red tie. He said he would love to be my date to walk me into the graduating ceremony. I happily agreed to him; it was the least I could do to make up for what I did to him, but that's something I can talk about another time. Eddie bowed to me and held out his hand for me to take. He was such a gentleman. I was going to miss him. I knew the 4 of us would always remain friends, but reality was that Eddie may have to guard a Moroi hours away from us or even countries away. The 4 of us walked to the gymnasium and I couldn't help the feeling I was feeling. I was happy, anxious, cheerful and perky. I could feel Lissa having the same emotions as I, and I couldn't help but bring her into a tight hug before we entered the gymnasium.

We walked in and I was shocked, the gymnasium had been transformed. The room was brilliant. There were chairs lined up in rows across the wooden floorings; where the Moroi, Novices and Parents would sit to watch the ceremony. The chairs were covered by silver silk cotton and tired into a bow at the back. The rows of chairs were divided through the middle, by a strip of red carpet. The red carpet lead from the back of the gymnasium to the top of the stairs reaching the stage. The stage held in the centre: a microphone stand, and two chairs; where Headmistress Kirova and head of the school guardians, Alberta were to sit while the Novice and Moroi, would make their speech. And to the right of the stage was where a table was holding the tattoo equipment, as Novices would get marked in front of the academy. I looked up to the ceiling and there were chandlers hanging from the roof, and just a light layer of streamers hanging down. I noticed at the back of the room were signs indicating where the food and drinks were going to be held.

Eddie gave my hand a squeeze and I gave him a hug, before we were rushed over to where Alberta was standing. The four of us walked through a rather large crowd before entering the section at the back on the gymnasium where the food and drinks were being held. The door was closed so the outsiders couldn't hear the commotion. Alberta clapped her hands to get all of our attention.

"Welcome, follow academy students. The day has come where you will be given your diplomas, and will be notified who you will be partnered with," Alberta smiled. "Before the ceremony begins, I'll just like to say you have been an amazing bunch to have taught." We all laughed. "Okay, I think I don't need to go all mushy on you guys, but I look forward in seeing how you have shaped your future. I'm sure many of you – Moroi - will follow your dreams, and you - Guardians - will keep them safe and do your duty extremely well."

She took a breath and said, "Alright, let's get started. I would like the Moroi to line up first, from alphabetical order please. Once you are called up, you walk to red carpet, where Headmistress Kirova will hand you your diplomas. You then make a speech, and are welcome to walk down the side steps and sit with your relatives for the rest of the ceremony. As for the Novices, I would like you to line up alphabetically too, please. The same drill goes for you however, if it is announced that you are guarding a Moroi from this academy, your Moroi will come onto the stage with you for your speech. Once your speech has been said, your Moroi will exit and you will go straight to Guardian Johnson for your official guardian promise mark," she smiled.

All of us lined up how she told us too, and she spoke one last thing, before she went to go on stage. "I'll just like to mention, not everyone here today will be meeting their Guardian or Moroi. Some of you have been pair up with others from around the world, so please don't feel like you haven't done well, because you have!"

Alberta walked out through the door and I couldn't help but feel nervous. What happens if I don't get to be Lissa guardian? The thought just kept playing around and around in my head. I saw Lissa turn around to look for me and I stepped out of the line so she could find me. She gave me a big reassuring smile and sent me a message through the bond.

"_You'll do great, Rose. There is no doubt that we will be together, but if we aren't, we will find a way to stay together."_

I gave her big smile and walked back into line. We all started to hear Headmistress start speaking to the audience. We all quieten and waited for the names to be announced. It wasn't long before our first Moroi, Luke Addison, was called up to the stage. We heard cheers and claps and we all turned around to look at one another. We all realised this was it. This was the last time we would all see each other again... together. Luke gave his speech, and then next up was Lady Camille Conta. It was obvious that she got more cheers then Luke, but that was because she was a Royal. It wasn't long before we heard Headmistress Kirova call, "Princess Vasilisa Dragomir."

Lissa graciously walked through the door and along the red carpet, many Royal families and other respectable families were giving her their respects as she walked up the stairs. She hugged and air kissed Kirova while taking her diploma, before walking up to the microphone.

"Good morning everyone, I can cheerfully say I am proud to be able to hold this diploma in my hands and know I will be able to go out and experience the world. My mother and father would want me to be free and see what all the opportunities out their hold for me. As for my brother, well, he would want me to have some fun, and you all know what that involves." Everyone in the crowded laughed at the memories Lissa was bringing up. She cleared her throat and said, "I can clearly say my parents would be proud with the choice I have made after leaving the academy. After several discussions with Queen Tatiana, and my choices to remain holding on to the Dragomir name, I have come to a clear and verified life choice."

Everyone in the crowd had their eyes glued to Lissa. She didn't even need to use compulsion it was always in her to get people to notice and listen to her. Everyone wanted to hear what the last Dragomir was going to do with her life, and they were clearly waiting for the announcement. "I will be taken under Queen Tatiana wing, and she will teach me everything there is to know about the Moroi world. I will also be attending Lehigh University. Thank you." The crowd cheered for her and she waved at them while walking down the stairs.

I was unable to see where she went to sit in the crowd, but I knew she would be fine. There was no doubt about it, one day; Vasilisa Dragomir would make an exceptional Queen of the Moroi world. It wasn't long before I saw Bruno Lombardi walk up onto the stage and then Christian Ozera got called up. It was awful to hear not many people made the effort to cheer for him, but that wasn't to say there wasn't any, because there was. I wasn't sure if the Ozera's had the right to be guarded yet, but I knew it didn't bother Christian. He took the diploma and surprising he walked up to the microphone.

"I didn't write or plan a speech, simply because I wasn't going to be saying one. I knew it wasn't going to be respected, but for once, I think it should. The Ozera's use to be one of the powerful families - and because of one mistake - you have all excluded and shamed the family. My family." Christian looked up and caught my eye. He was listening to me; he was sticking up for himself. "Because of the stereotype – what I have left of my family isn't much. Aunt Tasha came here for me today, because she has a heart. She took me under her wing, when none of you supported me – us. And for that I am grateful. I'm not ashamed to be who I am, and I'm defiantly not ashamed to be an Ozera!" He looked around and must have stopped on Tasha because he held up his diploma and yelled, "I love you, thank you!"

Surprisingly he had more cheers going for him then he did while he walked the red carpet, and I was proud of him. The rest of the Moroi went through; Jesse Zeklos and Ralf Sacrozy were there usually stuck up selves, but no matter what they got given cheers. Headmistress Kirova said a speech and then passed the ceremony over to Alberta, which would congratulate us - Novices. By this stage I was being restless, and just wanted it to be over with. And it all started when Alberta called out the first Novices name, Ryan Ayleworth was call out. I saw Eddie flinch ahead of me, because it would have been Mason Ashford first. Nevertheless, Ryan walked up to the stage and got given his diploma. Alberta announced that Camille Conta would be his Moroi, and Ryan's smile couldn't have gotten any bigger. Camille, being the royal she was, and in up and coming family to take over the position of Queen; was going to have to have another guardian to assist Ryan. However that was to be determined at another stage, because he was not there to assist today – meaning he would be from a different academy.

Camille walked down the stairs after kissing Ryan on the cheek and went to sit with her family, who was more than happy with the choice. Ryan then walked over to Guardian Johnson to receive his official guardian promise mark. More Novices made it up on stage, and then it was Eddie's time to shine. He turned around and winked at me before walking the red carpet, which he received a rather loud bunch of claps and shook Alberta's hand. Alberta walked up to the microphone and announced who Eddie would be guarding, and I froze. It's not who I wanted it to be. No, that was an understatement. I expected it to be someone else, not... not Vasilisa Dragomir. My eyes met Eddie's and he was as shocked as I was. I could see the relief that he received someone worth looking after for, but I could tell that he felt bad for me. Since everyone knew – or assume – Lissa and I wanted to be together. We were always together. We had a bond... I thought that would help make the decision easier, but obviously they thought Eddie would do a better job at protecting her.

Through the bond I felt Lissa's shock and confusion. I shook her out of my head and tried my best to smile at Eddie. He didn't believe me, I could tell by the look on his face. If it wasn't me that was going to be guarding her, then I'm sure as hell happy that it would at least be Eddie, and maybe Dimitri won't need to change Moroi after all. I made sure my face showed that I was pleased, and gave Eddie a big smile and a thumb up. He smiled back and kissed Lissa's cheek, when she walked up to stand beside him. Eddie said his speech and walked over to get his mark. The rest of the Novices went through and I was in a daze. I didn't have a clue who I would be guarding, or if I was going to be one of the ones who wasn't guarding anyone from this academy. I was starting to feel queasy, but Meredith Scardow got my attention. I looked up at her and she pointed to the stage; it was then that I noticed my name had been called.

"Rosemarie Hathaway," Alberta said with clear provocation in her voice.

I gulped and gave a weak smile to Meredith, before I set through the door and walked the red carpet. I lifted my head high, and square my shoulders. There was no way I was going to let this ruin my graduation day. Surprisingly I had cheers and claps from the audience, and people congratulating me on the walk. My Mother's voice caught my attention and I looked to my left to see her wearing a long, loose black dress and noticed she tried with some effort to style her short hair. I also noticed there was a man standing beside her rather closely and knew it was the guest she invited. He had black hair and a goatee, but he had a tan – which was strange for Moroi. He was wearing a rather dark blue suit, which screamed money, and a black cashmere scarf. He also wore alot of gold: a gold watch and a hoop earring in his one ear. This Moroi defiantly had a lot of cash and looked dangerous. Four Guardians were standing close by, and if I had to guess, I would say they were protecting him. Who was this guy? And what Moroi Royal Family does he come from? Maybe he will be who I'm guarding? I shuttered at the thought, this man, screamed dangerous... What was I getting myself into?

I gave my Mother a smile and gave a sharp nod to the clearly expensive driven Moroi. He gave me a nod in return with a small smile on his lips. I walked further up the red carpet and a pair of hands wrapped around my neck. I knew who it was at once. Lissa. I pulled back and gave her a smile, while looking up to find Tasha and Christian standing beside her. Christian gave me a punch on the arm, with a hint of flame – that's his way I saying good luck and Tasha gave me her best wishes. I walked up a little further to see Eddie on the side line, with his neck freshly patched up, with cotton to cover his new tattoo. He gave me a big smirk and a pat on the back, before Adrian wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. I looked into his eyes, and they showed he was so proud of me. I knew I hurt Adrian's feelings choosing Dimitri over him, but he was a gentleman enough to let it slide. He was here to congratulate me and I was grateful. I gave him a kiss on the cheek back and continued to walk the little red carpet left, before walking up to the stage.

Towards the end of the red carpet, I could sense Dimitri close by. I turned to the right to look straight into his big round chocolate eyes. I couldn't help but smile big at him, which he returned. I noticed a group - mostly of girls - surrounded him and they looked pleased to see me. I was surprised when a teenager who looked about the same age as me, pulled me into a hug and whispered, "I'm so happy to finally meet you." She had brown hair, which was streaked with gold and had dark eyes, which reminded me so much of Dimitri's. It was then that I realised it was his youngest sister, Viktoria. I smiled back at her and looked around at his family. They all looked so happy and pleased. I was shocked that they were here. It's not that I was unappreciative, because I wasn't, but for them to come all the way from Russia, to come to my graduation, must have been because something was important. Maybe Dimitri wanted me to meet them? Maybe it was his last chance to see them for a while, because he is going to be guarding someone else?

Dimitri lightly touched my hand, and I looked up at him surprised. He had a rather large smirk on his face, which I would have loved to kiss off his face, but now wasn't the appropriate time. I knew he wanted to do more too, because I knew I just wanted to run into his arms and kiss him for hours... maybe even do more. He gave me one more nod of his head and I turned to make my way up the red carpet stairs. I walked up to Alberta and shook her hand before grabbing my diploma. I couldn't help the urge which built up inside me and before I knew what I was doing; I held Alberta in a tight embrace. She seemed to not have minded, because she hugged me back and whispered her praises to me. I slowly stepped back and watched her walk up to the microphone, where she would announce my fate: who I would be guarding, where I would be going... my future. It was now all in her hands. I was nervous. I knew Lissa's guard was Eddie, I accepted it, but it didn't relax me one bit. I took in a deep breath when Alberta spoke...

"Guardian Hathaway will be paired with Guardian Castile. The two of them will protect and defend with their lives, Princess Vasilisa Dragomir."

It was right at that moment, that I could have fainted. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I made myself believe that I wouldn't be with Lissa, and here I was with Eddie as well. I couldn't be more relieved! Lissa and Eddie walked up the stairs and Lissa pulled me into a tight embrace. I pulled out of her hold softly and wiped away the tears of joy that escaped her eyes. I then turned to Eddie; wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. He obliged and hugged me back, more ecstatic then I would have considered.

"I'm so glad you are going to be my partner, Rose," he said.

"As I am of you, Eddie. I thought I wasn't going to be given the chance to guard her, but when they mentioned you – I knew she would be safe."

He nodded, "what about Belikov? I thought he was her sanctioned Guardian?"

I looked him in the eyes and said, "he was, but he made a decision to move forward."

"Are you going to be alright?" he whispered, making sure no one heard us.

Eddie knew about Dimitri and I, so I knew I could be honest with him.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's going to be different. I'm use to guarding Lissa with him by my side, but I appreciate his choice, and I seriously, couldn't think of anyone else apart from you to guard Lissa."

"Thank-you!"

And it was the honest truth. I knew Eddie had improved his game when Mason had passed away. He made sure he picked up his game and he was one of the best Novices at the academy, I knew Lissa would be safe with him. Not only had Mason death make an impact on his choices, but so did Carly's death. I trusted Eddie even with my own life, and trust for me, doesn't come easily. Alberta motioned with her hand for me to step up to the microphone and make my speech. I nodded at her letting her know I would be and squeezed Lissa hands, before clearing my throat.

"Good morning, or should I say night? Maybe adding both would stop the debate" I said raising my eyebrows. The crowd laughed, and it encouraged me to speak. "Well, I'll assume you all know who I am – I'm Rose Hathaway, daughter of Guardian Janine Hathaway. Even if you didn't know who I was, I'm sure you would have heard about me. I've been on the television network, radio, papers and even on the wanted list." The crowd laughed again and I even heard someone yell out, "you're wanted baby."

"But I'll like to believe I have grown since then. You can call me all the names you want: run away, disappointment, unworthy, and even blood-whore. But in here," I put my hand over my heart, "I know who I am. I'm Rosemarie Hathaway and somewhere along the line I must have done something right, because I got given a gift I could only wished for. I got given the chance to guard and protect my: sister and best friend. Not only am I able to defend her on my own, but I got given a very handsome, kick ass Guardian to work with."

"I'm well known for my attitude and behaviour. But I must tell you, I'm not ashamed of it." I looked over at Dimitri while I said the rest. "My attitude and behaviour has gotten me to where I am now. They helped me obtain a badass Guardian named Dimitri Belikov, who shaped me into who I am today. Without him, I probably wouldn't be here. I'll be in a flat somewhere, sitting on the couch watching Dr Phil, eating stale potato chips." The crowd laughed again at my metaphor and I smile back at Dimitri. "So to him I am thankful, and hope one day I will be about to make him proud and not put his awesome skills to shame. You will surely be missed, and I hope great things happen to you in the future."

I crowded cheered for Dimitri, and I swear I saw him blush. His older sister Karolina, ruffled his hair and he tried ducking unsuccessfully, while receiving pats on his back from others.

"Well, that's all I can think of to say at the moment. But before I leave this stage and take a giant leap into my new future, I'll just like to say sorry, to Headmistress Kirova, Guardian Petrov and everyone else I've pissed off and put up with me. I sure you are delighted that I am finally leaving your care. Hopefully your health can become in better sharp again." Yes, I'm aware I swore, but who would I be if I didn't let it out! The crowd, however, didn't mind. The clapped and laughed – even the royals. "So here is to my future."

I lifted up my diploma and walked over to Guardian Johnson, while Eddie and Lissa walked off the stage. While the guardian promise mark and my Molnija marks was being tattooed on my neck, did hurt; it wasn't enough pain to override how I felt at this exact moment. My life was changing and for once, it was for the best. After Guardian Johnson patched up my neck, I walked over to where Christian was standing with his Auntie and now, also Adrian. Lissa stood beside him holding his hand, while Eddie gave my shoulder a nudge in contentment. I thought about standing over with Dimitri and his family, but I knew we had to keep the charade up. Graduation wasn't completely over yet... and we both agreed to give it a few days for everything to settle down, before announcing to the world that we were together. And you know what? For once, I wasn't mad at hiding it. I knew it was the right thing to do, because I knew Dimitri loved me, and soon we would be able to show everyone just how much. I sighed in contentment just thinking about it, and gave Meredith a kiss on her cheek, while she walked up the steps to the stage.

The ceremony was nearly over. Everyone had been through the stages and we were waiting for Alberta and Kirova to officially end the ceremony. But before that happened, Dimitri walked onto the stage with six others who I recognised were Guardians. I looked at him in confusion, but he continued to pretend not to notice my questioning face. Headmistress Kirova walked up to the microphone and spoke.

"As I am proud to announce that every student we had in senior year has graduated accordingly, there are also a few other announcements which need to be made." She looked over at one of the other Guardians. "Guardian Marcus, Spice and Newmont have accepted to guard here at the academy. Please, make them feel welcome." The crowd clapped and Kirova went on... "I'll also like to introduce Guardian Karoton, to the team. He will be teaching Defence classes in the coming year."

"As for our last announcement, Guardian Belikov will be leaving us." Dimitri stepped forward, as some people in the crowd sulked, because they didn't want the hot badass guardian to leave, while others cheered him on his choice. "Guardian Belikov has accepted a new position. He has been given the chance to train with the royal guards; to improve strength, agility, stamina, and tactics. To one day become the Royal Guard leader. But that is not all," Kirova paused for dramatic effect and Dimitri's eyes locked on mine. "Guardian Belikov was accepted the request to become Lord Christian Ozera's sanctioned Guardian."

I couldn't believe it. They accepted his request, and not only that, they are given him a chance of a life time, to become a Royal Guard member. We could finally be together, doing what we both want to do. I clapped with extra enthusiasm and I felt my eyes start to water. The crowded cheered, and I turned to look at Christian, he was surprised as well. The Ozera family is the last to be given a guardian. Which is ridiculous because they are a royal family, but because of the incident with Christian's parents, they are dishonoured. However, in this incident, Christian got given a guardian, and I saw that he was actually happy and looked at me and winked.

Kirova continued her speech. "On behalf of the academy, we are honoured to have you join us here for as long as you did Guardian Belikov, and we would like to wish you the best for your bright future set ahead." Dimitri nodded in respect and Kirova closed the ceremony. The others started to head back to where the food and drinks were being held, but I didn't leave, I waited for Dimitri to walk down the stage. He caught sight of me and walked straight over.

"Congratulations!"

Dimitri gave me one of his rare big smiles showing his teeth. "Thanks, Roza. Congratulations yourself. I believe there are certain things which need to be celebrated," he purred with his voice husky.

"I believe there is. Don't panic, but I'm going to lean in for a hug. A friendly hug that happens between friends" I said seductively.

I leant in for a hug and he held me tight to him. It felt so good to be in his embrace again. I had to wait for so long. I also wanted to kiss him and show how much I missed him, but I knew we had to wait for a private moment. I breathed out a sigh of contentment and snuggled my head further into his chest. I felt him chuckle and then he pulled away.

"I gather you missed me, as much as I missed you," he said softly and sweetly. I nodded and he said, "by the way, I should mention, that you look beautiful this morning."

I was just about to say how sexy he looks in his suit, but my Mother's voice stopped me before I could.

"Yes, she does look beautiful this morning." I looked up at her and saw her Guardian mark in place. I just hoped she didn't think anything of Dimitri's comment, then just a general compliment. "Rose am I able to spare you a moment?" I nodded baffled. "Good, because there is someone I'll like you to meet."

Janine led the way towards the back room where the drinks and food were being held. We didn't end up walking into the room where families we talking to one another, but we did stop walking not far from the entrance. She walked over to the well dressed man she was standing with at the ceremony, and if I saw correctly, her cheeks had a slight pink shade to them. The Moroi was still surrounded by his Guardians and placed his hand on my Mothers arm. I stopped and looked up at Dimitri – which I insisted – that he came with me to meet my Mother's guest. He gave me a wary look and it made me nervous to think I was meeting this man for my first time and Dimitri didn't seem comfortable about meeting him either. The man stepped forward and held out his hand.

"It's nice to see you again, Rose. It has been a very long time." He then smirked and said, "I'm Abe Mazur."

I shook his hand, and gave Janine a quizzed look. "It's a pleasure. I'm sorry, but I... I don't remember meeting you before?"

Abe Mazur. It wasn't a Royal name. So why do he scream off rich and dangerous? Maybe, he was a Royal and decided to keep his last name of one of his parents? How does he know me? Oh god, I hope he wasn't someone I insulted when Lissa and I ran away. No, he couldn't have been. I would have remembered meeting someone like him. Abe brought me out of my thoughts.

"I don't blame you, little girl. Last time I saw you were just over two years old. It's been quite a while," he expression changed, and I think I saw regret. "You have grown up to be a beautiful woman. I wouldn't expect any less though," he smiled and looked quickly at Mother. "You have an attractive Mother, there was no doubt that it would pass on to you."

I suddenly felt defensive of Janine. She was my Mother and he was a sly Moroi sleazing his way onto her. It was disgraceful.

"How do you know my Mother, old man?" I hissed. I saw his Guardian stiffen when I mentioned old man.

"No," he said, his smile turning harder. "That question is, how long have I known your Mother."

I looked at Janine and she put her hand out on Abe's hand. I didn't understand why they were so touchy feely. I glared at Abe and he seemed to be passive but stared at me back. Janine stepped forward.

"Rose, I was hoping we could discuss this in a private area, and inform you in a different way, but it so happens that you want to know now." She looked at Abe and he gave her a tight smile and a nod of his head. "Abe Mazur is your Father."

I gasped and moved my hand to cover my mouth. I felt my body fall backwards, but Dimitri's strong hands caught me. I looked up at him and saw his expression. He was shocked and cautious. I can't believe this man is my Father. There has to be some mistake, right?

"And you're... positive about this?"

For the second time today I saw Mother blush. "Yes, Rose. I'm certain. I was with him when I got pregnant. He was also there for your birth and until you were two. There are no doubts that he is your Father."

I couldn't speak. I just kept my eyes going back and forth between Janine and Abe. This was some type of joke, right? It had to be. Fortunately, Dimitri broke the awkward silence.

He held out his hand to Abe. "I'm Dimitri Belikov, sir. I've been Rose's mentor for the past year. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Abe shook his hand and gave Dimitri a small smile. "Yes, I've heard plenty about you. I appreciate you taking Rose under your care. She must have been a hand full. Congratulations, on your promotion. It's not every day the Royal Guard accepts transfers, as well as, guarding Lord Ozera part-time. It's an exceptional offer – especially of someone as young as you. However, your reputation is mind-blowing, so I shouldn't be too surprised."

Dimitri nodded his head, "thank you, sir." Dimitri skipped the information about me and spoke about his promotion. To my dislike, Abe and Dimitri seemed to be getting along quite well. Abe was still dangerous looking, and asking hard questions, but Dimitri seemed to be in control, and spoke words Abe admired. I should be happy they can along, shouldn't I? I mean Dimitri in my boyfriend – hopefully future-husband – and Abe Mazur is my Father. Ah, that sounds so strange.

I started freaking out and said, "I think it's time I float around the room and say my goodbyes."

Janine gave me a don't-be-disrespectful look, but said, "I think that's best. I'll be leaving at the end of the day. I'll come by your dorm around 5:00, to say goodbye."

I nodded and looked at Abe. "So, I guess I'll be seeing you around?"

In a flash the tepid expression on his face he had with Dimitri faded and was replaced with a hard expression. Suddenly, I wanted to get away from him. Run away from him even. There was something deadly beneath the extravagant, buoyant façade and I didn't want to spend another moment near him.

"Actually," he spoke taking a step towards me. His Guardians watched me carefully and tensed when they saw him move. "I was hoping we'll find time later to chat."

I gulped and felt fear rise within me. "Um – yeah that's – well ok – where – what time's best?" I stumbled.

"I'm not leaving until tomorrow. Perhaps, when you have finished saying goodbye and packed your things we could meet up in my guest room?"

"Sure," I murmured. "Will we be alone?"

He lifted his eyebrow. "Would you prefer that we weren't? I can organise to have my Guardians with us."

"No, No. Ah... alone is fine," I mumbled and blushed when I realised how ridiculous I sounded. I was meant to be a fearless Guardian and I was scared of a Moroi. How embarrassing!

He laughed out loud for the first time, a prosperous, cavernous sound filled with genuine amusement. I frowned, and felt utterly insignificant. I felt Dimitri hand on the small of my back and looked up at Abe.

"I'll see you early tomorrow morning," he said smiling, before he walked off, with his Guardians following.

I looked at Janine. "What are you doing with him? Can't you see that he is a dangerous man?"

"Rose," she exclaimed. "I know more about Ibrahim then you think I do." She looked offended, "Ibrahim is a wonderful man. Never forget that."

She didn't need to say anymore. It was written all over her face. She was in love with him. And to this day, I think she still is. Her expression turned all dreamily recalling some other time and place, where she most likely spent with him. Ah, could this moment be any weirder? Everyone always said I looked like my Mother, but the truth is I got my dark skin, dark hair and eyes from my Father – Ibrahim Mazur, also pronounced Abraham in common English. Ibrahim was a Turkish way of saying the name.

"For the love of God, why couldn't my Father be the mailman?" I whispered. "How could you... Ah," I screwed up my nose, "I can't even think about it."

"Rose, you two have a lot more in common then you think."

"You have got to be joking! He's supercilious, sarcastic, and arrogant and not to mention he likes to intimidate people."

I looked up at Dimitri and saw a smile playing on his lips. I couldn't believe it. He thought I was a lot like him as well. Gosh, was everyone ganging up on me today?

"Mother, what is it... what is it that Abe does for a living? He seems very well off for a non-royal and very intimating..."

Her face changed again into awe and she said, "he's a business man. He does favours for a lot of people, which they gladly like to return. He has a lot of influence in this world."

"It's probably illegal," I seethed.

"If he wants to tell you, he will. Don't push your luck though, young lady," she said turning into the Mother I knew. "I never thought you would meet him this way."

I looked at her shocked. "Why? I thought you wanted me to meet him today."

She smiled, "We both thought it'd be best if he wasn't in your life. However, word got back to him about your display at the abandoned building, and he suddenly had the urge to want to see you again."

"Oh, so this is so he can teach me how to be like him," I said sarcastically.

"No," she said. "It's because he is proud of you and wants you in his life." She started to walk away and said over her shoulder, "that's if you want him to be."

I rolled my eyes. Looks like Abe is going to be in my life for the long run. I wonder what he wants to talk to me about. Hmm, that should be interesting! I've started to have a good relationship with my Mother and then my Father comes into my life wanting to know me as well. It's defiantly I knew start in life for me, that's for sure. I looked up and turning slightly to my left. Dimitri was giving me a smirk.

"Wipe that smirk off your face. Or I'll do it for you," I said aggravated.

"You're adorable when you're angry."

I started to glare at him, but my expression softened almost immediately. He didn't do anything wrong, it was me who was acting like a spoilt brat. I so badly wanted to be in his arms.

I bit my lip and said, "does my Father scare you?"

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. He holds a very strong reputation in Russia, and yes, he is very dangerous. If I didn't just find out he was your Father... I wouldn't want you anywhere near him. "

"So that means you have heard of him?"

"Yes, you could say that. He is known as Abe Mazur, or Mr Mazur, you could say," Dimitri looked like he was in thought. "But behind his back people call him 'Zmey.'"

"Zmey?" I looked at him confused. "Is that Russian?"

"It is. It's a Russian name for sea serpent," he smirked.

"Well he surely scares me too, so we'll tell him about us together. As for my Mother well... she can't talk... She made love to 'Zmey'," I snorted.

Dimitri chuckled and said, "why don't you go hang out with your friends? You'll miss them. Have some fun."

"What about you? I want to be with you!"

His eyes turned soft, "you will, Rose. We have forever, your friends don't. You deserve to have some fun.

"What have you done with Dimitri? My Dimitri wouldn't suggest for me to have fun."

"Your Dimitri, does try to look out for you," he raised an eyebrow. "But he does need to lay back a little bit, and let you live your life. You are still only young."

"For once I am not hurt you called me young. I think it helps that I'll always be younger than you... so the fun will always follow."

Dimitri snickered at my logic and said, "I'll be over by the food at the far wall if you need me."

I nodded and blew him a kiss before walking over to where Christian, Lissa, Eddie, Meredith and Bruno were sitting around talking.

Now standing with Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Meredith and Bruno – Bruno who the one I thought about. Bruno was one of the survivors from the attack at the abandon building. He was also one of the few Victor's play-friends Strigoi capture with me. He was lucky he lived. When Tasha sent Victor on fire, the Strigoi let him go, thinking he was no threat. It was then that Bruno ran and ran, until Janine found him. I saw plenty of my friends die that day... I was just lucky one of them survived. I wouldn't say we were friends, because he hung around Jesse and Ralf, but he was Lucia brother – and Lucia is a friend.

I stood across with Eddie and he knocked his knuckles with mine. "How you feeling, Rose?"

"I'm good. No wait, Great. I'm great."

"I'm going to miss you Rose," Meredith said from beside me.

"I know, it's going to be strange not seeing everyone all the time, but I'm sure we'll cross paths."

The six of us sat around talking about gossip and nothing too important. It was nice, nice not thinking about leaving and where we were headed next. I knew I would be with Lissa, Christian and Eddie, that was solid – but saying goodbye to others, that would be a little difficult. During the conversations, I notice Bruno eyeing me every now and then. It looked like he wanted to say something to me, but kept pulling himself back. Eventually he broke his awkwardness and spoke what was on his mind.

"Rose, I ah... just wanted to ah, say... I just wanted to say thank you."

I looked at him stunned, "there is nothing for you to thank me for Bruno."

"Yes, there, ah... is," he shifted in his seat. "You saved my life. I would have been next. If you didn't keep distracting him, I would have, ah... I would have been a goner."

I shook my head, "no, Bruno. I was weak. I didn't stop Victor. The truth is – Tasha did. If Tasha didn't sneak in, we all would have died. I think you should give yourself more credit. You were really brave back there!"

Bruno nodded and I even saw him blush. I was just about to tease Christian when I heard Lucia raise her voice and call "Bruno" was she pulled him into a hug. He didn't pull back, in fact he hug her tighter. It was nice to see them together again. I noticed Adrian not far from her. He winked at me and smirked.

"Adrian, the girl is a little too young for you," Christian snickered.

Adrian smirked and said, "no girl is too young for me."

Bruno's eyes moved straight to Adrian and he said voice hard, "don't you ever touch my sister. You got that?"

Adrian put his hands up in a surrender position, while Christian laughed his head off, Lissa looked synthetic for Adrian, and Eddie and Meredith just looked interested in seeing what would happen next. It was Lucia who spoke.

"Bruno, don't be a jerk. I am old enough to look after myself, you big ass!"

"You are not old enough to look after yourself! You are still in school!" He stood up and held her shoulder. "Adrian is a lot older then you, you need to be careful."

"Bruno," Adrian said, and Bruno glared at him. "Nothing is going on between us. I leave for New York in a couple of days."

Bruno's body relaxed and Lucia sighed. It was good to see a normal family reaction – I couldn't help but laugh.

"So is this when I can start not liking Rose again?" Christian asked.

Lissa hit him across his shoulder, "Stop it. You two are going to have to play nice."

Christian smirked, "Oh, we can play nice." And Lissa believed him and kissed him on the lips.

I rolled my eyes and knew Christian and I would never change. "In your dreams, Fire-Boy."

He laughed fully then and said, "its Adrian's dreams you need to be more worried about."

"She loves every moment of her dreams, don't you little Dhampir?"

"Okay, guys... let it go. We all know you both love dreaming about me," I winked.

Adrian and Christian answered at the same time. Adrian said, "you can bet on it." While Christian said, "I'll rather burn my eyes."

Lissa turned to Christian and said, "you better watch out for when I can dream-walk."

"I wouldn't have a problem with it, sexy."

Adrian gave him cocky smirk, "you wouldn't have a problem with it, because you already dream about her naked."

I couldn't help but laugh and hi five Adrian, while Lissa blushed majorly and Christian smiled with pride.

"Hey Adrian," Eddie said. "When are we going to be seeing you next?"

"During the university break I reckon, if not then, than sometime around Christmas."

"Sweet, can't wait to meet up with you again mate," Eddie said patting his back.


	32. EP2: Together At Last

**Rating:  
This chapter is_ Rated M.  
_****The reason this chapter _is Rated M,_ is because there are sexual references and sexual scenes.  
****This chapter does get hot and heavy, because - finally - Dimitri and Rose make home base!****  
**

**Beta:  
****Twilighternproud; thank you for sticking with me through this story!  
**

**Authors Notes:  
Here it is: Part Two of the Epilogue.  
I hope you all enjoy this new chapter and you think the ending is as wonderful as you thought it would be.  
Thank you for sticking with me throughout this story. It's very close to my heart and I know it has grown close to yours as well.  
I have another story in progress and it's called 'His Redeemable Soul'.  
Please feel free to check it out and let me know what you think.  
It's very sad this story is coming to an end, but I wouldn't have it end any other way. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer:****  
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

**

* * *

EPILOGUE: PART TWO**

_Together At Last_

It was true, we all needed each other. We were a gang – a group of mates who: fought, teased and laughed together. I don't think any of us thought we would become so close, but then again, no one thought the dramatic events we all went through, would happen. Lissa and I came back to the academy after we ran away – the two of us. Two then grew to three, involving Christian and then moving to five – Eddie and Adrian. I won't complain... this is my family. Not to mention Dimitri. I never thought I would meet someone like him, and fantasy that – I got him, I have him.

Lissa and Christian got back together at the Royal Court. It was no surprise, really. I knew they loved each other, and I knew they would forgive. Christian only broke up with Lissa because of his illness and didn't want to drag Lissa down with him. But the thing he didn't realise was not telling her and pushing her away, actually caused more problems. Lissa received a phone call informing her about Christian being transferred to the court, and decided to follow. Lissa never knew Christian passed away, but Christian told her and told her why I didn't say anything to her. She was pissed at him and I for a while, but couldn't stay mad for long. She was just happy that he was back and healthy. They got back together, pretty much the day Dimitri and I saw him at the hospital. They have been inseparable ever since, but could you blame them? I knew if it was reversed... I wouldn't let Dimitri out of my sight and without me touching at least some part of his body.

Christian is moving to the Royal Court with Lissa, again – no surprise. It's a good thing Dimitri got assigned to Christian, it made our lives a lot easier. Eddie well come with us as well, obviously, since he is assigned to Lissa too. I can't say how happy I am to hear we will all be together. Eddie is still miserable about Carly. He has a lot to cope through, but I know he will make it. Eddie is strong and I know everyday he is getting stronger. Eddie and Carly had plans as to what they would do when Graduation came. I knew it was weighing on him, but he kept a steady face up for all of us, and that is what I call strength. Eddie hasn't fully accepted my choice of saving Dimitri and not Carly. He is distant from me at times, but I deserve it. I know it's going to take a long time for Eddie to trust me hundred percent again. At least he hasn't pulled at too big of a grudge on me, otherwise guarding Lissa was going to cause problems.

So this is where I tell you – the gang know about – Dimitri and I! Yes, Dimitri and I decided to tell them. To say surprised was an understatement, maybe bomb-shelled would describe it better. Lissa took it quiet well. She was happy for us, and even super excited! She didn't understand how we hid it from her without her knowing, but knew we had to do it, to keep us all safe. She was a little hurt because I kept it from her, but the anticipation of Dimitri and I together, made her forget about my hiding. When Eddie heard about it the second time, he said he didn't see it coming, but never-the-less good on us and he hopes that we can make it work. He also said he can understand better now how Dimitri decided to request another Moroi. And that only let one other person in our gang who knows and isn't Adrian – Christian. He just laughed his head off and said "it must be a joke, because Dimitri finding anything attractive in you is impossible." I gave him a thump for being so rude, even though I knew he was happy for us and I knew he cared deeply.

The two other people I assume know about us, is Mother and Tasha. I say Janine, because she saw the way Dimitri and I looked at each other and hugged when we were back at the abandoned building. She was also the one to see how Dimitri and I were close when we were staying at the hotel room. She didn't say anything, but I knew that she knew – it was obvious. As for today, I brought Dimitri along with me to meet my Father. I was relieved she didn't tell anyone on us and bring it up. It wasn't something I wanted to be sharing with her at this point of time. I wanted to tell her with Dimitri – together. The other person was Tasha. I'm sure you remember the day Dimitri told Tasha he was taken by a special someone in the cafeteria. She's a smart lady and I'm sure she would have put everything together. She also heard Dimitri and I confess our love for one another, just when we thought we were going to die. I knew it was hard on her to see and hear, but she has been nothing but nice to me since. Dimitri and I have decided to tell everyone about us soon, but for now, our family was all the mattered.

The group split up to do our own things, and I had a sudden urge to be with Dimitri. I looked over to the far wall by the food, where he told me he would be. He was leaning against the wall, looking no where in particular. I grabbed a delicious looking cupcake on my way over to him.

"Hey, Mister," I said softly.

He smiled, "missed me already?"

I nodded and took a bite out of my cupcake and moaned. "Wow. These taste really good. What did they put in them? Or don't I want to know."

"They taste that good?"

I nodded and took another bite, this time stopping the moan. "Here, try some." I pushed the cupcake towards his mouth.

He took a bite and winked, "these are as good as you say, but no where near as tasty as you are."

I looked at him wide-eyed and nearly chocked on my bite. Dimitri looked smug and walked closer to me. All I had to do was reach up and touch his soft, sensitive lips. But I didn't, but he did tuck some hair behind my ear, and leave his fingers touching my face a little longer than he should have.

"They gave you all of your marks?" he asked.

"Yep. That comes to a total of: a promise mark (official guardian mark), 2 Zvezda and 2 Molnija marks."

"That's an amazing amount, Roza. Especially for someone of your age."

I bit my lip and looked at him under my eyelashes. "You have more. You have: a promise mark, (official guardian mark), 2 Zvezda and 6 Molnija marks."

He raised an eyebrow, "Roza, I'm 24 nearly 25. I would be insulted if I didn't have any Molnija marks. You are amazing – the best of the best. You need to accept it, and stop comparing yourself to me. You have already proven that you surpass your instructor."

I ate the last bit of my cupcake and said, "I did have a kick-ass mentor. Now I'm an official Guardian, but you know what?" Dimitri waited for me to continue, "you still can train me."

He smiled, "and how's that?"

"Well... you are going to be training with the Royal Guard." I said waving my hand in a isn't-it-obvious gesture. "That should be enough of a hint."

"You still want me to teach you?"

"Of course. It's one of my favourite moments with you!"

"Hey, guys," Tasha's voice sang. "Just came over to say goodbye."

"You're leaving so soon?" Dimitri asked surprised.

She nodded, "I've got to work for a living. Plus, I think it's best to let Christian work out his future on his own."

"Christian's future is with Lissa," I mumbled.

"Yes, it is, but he won't want his Auntie fussing around with him," she smiled. "Congratulations Rose. And Dimka – why didn't you tell me!"

Dimitri chuckled, "I didn't know until about two days ago." He looked at me, "it was meant to be a surprise, and I kept it as a surprise." He turned back to Tasha. "You aren't planning on another road trip?"

She rolled her eyes, "no. At the moment I'm just going to stick with teaching material arts. It's something I'm good at." She looked at me and said, "well Rose, I can't say this visit hasn't been interesting."

I smiled, "interesting is a good way to put it."

"Alright, well I'll best be going. It was good seeing you Dimka." She lent in and gave him a hug. "Hopefully I'll be seeing you soon. I know I can count on you to keep Christian safe."

"I will guarantee it. Stay safe, Tasha."

Tasha held out her hand to me and I shook it. "Make sure you look after him for me."

"I will. As Dimitri said, stay safe. Next time I see you I want to battle."

Tasha laughed and Dimitri rolled his eyes. "Defiantly next time I see you Rose. I'll be looking forward to it."

And then she walked away. I looked up at Dimitri and laughed. "You have icing from the cupcake on the side of your mouth."

He tried rubbing it off, but he had no luck. I reach up and rubbed it off for him.

"You could have told me earlier," he said narrowing his eyes.

"I didn't notice it then," I giggled.

"Look at these two smitten love birds."

Dimitri and I turned to see Adrian smiling our way. He gave Dimitri a hand shake, and for once, Dimitri didn't tense up.

"Are you taking off too?" I wondered.

"Soon," he smirked. "I wanted to say my last goodbyes now... I didn't know if I would be seeing you later on, Little Dhampir."

I blushed and said, "well, I'm glad you thought about me."

"Always." He spoke to Dimitri. "You make her happy. It's clear as crystal without even looking at her aura. If you screw it up..."

"I won't," Dimitri said seriously.

"Good. Well, I'll see how she is the next time I see her." He turned to me. "Have you still got the credit card I gave you for your birthday?"

Oh crap! I totally forgotten about that. I wanted to give it back to him, but everything else just made it slip my mind. What does he want with it now?

"Yes. I'll give it back to you before you leave. If you'll just give me 10 minutes."

He held up his hand. "No, Rose. It was a gift. Please, keep it. I was just making sure. It could come in handy in the next couple of weeks," he said diverting his eyes to Dimitri.

"Adrian," I groaned. "Dimitri and I will find our of finances to cover out living arrangements."

"I'm sure you will, Little Dhampir," he smirked. "But in the mean time, use it to your advantage."

"I'm not agreeing to anything," I said shaking my head.

He pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek. "I'll miss you, Rose."

"I'll miss you too. Don't forget to call, text, email, skype and visit me."

He gave a throaty laugh, "how can I forget a list like that coming from you."

I gave him a sad smile and quickly squeezed Dimitri hand for reassurance. "Bye, Adrian. Make sure you stay safe."

He nodded and gave me a wink before walking off. Dimitri handed me a glass of coke and a drank it all without coming up for air. I put the glass down and looked up to a smiling Dimitri. He shook his head and turned away from me. I saw him give a wave to his sister Viktoria. She walked over to us not long after.

"Hey, Roza... I'm Viktoria. Sorry about earlier I get a bit carried away," she smiled apologetically. "I love what you're wearing by the way. Did you get it from Espirit?"

No way! She did know about fashion... Well, from the looks of what she is wearing, I'll say she could become a fashion designer or stylist.

"Yes, that's where I got these from. You're great with your fashion!"

Viktoria laughed, "isn't every girl." She looked around and then stopped to look at a girl around the age of 15 and scrunched up her nose. "Okay, my mistake... maybe not every girl."

I giggled with her and Dimitri said, "Viktoria, behave!"

"How do you handle him?" she asked amused. "He is all about patience and no fun. I can tell by just looking at you that you now how to have fun. I need someone like you in our family."

I shrugged and said, "my attitude is slowly rubbing off on him."

"Did you want to hang out before you have to leave for the court?"

"Yes, of course! It sounds like you and I will get along great."

Dimitri whispered towards my ear, "see I told you, you both are much alike."

"So have you considered becoming a stylist? Or even a fashion designer?"

She looked at me fascinated, while two women, a man, and two children, walked over to us. "Well I've actually thought that I would just stay home with the family. I haven't considered being a Guardian, you know with Grandma and all. But I like your suggestions. Do you really think I could do it?"

"Oh, yes, defiantly," I said praising her outfit. She gave me a big smile and pulled me into a hug.

"Oh no, now you have done it," said one of the women that walked over.

"Shut up, Sonya. It's a great idea. Unlike you, I might have a career to support my family," Viktoria hissed.

"Viktoria, cut it out!" said the Karolina, holding 18 month old Zoya on her hip. "Sorry about Viktoria. This is just what happens when you have a tight-knit family."

I looked at Dimitri and said, "it's no problem at all. It's actually quiet nice." I turned back to Karolina and smiled back at her.

"I'm the oldest out of the siblings, I'm Karolina." She lent in and kissed me on the cheek and looked down to a cute little boy. "This is Paul, Dimitri's nephew and this cheeky little bugger is Zoya," she said tickling her on the belly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I smiled and looked at Zoya. "Hello, little one. I'm Rose."

Zoya gave a little giggle and Dimitri held his arms out for Karolina to hand Zoya over. Dimitri turned all babyish talking to Zoya and I couldn't help but look at him in awe.

"You must be uncle Dimka's girlfriend, he has spoken about." The little boy, Paul said. "Will you tell me all of your stories in battle of how you got your marks?" He said, sounding excited.

I gave his hair a stir and said, "only if your parents allow me too. How old are you 10?" He nodded, "only 10? Wow. You have mighty fine muscles for a 10 year old!"

Paul held up his arms and showed me his muscles. "I can't wait to become a Guardian! I want to become famous like you – Auntie Roza and Uncle Dimka."

I blushed at Paul already calling me his Auntie. It was perfectly clear that Dimitri had spoken to his family about me and for that, I was ecstatic.

The Guardian stepped forward and said, "if you wouldn't mind, I'll love to hear your battle stories as well," he winked, noticing my reaction. "I'm Guardian Nestor Zykov, Karolina's partner."

"You're a fine Guardian at that," Dimitri complimented. "I'm just going to find babooshka and mama. Won't be too long." He quickly looked around and satisfied with what he found, he kissed my lips before leaving me with his family.

"He really likes you," Viktoria teased.

"I hope so," I blushed. "It would really suck if he didn't!"

"He more than likes you. He loves you deeply. Sorry, I didn't have the chance to introduce myself earlier, before my rude little sister jumped in." She leaned forward and like her sister kissed my cheeks. "I'm Sonya, Dimitri's best sister." Karolina snorted, but teasingly. "And this is either Alexei or Faina," she cooed rubbing her baby bump.

"You are all so lovely, even more so then Dimitri described."

"After a few days you get sick of us all. We can be hard to handle," said Karolina."

I shook my head, "no, you're a close family I never had a chance to have. It's wonderful. I can see why Dimitri misses you all so much," I said soothing Paul's cheek. "He must have had a fantastic surprise when he saw you all here."

Viktoria and Sonya gave each other questioning looks, while Paul looked at my like I had grown an extra head. Karolina bit her lip trying not to laugh, leaving Nestor to do the explaining.

"Dimitri knew we were coming, Rose," he said smoothly. "This was a surprise meant for you. He wanted you to meet his family. He said he couldn't wait much longer, and he didn't know when you would have the chance given you and him, now how new charges."

I was speechless. Dimitri planned this for me! I wanted to cry, it was the best Graduation present.

Nestor placed a hand on my shoulder. "Dimitri admires you Rose. We all knew how important you were to him, and that's something none of us have seen before. We knew you were an excellent thing in his life, we just had to come meet you. Once he told us what he was planning, we booked the tickets straight away."

I nodded, still not trusting my voice.

"And you haven't disappointed us one bit," said a lady I recognised as Dimitri Mother walk through the middle of them towards me. "You are even more beautiful than I imagined. Dimka why didn't you let us meet her sooner?" She said pulling me in an tight embrace. It felt just right as well. Dimitri was correct, she was a natural Mother.

"Mama, I did as best as I could," Dimitri said.

She moved back and held my head in her hands. "I'm so proud Dimka found you. Welcome to the family. I'm Olena, but you can call me mama."

"Thank you," I said feeling nervous from all of the attention. "And thank you for all travelling a long way to see me and Dimitri. I'm overwhelmed."

Dimitri walked over by my side still holding Zoya and held my hand. He knew I was becoming nervous with everyone around me, and no one from the outside would see our physical contact.

"Siento maravillosas cosas que vienen de este mujeres, pero ella no debería gastarlo en deberes de Guarda."

I looked to my left confused at what Dimitri's grandmother had said to me in Russian. Viktoria moved out of the way for her to walk to me.

"Babooshka! Roza, will choose her own path! If she wishes to guard then she will guard," Dimitri warned.

"Usted da a mi único nieto; espere y amor. Usted tomó su corazón quebrado y lo reparó por su fuerza. Usted tiene su corazón. Cuando usted va a entonces, tener el mío."

"I don't... I don't understand," I said looking up at Dimitri.

Dimitri smiled at his Grandmother and said to me, "babooshka said, 'You give my only grandson; hope and love. You took his broken heart and repaired it through your strength. You have his heart. As you will then, have mine.'"

I turned to her and smiled. "Thank you! I'll love Dimitri naveki."

The family laughed and Paul said, "she knows how to speak English, but she won't speak it. Her name is Yeva, but I just say babooshka."

The family laughed again and Viktoria asked about our matching rings. Dimitri told her that he brought them for my birthday to represent our love for each other, and the family was good-natured about it. It seemed all his sisters wanted us to get married straight away. I was joyous when I looked and saw Dimitri still had the promise ring on display since the mission, on his ring finger, just like me. It's good knowing he doesn't have to hide it under his shirt anymore.

We all stayed around and talked some more. We all agree to have dinner together tomorrow night at one of the Restaurants 20 minutes away. Dimitri suggested that I should go and say my final goodbyes to everyone and I brought Viktoria with me to meet Lissa, Christian and Eddie. She got along with them pretty well. Christian already knew her, from Tasha. But they didn't stay in contact since the last time they saw each other was 8 years ago. Lissa got on with her well, because they were into the same things, and Eddie seemed genuinely happy to meet her. I had a few words to Alberta, thanking her for everything she had done for me and reluctantly spoke to Stan.

I told the gang that I would see them sometime tomorrow and set off to find Dimitri. He wasn't hard to find, since I would hear him playing with Paul. Paul was giving Dimitri some punches on the arm, and Dimitri was mocking being hurt. It made me sad to think I wouldn't be able to give Dimitri a family, but I pushed it out of my mind for now, because I still had all the future to work out what we would do about that issue. Dimitri saw me coming and whispered something to Paul in his ear. Paul came running at me and hugged me tight around the waist.

"Dimka said to say that "you look overly beautiful today. And I agree," he said nodding his head.

I laughed and walked over to Dimitri. "Is that so?"

"It sure is," he said giving Paul a high five.

We walked Paul over to where Nester and Karolina were standing and Dimitri said, "well I think we will call it a day. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Yeah, go have some fun," Karolina winked. "I'll let everyone know. Don't forget dinner tomorrow night."

Dimitri smirked and lead me through the gymnasium, to the lobby. We didn't talk the way to his dorm, we didn't need too. The sexual tension was in the air, and we knew if one of us spoke, hiding our relationship in front of everyone would be difficult. Dimitri gave a sharp nod to the hall matron, who gave me a questioning look. I just gave her my smart-ass look and walked up the stairs to Dimitri's room. It felt like it had be weeks it took for him to unlock his door. He kept his hand on the door handle and turned to look at me.

"Rose, do you mind just giving me a second?"

"Ah, no... take your time."

He kept his hand on the door, but his other came up to caress my face, "I just need you to count to 30 and then you can walk in."

"Okay," I whispered, trying very hard to keep my voice even.

He turned the handle and walked in closing the door after him, I reminded myself to breathe and then started counting backwards from 30, just like he had told me. My mind was wondering all over the place, thinking about what he could be doing in the room and why he wanted me to wait. To say I'm nervous, doesn't even punctuate what I'm feeling. I finished counted back from 30, and slowly turned the door handle.

When I stepped inside, the room was dark but I could see flickers of light in the room. I closed the door as quiet as possible, scared that if I made a loud noise, all of this would fade away. I let out a gasped when I saw the change in his room. The room looked amazingly beautiful and romantic. The curtains were closed and the only light in the room was the burning candles set all the tables and face surfaces around the room. I took in the smell of the room, and it smelt like Jasmine and Sandalwood. Jasmine was a beautiful refreshing smell; said to induce euphoria; and sandalwood, if I remembered correctly, heightens sexual excitement by simulating the nervous system, which is dominant during sexual arousal. He styled his bed and it had new covers and pillows. The pillows and covers were matching and were the colour of deep purple. The purples stood for romance and passion. What surprised me the most was the red flower petal heart in the middle of the bed, with some loose petals on the pillows.

The room was wonderful, and I couldn't help but think of all the trouble Dimitri went to, to set this moment up. I knew Dimitri and I would be spending a sexual moment together, but I never once thought that today would be the day, that Dimitri and I would finally be together! He never mentioned it once, and I was fine with the terms of us only staying on third base into he was ready. And it looks like the time has come when he was ready. I knew I was defiantly ready.

I was too taken in by the room that I didn't notice Dimitri standing by the door to the kitchenette into I heard him clear his throat. I looked up at him with the biggest smile on my face. He seemed to smile back as my reaction, but stayed hesitant, probably wondering what I was thinking.

"It's beautiful, Dimitri," I whispered. "It's like I'm living in a fairytale... I don't want it to stop."

He brought his hand up to my cheek and rubbed it. "I thought you would appreciate some effort. After everything we have been through together... I thought we deserved this moment in the best possible way."

I slowly stood on my tip-toes and moved in for the kiss. He knew what I was doing straight away and bent down to meet my awaiting lips. His hand that rested on my cheek moved into my hair and his other hand holding my hip. I moved my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, deepening the kiss. I let my right hand pull at his tie and let his hair fall free around his neck – his beautiful, silky hair. Dimitri's tongue traced my lower lips and I opened my mouth to give him access. I felt his tongue instantly on mine, and I moaned at the sensation and his smell of aftershave and mint. He reluctantly pulled out of the kiss, but let our foreheads lean on each other.

"We don't need to do this now," I whispered. "We have our whole lives ahead of us. We'll wait until your positive this is what you want."

"Roza, I've wanted you for so, so long. This is what I want... What I need... This isn't just a spare-of-the-moment decision. I've been planning it the whole week. And you know what? Every day it got closer to graduation, the more I was anticipating it. The more I wanted it... The more I needed you..." He moved his mouth so he could whispered lustfully beside my ear. "I've considered taking you, so many times, in so many places, I thought I wasn't going to be able to wait." I gasped at his statement and he continued, "but I wanted our first time together to be special, romantic and perfect."

"I need you too..."

I saw the decision made in Dimitri's eyes, while he bent down and made our lips meet. His kiss was so soft, tender and loving, I felt my insides squeeze with lust. I wanted him so bad, bad enough, that I was willing to push him down on the perfect well made bed and take him straight away, but I knew his wish was to make this moment special in every way, and it that meant foreplay, then foreplay it shall be.

Dimitri's hands slowly made there way under my shirt, and he starting caressing the exposed skin, while our kiss began to speed up. I felt his urgency, lust, need and want, as his tongue took charge of the situation and was plunging into my mouth like there was no tomorrow. Trying to move my hands to reach his tie was a challenge, but it was accomplished and I started to loosen it. His hold on my back tightened and I felt him push me closer to him. I moaned at the contact into his mouth, which caused him to suck and bite my lower lip. I heard myself make quiet noises at the back of my throat, and my heart beating over six miles an hour.

Dimitri let go of my now swollen lip and continued to sucked on my neck. I threw his tie on the ground and popped the three buttons holding his suit together. Pulling the suit over his shoulders, I threw it in the direction on his tie and pulled his shirt out from his pants. He pulled away from my skin, and I felt the sudden lose. I needed him to touch me again. He looked down to watch my hands pop the buttons slowly on his shirt, starting from the bottom all the way to the top. My eyes flickered up to his and I bit my lip, watching him intensely watch me pull his dress shirt off his well toned, muscled chest. I lent in and kissed his chest twice, with slow, warm, soft wet kisses. I heard him groan, before twinning his hands in my hair, and bringing my face up to his.

We started our heated kissing and I knew this was it. This was really the moment I was going to be losing my virginity to the man I love. It will be out first together. I had imagined this moment for what seemed like forever. But no matter how many times I had played this scene in my head, it didn't come close to how I felt with him right now. His every touch, made that area of skin on my body raise in Goosebumps. Every nerve in my body reacted to him, wanted him, needing him.

He slowly moved us over to the bed and we knelled facing each other, exploring each other's body. I felt the flower petals under my skin, and I knew the perfect shaped heart he made on the bed, was now destroyed with our sexual bodies. I slid my fingers through the loops on his pants and pulled him closer to me, he grunted and looked at me waiting for my next move. I pulled the zipper down on his pants and pushed them down until they landed at his knees. Dimitri moved off the bed, careful not to fall, and pulled the remained material off. He was only left standing in his black boxers, and from the tent I saw in his boxers, I knew he was just as horny as I was. Maybe even more so, if that was possible. My eyes moved up from his boxers tent, along his torso, his hard, muscular chest, to his beautiful sexy face. He noticed my perusal and gave me a cheeky grin. Oh, how badly I loved that grin, I wanted to see it on his face everytime I was with him. Suddenly ashamed that I got caught eye fucking him, I bit the inside of my cheek and blushed.

Dimitri's hand reached over and caressed my cheeks before tracing the outline of my face and softly moving his fingers down my neck to my collarbone. I watched him in a trance anticipating his next touch. He moved his hand slowly down my arm and I saw his adams apple bopping up and down. His fingers slipped up my top and draw patterns along my skin. I shivered in responds to his touch. The touch which made me feel loved, sexual and desperate. He felt my reaction and moved his fingers down under my jeans band. I gasped and automatically bucked my hips forward. Dimitri moved his hands back up my pelvis, very, slowly. Making sure he was teasing me to no end.

"I think this shirt needs to go. I need to see your beautiful, soft skin," he said huskily.

I nodded in agreement, not trusting my voice to speak. I saw a small smile playing on his lips, while he pulled my top off above my head and kissed me softly as he ran his fingers down my sternum to my stomach lightly, leaving tiny electric sparks in his finger's paths, burning my skin in his absence. I saw Dimitri's eye light up as he took in my bright red lacy bra. He let his fingers trace along the outline and causing me to let of a moan when he dipped his fingers into the cup. He pick up my hand in his and intertwined our fingers, while moving to sit beside me. I moved our linked hand in the direction of his erection, but he moved our hand up to his lips and kissed. He shook his head and I pouted.

"I want to touch you."

"Stand up," he quietly ordered. If I didn't know better, I think he was as nervous as I was, and didn't know whether he had the right to order me around. Though if he had asked me, I would tell him it was a major turn on.

I stood up and looked down at him, his eyes were half closed with desire, and I felt my underwear become more wet. He moved his hands to my hips and manoeuvred my body so I was standing between his legs. He left a chaste kiss on my stomach and cupped my breasts through my bra. My hands moved on their own and gripped his head, while my head fell back taking in the overwhelming sensations he was making me feel.

"I want to see more of you. Take off your jeans."

I moaned at his honestly, and moved my hands down to pop the buttons and pull the zipper down. Just as I hooked my thumbs through the band to pull them down, Dimitri's hand on mine made me stop.

"I want to do this part," he whispered looking up into my eyes.

I removed my hands and rested them on his broad shoulders. He slowly pulled my jeans down, drinking in every inch of me. Yes, we have seen each other like this before – even fully naked – but we knew we weren't going to be experiencing it all. And that's how – this moment right here – was different. We knew we finally would be able to have each other all the way, and that involved taking in every sight of each other. Every little ounce of skin, every freckle, every scar... My jeans dropped to the floor, and I kicked them away from my feet. I heard Dimitri growled and I giggled as he was taking in all of my body.

"I'm assuming you like my lingerie," I teased, wiggling my hips.

"Red is defiantly your colour," he said licking his lips. "The black lace thrills just make you more appetising. Not like you need any help," he growled and pulled my into his arms while flipping me onto my back.

He sucked and nipped at my neck, letting his hands wander over my warm stomach, between my breasts and then along my back, unfastening the bra he liked so much. He tossed it aside and pressed against me as he crushed his lips with mine. The feeling of his hot skin on mine seemed to break the last bit of reservation within me. My body moved up a gear, with need and want. Even if I had wanted to turn back, I wouldn't have been able to. He had all the control he would ever need of my body, he always did. He would be able to make my body react any way he wanted it too, with no problem at all. My body was his, and he knew it.

He leaned back and I took the cue to move further up the bed. It wouldn't be long now before we had sex, and I wanted to be comfortable. My head hit the pillow and with his eyes on mine the whole time, he crawled up the bed and leaned down over me; spreading my legs further apart, while he crawled between them. He hovers over me and all I want to do is pull the last two pieces of material away from us. I start squirming around underneath him, needing more when he murmurs...

"Keep still," he leans down and kisses the inside of my thigh, trailing kisses up, over the thin lacy material of my panties. He trails kisses up my belly, his tongue dips into my navel… and still he's heading north… kissing me across my torso… my skin in burning… Dimitri lays down beside me, and his hand trails up from my hip, to my waist and up to my breast. He looks down at me, his expression unreadable, as he gently cups my breasts.

"I didn't believe you could become even more beautiful to me, but the way you look now, with my hands on you… I can't tell you what it does to me," he whispers appreciatively and my nipples harden even more.

He blows very gently on one as his hand moves to my other breast and his thumb slowly rolls the end of my nipple, elongating it. I groan and move my hands down to his boxers. I feel the wetness soak more in my underwear and I clasp his boxers tightly. His lips close around my other nipple and he tugs. I can feel his smile on my skin as I pull on his boxers more. I pushed them down are far as I can reach. Dimitri would need to do the rest. I pull my head back and my mouth opens as I groan, my legs stiffen. My body convulses and I start to shatter into a thousand pieces, riding my orgasm out.

He gazes down at me… a satisfied smile on his face whilst I'm sure there's nothing but gratitude and awe on mine.

"You are so responsive," he breathes. "You want to know why? Because you are my Roza. Mine."

I look into his eyes and drink in the sight. I could see how much he loves me and it made this moment that much more special. I tried to convey the same feeling through my eyes and I saw him smile back. Dimitri moved his eyes down to wear I removed his boxes and he pulled the rest off his legs. I felt his erection immediately rest on my thigh and a noise comes automatically from the back of my throat. I hold his shaft in my two warm hands and start moving them up and back. I watch as Dimitri's eyes closed, and his face shows constant contentment. I move my head off the pillow, and bring my lips to his. He suddenly responds back forcefully, plunging into my mouth with his satisfying tongue. I rub the tip of my thumb over the head of his penis, and I hear him groan into my mouth.

His body starts moving with my hands and I know it won't be long before he starts to let go. I feel his need growing in our kissing and his body is reacting faster. I pick up my pace on him, while squeezing a little harder, making sure I don't hurt him. He carefully moves away from our kiss, and I hear him panting loudly and fast. I move one of my hands from his shaft and start to fondle his balls. His mouth is attached to my neck, and while he groans he then bites my neck with his now – fully in force – orgasm. I move my hands away and he kisses the area on my neck where he bit me, very softly and caring. I bring my hand up, the one which touched him to my lips. He watches me eye wide as I moaned and bring his lips back to mine, making sure he tastes himself.

His hands, slowly and seductively, move down my waist to my hips and then cups me, intimately. His finger slips through the fine lace of my underwear and slowly circles around my clit, making me move with his hand with pleasure.

"You're so wet, Roza. I want to taste you so much. God I want you. I don't think I can wait."

I knew what he meant. I wanted him inside me so badly. I moved my hips under him, making sure my covered core rubbed his erection, and conveyed with my eyes, that I wanted the same thing as him. I saw the realisation and understanding in his eyes, that he suddenly sits up and he pulls my underwear off and throws them on the floor with the rest of our clothes.

"You're so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?" He whispers against my skin.

I run my fingers through his hair and reply, "I always wonder how I managed to have a very sexy boyfriend. Does that makes us equally made for each other?"

He knelled up on his elbow and looks me in the eyes. He's asking me if I'm ready, and I try showing him how much I am. I've been wanting and needing this for so long. It kin of feels like a dream, and something soon I will wake up. I smile at him and he smiles back while leaning in for a soft, slow, tender, hot, sweet kiss.

He moves his body in line with mine, and I see his erection not far away from my opening. This is it. I'm going to give myself all to Dimitri. Oh my God, I'm going to be having sex. Many emotions fluttered around in my body: anxiety , worry, excitement, horniness, anticipation. I've seen Dimitri's massive cock plenty of times, and I've admitted it was huge, but understanding how it would fit inside me was baffling. Dimitri must have read my reaction to his cock, because he caressed my cheek and spoke softly.

"Don't worry," he said, his eyes on mine, "You expand too."

Here I was showing him how nervous I was, when he was trying to calm me down. When realistically I was the one who was meant to be keeping him in control. Dimitri's never had sex this way before, but yet, here he is, informing me that everything was going to be alright, and that he would fit inside me. I blushed with embarrassment. He leaned down, so he's hovering over me, staring down into my eyes, his jaw clenched, eyes burning.

"Are you sure you really want to do this?" he asks softly.

"Yes, I want this more than anything," I whisper. "Are you ready?" I said, asking a silent question. Was he ready? I thought he was, but there was no turning back. Once we commit that deed would be done, and I didn't want Dimitri to think I was taking him for granted.

"I'm ready, baby. Pull your knees up," he said softly and I'm quick to obey. "It will help you move easier," he murmurs as he positions the head of his cock at the entrance of my sex, again.

I close my eyes and try to keep my breathing steady, waiting for him to move inside me. I feel my body jerk when the tip of his penis enters me. It doesn't hurt, but I know I have a long way to go yet. I feel him push it further in me, and know it's only moments away from breaking the small layer of tissue covering up the vagina. I suddenly feel a sharp sting in my vagina and my subconscious knows Dimitri had just broken my hymen. I keep my eyes shut tight together, trying to hold in my pain, while he continues to slip in all the way. The movement stops and I slowly open my eyes to look at Dimitri. He's looking down at me with concern in his eyes, and I really wish I could take it away. I reach my hand up and soothe out his frown, and then traced his lips with my fingers.

"Are you okay?" he asks. "Does it still hurt?"

Yes, it did hurt. It wasn't a pain you got when you fell over and broke your leg, and cried in agony. The pain felt like a bee sting, but about five of them at once. I knew I just had to wait for my vagina to settle and get use to him being inside me. I didn't want to lie to him, so I told him the truth.

"I'm okay, but I'm still receiving a little amount of pain."

He nodded and I could see him struggling to keep himself still for me. To keep himself from the urge of movement inside me for some type of friction. I wanted him to know I appreciated how slow and careful he was taking it with me, so I moved my mouth to his, and showed him through the kiss: love, lust, desire, trust. I could barely feel the sting in my lower abdomen as our lips moved in sweet, loving unison. It was more of an uncomfortable feeling with him inside me, knowing that my vagina had to get use to the expansion. I needed friction to take the feeling away, and I was more then willingly to oblige.

"Dimitri," I whispered against his lips, "make love to me."

He smiled, "I couldn't think of anything more thrilling and satisfying."

He leans down and kisses me softly as he his hips move up and down. He keeps a slow and steady pace pulling in and out of me, while I'm getting use to feeling all my body's reactions to his and the feeling that took over my body. I could see him fighting with himself, to stay in control, and not plunge harder into me. The uncomfortable feeling left my body and I had the sudden urge for more friction. I started to move my hips against him in his rhythm; up and down. His lips came in contact with my neck, leaving wet butterfly kisses in a trail. I noticed him quicken the pace a little and I raised my legs to wrap around his waist. The sensation was so different; better – amazing. His cock pushed in deeper and hit other areas needing him to touch. Not able to keep in my pleasure any longer, I let out a loud gasp.

Dimitri stopped. "Roza, did I hurt you?"

Was he serious? He was no where near hurting me. The utterly and complete opposite! I was feeling fucking fantastic! I knew eight our of ten girls do not feel pleasure or even orgasm on their first time. But, I had one of the best feelings inside me, and I wasn't willing to give it up.

I moved my hips underneath him and sucked on his lip. He let out a groan and I felt him twitch inside me. "Dimitri, I am far from being in pain." I kissed his nose. "Don't stop, please."

I saw his eyes flood with desire and need, I was positive I gave him everything he needed to hear, to continue our love making.

He started to move in and out of me again, making sure he pulled the tip of his cock nearly all the way out and pushed all the way back in. The sensation in my body was overwhelming, intense, surreal. It seemed like every fibre in my body was yearning for him; I always needed him touching me. We came into a steady rhythm once again and I arch my back slightly from the bed. The new position gave him even more depth than earlier. I knew it effected him like it effected me when he let out a loud moan of his own. His face was even more beautiful then normal when he was seeking pleasure. The realisation hit me hard, and I found it a turn on. I closed my eyes, letting my senses take over. Dimitri's lips moved to my breast and I felt him tug at my nipple.

I quickened my pace a little more to his and another moan came from him. I was starting to lose control. He was as close as he could ever get to me, and yet, it wasn't enough. He was hitting the right spot in me, and yet, I wanted more. I needed more. He picked up his pace to meet with me, and it was then, that I knew, he needed more from me too. We couldn't get enough of each other. I moaned several times, as his thrusts were now; deep, hard and fast – amazing, wonderful, pleasurable.

Soon enough, I was moaning louder and more frequently. I felt the tight elastic knot in my lower abdomen, and I wanted to let it be free – ease the stretching. My body moved on it's own accord, seeming to know what to do. I wanted more friction, I wanted Dimitri faster inside me, so I could feel the wonderful feeling of my all-consuming euphoria through my body. I dug my fingernails in his back as I pushed and pulled with Dimitri.

"Dimitri... I, ah – fuck, that feel so... good," I panted. "I can feel... it. I'm so... so, ah – close."

I heard him groan above me and he managed to speak, "I'm close to, baby. Just... ah – God. Just... ah, ah – just let go."

I felt awash in a sea of languid desire, helpless against the deluge of feeling welling up inside of me. Our pace was rather fast now, to what we began with. But the pleasure I was feeling was outstanding. I wouldn't change this moment for anyone or anything. I felt so unbelievably fantastic, and I knew Dimitri was feeling relatively the same. From both of our groaning, moaning, sighing and gasps, I knew this moment would stay in our memories forever. A perfect first time, indeed. The elastic band in my lower abdomen was getting tight and larger. I was having trouble keeping my contentment in. Dimitri moved his mouth to mine, and our tongues met immediately. It was all it took. I moaned into his mouth – the elastic band snapped – and my body began a little shake in ecstasy. I felt my vagina tighten around his cock, and his eyes bored into my mine. So much love and intensity. Dimitri kept moving inside me, helping me ride out my orgasm, while I continue to moan at the feeling. Dimitri suddenly stopped moving and I felt his cock inside me harden, and then Dimitri was sighing with pleasure. I continued where he left off moving my hips, to let him ride out him orgasm, as he did for me. Dimitri rested his head to nuzzle my neck, while we both panted to gathering our breaths.

My body felt: wonderful, fantastic, high, loose... we both laid in our positions letting the blissful white form of ecstasy take over our bodies. I felt so free, so happy, so high on the world, so unbelievably great! I moved my hand to rest on his back, and started to drawing patterns with my fingers. The only sound in the room, was our heavy breathing, and the smell of very fine sex. I felt him kiss my neck softly, and he intertwined his left hand with my right; and his right hand with my left. We stayed lying down silently, taking in the – astonishing – moment we had just shared – still sharing – together. Dimitri leaned up on his elbow with a beautiful big smile radiating off his face. My natural reaction was to smile back at him, showing how happy I was at that very moment.

"We did it," he said. "With no complications. Just you and I."

"Yeah, we did. And it felt unbelievably fan-fucking-tastic!"

Dimitri gave a throaty laugh and kissed my chin, before kissing my nose, and finishing with a kiss to the forehead. "You must be sore."

I shrugged and gave him a crazy in love smile. Nothing could upset this moment. "Just a little bit, but that comes with the pleasure. How are you? Feeling great?"

Dimitri held my cheek and whispered softly and sexually, "I'm feeling rather extraordinary."

I giggled, which caused my body to move – and my hips. I gasped and looked down to see our bodies still joined. I looked up and saw that Dimitri had noticed that same situation. I pushed my fingers through his hair and waited for him to look back up at me.

"Thank you for the wonderful, exceptional, perfect time tonight. Thank you for everything," I said, weaving my fingers through his hair. "I love you so much, Dimitri. So much so, it's hard for me to breathe when I'm not around you."

He moved up my body, which caused us both to moan in pleasure from him still being inside me, and he kissed my lips lovingly. "I love you too, Roza. You are everything to me... This is the beginning of our lives together. The true beginning. No doubts. No lies. No insecurities. Nothing keeping us apart. Just us. You and me. Together."

"Just us..." I whispered against his delicious lips. "...Forever."


End file.
